Windsor Tomcats

Harry Palm Press

Black  – Chevy, Doc, Falcon, Zchabba, The Rake, Snowpants, Cribz and Skippy

White  – Spinner, Killer, Razor, Bulldog, Hurricane, Sparky, Rocky and Jingles

I was hot just sitting in the press box as I watched the players run up and down the floor, so I can’t imagine how the poor goailies were feeling.  Razor only once indicated it was a little warm when after winning his second game he stated, “Beer, God I need a beer.”   That seemed to spark the Tighty Whities into winning the final game 4-2, a shorter agreed upon tilt due to the swelterinig sauna which players toiled under. 

Sparky was responsible for runnig the show as Stevo and Hollywood had other commitments.  (Stevo Injured, Hollwood scouting in Indina).   Tomcats players and fans are holding their collective breaths as Stevo is currently out with an injury.  Sources have indicated this injury may be a little more serious than previously thought.  We’re talking possible season ending injury folks – numerous doctors, sports psycologist and mediums have poked and proded poor Stevo to death trying to get him back in the game.  The last email I was able to intercept from Stevo had him speculating he’d return April 3rd.  That being said sources have  told me that Stevo is  not going  to play in the outdoor tournament due to the injury.  Apparently the surface of the outdoor game may be cause for further injury or agravation to the injury and Stevo will have to miss it.  The email further stated that while injured Stevo was confident the Tomcats were able to press on and finish this season, considering all the talent behind the scenes available to fill in.  Sparky filled in nicely  as the Captain and leader of the club,  he made up  the teams and  did a very good job.   

I have to admit I called the White squad winning all three tilts, one just had to look at the top 3 players on each side and could argue there may have been a mismatch.  Black seemed to lack the scoring punch with Chevy Cribz and Snowpants the only arguable threats.  Speak of non threats, fans were treated to a rare appearance by Skippy donning the gear to play out.  The Skipster actually had a goal and assist credited to him by evenings end, but one could tell he was a little out of his element when he kept stating, “Run, what is this run you speak of?” 

Skippy played out this evening and tried to distract the Whities with his out-of-this-world pants.

The Tighty Whities however had the scoring trio of Rocky, Spinner, and Jingles.  Add Hurricane, Bulldog, Killer and Sparky to the mix and it was a no brainer White was more dominant, despite their first game scare of a 7-6. 

It should be noted, that Doc scored three on the night and that is a career high for him.  Not only did he do a great on filling the cooler with ice, he went out and scored three goals. 

Heat was a factor, and I still laugh at hearing Razor reaquesting a cold frosty one, it must have been from his work in a very respectable 4.3 G.A.A compared to Falcon’s 6 G.A.A.  Regardless fans and players alike went against the norm and named both goalies the stars of the night.  A better statement couldn’t have been made, and both played well in the heat.  When it was all over I didn’t want to get too close to anyone with all the man sweat running off the players , so I missed out on anyone placing thier HANDZONMECAC.

Yuri

On what was, without a doubt, the hottest night of ball hockey in the year 2012, the action was fast, furious, slippery and wet at the Kapusta Kow Palace.  With 3 spares per side, the Windsor Tomcats put on a ball hockey display of epic proportions.  The Falcon backstopped Szabba, Cribs, Snowpants, Skippy, Chevy, Doc and the Rake.  Razor stood behind Rocky, Killer, Hurricane, Bulldog, Spinner, Jingles and Sparky for 7-6, 7-3 and 4-2 victories.  Fresh from winning his 15th marathon of the year, Bulldog was the star of the night.  Chasing down balls, forechecking and shooting and scoring from everywhere.  The Rake made an unexpected appearance and managed to pop in a few himself …on his own goalie.

The action was hot and the beers were cold, making last night a classic in Tomcat history.

After ball hockey, we asked the average citizen on the street, who their favourite Tomcat was.  Here are some reponses:

“Hi.  I’m Jena Talia.  My favourite Tomcat is Sparky.  He has all the right moves whether it’s playing ball hockey or dancing with the stars.  I get wet thinking about what his moves would be in the bedroom!”

” Bonjour all you lovelies in Tomcat land. I’m Hugh Janus.  My favourite Tomcat is the snuggly and irresistable Sunny.  Being Greek, I’m thinking he must have a huge anus.”

” Cheers mates.  I’m Max E. Padd.  My favourite Tomcat is the Falcon.  That crazy bastard stops balls like it’s nobodys business…and looks good doing it!”

” Hey.  I’m Dick Gazinya.  My favourite Tomcat is Hollywood.  He’s smart, he’s fast, he cooks up a mean shishkabob … he’s a real renaissance man.  I like that.”

And that’s a Tomcat wrap!

Next time I see you all, I’ll show you Mike Litoris.

Thank god for Hollywood and Hurricane and their willingness to play between the pipes…otherwise 1000s of hockey fans would have been sent home from the Kapusta.

Thanks to these two stellar Tomcats, hockey was played last evening.

Barely enough guys for two teams, let alone a mini-tourny.  We almost needed to invite the St Vlad nuns down to make two teams.

Black Beaters – Snowpants, Yuri, Cribz, Rocky, Jingles and Hurricane
White Red Haired Stepchildren – Mez, Killer, The Rake, Sparky, Spinner and Hollywood

The Beaters went up early with 2 goals from Rocky and the Children could not seem to answer back.  For every 3 saves made by Hollywood, Hurricane would stand on his head for seven.  Speaking of Hurricane…due to his last minute agreement to play net, the only trapper avaialble for this south paw was a right handed basebal glove.  No issues…he just wore that glove upside down and had no issues snagging shots all night.  Wasn’t a pretty thing to look at, and he earned the name “Goalie with the Gimpy Glove.”  Regardless, Hurricane was phenomenal in net and had this been a mini-tourny, he would have earned 2 of the 3 stars!

The Children struggled all night to find the back of then net.  Stellar passing plays by the Beaters made it seem like they were on a power-play all night long.

After losing 7-3 then 7-1 to the Beaters, a battered (not like fish on Fridays) white team pulled out their white flag.

An interesting note – There were more smokers on stage than non-smokers.  An interesting statistic and speaks volumes about the lack of participation on the evening.

Let us reinerate…if you arenot going to be there call, email, text, passenger pigeon the captains and let them know.  It is not that hard and makes planning these evenings so much easier for our fearless leader.  Please refer tot he email sent earlier today for more details and instructions for how to handle it when you cannot play.

Peace

Howie Feltersnatch (Freelance writer backing up Harry while he vacations in Thailand)

By Harry Ballsonue

Black Stallions: Razor, Sunny, Snowpants, Chevy, Hollywood, May Day, Sparky, Jingles and Yuri

White Knights: Falcon, Cribz, Zaba, Stevo, Soupy, Rake, Rocky and Hurricane

The White Knights take the night, with a score of 7-5, 5-7 and 4-3. 

 BEFORE I GET INTO THE FULL TUESDAY NIGHT STORY, THE TOMCATS WISH TO THANK SOME OF THE SPONSORS WHO GAVE SOME PRIZES FOR THE TOURNAMENT…..ABARS, THE DUGOUT AND LEFTIES….THE TOMCAT ORGANIZATION WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE ALL TOMCATS TO ATTEND THESE FINE ESTABLISHMENTS AND SUPPORT THEM AS THEY HAD SUPPORTED US…..THANK YOU ABARS, THE DUGOUT AND LEFTIES.

Hurricane nets 7 on the night including the winner to give the White Knights the 4-3 victory, “I just felt good out there today, I did not play in the tournament, maybe everyone out there today had the tournament hangover,” indicated Hurricane.

I thought the play was slow at the start, and the boys were just getting out of the fog and getting their legs back after the tournament, but there were some pretty goals including one, from Sparky that started of his head.

Cribz made the teams, for the very first time, and he did a fantastic job. “I tried to balance them as best I could and I think, they turned out all right” a smiling Cribz had said.

Some no shows, last night, which is typical for after the tournament, but to have 5 not let the Tomcats know…un heard of.

Hollywood handed out the brand spanking new Tomcat sweatshirt, selling at the Tomcat Kiosk for $59.00, to the Tomcats and everyone loved them, “I could wear this to go out on a date, on a Saturday night”, stated Jingles.

"Snowpants dons new Tomcat Sweatshirt, very sweet, both he and the sweat shirt."

Hey, can I put my Harry Ballsonue and your new sweat shirt?

Click here to read the latest Saint Felix.

By Harry Ballsonue

The Kapusta Kow Floor and Stage sat empty and quiet on Tuesday night, the Tomcats were all home, nursing their injuries and for some, celebrating a victory and the Stanley’s cup win.  I checked the records and Bulldog now has 7 Stanley’s Cups, Wow! Jingles got his first on Saturday after playing in a few tournaments. “I missed one, so I could teach first aide, but played last year and I think the Floor Hockey Gods looked down on me and said, give that man a Stanley’s Cup”. Indicated Jingles with a huge smile and a grin.

There probably should have been more penalties called. How about this one..."5 minutes for looking so good!"

The St. Felix plans on doing a list of all the Cup winners over the years and listing all the players on which team they had won on. That is the April Issue and it should be out next week some time, so watch for it!!

Congratulations of course to the May Day Marauders ; Crow, Eagle, Rake, Jingles, Zaba, Bulldog, Razor and of course May Day…..but also to every Tomcat who participated.  The final game was intense and as Sunny had said, “Watching the Marauders and the Sting Rays playing both their games on Saturday, I have to tell you, I have not seen better game s in a long time” Sunny concluded.

So yes, to each and every Tomcat member, great job!  I have to say, the new Tomcat Tee is super sweet and I look forward to wearing mine, I bought one in the Tomcat Kiosk and can’t wait to pick up chicks in it.

New Tomcat Sweat Shirt coming next week, so that should be a killer too.

Tomcats start back up next Tuesday.  One thing, Stevo said to me, when I asked him about the rest of the season, was, “We have 7 Tuesday’s left, then the outdoor game so lot of hockey left……and the games start at 6:30 so let’s all try to get there on time”. Stevo had said.

Yuri and Fuzzy did a great job on the Pizza….

So see you all next week at 6:30, till then, could I put my Harry Ballsonue?

I attended the tournament early, as news had already been received the Kapusta was going to be busy with a sell out crowd. When I pulled into the parking lot the first thing I noticed was the increased signage and security, namley the two bright orange pylons prominently marking the entrance. As I drove past I kept looking for the valet parking.

Earlier I had made predictions regarding which teams would battle it out for the championship game, but on game day as I walked in and I provided Stevo with a new updated list. The primary reason, teams had individually lost players – Dizzy was a recent loss to the St.Clair Beach Stigrays, one of the teams I had predicted, and stayed with as being in the ‘show’. Other reporters had already laid out Crispy would be forced to miss out, and everyone was holding their breath regarding Crow. I really had to re-examine the teams, factor in the lost players, and studied other nuances to slightly tweak my picks. Surprisingly, when all the chips fell, I was right on every account other than who would win the cup, and what the scores would be for the winners. For the record I had the following (Which was verified prior to the drop of the first puck with several witnesses):

Mauraders VS Mets – Predicted Mauraders win 2-1, ACTUAL SCORE: Mauraders win 6-0
Stingrays VS Wings – Predicted Stingrays 4-2, ACTUAL SCORE: Stingrays 5-3
Mauraders VS Stingrays – Predicted Stingrays 3-0, ACTUAL SCORE: Stingrays 4-3
Mets VS Wings – Predicted Wings 4-2, ACTUAL SCORE: Wings 4-2
Stingrays VS Mets – Predicted Stiungrays 4-0, ACTUAL SCORE: Stingrays 7-4
Wings VS Mauraders – Predicted Mauraders 3-1. ACTUAL SCORE: Mauraders 4-0

Before all the action began, I was early enough to see fan favourites like Snowpants, Chevy and maybe the biggest surpirse Crow.  Fans, Tomcat Management and particularly The May Day Mauraders were celebrating their markee player Crow, who was able to shake off his recent injury and play.  Almost immediately Crow was a factor and was a huge differnce with the Mauraders as they marched their way into the finals and the team had a collective sip from ‘Stanley’s cup’.  My prediction was Stingrays VS Mauraders for the cup, and I had the Stingrays winning 4-2, the actual score was Mauraders 2, Stingrays 1.  The Rays may have come up just short, and many odds makers were surprised as the team featured the very dangerous Jaworiwsky brothers – and both had a fantastic tournament.  The problem was Mauraders goalie Razor had a better one.  Razor dominted with two shut outs, earning him not only another Stanley Cup, but tournament MVP.  Year of the goalies?  Two consecutive tournamenmts have now featured goalies as MVP’s, and two consecutive tournaments featured goalies posting two shut outs. 

My scores were off with teams, as this year players like Crow and Hollywood were really able to ‘Light it Up’, scores were much higher this year compared to the last tournament.  Collectively the goalies went 6-6 with a 7G.A.A, and more specifically they were broken down as follws:

Razor 1.25G.A.A
Falcon 2G.A.A
Skippy 3.6G.A.A and
Bearcat 5.6G.A.A.

Razor took it all, with Hollywood a second star and Crow taking third.  Hats off to both teams, and while the Stingrays didn’t take it this time around, did you see their sweet tourny shirts?  Rock summed it up nicely when he commented, “These shirts were something else, I actually got my hands on one cause I liked it so much. ‘

This year’s tournament may also provide the new Mnister of Fines, Suspensions and Grievous Acts some head scratching, bellyaching and out right ‘Tomcat’ calls.  There was one point where Crow took out a player, pleaded his innocence and the whole thing was caught on camera.  Evidence clearly shows Crow had the stick between the other players leg just prior to the fall.  The tourny also featured several rare penalties, one of which was in the championship game – HOLY!  Tough call for the ref, and tougher still to keep players playing hard, but within the confines of Stevo’s famous ‘Play The ball’ chant.  I caught up quickly with Stevo after his teams loss, ‘I don’t know maybe Dizzy would have popped in a needed goal, but regardless I’m real proud of my guys’.

Nothing better than seeing the boys back at Purples eating pizza and sharing a drink.

After all the festivities, and gorging of the NON VEGGIE PIZZA, Tomcat players filtered out of Purples lounge and all are looking to return to ‘normal’ play in a week.  Just before I left I had a chat with Junior, a Wings returning player who had hopes of being a repeat champ.  Junior summed it up as only Junior could, stating, ‘If you say something about me and my, or any other of my players HANDONMECAC, I’ll put my fist down your throat and decapitate your head’.  Yup Junior, this years ‘gentleman player’? 

What a strange tournament indeed, next year with the goalies picking may be just as strange – ‘Great I already went 0-4 on picking a team this year , in a mini tournament , I better start studying the players now’ stated Skippy.

Remember this is no hockey this Tuesday, it all starts back up on Tuesday March 6. 6:30 is the start time, for those confused about the start up time.

Yuri

By Harry Ballsonue

Fuzzy wanted to make sure he had enough Pepperoni for the Tomcat Pizza

When it comes to tournament time, its all about the smiling faces! Cuz it's for fun.

From what I could see, everyone seemed to have a lot of fun and the end, the May Day Marauders, beat the Sting Rays in the Championship game, 2-1.

Hardest job out on the Kapusta Kow Floor was that of the Ref and the Tomcats thanked the Bundura for putting up with all that he had to.

The team picture was taken after the second game and although we here with the media have not been made privileged to it, I am hearing from all accounts, that the full Tomcat team picture is spectacular.

MVP went to stand out net minder, Razor. Most Gentleman Like went to, who we in the media booth thought played a honest and fair game, Junior….Junior stood for what the tournament is all about…fair play! Contributor Award went to a very deserving Hollywood and speaking of deserving, Most Dedicated (for all his setting up before Tuesday nights and for his work on the web site) went to Rocky. Rookie Award went out to LaBamba and Willie. Strong Thank You to Jingles, Bearcat, Cribz, Lovie and Crow.

A special limited edition Tomcat t-shirt was presented to the Tomcat of the Century, Stevo for his work in the tournament.

After all was said and done, the boys sat up up on stage and enjoyed some cool beverages and some laughs.  They then made their way to Purples for some hot piping Pizza from Martinello’s Pizza (Belle  River).

Out Door game is on April 24, 2012 at 6:00p.m. (Please note the early time…as they rent on the hour to the hour….thus the 6 o’clock start).

Stevo has been fined, yet another case of beer for throwing his stick.  He is to bring that case on the first night next year, along with the case he is to bring for drinking beer from the cooler before the Mini Tournament was over on February 21.

There is no hockey this Tuesday, so all the Tomcats can rest up and then next game is on Tuesday March 6…..and I am sad, as I cannot put my Harry Ballsonue till then.

By Haywood Jewblowmee

The May Day Marauders may be without their franchise player for the Tournament, Crow.  Crow was injured in a Charity hockey game, a Tomcat Charity called: (WWWBB) Women Who Want Bigger Boobs,  Crow was playing in Tilbury when he was hit from behind by a goon and Crow went down to the ice. “I feel a bit groggy right now, Doctors have told me I should not play, but I don’t want to let the Marauders down, I think I might have to be a game time decision”.

Vegas now, talking to odd makers, like the chances of the Met’s now that the Marauders are out, “The combination of Crow and the Eagle was to be spectacular, but now, one might soar and the other one is sore”. Stated a Scout with the Stingrays.

Marauders Captain, “It is a huge loss for us, I don’t know what to say, we will have our Doctors work on him tonight and see if he is good to go in the morning”.

Tune in tomorrow, to see what the action brings, but while the games are being played, Haywood Jewblowmee?

Crow injured in charity hockey game, doubtful for Tomcat Tournament

My decision not to suspend Stevo and Hollywood as was posted on the Tomcat web site in the ‘comment’ section has been reconsidered as new evidence in this case has come to the attention of the league office.

An anonymous video was submitted by the Rake to the league office. While filming himself having a whiz in the ladies washroom on Tuesday night, the Rake accidentally left his iPhone video on. The video clearly captured Stevo shot gunning a can of MGD while hockey was still being played, the video and audio then shows him talking The Matador into taking a beer as well. Thus, Stevo is fined a 24 pack of beer of his choice payable at the first night of hockey next season.

The decision not to suspend Hollywood is confirmed.

The league office has no jurisdiction over players filming themselves in the ladies washroom but does not condone this behaviour.

The league reminds all players for the upcoming tournament to play hard, play clean and have fun. The league will be closely monitoring the tournament and any breaking of rules will be strictly enforced.

by Harry Ballsonue

White Knights: The Danesh, Cribz, Chevy, Soupy, Snowpants, Mez, Junior
Black Falcons: The Falcon, The Rake, Rocky, Hurricane, Yuri and Bulldog
Yellow Raiders:  The Matador, Doc. Stevo, Zaba, Hollywood and May Day

Now that Valentines Day is over, most of the Tomcats returned for some hockey.  How many got laid the night that they skipped on hockey, probably none….

The Black Falcons won on the night, with a 3 to 1 win over the White Knights.  Chippy hockey I would say, just before the tournament, not good, I would also say….not sure what Saturday’s Tournament will hold.  The Bundura will have his work cut out for him.  Many slap shots tonight, tripping and just lots of un-needed hacking….

Three star selection, as selected by La Bamba, 3) The Mez, 2) The Falcon 1) The Danish ( I wanted to go with ‘The’ names tonight)

Stevo said to me, that he is unsure what to wear to Saturday for the awards ceremony, he indicated that he sees pictures of himself years later and says ‘why did I wear that shirt?’.

Bulldog Meloche won his first Mini Tournament this year. Congrats to Bulldog, as much as you hate to see the chippy-ness, you love to see a great guy like Bulldog win his first tournament of the year.  Go get em Bulldog.

Bulldog wins first Mini Tournament of the season, and that, right there is reason to play.

The Danish maybe had played one of his best Tuesday nights in a long time, “I thought I did well out there, much better then Skippy ever does, that I know” the Danish indicated.

May Day, the Minister of Fines and Grieves Acts, is looking at fining Hollywood for throwing his stick and Stevo for Drinking from the cooler before the night was done. Stay tune for those decisions, should be interesting, as Stevo had said, “Fine me for drinking from the cooler??? See if you see me on Saturday!”.

Tournament is this Saturday, please, no pushing, no slap shots, no tripping, no yapping, no Tom Foolery.

If any of that happens, I will put my Harry Ballsonue.