Windsor Tomcats

by Haywood Jewblowmee

The Defending Stanley’s Cup Champions, Rocky’s Wings have just found out that Crispy will not be able to participate in the February 25, 2012 tournament, Rocky at the press conference indicated, “This is a huge blow for our team.  Crispy is a leader on our team, he is a power forward, a Calder Cup defender and the franchise player, you don’t replace a player like that, but we have decided to go with the lineup that we have and adapt and overcome” Rocky concluded.

It has been reported that Crispy is out due to a back injury.

“Oh-oh’ Skippy said, when asked about the development.

Snowpants and the Matador will now have to take on the main scoring for the team.

There was some speculation that new comer Lefty was to be signed, but after being cut by the Tomcats on Tuesday he was placed on a bus with a one way ticket to Peoria.

Tournament is Feb 25, 2012. 8:30 start.

Management had predicted one spare a side tonight, seeing how a large number of the Tomcats were busy bustin out their bedroom moves for the lovely ladies.  What did happen was there was one spare on the Black Cats and two spares on the White Knights side, one of which included Dizzy from the Skipjacks, who had been called up due to an apparent shortage of players. 

The poor White Knights, lead by the usually dominating line of Stevo and Hollywood, fell three straight games to the Black Cats: 7-5, 7-2 and 7-2.  While watching the action unfold, the White Knights were really only ever in it that first game…I’m just saying as stats are hard to argue with when the Black Cats are able to outscore your group 21-9, thats almost triple the numbers folks.  The Black Cats were lead by number one goaltender Razor, who ended with a remarkable 3G.A.A.  When I tried to speak to him later regarding the scoreboard, he stated, “I have one word for you, kid – CUP”.  I take that fans to mean Razor is in the zone and has set his sights on another Stanley’s Cup.  Razor fans are reminded they can get their fill as the netminder was last weeks featured player on the Tomcat Website.  Coincidence – I’m not sure, but none the less he was outstanding as usual.  Razor will get his opportunity to shine in less than 12 days, and with that tournament possibly another cup.  Razors chances may have also improved as sources indicate the returning champs have lost their number one draft pick to in jury.  Tomcat management was unwilling to speculate, but did indicate the player would be seeing specialist Doctor Dekeuout.  Following that assessment a formal announcement may be made.

Skippy meanwhile was a surprise show as management had slated Hollywood to get the nod.  After a 7G.A.A Skippy is likely wishing he let Hollywood take over netminding duties.  And while no three star selections are made during regular games, Sparky would be my nod for his outstanding play in all three tilts.  Sparky had “Moves Like Jagger” as during one game he was able to score twice using both posts as assists. 

At the end of the games Sparky was surprised with The Tilston Charity Cup Trophy, presented by Skippy for the Tomcats recent win over The Skipjacks.  At first Sparky was at a loss for words, then remarked, “Now where in my trophy room am I going to make room for this.”  I think Harry Ballsonue, Bloggy Bloggerstein, or H.P.P  took Sparkys picture with the trophy, considering I’m still using forged media credentials and don’t have the cash for any real equipement.  Look for Sparkys photo and the glare from his dome in another article by a real reporter.

On my way out I caught up to Dizzy and asked why he had come out to play, heres what he said: “Well I already got laid this week and had nothing else going on, besides I needed to impress Tomcat management and I gladly answered the call”.

As I was headed to my car I realized not one player took the opportunity to have their Handsonmecac.  I guess Tomcat players are indeed studs and all will head home to their lovely Mrs. Tomcats for some more scoring moves. 

Yuri

By Harry Ballsonue

White Nights: Doc, Skippy, Lefty, Junior, Stevo,. Hollywood and Dizzy
Black Cats: Razor, Crow, Sparky, Rocky, Snowpants and Zaba

Crow
Crow was the first, second and third star on Valentine’s night at the Kapusta Kow Palace…he was the water bug as his team, won easily 7-5, 7-2 and then again 7-2. Crow was presented with a $10,000 cheque and presented the money to ‘Children in need of Protection’ and to the ‘Humane Society’. “What a super great guy Crow is”, indicated Snowpants, “he gets this money and just gives it away to needy charities” Snowpants concluded.

Normally, Stars are not awarded in a regular Tuesday night, when a tournament is not played, but it was felt that with Crow’s play, he deserved to be all three stars.

Clothing
Hollywood is very happy to announce that 31 Sweat Shirts are to be ordered.  Deposits have been obtained and the Sweat Shirt should be delivered on tournament day.

Tomcat Golf
June 22, 2012, Seven Lakes and the party after is at Hollywood’s.  Golf-Cart $50.  Bring your own beer/booze….Tomcats may collect $10 from everyone for food.

Beer For The Tournament
Just a friendly reminder that the tournament is a time of fun….if you wish to bring beer, then please do so in your own cooler and  put it on ice.  Ice will not be available from the downstairs bar…so bring your beer, cooler and ice.

Last Week Before the Tournament
Next week is the last week before the tournament.  There is no Tuesday night hockey after the tournament (Feb 28) so keep that in mind.

Tilston Cup
The Windsor Tomcats won the Tilston Cup on January 22 and game organizer, Skippy presented the trophy to the Windsor Tomcats.  He will get the inscription done up on the trophy and will present it officially at the tournament.

Windsor Tomcat Team Captain "Sparky" holds the Tilston Cup. Tomcats won the cup on January 22, against the Sandwich Towne Skip Jacks.

Ending
One week left before the tournament, Yuri will be collecting $10 for Pizza for 3p.m. after the tournament. (Pizza at Purples)  Cost of tournament is $20, to be paid to your Captain (May Day, Yuri, Rocky and Stevo) Team t-shirts are to be determined by each Captain , as far as price goes, but count on $10 if your team is getting a t-shirt. 

Hey, it’s Valentines night, can I put my Harry Ballsonue

Fines:

The following anonymous complaints were made by The Rake:

1. That Junior be fined for allegedly whacking the scoreboard with his stick on January 31, 2011.
2. That any Tomcats that did not show up for lunch be fined a six pack of beer.
3. That Killer be fined a case of beer for a no show/no call

Decisions:

Several witnesses were interviewed including Jingles who made a feverish statement calling Juniors behaviour as inappropriate. The minister was in attendance on January 31, 2011 and interviewed Junior. Junior indicated that he was trying to get some excess tape off his stick. While in the motion of waving his stick, he accidentally hit the scoreboard. The Minister accepts Junior’s statement and no fine will be levied.

1. The Minister fines any Tomcat one six pack for not showing up to lunch after making the commitment. The Minister fines himself one case of beer as the Minister must be held to a higher standard. Fines payable at the tournament.
2. Killer is fined $5.00 for the no show Tuesday Feb. 7, 2011.

NL
Minister of Suspensions and Grievous Acts

by Harry Ballsonue

The Rakers: Sunny, LaBamba, Rocky, Matador, Hollywood, Mez and The Rake
Sparkorama Spirit: Lovie, Soupy, Junior, Snowpants, Jingles, Falcon and Sparky
The Bulldogs: Chevy, Stevo, Yuri, May Day, Razor, Hurricane and Bulldog

It could not have worked out any better, three teams and two spares aside.  The goaltending was fabulous….”It has been a long time, since we had three solid net minders playing on a Tuesday night.” stated an enthusiastic Lovie, “Hollywood really did awesome out there tonight, you can always count on the Falcon and Razor”. Lovie concluded.

Hollywood did so awesome that he was the first star.  Second star went to LaBamba and the third star went to the Matador…(as selected by LaBamba)

Controversial Call

German Ref Loivvee Weinersneitsell missed a goal on the Rakers, “I no see it”, Weinersneitsell had said, clearly on video replay you can see the ball pass the cross bar, hit the water bottle (which was on top of the mesh on the net)  and then pop out to the ground.  The Rakers, were all a tether but the ball was clearly in.  A clever play by the Rakers net minder Hollywood. The goal was not allowed and the Rakers were allowed to win that game.

Valentines Day

Here are the 12 Tomcats playing next week, Razor, Sparky, Rocky, Junior, Crow, May Day, Hollywood, Yuri, Stevo, Lovie, Snowpants and Zaba….if anyone can get their bra and panties off and come out to play, the Tomcats would love to see you.

Flip Jacks

The St. Clair Beach Sting Rays, selected Chords to play in tournament, but he backed out after being selected….he has been handed a life time ban from the Windsor Tomcats and Skippy is on probation with the Tomcats for introducing him.

Dizzy

The St. Clair Beach Sting Rays have called up young Dizzy to fill in. “He is a good solid addition to the Sting Ray line up…he will fit in nicely, I’m glad he is able to play”, indicated Stevo, Captain of the Sting Rays 

Killer

Management may have this wrong, but Killer was to be in last nights line up, but did not show.  Tomcats will look into it and determine if a fine is in order. 

Sweat Shirts

$30 bucks gets you a beautiful Tomcat Sweat Shirt…..order today……call Hollywood to place your order.

Standings

                              W    L     T    GF    GA    +/-    Pts.
The Rakers          4      0     0     11     3      +9     8
The Bulldogs        1     2     1       6      9      -3      3
Spark Spirit          0     3     1      4      9       -5      1

Ballsonue

Maybe next week, on valentines day, I can put my Harry Ballsoune

Click here to read the latest Saint Felix.

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By Harry Ballsonue

Rocky’s Wings Rocky, Chevy, Bubbles, Skippy, Junior, Matador, Snowpants and Crispy
May Day Marauders May Day, Crow, Jennings, Rake, Razor, Bulldog, Zaba and Jingles
Yuri’s Met’s Yuri, Sunny, Bearcat, Killer, Mez, Spinner, Cribz and Willy
Stevo’s Stingrays Stevo, Lovie, Doc, Chords, Hollywood, LaBamba, Sparky and the Falcon

Every Captain thinks he has a good team….every Captain thinks his team can win Stanley’s Cup on February 25,2012, so who am I to say, that I think one team is better than the other, everyone has a chance, until the final whistle blows.  Good luck to all four teams.

Tournament rules are on the web site under the ‘Tournament Rules’ Tab at the top of this page.  Tomcat president is asking that everyone take the time to read the rules.

Tournament is for fun…so please don’t think winning the Stanley’s Cup will propel you into the NHL…..maybe the KHL but not the NHL!

At the tournament, when you have champagne in your pubic hair, let me put my Harry Ballsonue!

The Black Mac’s: 7-0, 7-4
Mayday, Rocky, Junior, Hurricane, Hollywood, Sunny, Yuri, Szabba and Razor

The White Knights: 7-2
Sparky, Bulldog, Snowpants, Chevy, Cribs, Jingles, Killer, Rake and Falcon

Game #1:
The Knights came out flying, the ball was rolling fast,
Snowpants was on fire, so we knew the die was cast,
With Killer scoring goals and the Black Mac’s standing still,
Razor sucked the big one as the White Knights scored at will.

Game #2:
This game started different, with the Black Mac’s running the show,
The net was filling quickly, scoring goals both high and low,
Every pass was on the tape, every shot found a hole,
Goal, forward, defense, every player knew their role.

Game #3:
The Black Mac’s had momentum, they started fast and strong,
If they thought they’d have an easy win, boy were they ever wrong,
The White Knight’s began to bend the twine, they finally found their mojo,
But in the end the Black Mac’s won, if only the Knights had Stevo!

HPP

Harry Palm Press:

4,  3, 1, 4, 1-2, 3, 2 or 3, 2, 3’s, 3, 3 of 4,  4 on 4 and a 5 then 6 ,  7-5,  7-4,  7-6, 2 out of 3, 6.6, 5.3, 2nd, 1, 3, 1, 2 or was it 3?,  4, 4, and finally a 3.  First let me indicate to all those Tomcats whom like to gamble and participate in poker games,or placing their bets on the NHL pool, that the numbers are not pre predicted to be ever drawn for a lotto pool.  Let me explain the numbers chosen:

There were 4 Skipjacks who joined the evening as Tomcat players with 3 of those players actually being showcased – Matt “Dizzy” D, Paul “Crazy Chords” C, and Nick “Willy” W.  Fans already know, or might guess then that the 1 remaining player would be Skippy, who broke into the ranks of the Tomcats as a full time member after being showcased just over a year and a half ago.  While full time the netminde is well aware he is 4th on the depth charts for Tomcats goalies, who have the solid 1-2 punch of Razor and the Falcon, followed in line by Bearcat, then Skippy.  Sources and Management have indicated of the 3 showcased players 2 or 3 may be considered for the upcoming tournament.  I likely think 2 in the end will actually get the nod, and one hockey critics along with Tomcats Management would be hard pressed to find fault with all 3’s play on Tuesday night.  Very interesting is the fact with how fast the showcased members made thier impact felt on the Kapustow floor.  The 3 players – while not all drafted on the same team, combined to score 3 of 4 goals scored in the opening game.  The fourth however (Skippy) let in 7 -7 and then 6…..Initially Tomcats management had thought there may have been another mini-tournament, but it ended up as a regular night with 4 spares a side. 

Scores of course were 7-5, 7-4, and 7-6 with the White Lightning  loosing  to the Blackjacks 2 out of 3 games.  Both Skippy and Razor played well with Skippy’s G.A.A 6.6 and Razor’s 5.3.  Skippy started a little off with the first game, but was able to somewhat recover and turned in a solid 2nd half.  In the end Razor showed the skills that have made him a number  1 starter, at one point absolutely robbing showcase player “Willy” on a breakaway.  Being a ‘regular’ game there were no star selections, as I later learned the 3 star selection only goes on mini-tournaments,  the outdoor classic or yearly tourny.  But with a great game how could there not be at least 1 star chosen.  Well, I quess I’ll throw out my star selection – and while there may be some debate over it, I’d give it to “Hurricane” Hann, who while one of the more seasoned players was still able to show he’s still got “moves like Jagger”.   The Hurricane scored on at least 2 or was it 3 pretty moves around the net.  It will be interesting then next week with the big draft which round the “Hurricane” would have been drafted in, as he is away on a trip with his wife, a past Miss Warsaw. There’s only 4 weeks and 4 days before “Rocky” takes to the floor to defend “Rocky’s Wings” win of last years cup.

After the game I spoke quickly with showcase player “Crazy Corda” who stated, “It was a real honour to just be invited out.  You could really see in this space how as a player it’s important to play as a team member – passes were quick and teams were very motivated to utilize all the players on the floor”. “I’m very relieved I played well and was able to help the Blackjacks win with some good goals – Even Dizzy got in there with one, and it was nice to see all of played well”.  Yes indeed the 3 players did play well, and as I was congratulating themall on a great showing I looked down and quietly said to “Dizzy”, “I know your excited, but Yuri HANDSONMECAC”.

Yuri

By Harry Ballsonue

White Lightning: Skippy, Lovie, Stevo, Cribz, Snowpants, The Rake, Show Case Nick, Soupy, Hurricane
Black Jacks: Razor, Hollywood, Rocky, Junior, Show Case Matt, Show Case Paul, Sparky, Doc, Chevy

The White Lightning got beat up pretty good by the Black Jacks, 7-5, 7-4 and then lost 7-6…..but they could have won it, if they really wanted to, I think they just felt sorry for the White Lightening. I got a headache out there watching them run around and pass the ball”, indicated a weary Cribz, “They really could control the play out there”, Cribz continued.

After the exhilarating game on Sunday against the Skip Jacks, I thought the games were somewhat flat, but I still enjoyed them.

The Tomcats brought out three new players to be show cased, Willy has played in the Out Door classic, but Dizzy and Chords were call ups from the Bad Axe Bearcats as two to possibly three players may be needed for the tournament.

"The Show Cased...Dizzy, Chords and Willy"

It was discovered late last week, that Youngblood is done for the season, with an undisclosed ‘lower body’ injury, which is believed to be a groin strain according to sources close to the the situation. Shamus maybe traded to Ottawa and Soupy is unable to play due to work commitments. All three new comers played very well and all notched a few goals on the night. President and CEO watched the three closely, “I was impressed with all three, I would love to see all three play, but will wait to see what our numbers are come draft night, which goes next Tuesday night, January 31” Stevo had said.

As far as Sunday night went, I do wish to make one correction, Chevy had actually scored three goals on the night, I was mistaken and only reported that he had scored two goals, but he had 3 goals total, 1 in the first game and 2 in the second.

Next week is always a fun night with the draft, while sitting their at the draft table, I plan to put my Harry Ballsonue.