By Harry Ballsonue and Dick Fitzwell
To Kick Off The Dirty Growler, Mr. Gordon, Tomcat Golf League DGMGTGL…we bring you this article.
Tomcats have bought the land, hired a contractor and have the design complete for the new Tomcat golf course. Along with the 18 hole golf course, which will be situated on a 480 acre site, there will be 1/2 acre lots for homes, there will be a community centre, a pool named after Jingles cuz he is a life guard and of course a luscious club house with a banquet facility. There will also be an Underground parking to keep your car cool in the hot summer months, indoor simulators for the winter months and a ping pong table . There will be 40 villas for out of town guests to ‘stay and play’ and a driving range along with tennis courts, full exercise gym and future plans have a new gym just for floor hockey. (No basketball nets)
Here are the holes, you as a Tomcat get first privilege to see the names of the holes and their intricacies.
Hole # 1, Par 5, 550 yards called THE RAKE: 20 sand traps, bring your rake in your bag, you will be needing it.
Hole # 2, Par 4, 440 yards called THE SUNNY: Depends on what time of day you tee off, the sun is in your eyes, don’t look up, you won’t see anything anyway.
Hole # 3, Par 4, 432 yards called THE CRIBZIE: It is a well dressed manicured par 4, very classy, very pristine.
Hole # 4, Par 3, 132 yards, called THE SNOWPANTS: It’s a short par 3.
Hole # 5, Par 5, 505 yards, called THE BUNDURA: You will have to negotiate water and sand in order to reach this very reachable par 5. But it is a deal waiting to happen.
Hole # 6, Par 4, 460 yards, called THE SEA LION : Put some Rye in your Belle River Pepsi and pray you don’t hit your tee shot in the the smelly growler.
Hole # 7, Par 3, 213 yards, called THE HOLLYWOOD: It is a long par 3, tough, so it may make you want to only play golf only once a year.
Hole # 8, Par 4, 398 yards, called THE RAZOR: You can get on the green in two easily, but the greens are Razor Fast so don’t over stroke.
Hole # 9, Par 5, 555 yards, called THE BULLDOG: It is a Bulldog of a hole, enough said.
Hole # 10, Par 4, 426 yards, called THE CHEVY: There is a lot of real estate on this Green, The green is huge, if you are too far away from the pin, you may need some helping hands.
Hole # 11, Par 5, 518 yards, called THE SOUPY: Marshland to the left, marshland to the right, keep it straight and keep it out of the soup.
Hole # 12, Par 3, 155 yards, called THE LA BAMBA: Music plays, but you don’t know where it is coming from, the music and the green are hidden, just look for the flag on the tee box.
Hole # 13, Par 4, 422 yards, called THE LOVIE: The prettiest, the nicest the most scenic and most beautiful hole on the course. it is lovely.
Hole # 14, Par 5, 535 yards, called THE SPARKY HOLE: It’s electric!
Hole # 15, Par 4, 390 yards, called THE SLIM JIM: It is a tight tight par 4, don’t try to kill it, keep it straight if you want to make it on the green in 2.
Hole # 16, Par 3, 181 yards, called THE ROCKY: Rocks surround this beautiful par 3, don’t over hit and don’t be short on the Rocky hole.
Hole # 17 Par 4, 413 yards, called THE MAY DAY: Lots of water on this hole, when you score an 8, you signal ‘May Day May Day, May Day’ as you step off the green.
Hole # 18, Pa 5, 591 yards, called THE KILLER: You can hack and wack your way to the green…but it’s a Killer.
“We are very excited to say the least”, indicated a beaming Rocky, President of the Tomcats, “This has been a long time coming, we have asked Razor to be our PGA Pro (that is why he took a year off hockey in order to get his Tour Card). The Terror’s landscaping company won the competitive bidding process thus eliminating overpriced Coco Paving and will oversee this massive project. The City of Windsor also submitted a bid to pave the cart paths. The executive was amused and felt the city should pave its own roads first. The Terror will pave the cart paths.
Tomcats Forever, in golf !