Great day with the boys on the course…
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All posts for the month July, 2012
It is that wretched year of our Lord Two Thousand and Nine. Waterloo, Ontario. The land of strip malls, vinyl siding, and concrete. A city without a history or a people. He stands outside the money-printing Research in Motion. A flock of math students walk past, a cloud of nerdery thickly hanging about them. Pimples burst. A cultureless child of a city, he thinks.
Plus, there is only one strip club.
His thoughts turn to Windsor. That blessed City of Roses. From the Casino suites to the village greens of Jackson park. He yearns for the smell of Hiram Walker’s, the rumble and sweat of automotive production, the blue collar fellowship of Ford City to the orange collared Monarchs of Point Pelee. He desires to see the Renaissance Center defiantly puncture the horizon in a decidedly dark age.
“That downtown”, he says to the sons of Waterloo who worship at the Church of Toronto, “was like a hammock – if you were felled by the drink, the city would catch you and give you a place to sleep to boot!” Give him a Blue Jay and he will answer with a Tiger.
This displaced Erie street patron attempted a hockey league. Sure, one or two stragglers from the briny night participated for one or two games, but a project involving camaraderie in a city of isolationism is doomed to fail. The city lacked a spirit. The city lacked an ethos. The city, truly, lacked a Stevo.
* * *
I lived in Waterloo, but I am from Windsor.
Tuesday night on Tecumseh Road. The first shots of the War of 1812 can still be heard, but they sound of a hockey stick hitting Saint Felix’s holy floor. Our region is much more than a Woodward Avenue, a Salt Mine, and, as a President once put it, an “Arsenal of Democracy”. It is the noble and hardworking spirit of an economically forlorn people. It is dedication. It is a sense of stewardship and inheritance of a history rife with innovation and intrigue. It is true grit, love, and fraternity.
I came back to Windsor because I adore this City and its people. The Windsor Tomcats are a unique enterprise – the embodiment of what is admirable in our community. Other cities quite obviously play hockey, but none do so with the class and humour and pureness of spirit as is done here. The Zug Island Hum is a Tomcat growl, calling us back when we stray.
Thank you all. In a not so insignificant way, you make the world a better place.
PS: The strip club in Waterloo is called Roxxxanne’s. She puts out the red light but does not wear that dress tonight.
Our heads keep ‘spinning” at the fact that certain Tomcat’s can’t seem to make the effort to write a simple two paragraph blog once during the summer. We’re not asking to write a novel or a rhyming “jingle”…just two paragraphs about what you have been doing this summer. Come on boys, can this really be too much to ask?????
Harry Palm Press Breaking News Report
A year and half or so ago I offered to help assist with the Tomcat website. I figured since my career is IT based, it only made sense to help with this IT position within the organization. I was given administrator access so I could dutifully perform my weekly tasks of uploading the latest articles, Tomcat of the Week updates, etc. This access also grants me access to site statistics. For example, as of July 5, 2012, the site has had a total of 13, 343 hits. Our greatest one day total hits was set on September 30, 2010 when we had 186, etc.
Another interesting stat recorded is known as referring searches. Basically, what did someone type into a search engine that provided the Tomcat website in the results. Take a look at some of the searches (and the number of times they were searched) that have brought internet surfers to our front door…
Most Common Searches:
windsor tomcats | 948 |
call me gretzky on the way out, call me gretzky, just call me gretzky | 172 |
windsortomcats | 73 |
windsor tomcats.com | 60 |
windsortomcats.com | 34 |
http://www.windsortomcats.com | 21 |
Some less expected, and odd searches:
little hell tomcat | 4 |
(youngblood*) morgan aristotle | 2 |
drunk history | 2 |
jesus makes the save esposito scores the goal | 1 |
grandpas trout | 1 |
windsor tomcats stud | 1 |
golfer blow off fireworks | 1 |
nicker flicker | 1 |
*Real first name actually used in the search
And, as selected by David Letterman, here are the top 10 All-time Funny Searches that led to the Tomcat Website (counting down from 10):
large goiter | 2 | ||
hymen game | 2 | ||
nakedmasturbating | 1 | ||
don rickles and viagra | 1 | ||
homer simpson ass groove | 1 | ||
granny among boys porn | 1 | ||
nothing but ass | 1 | ||
fuck move lovie | 1 | ||
sparky falcon gay video | 1 | ||
youporn (hurricane*) hann | 1 |
*Real first name actually used in the search
There you have it boys, these searches led to Tomcat Nation. Not a word is made up. Enjoy the summer and see you in September.
Rocky
Came looking for a new article today and didn’t see one. I spun right, spun left and still didn’t see one. All this spinning to find an article is making Dzzy! Someone needs to “teach” the Tomcats how to show up with articles.
By Harry Ballsonue
Hey there hockey folks, my wife and I along with our 4 kids, just got back from our 5 week stay at the cottage up North and we just stopped off at home to do some laundry and re pack as we are now heading to see some family in Rhode Island…going to sit on the beach at Misquamicut State Park (look it up, great beach!), but know that I will be monitoring to see who is posting their blogs, so far out of ten, 3 have not. (Sparky, Junior, and Chevy) You know what Stevo said, he will do for the Tomcats, what the Tomcat do for them…and right now it is sitting at 70%. I was able to text him, on my drive back from the cottage (Easy….My wife was driving…and I was watching a movie on the DVD with my four kids)
“Well at only 70 percent, do I show up for the first night with my two cases of beer? Do I even send out emails reminding everyone about hockey? Hell do I even do a roster for this year…only 70, I can do some stuff, but not all I do”. Stevo is referring to the amount of blogs that are submitted, to a ratio of ones that do not get done.
“So far I have been impressed with what I have read”, Stevo said in his second text. “I still plan to bring beer for the best one, but you have to submit them, on time in order to qualify for the beer”, the third text read, (meaning, if you were to submit your blog, three weeks ago and you do it in September, that does not count).
I should mention those you have contributed….Razor, Rake, Rocky, Cribz, Hollywood, Doc and Skippy.
So right now, blame, Junior, Sparky and Chevy if you don’t get notified about hockey on the first night, or, if the doors are closed on the first night and there is no beer. But hey, whilst you are standing outside the fire escape, thinking, WTF, why did I not get notified there is no hockey, can I put my Harry Ballsonue?
Tomcat Nation awaits a summer update from the man with the big shot and big shove.