Windsor Tomcats

As many of my fellow Tomcats may recall, I suffered a horrendous high stick injury to my face within the last few weeks of hockey during the 2011-2012 season. This blatant act was reviewed by none other than Brendan Shannahan, however no penalty was imposed. Since the injury was permanent and disfiguring, it was necessary to travel to the West Coast, in sunnyLos Angelesto seek top of the line cosmetic surgery.

I met with several doctors and decided to go with ‘the best of the best’. After a 13 hour procedure that would have made Lee Majors proud since his surgery as ‘Steve Austin’, I was well on my way to recovery. It didn’t take long for local celebrities to notice a Windsor Tomcat was recovering in their fine community, and I quickly started getting invites to gatherings such as Paris Hilton’s birthday party, Kim Kardashian’s beach party, and Robert DeNiro’s annual fish fry. I won’t even mention the two days I spent at Heff’s playboy mansion.

While inLos Angeles, it only made sense to meet with LA Kings coach Darryl Sutter. Now, I don’t usually like to pat myself on the back, but after reviewing his defensive alignment, I made several suggestions for line adjustments and aggressive forward pinch maneuvers which have had positive results. Sutter has adapted my strategies and personally congratulated me with their recent success in making it to the Stanley Cup.

As you can see by the photo, my scars have healed, and I’ve taken up a part time job teaching surfing at the Ron Jon Surf Shop. I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know that I offer a 80% discount to bikini clad clients. It’s a tough life, but somebody has to do it.

Until September, I hope everyone has a great summer, and wish for happiness to all. I hope to see you all at the annual classic Golf Tourney.

Stay safe…Cribz

By Harry Ballsonue

Tomcats Tailgating and a Happy Stevo, but that smile has been erased from his face.

Once a long time ago, Nancy Kerrigan cried these words in the City of Detroit.  Today, the President and CEO of the Windsor Tomcats, Stevo, is crying these same words.  “Why, why, why, are guys not writing their blogs?” Stevo asks, laying in a fetal position in his shed in his back yard. “I try to give so much to the Tomcats, organizing hockey, the tournament, staying up late on Tuesday nights writing blogs for the Tomcats and when I ask some of the guys to contribute I get two that do and two that don’t.  That is only 50%.  What if I just gave 50% to the Tomcats? Maybe I will organize the Tuesday nights and not beer nights or the Tournament….YES!!!, a super fantastic idea,  I will give to the Tomcats  what I get back from the bloggers….right now, it is at 50%.

So that is what you will get from me” a defeated Stevo said, then added, “If it goes lower than 50%, you may not see a Summer St. Felix, or notification of when hockey starts…I will give back, what I get from the Tomcats”.

Famous words of Rexy (ex Tomcat Captain) (Who is playing in Tomcat golf event by the way), “Ask not what the Tomcats can do for you, ask what you can do for the Tomcats”.

Maybe if there is no hockey this year, we can still meet on Tuesday nights and I can put my Harry Ballsonue.

Hello fellow Tomcats,

Having ended the season the IR list, my main objective over the course of the summer is to fully recover from my recent shoulder surgery, and to return for the season opener in September.  As my recovery progresses, and at the direction of Stanley’s Cup winning team Captain (May Day), I will be performing stick handling drills against the four year old twins from across the street in order to sharpen my skills for the upcoming season.

And, as some of you are aware, I am having a new pool installed this month which will surely be followed by months of landscaping in order to achieve the mancave-like backyard worthy of a Tomcat.  Sparky has graciously volunteered to assist with the installation of the electrical components of the system, although I’m not sure that the heavy duty speaker wire, two empty MGD bottles, sea water, tin foil and duct tape will meet building code or not.  However, having said that, I will have to extend full benefit of doubt noting that he is a licensed professional.  It is even rumoured that Sparky will be performing the post installation ceremonial dance as required by the Brotherhood of Electricians.  This extremely secretive and rarely seen activity should be a once in a lifetime experience. I scoured the internet and found only one brief example of what is to be experienced. O nce you watched the attached video clip, you’ll understand. Have a great summer.

Regards,

The Rake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvzunkaRSjc

By Howie Feltersnatch

A few weeks back, near the end of the season, The Captain gave select Tomcats orders to show their creative side and take on writing one article for the website during the summer of 2012.  So far, 2 weeks in, no article has been sent into Rocky for publishing (Keeno Beggart Shrieker and Pur Sad Yanker need to step up to the plate and provide something later in the summer – this will make more sense momentarily).

One rule for these articles was to not use real names due to the sometimes “questionable” nature of Tomcat humour.  The last thing we need is a Tomcat missing out on a new job or having their character questioned by being associated with articles written by Harry Ballsonue, Yuri Hanzomecack, Dick Fitzwell and the like. 

As such, we have been instructed to use nicknames to conceal the true identity of our Tomcat brethren.  In an effort to help all future contributors, and to really mask our names, I took it upon myself to scramble each Tomcats player’s name (typically Nickname followed by Last name), to form a new name that will not only keep real names hidden from internet creepers, but in some cases, are actually more fitting (as you will see). 

So here it is boys, a full list of Tomcat player anagrams to use for future referencing in Tomcat website articles…

It’s been several weeks now and avid fans are still talking up the Tomcat season; the highlight goals, steller saves, questions galore surronding Razor returning next season.  It’s almost too much for a man to bear.  Thank the Tomcats gods we have our NHL playoff to satisfy some of the thirst to play. At least we can live vicariously thru our NHL stars and dreanm of making similar goals and saves come the ball dropping again back at the Kapusta.  In the meantime some players still are quietly playing, so being a reporter tuned in to all Tomcats players, I began to follow Skippy and Danish in their Sunday Night League.  No Tomcats were in the line up for the Skip Jacks this past week.  Any Tomcat, who wishes to continue working on their game, is more than welcome to come out.

Two weeks ago, Bulldog played, on that night Bulldog was kept silent on the score sheet,  but contributed with several assists and key defensive plays.  Later Bulldog remarked, “Nice place, definately a little bigger than I’m used too – Guess I’m glad I did get in that outdoor tourny in order to condition myself for the larger surface”.  The Skipjacks group take off this Sunday to honour their respective moms, but return Sunday May 20th, the long weekend to the Tilston Dome – 4007 Sandwich.  Puck drops at 7PM.  Skippy later commented on playing during the long week end, “I realize I would lose some players who were able to take thier contract bonus and go for a vaca, but I just couldn’t miss 2 whole weeks in a row”. 

“Harry wrote last week about Tomcats now only playing ‘Travel Hockey’ with their best 17, (not just taking whoever wants to play) we here at the Skipjack camp have our work cut out for us, so we need to keep playing”. Skippy indicated.

So remember, all Tomcats are always welcome, beer is cold and only $3 each, and if your lucky I’ll ask for you to put your HANDZONMECAC.

Yuri

Now that the Tomcat Season has ended and I have returned from my traditional end-of-the-year vacation in Comber, I begin to reflect on the old season and the new upcoming season. It looks like another busy summer for the Razor.

I have numerous lawn bowling fundraisers to attend in June.

July keeps me busy at my Razor Goalie Camp for under privileged youths from Puce.

August has me in Japan and Singapore filming commercials for Big Red gum and Uncle Slicks’ Prune Juice.

September will be a time for reflection on my future with the Tomcats.

Stay Thirsty My Friends.

Razor

By Harry Ballsonue

You won’t believe it, the Tomcat Advisory Board got rid of the tournament repeat!  After this year of course, Marauders still get to defend their championship, but after that, for the 2014 February tournament, four brand new spanking teams. It was voted on, 5 to 2 in favour of removing the repeat.

One other highlight, Travel hockey is still on, BUT Tomcats will only travel with the best of the best…Meaning top 17 players will be selected to play (selections to be made by Lovie, Sunny and Stevo).

Other items discussed – new clothing (shorts and a golf shirt), score clock and the 6:30 start time. 

• Samples will be brought in, in the first two weeks of hockey so that everyone can get sized properly and the Tomcats will be subsidizing the cost of the golf shirt.
• Score clock is well on its way and will be ready for the start of the 2012-13 season. 
• The start time was also discussed, and left at 6:30 with the thinking being, “If we made it 7 then we would not have guys starting on time anyway and the night would start at 7:15, so the 6:30 start is where it needs to be” indicated Rocky.

More to come in the Summer Issue of the St. Felix.

Hey in the summer, when you are sitting by the pool, sipping on a coolie, can I put my Harry Ballsonue?

A typical Tomcat season would not be complete without the required Bulldog Outdoor Tournament.  Still in its infancy, management and players alike have stepped to the plate to make the outdoor tourny the crowning achievement and celebration fans have come to love.  Can anyone believe we used to play 5on5?  After top young players like Hollywood were seen in the early days gasping for air, a wise decision was made to move to 6 on 6, with a goalie (So really, 7 on 7).  Fears of looking like a typical grade school soccer game were quickly put to rest, and 6 on 6 has worked well.   

The outdoor facility this year was VERY slippery, claiming 1st star selection for defense by dumping superstar players like Spinner; who later went on to capture the MVP nod for the White Side.  No wonder he got the nod, I don’t remember seeing Spinner so happy considering full slap shots are allowed outdoors.  During the course of a regular season Spinner’s greatest weapon is silenced as his shot is not allowed at the smaller Kapusta Kow Palace.  Seeing that shot up close this year I can see why the goalies are happy it isn’t allowed.  Spinner simply blew 2 goals past poor Skippy, who after both goals was still trying to find the ball.  Newcomer Tiny Tot remarked, “When I first saw the shot and that first goal go in I thought – Pretty lucky; but then he goes and picks the opposite top corner on Skippy and I was like DAMN!”  The floor even claimed the ever dangerous Lovie, who was also dumped, and he took the MVP nod for Black!  Another victim was Snowpants who was seen slippin and sliddin, which typically isn’t too unusual, except for fact he spent more time than usual on his backside. 

Team white in the end took the whole thing winning the first game 7-6, then taking the shoot out.  With the first goal snapped in by Junior on the Black side, the rest of that first period was very closely contested.  Team White also took the second game 3-2 and neither team could dominate in the following shoot out.   Down 2 games and not able to catch up on the shoot out, it would have taken a huge scoring drive by team Black to have kept the cup in Rocky’s trophy case.  Poor Rocky was forced to give up the coveted trophy and would later reply, “Well my kids are certainly going to miss it, but I think my wife secretly was happy.  I mean everytime we had family or friends over, there was the trophy – Jock and all on glorious display, and the kids were very happy to talk all about dad’s cup”.  While Rocky may have had to give up the cup, it was nice to see his little Rockettes out enjoying watching the game. 

The 2012 Outdoor Classic Team Photo...the perfect end to another fantastic Tomcat season!

All four goalies played well and each commented while the players had to deal with a slippery floor, their respective net areas were more sticky.  Also funny was how all four indicated they would have preferred to slide, which would have assisted in some more spectacular saves.  Razor for team White stood out most, and took home MVP.  What a year!  A cup win, mvp at the indoor tourny, the outdoor tourny win and another MVP.  Absolutely Steller!!!  What wasn’t so steller was his quote, “I’m not sure I’m coming back, I think it may be time to let the youngsters battle it out for the top spot”.  I can almost understand, Razor wants to go out on a high and has been an integral part of the Tomcats organization for a long time.  It’s also hard to get mad at such a standup guy, but when news leaked out to fans of Razors remarks, they said it best – “Stay Razor Stay”.  I agree, he can’t leave – next season will be a rareity in that goalies are going to pick the indoor teams, and Razor is defending champ!  I say so what if he comes back and doesn’t lead his team to a repeat cup – by far Razor is arguably the top goalie.  Falcon chimmed in on the debate stating, -He (Razor) can’t leave, the loss would be too much for the organization to bear.  Enough said – Stay baby stay – 2 MORE YEARS!  Why 2 – I want to see Razor celebrate 25 great years of Tomcat hockey, then fans and players might let him retire in peace.

Season ends for the Tomcats, but Skippy reminds all players they are always welcome to come out with his group on Sunday night at 7PM – their season ends June 10th, so there’s alot of hockey left to play. 

Thanks goes to Bulldog – classy guy, who along with Yuri grabbed the delicious pizza grub.  Yuri showed his classy side when realizing he had left over cash from the pizza purchase, poured the rest figuratively into beer purchases for the players.  CLASSY!  Thanks as well to Jingles, who unfortunately missed all the action due to a work conflict.   A shout out to Zabba for acquiring the Dom Polski hall, where several players were introduced to the 500mm Polish beer.  Many were later heard yelling – “This should be our beer – its like 2 beers in one”!!  If you were issued a “Party Pass’, you were not disappointed as he Tomcats belted out “Tomcats Forever” – Yup, nothing better then hearing the boys sing that song.

So now the next blogs on Wednesday’s, that you will be seeing will be from Tomcats themselves, their lives, their summer, their warm weather quests (making love at the pier at Belle River) or the hole in one (maybe same thing! Naw…golf course hole in one).

I cant wait for next season, and fans are eagerly waiting to continually hound Razor into staying.  Until that time as Harry would say – Id love to put my harry ballsonue, and I chime in with Razor, Yuri Handzonmecac.

LUV U GUYS – Yuri

I just wanted to take a moment of your time and to thank each and every Tomcat for an incredible season.  I don’t have all the stats in front of me, but I know we had more Mini Tournaments then last year.  I also want to report that we have more money in the Tomcat Kitty, then we have ever had before. (I do not have a final tally on the money as yet, but will in a few days)

We are all paid up for the Kapusta Kow Palace and  Lansberry Park.  We got new t-shirts and touques this year and I will be meeting with the advisory board on May 1, 2012 to discuss future clothing purchases.

Sparky is well on his way to make our score board and that, I am being told, will be up and running at the start of the 2012-13 season.

June 22 is our golf outing and I hope to see every Tomcat out, if not to golf, then and least to stop by Hollywood’s for Souvlaki Night In Canada. Snowpants, our minster of Golf, Pyrotechnics, Heating and Cooling and over all Shenanigans is in charge of that, so if you have a foursome you want to play in, let him know.

There are so many to thank, for this past successful season, and I don’t want to miss anyone. So, here it goes, thanks Youngblood and Rocky for running the web site.  I want to thank Yuri for taking over the Pizza Minister job and doing a super fantastic job. Hollywood for organizing and designing the best t-shirt ever. For Rocky, once again, for just being Rocky, always setting up and taking down and doing anything I asked. (Fix the door on Tomcat room, put pictures up on web site etc.)

To our 5 goalies, Razor, Falcon, Bearcat, Skippy and the Danish for playing goal for us. (and to Hurricane and Hollywood and Matador for stepping in, when needed). To LaBamba for his three star selections. To Sparky for his start on the Electronic Score Board.

Doc for learning his job and filling the proper amount of ice on the Tomcat beer. To Bulldog for organizing the outdoor game and loving the Tomcats. To Jingles as my executive assistant and for securing Lansberry Park for us.

To our bloggers and St. Felix contributors, Skippy, Lovie, May Day and Razor.

And speaking of Razor…. Please don’t make this past year your last as you are way too valuable to the Tomcat organization and I plead to you to stay for a couple of more years, you are an intricate part of the Tomcat fabric and I can’t imagine going to the Kapusta Kow Palace and not having you there.

To Zaba, LaBamba, the Matador, May Day, Hurricane, Snowpants, Killer, Crow, Razor, Falcon, Skippy, Bearcat, The Rake, Junior, Sparky, Rocky, Cribz, Yuri, Hollywood, Doc, Chevy, Spinner, Bulldog, Jingles, Youngblood, Lovie, Sunny, Soupy, and Mez, please know I love you guys!

Thanks for a wonderful season, YOU MAKE THE TOMCATS!

Tomcats Forever!

Stevo,