Windsor Tomcats

<!– has been replace here –>

PICTURES TO BE ADDED SOON!

Tomcats held their annual Golf Outing at Seven Lakes and 24 golfers participated, the largest participation in Tomcat history, the Tomcat train is at full speed and making no stops!.  Thanks to all those that golfed, thanks to Snowpants for putting the day together, thanks to St. Felix (patron Saint of Ball Hockey and the Windsor Tomcats) for putting together a gorgeous day and thanks to Hollywood and Lady Di for hosting the Tomcats.  Souvlaki night in Canada is always a big hit. 

Congrats to Soupy for winning the tournament, Hollywood and Soupy for being closest to the pins.

Great to see the Alumni represented with Rexy and Pro Am Participant Bill Booksa, who paid $2,500 to golf with his favourite Tomcat ‘the Turk’.

A three page Summer St. Felix will be out first week of July….please take the time to go on the site and have a look at it. 

In the mean time, to all the Tomcat bloggers, keep your submissions coming. Remember what Rex Brennen (ex Tomcat Captain) always said “don’t ask what the Tomcats can do for you, ask what you can do for the Tomcats”.

Stay Beautiful!

It is me, Phil Landerer, and I have had the pleasure the last couple of weeks to hang out with Hollywood.  We have been randomly travelling places, just being tourists. But the other day he said “awww Damnit, I gotta write a blog for the fans.”  I graciously offered to write something he said cool, he even offered me twenty bucks to write it.  He must have been drunk or something, I told him about all the neat and cool things we have encountered!  He said “Big Effin Deal, write whatever you want!”  So I have decided to journal our last several weeks for you out there in Tomcat world!

May 27, 2012:  He wasn’t too hard to find, hanging out in a little village market, there was Joseph Kony hanging out in Yambio, Sudan, right under the noses of the District and Republic of Congo, and not too far from Congo, where Kony himself is wanted for a couple of crimes against humanity.  It is pretty cool hanging out with guerillas, definitely not as cool as hanging out with Tomcats.

June 1, 2012:  Farting around on the Peak of Shuckstack Mountain, located in the Smokey Mountains, just shy of the Appalachian Trail.  South of Sassafras Gap, Northeast of Sheep Knob.  Who in the F names these places?  While out on top of what seemed the world, an old fire tower with a spectacular view, we noticed some rustling around in the forest below.  We quickly climbed down the fire tower and bumped into Bigfoot!  He invited us back to his cave where we shot-gunned a bunch of beers, ordered a couple of pizzas and watched a couple of his favourite movies, Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock’em.

June 4, 2012: Germany was pretty boring, especially hanging out at the Internet café with Luca Magnotta.  But then Interpol swept in and scooped him up, complaining about him sending a foot to one person and a hand somewhere else? Pretty bummed out, he was going to tell us all about all sorts of stuff!

June 7,2012: The Scottish Highlands are beautiful at this time of year, especially when a pretty little serpent named Nessie is showing you around.  She is also known as the Loch Ness monster.  I was expecting more guys wearing skirts in these necks of the woods.  Oh well onwards with our travels!

June 10,2012: While in Mexico, we are in a little town called Matamoros, where the enchiladas and chimichangas are delicious.  This town lies just south of Brownsville Texas (where the women and Salsa Verde are not delicious).  We find ourselves in the company of Vicente Carillo Fuentes!  Being a guest of Vicente, our combined fame ensured that only the finest Patron was flowing.  Let me tell you, here is a poor chum that is totally misunderstood.  He told us that there are scores of party poopers hunting him for only God knows why.  Who knows?  Just as he was going to reveal the recipe of Spanish Fly to me, he said he had to be excused, and was whisked away in a nearby helicopter.  He left us to a delicious spread of tamales, gorditas, and totopo.  Needless to say, the next morning did not agree with me.

June 12, 2012: Today we have arrived in Ottawa, our nation’s capital.  We are hoping beyond hope to bump into the ever-so-elusive Shamus.  Our plan is to hike the trails in Gatineau forest, walk along the canal, scoping some sights out. There is a daytime poker tournament, so he definitely might be there?  We will also hit a few used DVD stores; we know he loves to frequent those places.  Golf; we shall check out a few golf courses, and last but not least, check out a few of the Jewish community centres.  Maybe when we find him, with me being a beat reporter I will ask him those burning questions all the Tomcats are curious to know.  Our journey continues…

Forever yours,

Phil Landerer

Assoc Press is reporting that Rocky Comartin has taken the initial steps to legally change his last name to Ocho Uno. When questioned after the Outdoor Classic game in late April about the rumored name change, number 81 said, “I don’t know anything about a name change.” My name is Rocky Comartin.” Yet, the rumor about the blue-liner swirls through Tomcat land.

Could Rocky, seen here battling against Doc, really be changing his name??

Most within the Tomcat Organization are familiar with number 81’s nickname Rocky, ceremoniously given to him when he joined the Tomcats in the fall of 2003. At the time, he was given the number 22. However, to pay homage to his high school football days, Rocky asked for a number change during the 2006 season. Interestingly enough, that same year, an NFL star with the same first name, Chad Johnson, wore a jersey that said “Ocho Cinco” above his number 85. Subsequently, the NFL fined the wide receiver for altering his jersey. Since then, Ocho Cinco has become synonymous with Chad Johnson and since the NFL only allows legal last names to be written on jerseys, Chad Johnson changed his name to Ocho Cinco in 2008. The extra media attention garnered from this event drove Ocho Cinco jersey sales through the roof and made Chad Ocho Cinco a house hold name. Could Rocky Comartin be pulling the same publicity stunt? This seems contradictory to the usually quiet and low-key demeanor of Rocky. However, he was embroiled in a stick throwing incident a couple of seasons back, and it is a contract year for him. Maybe we are seeing a new Rocky emerge?

Since players split jersey revenue with the Tomcats organization, it might be a lucrative move for Rocky. The name change may be a strategy for Rocky to get the money he feels he deserves – you know Lovie, Sunny, Falcon or Crow type dough. So, will Rocky change his name? Will he bring an Ocho Uno jersey to a store near you? And will fans buy the new jersey? Only time will tell.

For the record, here are some contract details for other notable Tomcats…

Player                                               Annual Salary

Stevo                                               $9,000,000
Falcon                                            $8,850,000
Lovie                                               $8,700,000
Crow                                                $8,700,000
Sunny                                             $8,600,000
Cribz                                               $8,500,000
Junior                                            $8,100,000 (took cut to sign Lovie)
Hollywood                                   $8,150,000
Sparky                                            $8,000,000
Snowpants                                    $350,000 (bulk of his salary is paid in lap dances at Leopard’s)

As many of my fellow Tomcats may recall, I suffered a horrendous high stick injury to my face within the last few weeks of hockey during the 2011-2012 season. This blatant act was reviewed by none other than Brendan Shannahan, however no penalty was imposed. Since the injury was permanent and disfiguring, it was necessary to travel to the West Coast, in sunnyLos Angelesto seek top of the line cosmetic surgery.

I met with several doctors and decided to go with ‘the best of the best’. After a 13 hour procedure that would have made Lee Majors proud since his surgery as ‘Steve Austin’, I was well on my way to recovery. It didn’t take long for local celebrities to notice a Windsor Tomcat was recovering in their fine community, and I quickly started getting invites to gatherings such as Paris Hilton’s birthday party, Kim Kardashian’s beach party, and Robert DeNiro’s annual fish fry. I won’t even mention the two days I spent at Heff’s playboy mansion.

While inLos Angeles, it only made sense to meet with LA Kings coach Darryl Sutter. Now, I don’t usually like to pat myself on the back, but after reviewing his defensive alignment, I made several suggestions for line adjustments and aggressive forward pinch maneuvers which have had positive results. Sutter has adapted my strategies and personally congratulated me with their recent success in making it to the Stanley Cup.

As you can see by the photo, my scars have healed, and I’ve taken up a part time job teaching surfing at the Ron Jon Surf Shop. I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know that I offer a 80% discount to bikini clad clients. It’s a tough life, but somebody has to do it.

Until September, I hope everyone has a great summer, and wish for happiness to all. I hope to see you all at the annual classic Golf Tourney.

Stay safe…Cribz

By Harry Ballsonue

Tomcats Tailgating and a Happy Stevo, but that smile has been erased from his face.

Once a long time ago, Nancy Kerrigan cried these words in the City of Detroit.  Today, the President and CEO of the Windsor Tomcats, Stevo, is crying these same words.  “Why, why, why, are guys not writing their blogs?” Stevo asks, laying in a fetal position in his shed in his back yard. “I try to give so much to the Tomcats, organizing hockey, the tournament, staying up late on Tuesday nights writing blogs for the Tomcats and when I ask some of the guys to contribute I get two that do and two that don’t.  That is only 50%.  What if I just gave 50% to the Tomcats? Maybe I will organize the Tuesday nights and not beer nights or the Tournament….YES!!!, a super fantastic idea,  I will give to the Tomcats  what I get back from the bloggers….right now, it is at 50%.

So that is what you will get from me” a defeated Stevo said, then added, “If it goes lower than 50%, you may not see a Summer St. Felix, or notification of when hockey starts…I will give back, what I get from the Tomcats”.

Famous words of Rexy (ex Tomcat Captain) (Who is playing in Tomcat golf event by the way), “Ask not what the Tomcats can do for you, ask what you can do for the Tomcats”.

Maybe if there is no hockey this year, we can still meet on Tuesday nights and I can put my Harry Ballsonue.

Hello fellow Tomcats,

Having ended the season the IR list, my main objective over the course of the summer is to fully recover from my recent shoulder surgery, and to return for the season opener in September.  As my recovery progresses, and at the direction of Stanley’s Cup winning team Captain (May Day), I will be performing stick handling drills against the four year old twins from across the street in order to sharpen my skills for the upcoming season.

And, as some of you are aware, I am having a new pool installed this month which will surely be followed by months of landscaping in order to achieve the mancave-like backyard worthy of a Tomcat.  Sparky has graciously volunteered to assist with the installation of the electrical components of the system, although I’m not sure that the heavy duty speaker wire, two empty MGD bottles, sea water, tin foil and duct tape will meet building code or not.  However, having said that, I will have to extend full benefit of doubt noting that he is a licensed professional.  It is even rumoured that Sparky will be performing the post installation ceremonial dance as required by the Brotherhood of Electricians.  This extremely secretive and rarely seen activity should be a once in a lifetime experience. I scoured the internet and found only one brief example of what is to be experienced. O nce you watched the attached video clip, you’ll understand. Have a great summer.

Regards,

The Rake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvzunkaRSjc

By Howie Feltersnatch

A few weeks back, near the end of the season, The Captain gave select Tomcats orders to show their creative side and take on writing one article for the website during the summer of 2012.  So far, 2 weeks in, no article has been sent into Rocky for publishing (Keeno Beggart Shrieker and Pur Sad Yanker need to step up to the plate and provide something later in the summer – this will make more sense momentarily).

One rule for these articles was to not use real names due to the sometimes “questionable” nature of Tomcat humour.  The last thing we need is a Tomcat missing out on a new job or having their character questioned by being associated with articles written by Harry Ballsonue, Yuri Hanzomecack, Dick Fitzwell and the like. 

As such, we have been instructed to use nicknames to conceal the true identity of our Tomcat brethren.  In an effort to help all future contributors, and to really mask our names, I took it upon myself to scramble each Tomcats player’s name (typically Nickname followed by Last name), to form a new name that will not only keep real names hidden from internet creepers, but in some cases, are actually more fitting (as you will see). 

So here it is boys, a full list of Tomcat player anagrams to use for future referencing in Tomcat website articles…

It’s been several weeks now and avid fans are still talking up the Tomcat season; the highlight goals, steller saves, questions galore surronding Razor returning next season.  It’s almost too much for a man to bear.  Thank the Tomcats gods we have our NHL playoff to satisfy some of the thirst to play. At least we can live vicariously thru our NHL stars and dreanm of making similar goals and saves come the ball dropping again back at the Kapusta.  In the meantime some players still are quietly playing, so being a reporter tuned in to all Tomcats players, I began to follow Skippy and Danish in their Sunday Night League.  No Tomcats were in the line up for the Skip Jacks this past week.  Any Tomcat, who wishes to continue working on their game, is more than welcome to come out.

Two weeks ago, Bulldog played, on that night Bulldog was kept silent on the score sheet,  but contributed with several assists and key defensive plays.  Later Bulldog remarked, “Nice place, definately a little bigger than I’m used too – Guess I’m glad I did get in that outdoor tourny in order to condition myself for the larger surface”.  The Skipjacks group take off this Sunday to honour their respective moms, but return Sunday May 20th, the long weekend to the Tilston Dome – 4007 Sandwich.  Puck drops at 7PM.  Skippy later commented on playing during the long week end, “I realize I would lose some players who were able to take thier contract bonus and go for a vaca, but I just couldn’t miss 2 whole weeks in a row”. 

“Harry wrote last week about Tomcats now only playing ‘Travel Hockey’ with their best 17, (not just taking whoever wants to play) we here at the Skipjack camp have our work cut out for us, so we need to keep playing”. Skippy indicated.

So remember, all Tomcats are always welcome, beer is cold and only $3 each, and if your lucky I’ll ask for you to put your HANDZONMECAC.

Yuri

Now that the Tomcat Season has ended and I have returned from my traditional end-of-the-year vacation in Comber, I begin to reflect on the old season and the new upcoming season. It looks like another busy summer for the Razor.

I have numerous lawn bowling fundraisers to attend in June.

July keeps me busy at my Razor Goalie Camp for under privileged youths from Puce.

August has me in Japan and Singapore filming commercials for Big Red gum and Uncle Slicks’ Prune Juice.

September will be a time for reflection on my future with the Tomcats.

Stay Thirsty My Friends.

Razor