Windsor Tomcats

Hello fellow Tomcats and members of Tomcat Nation. Sunny checking in with my off
season report.

The off season has been busy starting with a 2 week trip to Petrolia with fellow
Petrolians Lovie Edgar and Soupy Salaris. Together we conducted a 1 week hockey camp
which was very well received. The mayor of Petrolia, Pizza Pete Salaris would love to
have a Charity game pitting the Tomcats against the local Hard Oilers and area pig
farmers. I told him I would table it with the board. The mayor had one request that
was to inform him in advance if Junior Poisson would be attending so they would have
time to
find a safe place for all the elderly woman as his penchant for Grandmothers is well
documented and legendary!

Lovie, Soupy and myself spent the second week making appearances speaking with
children. One group of children clutching brooms and wearing knee pads were a little
upset that our minister of floor sweeping and pyrotechnics was not coming. We
promised them that we would bring him along next year. The kids were ecstatic to hear
and their mothers screamed in orgasmic pleasure! We were also guests at a charity
golf tourney that supports a cause dear to all Tomcats. All funds generated went to
help woman struggl
ing to find the funds for breast augmentation surgery.

Currently I am in Tibet hiking and soul searching. While filling up my water bottle
at a natural spring, the word Sunny came from behind me in the most peaceful and
serene voice I have ever heard. As I turned there he was standing before me with arms
outstretched saying “Sunny, from the Tomcats, right!” It was the Dalai Lama
himself! I was speechless! He invited me to his palace in the mountains. I bowed my
head and accepted his gracious offer.

Once inside his palace I was handed an ice cold MGD and given a satisfactory nod from
this great man. We walked through a doorway and there it was…a Tomcat shrine!
Pictures of all my fellow Tomcats were everywhere! One shrine stood alone at the back
wall. It was the Stevo Shrine,complete with pictures and quotes as well as a life
size cardboard cut out!

The Dalai Lama said that Stevo’s code of ethics is now how he and the Tibetan monks
try to live their lives! He said the next time he is Canada he would like to come to
the Kapusta Kow to watch a game but more importantly to talk with Stevo and the
Tomcats to start the process of teaching the Tomcat way of life to the world! I have
spent the last week trying to fill the Dalai Lamas appetite for Tomcat stories and
insight while he mends my spirit!

See you all at training camp and keep a tight ass boys!

Tomcats Forever,

Sunny

By Bloggy Bloggerstein

Well my Tomcat brethren, it has been some time since I last reported on the Tomcats. Sure, it is the off-season you say. Other than high profile free agent pick ups like Matty and Vince signing huge deals with the club there isn’t much to talk about they say. I wish I could say those are the reasons for my interweb silence. The truth is stranger than fiction and this case is no different.

It all started with Husky Eyes borrowing a cup of “sugar” about 8 months ago. Christ. You go through a lot of sugar man. Come on, you must think I am a complete idiot. Just tell me you are tapping my old lady and I would have more respect for you. While I don’t blame my wife for succumbing to those deep, smoldering eyes of repute I certainly don’t have to like the fact that she did and or still does. Regardless, my son is as handsome as hell. Look at me. Do the fucking math…

After getting the news that I will be the father of twin girls I admit I lost it a bit. Sure, I am glad that Sunny took care of business. At least I know they will be good-looking…

The first night of my mid-life crisis was spent down at Ouellette and Wyandotte at the bus stop. I tried some meth and a bit of crack, woke up with a mouthful of pillow and a handful of quarters. After that I got in a tussle with that old lady with the shopping cart and the chihuahua. I think I could have taken her if it wasn’t for the drugs and the fact that she suckered me. After that I spent the night in the tank shivering between 2 air-thieving skinwagons who had almost electrocuted themselves trying to get some copper wire from the substation.

Day two was a bit better. I thought getting out of town was a great idea considering the fellow citizens I met in my town. As I found out, Mexico wasn’t the best idea. I grabbed a flight to Cabo San Lucas and went to party with Sammy Hagar. Apparently he doesn’t live there all year and the locals weren’t overly impressed with the fat gringo singing “I can’t drive 55” while swigging deeply from a bottle of tequila. Those guys sure can handle their shots better than me as well. After witnessing 4 beheadings, 7 other drug-related murders and strippers that turn into vampires I thought it was time to settle down. I will not give the name of my current location for fear that one of you fine gentlemen may storm down here and try to lure me back to Windsor. Sure, I will miss the boys. No doubt about it, the Tomcats are salt of the earth guys, totally top notch. I just can’t come back yet. I still have a bit of cash left due to my part-time job Casa del Taco (see photo below). They really seem to like me and have given me the nickname “Sausage Fingers”.

Take care boys! I may return some day…

Bloggy

Click here to read the latest St. Felix.

Great day with the boys on the course…

It is that wretched year of our Lord Two Thousand and Nine. Waterloo, Ontario.  The land of strip malls, vinyl siding, and concrete.  A city without a history or a people.  He stands outside the money-printing Research in Motion.  A flock of math students walk past, a cloud of nerdery thickly hanging about them.  Pimples burst.  A cultureless child of a city, he thinks.

Plus, there is only one strip club.

His thoughts turn to Windsor.  That blessed City of Roses.  From the Casino suites to the village greens of Jackson park. He yearns for the smell of Hiram Walker’s, the rumble and sweat of automotive production, the blue collar fellowship of Ford City to the orange collared Monarchs of Point Pelee.  He desires to see the Renaissance Center defiantly puncture the horizon in a decidedly dark age.   

“That downtown”, he says to the sons of Waterloo who worship at the Church of Toronto, “was like a hammock – if you were felled by the drink, the city would catch you and give you a place to sleep to boot!”  Give him a Blue Jay and he will answer with a Tiger.  

This displaced Erie street patron attempted a hockey league.  Sure, one or two stragglers from the briny night participated for one or two games, but a project involving camaraderie in a city of isolationism is doomed to fail.  The city lacked a spirit.  The city lacked an ethos.  The city, truly, lacked a Stevo.   

*    *    *

I lived in Waterloo, but I am from Windsor.

Tuesday night on Tecumseh Road.  The first shots of the War of 1812 can still be heard, but they sound of a hockey stick hitting Saint Felix’s holy floor.  Our region is much more than a Woodward Avenue, a Salt Mine, and, as a President once put it, an “Arsenal of Democracy”.  It is the noble and hardworking spirit of an economically forlorn people.  It is dedication.  It is a sense of stewardship and inheritance of a history rife with innovation and intrigue.  It is true grit, love, and fraternity.

I came back to Windsor because I adore this City and its people.  The Windsor Tomcats are a unique enterprise – the embodiment of what is admirable in our community.  Other cities quite obviously play hockey, but none do so with the class and humour and pureness of spirit as is done here.  The Zug Island Hum is a Tomcat growl, calling us back when we stray.

Thank you all.  In a not so insignificant way, you make the world a better place.

PS: The strip club in Waterloo is called Roxxxanne’s.  She puts out the red light but does not wear that dress tonight.

Our heads keep ‘spinning” at the fact that certain Tomcat’s can’t seem to make the effort to write a simple two paragraph blog once during the summer.  We’re not asking to write a novel or a rhyming “jingle”…just two paragraphs about what you have been doing this summer.  Come on boys, can this really be too much to ask?????

Harry Palm Press Breaking News Report

A year and half or so ago I offered to help assist with the Tomcat website. I figured since my career is IT based, it only made sense to help with this IT position within the organization. I was given administrator access so I could dutifully perform my weekly tasks of uploading the latest articles, Tomcat of the Week updates, etc. This access also grants me access to site statistics. For example, as of July 5, 2012, the site has had a total of 13, 343 hits. Our greatest one day total hits was set on September 30, 2010 when we had 186, etc.

Another interesting stat recorded is known as referring searches. Basically, what did someone type into a search engine that provided the Tomcat website in the results. Take a look at some of the searches (and the number of times they were searched) that have brought internet surfers to our front door…

Most Common Searches:

Some less expected, and odd searches:

*Real first name actually used in the search

And, as selected by David Letterman, here are the top 10 All-time Funny Searches that led to the Tomcat Website (counting down from 10):

*Real first name actually used in the search

There you have it boys, these searches led to Tomcat Nation.  Not a word is made up.  Enjoy the summer and see you in September.

Rocky

Came looking for a new article today and didn’t see one. I spun right, spun left and still didn’t see one. All this spinning to find an article is making Dzzy! Someone needs to “teach” the Tomcats how to show up with articles.

By Harry Ballsonue

Hey there hockey folks, my wife and I along with our 4 kids, just got back from our 5 week stay at the cottage up North and we just stopped off at home to do some laundry and re pack as we are now heading to see some family in Rhode Island…going to sit on the beach at Misquamicut State Park (look it up, great beach!), but know that I will be monitoring to see who is posting their blogs, so far out of ten, 3 have not. (Sparky, Junior, and Chevy) You know what Stevo said, he will do for the Tomcats, what the Tomcat do for them…and right now it is sitting at 70%. I was able to text him, on my drive back from the cottage (Easy….My wife was driving…and I was watching a movie on the DVD with my four kids)

“Well at only 70 percent, do I show up for the first night with my two cases of beer? Do I even send out emails reminding everyone about hockey? Hell do I even do a roster for this year…only 70, I can do some stuff, but not all I do”. Stevo is referring to the amount of blogs that are submitted, to a ratio of ones that do not get done.

“So far I have been impressed with what I have read”, Stevo said in his second text. “I still plan to bring beer for the best one, but you have to submit them, on time in order to qualify for the beer”, the third text read, (meaning, if you were to submit your blog, three weeks ago and you do it in September, that does not count).

I should mention those you have contributed….Razor, Rake, Rocky, Cribz, Hollywood, Doc and Skippy.

So right now, blame, Junior, Sparky and Chevy if you don’t get notified about hockey on the first night, or, if the doors are closed on the first night and there is no beer. But hey, whilst you are standing outside the fire escape, thinking, WTF, why did I not get notified there is no hockey, can I put my Harry Ballsonue?

Tomcat Nation awaits a summer update from the man with the big shot and big shove.

Click here to read the latest St. Felix.