As you guys may or may not be aware, I am heading back to the freezer in the Sault on October 1st. This year was a great year playing again with the Tomcats. Nice to see some old faces and meet some new guys as well, especially the Tomcats own Red Rocker, Snowpants.
The highlight of my season was winning Stanley’s Cup again. I was in Amherst burg with Crow on August 21st and Crow signed more autographs with Stanley’s Cup than Kevin Westgarth did with the Stanley Cup. As a result, many children now aspire to playing hockey on Tuesday nights and drinking beer with the boys on stage. In fact, many parents were so impressed with Crow and I, they withdrew their kids from minor hockey.
As far as how I spent my summer. Most Monday’s I spent golfing with Stevo and the Sea Lion. Every week there was a different 4th guy. Hurricane Hann, Bucko Morris, Crow, and Snowpants to name a few. And then there was the Bucko Open and it was nice to see Marty, Sauce and Chrispy (I think he doesn’t have a phone though. Does anybody know)? Snowpants had the best start I have ever seen at the storied Belleview Golf and Country Club. I think he was one over after 9, with the only blemish being a bogie on the difficult Par 3 5th hole.
For those of you who haven’t golfed with Crow, he is quite good. What I can’t figure out is his swing. He addresses the ball on the tee, gives it a” whoosh”, and his finish is crazy. After his follow through, he leaps to the right about 7 feet, lands near his cart, unzips his bag and cracks a Coors light while the ball is travelling about 300 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.
Speaking of Crow, he is a true Tomcat. He gave me a part-time job at Lakeshore Auto as a Washroom Attendant/Security Guard. Seems potential customers were looking at cars, verbally agreeing to deals, asking to use the john, and leaving a horrendous stench in the Lakeshore Auto facility. My job was to sign contracts for Crow in the john. I was paid well. He gave me a lifetime supply of air freshener as compensation.
Crow and I also started a renovation/lock smith business. We now renovate vacation condos and hotels and provide free lock smith services if you forget your key in your room. Vacation destinations are happy because they prefer guests to use their keys when entering their rooms.
Favourite Tomcat moment this summer – Golfing with La Bamba – This guy can run a multibillion dollar corporation from his golf cart but he blows as a caddy. I ask his, “What’s over that hill”? La Bamba replies,” Water”. I take a short iron out and lay up thinking there is water over the hill. We get over the hill, no water. I fired him immediately, but I gave him a good severance package. I let him buy me a beer.
On a serious note, I would like to thank Hurricane for helping my mom find some medication she needed and the only place it was in stock in the province was at the Shoppers in Tecumseh. You see fellas; this is what it means to be a Tomcat.
Tomcats Forever,
Mayday
Hey Tomcats,
Have to share this special moment. Can you imagine meeting a rock and roll legend “in person”?! Lorraine and I just returned back from London, England after soaking in some of the 2012 summer Olympics and the closing ceremonies as the finale. What a show! And I still think I can run faster than that Usian Bolt, especially in the Kow Palace, as Cribz would attest. He wasn’t on the ballot to perform at the closing ceremonies but who do we meet at the airport? Yes, the Red Rocker himself, Sammy Hagar with his wife Kari. I couldn’t believe my eyes. After taking several pictures, getting a personal autograph, and a mention that Sammy and I share the same birthday, go figure, Sammy invites us to his annual Birthday Bash at his Cabo Wabo Cantina in Cabo San Lucas this October. The tequila will be flowing, I can assure you.
Guys, as touching as this was to a dream come true, what a better time to decide to tie the knot down south at the Cabo Wabo Cantina this October. Pack your bags and come witness a party to remember. Lorraine has no idea what’s in store but to have the Tomcat brethren in attendance is icing on the cake. Hope you guys consider and can make it down. Given we now have two free passes, I think I can afford a nice gem to place on her finger too.
The Tomcats have welcomed Snowpants graciously into the organization from Day 1. I am honoured and thank all of you for your friendship, all the laughs and jokes, the fierce competition each and every one of you bring each week to the Kow Palace and not to mention all the fun. God bless you all and may we remain the best bunch of guys an organization has to offer.
Tomcats Forever!!!
… Snowpants
COACH – Hey Skippy, GM wants to see you after practice.
SKIPPY – Ok – (he heads upstairs to the GM’s office)
GM – Hey Skippy I have good news and bad news, what do you want 1st?
SKIPPY: Doesn’t matter
GM: The good news is the Skipjacks want to keep you, but then again you own the team. The bad news is the Tomcats see us going in a different direction and effective immediately, you have been released. The Tomcats would like to thank you for your service and wish you well in your future endeavors.
Skippy is seen feverishly texting his agent Yurihandonmykak or whatever the fuck his name is.
Two hours later in the Tomcat Room…
GM – We let Skippy go. His agent and some guys who pay on that Minor League team he owns were driving me insane and my Bullshit Meter is real fucking sensitive anymore.
COACH: Thank goodness – These fucking goalies are driving me crazy. They all want to be Coach, GM and President. I don’t fucking get these players anymore.
GM – Let’s have an MGD
COACH – Let’s have two.
The summer drags on and fans and players alike are already counting down the days left to return to the Kapusta Kow Palace. Like waiting for Christmas, true fans know there are only 30 days left before the sounds of feet running up and down the Kapusta are heard and another season of highlight goals and saves are spoken of in awe around the water cooler. True fans also religiously punch in “Windsor Tomcats” into thier computer search engines and are directed to one of the coolest looking web sites around. A great place, regardless of the 70% or lower of blogs coming in, to keep up with your favourite players enjoying their summer time off.
Hockey must be close, because as I checked the web page today I was reminded to query the beer list and decided to take a look. That look turned into a double take as hidden in the beer list was some VERY interesting Tomcats news. It seems management has made some decisions which haven’t really made the headlines of late; like the full time status granted to Labamba, The Matador and a new player yet to be tagged with a nickname. Until that happens I will call him “Ocho Ockle.” I went back into the St Felix archives and could only find one remote mention of any roster changes. Back in the St Felix summer issue there was an article entitled, “Some interesting tidbits of information.” Reading further into the article one would find the mention of “Status of players” and I paraphrase the following: “Tomcats are unsure of the return of Nick Lelyk, Youngblood is expected to return (Barring any issues with medical staff), another player remains the property of another club, and NO OTHER PLAYERS ARE NOT RETURNING; but management will do a survey in late August. The next player to move up is The Matador (If he can commit), and Labamba (Could be part time player at best with work schedule conflicts).”
It appears Tomcats management has done away with the need for a survey, or to consult with their internal advisory board. It also appears The Matador has committed, and Labamba’s work conflcits have been ironed out. Thing is I don’t recall a press conference to announce any of this, or to welcome a new player (Ocho Ockle); nor does any article address Bundura trading in his stripes for a Tomcat white and dark tee. In terms of seniority the addition of The Matador and Labamba make sense, I’ve seen both play and both are solid guys, but adding a “new” player like Ocho Ockle into the mix? I checked the most recent roster and counted 29 FULL TIME Tomcats, which doesn’t include thier goalie roster. In past overheard locker room conversations I’ve heard more than one long time Tomcat comment on the amount of players the team is carrying. The number has lead to a marked increase in “mini tournaments”, which some players have embraced and others have criticized. That criticism may have reared its ugly head on the night a mini tournament was likely to happen, but only enough players showed up to save a cancelled night of hockey.
Adding fuel to the mix I caught up with part time/casual Tomcat players Nick Wilson and Deeds (Skippy’s Brother in Law). Both were surprised at the news. Wilson responded, “The Tomcats, when I did play, accepted me with full open arms and I thought I played well enough to warrant an invitation back. I’m disappointed management hasn’t contacted me to clarify a few things with the season not too far off, but I will continue to work on my game and hope to get a call up soon. Regarless of what happens this season, I am hopeful to participate again in the outdoor classic, and I look forward to a rematch of the Skipjacks and Tomcats for the Tilston Challenge Cup and of course I would love to play in the February Tournament”.
Plenty of unanswered questions, and maybe some new ones created when ‘Official’ word is released by Tomcats management. With only 30 days remaining some decisions will have to be made.
Till the ball drops in both facilities, I will be busy letting Stevo (the non consulting manger) place his HANDZONMECAC.
Yurri
THE TOMCATS HAVE PROVIDED THE FOLLOWING PRESS RELEASE: “As in the real world of hockey (NHL) rumours and player trades and moves are always discussed. Players are sometimes signed before a team can officially announce that player being named to the team. (Physicals, Insurances, Housing etc) The Tomcats are no different. In assessing our needs for the upcoming season, we need to look at the bigger picture and make decisions based on needs of the organization, instead on of what some bloggers, friends of players and disgruntled players who may not be impressed by mini tournaments think. It is every Hockey Clubs responsibility to select the best possible players for their organization. Announcements, in due time, will be made in regards to the roster for the upcoming season. The Windsor Tomcats encourage everyone to check the Tomcat Web Site for up to date information. The St. Felix still proves to be a valuable journalist tool and one that is filled with information that satisfies the Rapacious Tomcat Fan who has an appetite for Tomcat news and updates.
The Tomcats wish to thank their fans for their continued support.”
Unlike the Tomcats before me, I did not have any self-enlightening trips to Tibet or the corner of Wyandotte and Ouellette, although I hear from my neighbour, Junior Passion, that the women are spectacular in both. I, however, would like to further my cousin Sunny Salaris’ posting, and tell the story of the aforementioned hockey game pitting the Windsor Tomcats against the PTown Pig Farmers.
While on the 2-week stint in Petrolia, with Sunny and Lovie, I took it upon myself to spread word of the Windsor Tomcats and their great influence in the Windsor area. I had intended on decorating myself from head to toe with Tomcat swag, but I soon came to realize that my only items of clothing were a toque, and a Tomcats t-shirt. I asked Sunny and Lovie for their help in this matter, they quickly came to aide providing me with loads of Tomcat swag. Much to my dismay, Lovie provided me with a custom, Tomcats black lace thong with “TOMCATS FOREVER” on the front and a picture of Stevo’s face on the rear. He assured me it was not weird, and I was not about to question him, given his reputation on the Kapusta Kow floor. The Ptown locals were so impressed with my display of Tomcat swag; they set up a meeting with the town mayor, Pizza Pete. During this meeting, in the back room of Pete’s Pizzeria, with hardcore porn playing in the background, Pizza Pete asked the three of us, “who are these Tomcats you speak of?” Before I could answer, still wearing my Tomcats thong and t-shirt, Sunny jumped in, and to quote the legendary WWF wrestling crew D-Generation X, “Oh you didn’t know? Your ass better call somebody!” Pizza Pete didn’t want to call anybody, so the three of us just told him the story of the Windsor Tomcats. He was very impressed, so we went for a lap dance from the one armed town stripper Roxie Sweetcocker at the Squire Tavern. Oddly enough, Roxie was well aware of the Windsor Tomcats, mentioning that she had done a private show at their Christmas party years back. Given the thumbs up from Roxie, Pizza Pete proposed a challenge to the Windsor Tomcats, and here we are today.
Looking forward to the upcoming season!
Soupy
BTW – If you haven’t already, check out the Beer Schedule tab above to see when the Tomcats expect you to bring beer this coming season!
Here are some tidbits that might not be well known by all Tomcats…
- The 2012-2013 Beer List is up. Check out that tab to see when you are the hook this coming season
- The Tomcat web site is mobile enabled so go ahead and check this site out from your smart phone
- On the right hand side of this page, you can give your email and then receive notifications any time something new is posted. Great way to stay up-to-date with Tomcat Nation
- Anyone can leave comments to any article on here (see “leave comment” at top of this post) and the most recent comments will be listed on the right hand side under “What’s been said recently…” Go ahead and comment. All bloggers love to receive feedback and makes for great Tomcat banter!
- The average length of an african elephant penis is about 2 meters and most of it is not visible. It weighs about 25 kg or 55 lbs. The record is 6 and a half feet long!
Hello fellow Tomcats and members of Tomcat Nation. Sunny checking in with my off
season report.
The off season has been busy starting with a 2 week trip to Petrolia with fellow
Petrolians Lovie Edgar and Soupy Salaris. Together we conducted a 1 week hockey camp
which was very well received. The mayor of Petrolia, Pizza Pete Salaris would love to
have a Charity game pitting the Tomcats against the local Hard Oilers and area pig
farmers. I told him I would table it with the board. The mayor had one request that
was to inform him in advance if Junior Poisson would be attending so they would have
time to
find a safe place for all the elderly woman as his penchant for Grandmothers is well
documented and legendary!
Lovie, Soupy and myself spent the second week making appearances speaking with
children. One group of children clutching brooms and wearing knee pads were a little
upset that our minister of floor sweeping and pyrotechnics was not coming. We
promised them that we would bring him along next year. The kids were ecstatic to hear
and their mothers screamed in orgasmic pleasure! We were also guests at a charity
golf tourney that supports a cause dear to all Tomcats. All funds generated went to
help woman struggl
ing to find the funds for breast augmentation surgery.
Currently I am in Tibet hiking and soul searching. While filling up my water bottle
at a natural spring, the word Sunny came from behind me in the most peaceful and
serene voice I have ever heard. As I turned there he was standing before me with arms
outstretched saying “Sunny, from the Tomcats, right!” It was the Dalai Lama
himself! I was speechless! He invited me to his palace in the mountains. I bowed my
head and accepted his gracious offer.
Once inside his palace I was handed an ice cold MGD and given a satisfactory nod from
this great man. We walked through a doorway and there it was…a Tomcat shrine!
Pictures of all my fellow Tomcats were everywhere! One shrine stood alone at the back
wall. It was the Stevo Shrine,complete with pictures and quotes as well as a life
size cardboard cut out!
The Dalai Lama said that Stevo’s code of ethics is now how he and the Tibetan monks
try to live their lives! He said the next time he is Canada he would like to come to
the Kapusta Kow to watch a game but more importantly to talk with Stevo and the
Tomcats to start the process of teaching the Tomcat way of life to the world! I have
spent the last week trying to fill the Dalai Lamas appetite for Tomcat stories and
insight while he mends my spirit!
See you all at training camp and keep a tight ass boys!
Tomcats Forever,
Sunny
By Bloggy Bloggerstein
Well my Tomcat brethren, it has been some time since I last reported on the Tomcats. Sure, it is the off-season you say. Other than high profile free agent pick ups like Matty and Vince signing huge deals with the club there isn’t much to talk about they say. I wish I could say those are the reasons for my interweb silence. The truth is stranger than fiction and this case is no different.
It all started with Husky Eyes borrowing a cup of “sugar” about 8 months ago. Christ. You go through a lot of sugar man. Come on, you must think I am a complete idiot. Just tell me you are tapping my old lady and I would have more respect for you. While I don’t blame my wife for succumbing to those deep, smoldering eyes of repute I certainly don’t have to like the fact that she did and or still does. Regardless, my son is as handsome as hell. Look at me. Do the fucking math…
After getting the news that I will be the father of twin girls I admit I lost it a bit. Sure, I am glad that Sunny took care of business. At least I know they will be good-looking…
The first night of my mid-life crisis was spent down at Ouellette and Wyandotte at the bus stop. I tried some meth and a bit of crack, woke up with a mouthful of pillow and a handful of quarters. After that I got in a tussle with that old lady with the shopping cart and the chihuahua. I think I could have taken her if it wasn’t for the drugs and the fact that she suckered me. After that I spent the night in the tank shivering between 2 air-thieving skinwagons who had almost electrocuted themselves trying to get some copper wire from the substation.
Day two was a bit better. I thought getting out of town was a great idea considering the fellow citizens I met in my town. As I found out, Mexico wasn’t the best idea. I grabbed a flight to Cabo San Lucas and went to party with Sammy Hagar. Apparently he doesn’t live there all year and the locals weren’t overly impressed with the fat gringo singing “I can’t drive 55” while swigging deeply from a bottle of tequila. Those guys sure can handle their shots better than me as well. After witnessing 4 beheadings, 7 other drug-related murders and strippers that turn into vampires I thought it was time to settle down. I will not give the name of my current location for fear that one of you fine gentlemen may storm down here and try to lure me back to Windsor. Sure, I will miss the boys. No doubt about it, the Tomcats are salt of the earth guys, totally top notch. I just can’t come back yet. I still have a bit of cash left due to my part-time job Casa del Taco (see photo below). They really seem to like me and have given me the nickname “Sausage Fingers”.
Take care boys! I may return some day…
Bloggy
Great day with the boys on the course…
It is that wretched year of our Lord Two Thousand and Nine. Waterloo, Ontario. The land of strip malls, vinyl siding, and concrete. A city without a history or a people. He stands outside the money-printing Research in Motion. A flock of math students walk past, a cloud of nerdery thickly hanging about them. Pimples burst. A cultureless child of a city, he thinks.
Plus, there is only one strip club.
His thoughts turn to Windsor. That blessed City of Roses. From the Casino suites to the village greens of Jackson park. He yearns for the smell of Hiram Walker’s, the rumble and sweat of automotive production, the blue collar fellowship of Ford City to the orange collared Monarchs of Point Pelee. He desires to see the Renaissance Center defiantly puncture the horizon in a decidedly dark age.
“That downtown”, he says to the sons of Waterloo who worship at the Church of Toronto, “was like a hammock – if you were felled by the drink, the city would catch you and give you a place to sleep to boot!” Give him a Blue Jay and he will answer with a Tiger.
This displaced Erie street patron attempted a hockey league. Sure, one or two stragglers from the briny night participated for one or two games, but a project involving camaraderie in a city of isolationism is doomed to fail. The city lacked a spirit. The city lacked an ethos. The city, truly, lacked a Stevo.
* * *
I lived in Waterloo, but I am from Windsor.
Tuesday night on Tecumseh Road. The first shots of the War of 1812 can still be heard, but they sound of a hockey stick hitting Saint Felix’s holy floor. Our region is much more than a Woodward Avenue, a Salt Mine, and, as a President once put it, an “Arsenal of Democracy”. It is the noble and hardworking spirit of an economically forlorn people. It is dedication. It is a sense of stewardship and inheritance of a history rife with innovation and intrigue. It is true grit, love, and fraternity.
I came back to Windsor because I adore this City and its people. The Windsor Tomcats are a unique enterprise – the embodiment of what is admirable in our community. Other cities quite obviously play hockey, but none do so with the class and humour and pureness of spirit as is done here. The Zug Island Hum is a Tomcat growl, calling us back when we stray.
Thank you all. In a not so insignificant way, you make the world a better place.
PS: The strip club in Waterloo is called Roxxxanne’s. She puts out the red light but does not wear that dress tonight.
Windsor Tomcats 