Windsor Tomcats

Fans may have arrived a little more rested this past Tuesday for the weekly Tomcat tilt, considering many were just overcoming their turkey tryptophan hangovers;  but that sleepiness was quickly erased when the fans learned they would be able to witness the very first Mini Tournament of the year.  The three teams consisted of the Hollywood Hookers, backed by Hollywood, Sunny, Stevo, Labamba, Turk, The Rake and Falcon as their goalie; Rocky’s Rockheads featuring Rocky, Beep, Spinner, Matador, Bulldog, Jingles and Razor in net; and finally Cribz Crawlers, starring Cribz, Soupy, Snowpants, Mez, Sparky, Hurricane, and Skippy as tender. 

During the tourny I think there were more than a few Tomcats players who had yet to overcome the cursed turkey tryptophan, particularly when you consider only 22 goals were scored in the combined 6 total games played.  Even Snowpants at first seemed a little slower – I mean we hardly had to squint at the super slow-mo to see him clearly.  

When the three star selection was later announced not a single goaltender got the nod, and together they were pretty impressive posting a combined 3.6G.A.A.  That would have been much lower had it not been for an unusual 5 goals scored on Razor and Skippy having one bad period letting in 4.  Games otherwise were very close, even those that featured the explosion of goals; because almost all were settled by less than a goal. 

The third star, being LaBamba, blasted a beauty past Skippy in the top left corner to lift the Hookers to their first mini tourny win.  Afterwards Labamba stated, “Cribz and the boys really came from out of nowhere and took advantage of some of the earlier games and had they won they would have taken it all – I was just in the right spot and was able to knock it in”.  A beauty of a goal indeed, and worthy of Labamba receiving the 3rd star nod. 

While Rocky’s Rockheads wound up with four points and a 1-2-1 record scoring only a total of 4 goals.  And yes, I said 4 total goals scored – A testament to the tight games played, great defense and solid goaltending displayed.  Rock played solid defense all night, earning him the 2nd star. 

First star went to Sunny, who helped the Hookers take it all, just edging Cribz and his pesky Crawlers.  Those Crawlers were an interesting team as most had them totally out of it as they started 0-2.  Funny thing about tourny’s, because the Crawlers ended up a goal short of taking it all.  If they had won the last game, their total would have been 2-2-0.  Snowpants summed it up best when he said, “We missed that by the slimmest of margins, which just goes to show your never really out of it as a team in these mini’s; and Skippy really only had that one bad period.”

The only thing that would have made it even more exciting would have been the unveiling of the new score clock.  Fans can barely contain their excitement and word is sponsorship spaces are quickly being snapped out.  Word also has it Snowpant’s escort service was last heard to be in negotiations to have their logo plastered on an entire side.  Only a true Tomcat would know chicks and beer are always a good bet regardless of the economy.  Until next week, I will be Pattyn Megryoin waiting for another Tomcat game.
 

Pattyn (Filling in for Yurri)

With negotiations completed at the Big 3, it’s time to get back to normal around here. It was a difficult round of bargaining, it reminded me of going out for lunch with Lovie (when the bill comes they forgot their wallet), then promise they’ll get it the next time.

The score clock is coming along wonderfully – it has gone through the paint department and is in the painstaking process of being assembled. It has been a long road from the design phase, prototype development, durability testing, re-design, test market trials, pre- production models and finally to the production model that will be unveiled at the Windsor International Time Clock Show. This will be held at the Kapusta Kow Palace in the very near future – stay tuned for the date and time. There will be dignitaries from across the globe as this is the biggest innovation in Ball Hockey since the invention of the orange ball! I can hardly wait until we start on the design for the retractable roof for the Kapusta Kow. 

Sparky

I will admit when I first glimpsed along the longer than ususal bench of the Black Jacks I thought they had this thing already won. I mean with a lineup including Beep, Rocky, Spinner, Chevy, and other notable ‘scorers’ I fully expected the BlackJacks to run away with it, despite having a rare appearance in net by Skippy.

Falcon and the Tighty Whities lead by Stevo had other plans, and for several highlight minutes of the three game tilt it looked like the ‘Stevo’ show as the veteran continued to deke out poor Skippy. The Tighty Whities also had strong showings by Snowpants, Sparky,Hurricane and others. Stevo and the Tighty whities came back from a 4 goal deficit in the first game and outlasted the BlackJacks 7-5.

The Jacks finally got it together in the second game and won in convincing fashion 7-3, which lead to the inevitable third game tie breaker. Throughout the night those first and last games went the longest and it truly was a back and forth effort by both teams showcasing their passing finess and both tenders frustrating each teams shooters. The final game ended it typical fashion, with Stevo walking in and tying up Skippy on one of his three breakaway highlight reel goals of the night, clinching it 7-5 for the Whities. afterwards I caught up with Cribz and asked his take on the evenings games – “I did think we had the shooters, I guess the problem was they had all the playmakers; and they did a great job shutting down our shooters”.

I was also fortunate enough to catch up with Falcon and wanted his thoughts on finally winning a series: “I’m glad to get that monkey off my back, but by no means were any of those games easy; Skippy pushed me to the brink and played very well for his first outing this season in net”. Stevo, being the classy guy he is also echoed Falcon’s sentiments: “I had initially predicted a mini, but with the Razor out with a lower body injury Skippy was called up in net. I may have made him look bad more than once, but he played well”. When I asked him about rumours I had heard of Bearcat making an appearance Stevo replied, “If the need arises fans will see Bearcat come out of hybernation; and he has expressed an interest to get some more games in this year. Like Skippy, Bearcat is always waiting by the phone for the call; and I don’t think the dynamics of any game changes much with the all star cast of tenders we’ve been able to sign and keep as Tomcats”.

Fans and players alike will remain glued to the Tomcats web site itching to see the next predicted lineup for the upcoming Tuesday tilt. Until then fans you can pass the time by placing Yuri HANDZONMECAC.

Yuri

Click here to read the latest St. Felix.

The second week of the season has been played and certain similarities are beginning to become apparent.  Most noteably in this writers opinion is the addition of the newest Tomcat “Beep.”  Speed, finess, great hands, scoring abilities, and a quiet leader.  I predict in any event requiring the picking of teams, whether they be for tournaments, mini’s, or anything else, Beep will be in those top three picks.  More often than not expect him to go first over all; and I predict he will be taken first come the year end tourny.

During the two tilts between the Black Jacks and Tighty Whities Beep’s leadership was overheard several times; regardless of the Black Jacks never being ahead on the score board, commenting; “Don’t worry boys, play it one rush at a time, we’re still in this”.  Motivating stuff, but unfortunately for the Black Jacks they fell short; twice, 8-6 and 7-4.

YES, I said 8 (EIGHT), because what great Tomcats games would be without controversy.  That came in the first game with the Tighty Whities ahead and the Black Jacks making a charge for the come back win.  With the score very close, the Tighty Whities scored a controversial goal.  There was a point Stevo had yelled the first “Play the ball” of the season, and the Black Jacks kinda froze; which allowed a quick shot and goal by the Whities.  After a few agonizing minutes Cribz had a quiet word with Stevo and the goal was erased.  This of course lead to the chorus of boos from the Tighty Whities, but in the end all was for not as the Whities clinched it 7-6.  But, when you really think about it, with the removal of that ‘goal’ I guess it was an eight goal game.  I later spoke with Falcon, who did look unprepared for the shot, and eventual controversial goal.  He candidly remarked, “When you hear the  beaming  voice of  Stevo , you kinda freeze.  I gotta remember to play the ball right to that second or even third whistle.”

Other similarities include the Razor going 4-0, with a 5.22G.A.A and Falcon of course not yet finding that elusive first ‘win.’  When I spoke to the Falcon regarding his play as of early in the year, he curtly remarked, “Who asked Razor to re-sign for another season again?”  Fans did get the treat of seeing the collective Tomcats players sore point; that being the return of Skippy’s damn yellow pants.  When the Skipster ran out onto the Kapusta for the first game I swear I saw Cribz cringe while yelling, ” I thought we were going to burn those.”

Zaba got injured in the first game and could not continue.

Speaking of controversy, an unnamed source has indicated Tomcats management may be investigating Jingles lack of attendance.  Sources indicate Jingles had called ahead as required to indicate he would not be available for play, but questions are being raised regarding the true nature of that conversation.  Do fans and players alike recall the Jingles gymbag fiasco of they will be here next week; I swear?  Insiders know Jingles is already under the gun as a member of the “Forgetful Five” whom have yet to make good on their summer blogs.

The last similarity is that of the Skipster.  Bookies are well aware that to date whenever the Skipster has played out for any team, that team has wound up not winning a single game.  Sure scores are close, but he has yet to notch a ‘win’ as a player on the floor.  Sure he’s got the occassional win stats against Razor, Falcon and even Hollywood (Who subbed one time in net), but he is ‘winless’ as a player.  I spoke of this phenomena with Cribz, who stated, “I’ll look at the next time Skippy plays out, and if I’m aligned against him and we win, then maybe you may be into something.  But until that time I think its just a coincidence – I mean Skippy doesn’t really play out too much.”  Maybe so, maybe so, but this week just because of those yellow pants and that lack of luck, I say; “Skippy, you don’t get to place Yuri HANDZONMECAC”.

Yurri

We wouldn’t know since there is no article.  Why is there no article you ask??  Well, you see there will be no articles until a certain 5 Tomcats submit their blog entries that they decided to skip over the summer.  Have you guys got the hint yet???

Step up boys!

Click here for all the details of this amazing journey of the world’s most famous sports trophy!

Anonymous contributer

I have been following your web site but I don’t play hockey myself, but I do admire the work that goes into your web site and how creative your bloggers are (Well the ones that have stepped up, of course…not the ones cowering under your porch).  One thing that I notice that is weird is that you have roughly about 30 players in your line up (see Roster tab above),  but only 6 have signed up to be notified of new blogs or articles that come up on your web site.  How interested are you in the Windsor Tomcats?  Do you really give a flying fa-huu-lee? You boys seem very lucky to have a place to play, great guys to hang out with (fromwhat I read about being on stage and drinking beers and such) and someone there organizes you to have exercise.  How incredible is that?  All you have to do is get there, throw on your Sketchers and you are on your way.

But to have only 6 signed up for notification???  That is sad!

I would think most of you are married….and maybe you have some gay players (percentage is one out of every ten is gay.  So when your wife (or boyfriend…<non bloggers inserted here>….and I mean insert boys, take it like a man!) is to let you know when you will be having sex, would it not be nice to be notified and reminded?  I would think so.

Keep the blogs coming, I have enjoyed them all this year and hope to continue reading them.

I play Australian Rules Football. I live in Melbourne, which is in the state of Victoria.  Check out the ‘Geelong Cats’  if you ever have a chance….that is how I tripped up on your web site.

Get your smart phones programmed and your house and office computer to ‘NOTIFY’ you when something new comes up on the Tomcat Web Site.

It was great reading about all the adventures and misadventures that my fellow Tomcats were engaged in this summer. With this blog coming the first week of September, the summer seems over with all the little tomcats returning to school and the season just two weeks away. Pools will soon be closed, and the hockey sticks taken out. Goalies, please air out your equipment before the first night! 
 
I had a hard time trying to decide what to write about. There was my trip to Poland with my wife Ania. The purpose was to attend the reunion of her fellow contestants in  the 1974 Miss Poland contest. Lovely ladies indeed, Polish women have the best legs. Once in Europe, I was overwhelmed with the number of fans of the Tomcats who follow our website. Everywhere I went, people shouted ” Hurricane, you’re the best”, but I think they were talking about my porn career, not my hockey skills. I wanted to help the underpriviledged kids of the former Soviet bloc countries improve their hockey skills, so I formed the Hurricane Helpful Hockey Hints skills program. Those kids loved it, and I kept it inexpensive for them. I evened agreed to accept food stamps in lieu of cash. 
 
I could blog indefinitely on further summer adventures, but I thought I should try, once and for all, to answer that one question I get all the time from fellow Tomcats and adoring fans, that is, “Is Chevy your son”? On the surface, there is substantial circumstantial evidence that points to this being true. They are as follows:
 
Uncanny physical resemblance (picture me with 1 or 2 more pounds)
Spouses are registered nurses
Spouses are brunettes
Matching Science degrees
Pharmaceutical career
Highly developed business acumen
First born is a daughter
Like beer
Drive Ford escapes
He shoots left, I shoot right (Symmetry of genes)
Gifted conversationalist
Gritty, don’t get us mad personalities.
 
Now, those Tomcats who are in law enforcement would say this evidence would not be enough of a rationale to undergo DNA testing to prove the family connection once and for all. However, there is one more piece of evidence I have never shared with Chevy or the Tomcats. Around the time of Chevy’s conception, I was a university student at the U of T. They had an exchange program with Queen’s University in Kingston ( Chevy’s birthplace and hometown), so I took advantage and attended Queen’s for one semester. As you can imagine, I was quite a stud and partier in those days and had the time of my life. I remember very little of it though, as I was in a constant state of fog the whole time due to drug and alcohol consumption. There were many conquests of the ladies, but very little recollection of them.
 
Of course, this means nothing until that faithful day I was at Chevy’s Lake Erie Estate helping him with some renovation work. His parents showed up, making the long trip from Kingston. Upon greeting his mother, giving her a hug and peck on the cheek hello, I was suddenly overcome with a devastating sense of deja vu! The softness of her cheek, the smell of her cologne, the way my arms fitted perfectly around her slim, sensual hips, a certain coy look from her, a wink and a pressing of her body against mine in that brief embrace was almost too much! I had to pull away quickly, to stop potential  embarassment. Could it be, could it really be true that his mother was of those girls way back then? The embrace left me deeply shaken and confused.
 
There was only one thing to do: get a DNA test. I investigated various laboratories who do this testing, but it is very expensive, and they would not accept Ukrainian food stamps as payment. There was only one choice, and that was to contact Chevy and ask him to come with me for testing and share the cost. Unfortunately, the truth will have to wait. Chevy was not exactly receptive to the idea, stating, and I quote ” Stay away from me, you frigging sick bastard!” Some people are just afraid to discover the truth.

With that fellas, I look forward to seeing you in two weeks.

Hurricane<!– has been replace here –>