Windsor Tomcats

By Dick Fitzwell

Augusta, Michigan: As you are all well aware by now, the annual golf trip to Gull Lake was a resounding success. As you also know, there were 10 guys on the trip. What you did not know is an 11th guy joined the group Wednesday afternoon for golf and then later at the bar for dinner.

Training Camp 2018
Bagz, May Day, Bug Easy, Stevo, Chevy , Bucko, La Bamba, Bubbles, Sea Lion And Sparky…

The Sea Lion played Bedford Valley in the morning round but left shortly after the round to attend a Golf Show in Kalamazoo, where he was scheduled to do a meet and greet with his fans. Because the Sea Lion felt bad about leaving Stevo in another dilemma because of all the guys who bailed on him previously, the Sea Lion arranged to have his cousin, The Champ play the afternoon round at Gull Lake West and then join the guys for dinner and festivities at the bar.

Pitbull and Sea Dog hanging in Battle Creek …” she bangs like a fairy on acid …I want to be where her ass is …on the Tomcats we have a few Greeks …if you didn’t go ..you missed a great time in Battle Creek.”

The Champ golfed in a group with La Bamba and Sparky. As they made the turn to play the 10th hole, AC DC was blaring out of LaBamba’s golf cart roof speakers, the Champ was swigging a bottle of Honey Bourbon while Sparky was taking a haul of a bottle of Fireball. La Bamba was into his 5th cigar of the day.

May Day, who was just lining up his tee shot as those guys made the turn, topped the ball and it rolled about 10 feet. “If those guys were Rodney Dangerfield, I most certainly was Judge Smale”, said May Day.

As is customary with Tomcat Golf, a shot is taken if a player makes a birdie. On this day, we figured those guys were under par every hole. Not the case. “We were drinking with scores of net bogey 5, because we were too drunk to make birdies”, explained Sparky. After the round Sparky went on a siesta while the Champ went on a tear.

The group met at the bar across the road for dinner. The catch of the day was the perch. “I have never seen a perch that big and I catch them all the time”, said Bucko. “Maybe its fake perch”, said Bagz. “I was starving and it could have been Humber River carp for all I cared”, said May Day. “I looked at my food for a minute and then over at May day’s plate and he absolutely destroyed his food. He even ate the plate”, said Bagz.

The Champ, who was exploring his menu options wondered out loud to server Kimmie, “Would you like some tartar sauce on your snapper”? The guys found this line among the finest lines the Champ or the Sea Lion have ever uttered. Stevo, who was literally in tears after the comment could not contain his laughter. “You can’t make this stuff up”, said Stevo.

After dinner, most of the guys returned home. The Big Easy made sure the guys crossed the road safely as he was all dressed up in his crossing guard attire.

Sparky, Bubbles and the Champ remained at the bar entertaining bartender Amy.

The highlight of the evening was the Champ doing wheelies on a Harley Davidson in the bar parking lot. “He looked like Evil Knevil out there. It was awesome”, said Bubbles. Sparky could be heard yelling, “One More” from the bar.

Sea Lion …the Easy Rider …and his pal Sammy….” there’s nothing like being on a bike on the open road with flies and bugs hitting your teeth,” said Sea Lion.

The last men standing returned home about 2:30 am, led by the Champ who had to carry Bubbles and Sparky home from the bar by himself. “These two guys are amateurs but they were fun to hang out with. I had to carry them both up 2 flights of stairs and toss them in bed”, said the Champ. “Have you ever tried carrying two drunk guys across a busy highway? Not easy”, added the Champ.

The Champ slept for 3 hours and the Sea Lion woke up and put himself together for the Thursday round. The Champ had another commitment. “

The Big Easy, who was having a morning coffee outside was talking to the Champ and noticed a small building behind the condo complexes. The Big Easy said, “Hey Champ, what kind of silly erection is that”? “Pardon”? asks the Champ……well you guys get it… and know the rest.

Well, maybe not the preseason action you might think, but some very dedicated Tomcats were in full action last evening getting the Kapusta ready for regular Tuesday nights.  A crew consisting of Hollywood, Sunny, Doc, Kamikaze, Soupy, Rocky and young Atticus, spent their Tuesday evening getting the stage, floor and Tomcat room ready for action.

As you recall, there were several wood boards on the walls that were loose and had been taped over to try to secure.  Additionally, the metal corner pieces between the walls and floor were loose and both of these things were becoming safety concerns.  No worries, with a little elbow grease, and handy power tools, these things have all been fixed.

Doc spearheaded repairing the loose wall boards and corner trim pieces. The Kapusta will be a much safer place to play this season…and the ball should bounce more consistently off the corners now!

Hollywood shows off his torque drill. This man showed up to the Kapusta with every tool under the sun.

Assisting Doc and Hollywood, Rocky does his best Spiderman impersonation.

In addition, as you would expect, the gym and stage were a little dirty from months of no hockey and church yard sales.  After helping the hall remove the left over yard sale items, the crew also worked to sweep and mop all the wood flooring to make sure all Tomcats have a clean floor to run across without slipping.

Kamikaze, Soupy and Doc all take orders from future Tomcat star, Atticus. The youngster is already ripping off snapshots harder than his father.

No job is too small for these Tomcat faithfuls. Soupy and Kamikaze showed up when called and took an any job required to get the Kapusta ready for action.

The stage was also re-organized to make sure there is plenty of room for Tomcat socialization after hockey each night.  The boys also reinforced the benches and Hollywood is preparing to build a new board to fill the spot at the far end doors behind the net.

Thanks to these Tomcats for taking time out of their week to get the place ready.  Make sure to pass along your appreciation to these fine Tomcats for helping get the Kapusta ready for this season.  Without Hollywood, Sunny, Doc, Soupy and Kamikaze, this organization would not be where it is.  Cheers boys!

Reminder – Hockey starts next week, September 18th at 6:30pm sharp.  Watch for a “What the Tomcats Know” post later this week.  $50 for start of season, which includes a start of season gift.  Still $5 per night after that.  Stevo will be in charge on opening night so let him know if you are playing or not on Week 1.  Also, pay your $50 to Stevo.  Check out the updated Beer List and make sure to provide your beer on or before your night.

Here’s to another safe, fair and great Tomcat season!

Tomcats Forever!

Tomcat Management

“When the Yellow Jackets Come out, Summer Is Over”                                                                  May Day

Ken Dryden, Terry Sawchuck, Jacque Plante, Gerry Cheevers, Patrick Roy, Felix Potvin, Johnny Bower,
Caesar Maniago, Les Binkley, Tony Esposito, Rogation Vachon, Martin Brodeur and The Falcon

September 18 hockey starts, but it is this picture that everyone should be chasing, when everyone comes
together for hockey, a beer and to be together. Tomcats Forever !

Please check out the Beer List Page to see what nights you are responsible for.

Thanks,

Tomcat Management

A great turnout of Tomcats at Rocky’s summer bash. Not all stayed late enough for the picture below. Ghost Crossing performed as well.  Another great event!

RIDEHER CUP A RESOUNDING SUCCESS

August 13, 2018

By Dick Fitzwell

The first ever Ride Her Cup tournament was held on August 6, 2018 at the Deer Run Golf and Country Club. It was a grudge match between the Sea Lion Shamrocks and Stevo’s Black Aces. The Shamrock’s prevailed downing the Black Aces 14-9.

Black Aces; May Day, Bunny, Hatchie, Stevo, The Howler and Little Bird

Shamrocks: Big Poppa, Chevy, Sealion, Sheepdog, The Rake and Snowpants

The format was Alternate Shot, Two Man Scramble ( not to be confused with Best Ball for the critics who piss and moan about the time of day), and Match Play.

Barriers Broken

The Howler, who was making her tournament debut with the Gordon’s gang was the first female ever to compete in a formerly all-male event. “We are an inclusive and diverse league”, stated Commissioner May Day. “The Howler was very impressive. Great team mate, superior golf etiquette and I would welcome her back next year”, added Hatchie, who was also a Black Aces team member. The Howler defeated the Rake in match play. “Considering we made her tee off from the tips and the rake was teeing off from the front tees, this was impressive”, stated Black Aces captain Stevo.

The Howler was named tournament MVP, despite not playing for the winning team. “I was honored to play in this event. I advocate for women everywhere and being included in this tournament is a big step for women’s rights. I had a great time out there”, said the Howler.

Shamrocks Victorious

Sea Lion Shamrocks beat the Black Aces by 9 points …” This is the best day of my life “..stated Captain Sea Lion.

Commissioner presents the ‘Ride Her Cup’ to Team Captain Sea Lion ..” this turned out to be a great day …I thank all participants for playing …maybe we will have 16 next year and get two new Captains”. Stated the Commissioner

With the exception of the Howler cleaning the Rake’s clock and May Day narrowly defeating Chevy, the Shamrocks prevailed and were deserving champions. “I am extremely proud of my team”, said an emotional Shamrock’s captain Sea Lion. “Even when Snowpants went down on one knee for the national anthem and refused to wear a green shirt, somehow we found a way to win. Sheep Dog and Craw were the anchors of this crew”, said a happy Seal Lion.

Craw and Sheep Dog were not available to reporters after the match as no interpreters were available to translate.

Hatchie and May Day have been named captains for next year’s tournament and details will follow. One suggestion was not to have the alternate shot on the first nine.

August 1, 2018

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin League was back in action on July 30^th at Sutton Creek. The star studded line – up included Stevo, Seal Lion, May Day, Bunny, Sheep Dog and Little Bird.

Sealion had a great day on the course on Monday and was awarded by getting to play with Sheep Dog’s cock ring…

About 1:15, the guys were wondering where Little Bird was. The 1:30 tee time was fast approaching. May Day sent Little Bird a text asking if he was still playing. Little Bird had apparently flown to the wrong golf course, ending up at Belle View.

Little Bird left Belle View at 1:20, took the most direct route, as the crow flies, and ended up teeing off with his group. “I did that with a doctor once. I had an appointment with the urologist and ended up in a gynecologist’s office. I didn’t realize it until I asked the doctor why my legs were up in the stir ups”, said Little Bird. Little Bird was fined one pitcher of beer by the Sea Lion.

The golf tour continued on Monday with a motley crew attending ..Stevo , Sea Lion, May Day, Bunny and Sheep Dog and of course Little Bird, who instead of being at Sutton Creek went to Belleview Golf and Country Club. Little Bird was photo shopped in ! ( Next week Little Bird …Deer Run )

Scores for the day were Stevo, 80, Sea Lion 81, May Day 90, Sheep Dog, 73, Bunny, 74 and Little Bird 76. Little Bird also shot a 40 for 9 at Belle View.

With the up coming Ride Her Cup, Blonde Bombshell Golfer Candy was on the practice green. “I love the dirty growler golf league and I’m looking forward to the Ride Her Cup, can I be a prize?”, Candy asked.

The fellas are gearing up for the league’s tournament Monday at Deer Run. Tickets are sold out.

By Harry Ballsonue

This weekend, Tilbury Ontario hosted the summer classic 12 team 3 on 3 ball hockey challenge, attracting teams from Toronto to Windsor and everywhere in between.

Team Duffle Bag was asked to play in a one-day winner take all open aged tournament.

Team Duffle Bag, who has not played together in a few years received a personal invite from tournament organizers and decided to give it a go.  Legendary captain George (brother of Beep) Oickle stated “we only have a few more good years in us so why the hell not!”

Team Duffle Bag has been playing together for a few decades now and several members have become full-fledged members of the legendary Tomcat organization known as Beep, Tonto, Eagle, Sunny, Lovie, Labamba and Soupy along with a few non-Tomcat members George Oickle, Federico Belanger and Goaltender Robbie Mussin.

The bad news came to team organizer Beep early on when he heard from perennial all-star Sunny that he and super sniper Soupy could not attend due to family commitments and goaltender and former Conn Smythe trophy winner Robbie Mussin had hung up the goalie gear for good to pursue his true passion in nude modeling.

Beep had no choice but to find some cash, make some trades and find the necessary cap room to bring in some new talent from the gifted all-star lineup offered by the Windsor Tomcats.  “I have a several ACES in my back pocket” stated Beep, “Relax George, I got this!” and then the other shoe dropped, world MVP Lovie and Defensive legend Labamba had no choice but not attend the tournament due to contractual commitments at the playboy mansion in Los Angeles, California. “I understand how binding a contract can be” Stated the teams spoke person.  “We have no choice but to honor what has already been signed”

In the end scout Mark Hunter recommended we pay heavy for two standouts from the 2017/2018 season Chico and Tweetie.  “I have been watching these guys and they have game” stated Hunter “You can bring any Tomcat in and you will improve your team 10 fold”  In the end, after lengthy negotiations The Duffle Bag ended up trading 3 first round draft picks and 2 minor leaguers to fill the lineup for the tournament.

The two lines broke down as follows, Tonto – Beep – George and the next line consisted of Frederico – Eagle and Tweetie, backstopped by Chico.

Game one seen the old crew of the Duffle Bag coming out hard popping 12 goals and giving up only a few shots on net in turn.   Eagle was overheard in the press box afterwards stating “We have 2 very different lines and it will be hard to stop both styles”

Game two and three came and went as the old crew and the new guard stared to find their groove.  In the end it was the Eagle and George leading the way, showing as true stand outs.   The crowed was overheard stating “How are these old guys so good?”

After round robin play the Duffle Bag finished first overall scored 26 goals for and giving up single digits.  The Eagle and George was seen entertaining the female reporters section, signing autographs and taking numbers!  “To be a legend” Stated the Dirty Danglers in adoration of the 2 senior members gathering all the glory.  “One day, one day” stated the team who drove in from Toronto!

The playoff draw came in and we faced a known first round opponent made up of several former Junior B players and a full line-up of 24 to 28-year-old athletes.  “We faced these guys in the finals 3 years ago” stated Tonto, “we have to play sound defensively or we will get eaten alive”

Enter the Tweetie, Frederico and Chico show!  Simply put Mark Hunter was right, “They could not be stopped!  The young guns scored 4 of the 5 goals to put TDB in the finals and simply put Chico would not get scored on!   Chico stole the show to kept us in the game early on.  “We would not be going to the finals if it wasn’t for these guys” stated the old guard of the Duffle Bag.  “WOW, that is another gear” Stated Beeps Dad and biggest fan!

In the end The Duffle Bag takes the Championship in fitting fashion with George Oickle scoring the tournament winning goal and taking home the Tournaments MVP as nominated by the players!   “I am so proud of my big brother!  Stated Beep. He never cheats a play and is most deserving of the nomination from his peers. Ellery Sr jumped in the photo to capture the moment.

In the end the day was all about good times with good friends!  Win or Lose!

Goalie Chico From left to right Eagle, Tweetie, George, Beep, Tonto and Frederico

Funny quote of the day has Eagle ending telling the tournament organizer “If we have to come back to defend the title I am coaching and not playing”   “I am too old for this shit”  “That’s my son right there” LOL

d

By Dick Fitzwell

July 4, 2018

The Gordon’s Gin League was back in action on July 2, 2018. The boys played the very prestigious Willow Ridge Golf and Country Club in Blenheim, ON. It was a beautiful day for golf.

Fans welcomed Chrispy with a big ovation and the commissioner also signed Sheep Dog for the remainder of the season. Sheep Dog is now off for the summer. He teaches English in Saudi Arabia during the school year. “I love teaching in Saudi. If a kid is caught with a cell phone in class, they just cut his hands off. The Windsor/Essex School Board allows kids to have their cell phones at school”, said Sheep Dog.

Chevy who was scheduled to play withdrew because of an injury he sustained at his annual Canada Day BBQ held at his estate in Amherstburg. Sources say Chevy tweaked something while climbing a 50 foot flag pole with the Canadian flag. Sources describe it as an upper body injury. We wish Chevy a speedy recovery.

Scores for the day were Chrispy 67, Sea Lion 71, Sheep Dog 73, Stevo 75, Bunny 77, Bundura 78 and May Day 79.

“I couldn’t put two good shots together in a row”, said May Day. “I will be calling my coach, hitting the range and try and figure this out”.

The guys will either be at Sutton Creek or Belle View next week.

Announcements:

The annual Gordon’s Gin Tournament will be held on August 6, 2018. A Ryder Cup format will be used over 27 holes of golf. In other words 9 holes, two man scramble, 9 holes, alternate shot and 9 holes match play. Don’t miss out on this exciting day. Let May Day know by July 13th if you are interested in playing. Costing to be announced soon.

Congratulations

Our congratulations go out to Mr. and Mrs. Turk, whose son, Turk Jr. was married this past Saturday to his lovely bride Sheena. Several Tomcats were in attendance and the ceremony and reception were lovely.

Commissioner May Day with his Bride former Miss Malta 1981 in Attendence at Turks son wedding

“I have no idea who she is…she recognized from Ghost Crossing said she was a huge fan and brought me drinks….danced with me and told me funny jokes …I think I’m in love “ stated Hollywood

And hey, whatever became of Miami?