TOUR SUSPENDS PLAY JUNE 25 BUT THERE IS A TON GOING ON

Posted by 81rocky on June 29, 2018
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  • By Dick Fitzwell AP

Tilbury ON: The Gordon’s Gin league was off on June 25, 2018 as many of the pros had stuff going on. I will try and catch our fans up as to what has been going on the past few weeks.

June 15, 2018 – Tomcat Open

The Tomcat Open was held at Sutton Creek on June 18, 2018. Snowpants did an amazing job organizing the event. He was literally the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer. Snowpants was at the course at 5:30 am grooming the greens and selecting pin placements for the day. At 8:00 am, he runs over and sets up the registration table. At 8:30 Am, Snowpants holds a meeting with the staff at Sutton Creek. He basically laid down the law and told the staff every Tomcat should be given the Red Carpet treatment.

At 8:45 am, limousines started arriving and Tomcats were greeted by boisterous fans as they got ready for their yearly golf outing.

Snowpants gave his annual welcome speech at 8:55 am and the boys were then directed over to the 1st hole where Tunzie had a mobile photo studio set up to take pictures of the foursomes.

Great job by Snowpants and thanks to Tunzie for taking the photos. They will be life long memories.

The Ride Home

May Day was in charge of the Bucko Bus as it picked up and dropped off players Stevo, Bucko, The Big Easy, and Hatchie. With Hatchie in the rig, who needs a GPS? “His directions to and from the course were the best directions I ever followed. Better than MapQuest”, said May Day. “I was impressed. Hatchie even knew the start and end dates for construction and even knew what company won the successful bid”, said Stevo.

First drop off was the Big Easy. As you probably guessed, he lives on Easy Street in Tecumseh. The Big Easy’s fine family was home to greet him as he returned from a gruelling day of golf. Bucko and May Day met the family for the first time. The Big Easy’s wife, Sweet Feet and daughters Paris and Nicky were on hand to greet the guys when they pulled in. Paris is engaged to Ned, Stevo’s son. The Big Easy and Stevo signed a pre-arranged marriage contract when the kids were 7. “I couldn’t ask for a better son in law in Ned”, said the Big Easy. Look for a Wedding Bans announcement soon.

Next, it was off to Hatchie’s place. Hatchie’s dog Bandit was home to greet the guys. Hatchie treated the boys to some cold beer and major league baseball on the big screen in his garage. “It’s a Belle River thing”, said Hatchie of the big screen in the garage. “But it really brings the community together. There must have been 75 people here watching game 7 a few weeks back”.

“Hatchie really knows how to be a host. He actually offered me his last pepperette”, said May Day. “I was almost in tears”.

A thanks to Hatchie for the car wash gift certificates he provided the guys as a parting gift. What a guy.

June 18, 19 & 20th

The annual Bundura tour was held in London, ON and the boys were at Otter Creek, Forest City National and Firerock. A great time was had by all and most of the guys are looking forward to the Battle Creek trip in the fall. Lots of stories but everybody is sworn to secrecy so details are under a publication ban.

July 2, 2018

The league is resuming play at Willow Ridge in Blenheim on July 2, 2018. Fan favorite Chrispy is joining the pros for the first time with the appearance, he qualifies for the year end banquet.Get there early if you want an autograph.

 

And hey, whatever became of Crow?

If a pig loses it’s voice, is it disgruntled?

Posted by 81rocky on June 16, 2018
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 By Harry Ballsonue
“Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced unity one” A Question for the ages
 
June 15 the annual Tomcat Golf Tournament took place and Hicksee won with an easy 69. “It is an honour to win this tournament, I won two years ago and today, I get to bring the Pantolon de Neige Jug home for a year,  love the Tomcats” Hicksee said weeping.

Last years champion hands the Pantelon de Neige Cup to this years champion Hicksee

“It is a fantastic tournament and I love playing in it, I look forward to this event every year” state Bagz.

Snowpants does a tremendous job organizing the event, but what is that spewing from his head?

Snowpants does a fantastic job, this year everyone had a swag bag on their golf cart seat and then after dinner he drew names and guys won different prizes.  Special thanks go out to prize contributors. Kamikaze, Chevy, Ghost Crossing, Rocky and the Tomcats and Razor “I appreciate everything that is donated to me, and every golfer benefits from the generosity of the prize contributors”, stated Snowpants.
You can see the leader board and where players finished, Slim Jim, who was suppose to be at the tournament never showed up, when asked about it, he indicated, in full honesty that he forgot about the event all together.  The Tomcat Golf Committee  (the TGC) had a ruling in place and announced that Slim Jim would be fined a case of beer for his oversight and that he was is to bring the beer to a Tuesday night of hockey in either week, 2,3 or 4.  “This is a PGA sanctioned event and we can’t have guys just forgetting about it”, stated a confused La Bamba, “How do you simply just forget about such a great and magnificent event”, La Bamba further added.
Non Tomcats are permitted to play and the field saw Tiny and Hatchie in the line up, “What a great bunch of fellows, I will come back every year, if they will have me”. Hatchie stated.
“It would be nice to see Hatchie come out and play on a Tuesday night “ quipped The Rake and added, “He appears to be Tomcat material”.
Hatchie who was going to organize a further 9 holes with everyone just wearing flip flops and bringing only 3 clubs was actually approached and asked if he was indeed going to organize an additional 9 holes.  He was asked, “Are you not a member here”, to which Hatchie responded, “Member is a strong word, I play in a league here”. Hatchie stated and everyone at the table laughed. 9 additional holes were not played.
In a surprise golf announcement Snowpants stated that the Tomcat Golf Tournament event next year would be a 2 man scramble and that it would be held on a Saturday to which the crowd ooooed but excepted the new format.  “Rocky the new President felt that it was time to change it up and make it something different, so next year a two man scramble will be the format”, stated Snowpants to the Tomcat golfers.  He then spoke to the media after the awards ceremony during the dance, but had nothing further to add.
The format would be a two man scramble with the Ferranti Formula put in place, where (if 24 golfers were playing) 12 top golfers, on the day of the tournament would then select the bottom 12 golfers, from a hat,  “You would not know who you were golfing with until  the day of, how cool is that”, stated May Day.
Again, Kudo’s to Snowpants for a great great job, to St. Felix (Patron Saint of Floor Hockey) for making sure the weather was spectacular and to all the golfing participants.
And whilst you are thinking about  why 11 is not pronounced  onety one, think about this, if it’s true that we are here to help others then what exactly are the others here for? While thinking about these things do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

A Parrot a Sea Lion and What a Bunny Saw

Posted by 81rocky on June 12, 2018
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by Harry Ballsonue

“This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win” Ben Hogan
The Mr. Gordon’s Dirty Growler Windsor Tomcat Golf League (MGDGWTG) played Sutton Creek this week. A fantastic day of golf was had by all. The weather has a
lot to do with the day and the day was beautiful with a slight wind, on the last 3 holes. 3 Birdies in the foursome today, which meant, Honey Bourbon made an appearance, (Mr. Gordon always hates being shown up).

 

Participants this week, were Sea Lion, Cribzie, Stevo and Bunny. Not much is known about Bunny, so here is some tidbits information that you can mark down and talk to him about on the next Dirty Growler League Night. Bunny was a one time Tomcat who was
a speedster. He use to score quite a few goals and is listed as number 14 in ‘all time scoring for the Tomcats’, often compared to Guy LeFleur. He played for the Tomcats from 1989 to 2001 and then just walked away from the game never to return. He owns a parrot named Sid. He told me that he had a choice between
a parrot and Little Bird. (League golfer) I asked him why he picked the parrot and he said that Sid shits in two spots, so he puts a towel down for the parrot, with Little Bird, “I know he would just
shit everywhere, so I went with the parrot”. Stated Bunny. A Parrot can live up to 30 years old, “I have had Sid for 10 years now, so he has 20 more years to go, I guess it’s like being married,
 I’m stuck with Sid for another 20”, stated a smiling Bunny.
This week the US Open is at Shinnecock which is in Suffolk County New York, Sea Lion mentioned, “The Tomcats have Cougar Bush as one of their course names, but to go in line with Sinnecock another good name would be Shiney Cock,” a beaming Sea Lion touted.

The Windsor Tomcat golf tournament is this Friday, June 15. Sutton Creek advertises it on their serviette dispenser. (expect a number of hockey fans to come out to see Chevy, Snowpants, The Rake and of course defending Tomcat Golf Champion, the winner of the Pantalon de Neige Cup, Soupy.)

The league has really taken off from last year to this year. It is not just Belle View Golf and Country Club as you know….

Commish is looking at doing something very special on Civic Holiday weekend, 27 holes at a course not played before by the MGDGWTG, you want to check your emails for that
day.
While you are checking out the turf rider club and wondering where you could get a club like that, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

PEROGIES TO GO – RICKY FOWLER AND DANNY THE GROWLER

Posted by 81rocky on June 7, 2018
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By Dick Fitzwell

June 6, 2018

Before we get to the Gordon’s Gin blog of the week, I have to tell you the Windsor Tomcats were out in full force for the Kapusta Open at Ambassador on June 2, 2018.  Razor was out sporting an outfit hand sown by his tailor, Scruff. “I only wear these outfits once and then donate them to the Children’s Wish Foundation”, said Razor. Notable Tomcats in the Kapusta Open included Razor, Chevy, Sea Lion, Bundura, Stevo, May Day, Cribzee, Turk, Snowpants and former Tomcat speedster, Bunny.

Mr. Gordon also made an appearance both on the golf course and at the banquet. “Mr. Gordon is always with me”, said the Bundura. The Sea Lion said he was under strict orders to bring Mrs. Sea Lion one perogy. So what does he use for a go bag? An empty plastic cup. “I can get 4 perogies and 3 cabbage rolls into the cup. I will do anything for Mrs. Sea Lion”, said the Sea Lion.

He was right, 4 perogies and 3 cabbage rolls fit quite nicely into the cup with room to spare for a shot of gin.

“I won enough Kapusta hats for every Tomcat”, said a beaming Snowpants.

Best prize won at the Kapusta Open was a rectal thermometer by Stevo. “I have been stuck on many occasions with a high fever and no thermometer. Now I’m good to go”, said a happy Stevo.

The boys were back at Belle View on Monday for regular Gordon’s Gin action. After coming off a 7 hour, twenty five minute round at Sutton Creek the week before. May Day, Bunny, Sea Lion and Stevo played a 3 hour, 45 minute round. “Way better this week. I will give Sutton Creek one more chance but another round like last week and I’m never going back there”, said May Day. “Three guys in wheel chairs playing from the tips is unacceptable”, said the distinguished commissioner.

May Day wowed the gallery with his trickery. His second shot on number 10 literally bounced off the pond scum and onto the grass in front of the green and his second shot at the par 5 17thbounced off a one inch railing on the bridge into the fairway leaving him in good shape.

Scores were Bunny 65, Sea Lion 67, Stevo 69 and May Day a one over 73.

Sea Lion, Stevo, Commish May Day and Bunny on the Growler your …” an incredible day to be playing with these three Legends,” stated Bunny.

Puma sports recently signed the Sea Lion to a lucrative sponsorship deal. “If it’s good enough for Ricky Fowler, its good enough for Danny the Growler”, said the Sea Lion.

Announcements – Tomact Open goes June 15th at Sutton Creek. Should be a good day. Contact Snowpants for details. Also, if you want a hot selling Kapusta hat, Snowpants will be handing them out at the Tomcat Open. They are great at the beach. Chick Magnets.

June 11th – We will be playing Sutton Creek. Shooting for a tee time in the morning so we can be home by 10:00PM. Watch for the e-mail.

June 13th – Ghost Crossing will be performing Wednesday June 13th at The Lion’s Head Tavern.  It is the last stop on the 2018 Summer Tour so come out and listen to this Tomcat-riddled band!  7pm start.

And hey, whatever became of Crazy Legs?

 

Annual Board of Director’s Meeting Press Release

Posted by 81rocky on June 4, 2018
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So it has been a month since the BoD meeting, and it a took a while for the meeting minutes and follow-up items to be approved and sorted out.  Here are the details:

Attendees:

Rocky, Snowpants, Sparky, Doc, Kamikaze, Soupy and Slim Jim

Sunny and Doc were late cancellations, but provided feedback.  As well, Hollywood was not able to attend due to work commitments but also provided input before and after.

  • Soupy and Kamikaze officially added as BoD members (to go along with Rocky, Hollywood, Sparky, Doc, Sunny and Snowpants).  These guys are always involved and care for the organization…just made sense.  Congrats boys!
  • Start of year cost will be $50.  Tuesday nights will remain $5.  The Tomcats have had a rent increase for the first time so these costs will be manageable based on the numbers here.  A start-of-year gift will be included with the $50.
  • Look back at this year’s play.  The BoD thought the play was, for the most part, clean and fair this year.  However, “stick swinging” was discussed and concern (swinging the stick to make a play at the ball).  This will not be tolerated going forward and will be discussed at start of season.  Any infractions will be called out and a fine levied to the player.  On this note – when any call is made on the floor, any member of the BoD making the call is considered the final call and will be accepted by all.  No exceptions.
  • Rule Clarifications:
    • 5 seconds behind the net after goalie save or dead ball. The safety zone is the “key area” behind the net and does not extend to the corners or the entire width of the surface behind the net.
    • Ball out of bounds – dead ball and goes to opposite team.  Rule applies even if touched by a player on the bench.  Any player on the bench  intentionally touching a ball out of bounds will be spoken to.
    • High Stick – the stick should not contact the ball at or above the cross-bar height.  Anything in between a players elbow or shoulder may get called.
    • Slap shots – Maximum height is the players hip/waist area.  Anything above that can and should be called a slap shot.
  •  Tournament 2019:
    • Captains – Rocky, Sunny, Tonto and Snowpants
    • We will use original format just like this past season – play everyone once, 2 periods, 12 min each
  • Last night of hockey before Christmas – Considering a Legends vs. Rookie night (basically figure out the median tenure and have the newer guys play the guys who have been around for a while)
  • Still looking to find a couple of new guys, especially a goalie if possible.  Goalies will always be a concern since if we cannot have two for sure each night, we are screwed.
  • August – Looking to have some Tomcat volunteers to have a “Clean up” day at the Kapusta to get things ready for the season, make a few repairs.  We may also offer to strip and wax the floors, and have the costs deducted from our 2018-2019 rent.
  • We will be reaching out in July to find out your commitment for the upcoming season.

That is all for now.  Enjoy your summer and see everyone in September.  We start up Tuesday, September 18, 2018 at 6:30p sharp

Yours in all thing ball hockey,

Rocky

 

HEAT, POLITICS AND THE PORK SWORD

Posted by 81rocky on May 30, 2018
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By Dick Firzwell

May 29, 2018

The Gordon’s Gin league is now a travel golf league. It’s like travel ball hockey, but better.

It was a hot day at the Sutton Creek Golf and Country Club where the gallery was packed and rowdy anticipating the stars from the Gordon’s Gin Golf League. “The growlers were real smelly today”, said a sweaty Sea Lion after shooting a course record 65.

Other scores were May Day 98, Chevy and Cribzee 69, Stevo 70, Bunny 71 and Soupy with a solid 72. “I was in the rough all day”, said Mayday. “It didn’t help the club was slipping out of my hand in most of my shots on the back 9”.

Snowpants never liked to okay Sutton Creek …never comes out on a Monday to play in the Tomcat League …”we didn’t know why till today …he can’t clean his balls in the ball washers …he can’t reach,“ stated Commoner May Day.

Bunny, who has been hitting the ball as good as any time in his career is a welcome addition to the league. Bunny is the career leader in winnings in the French Tour that plays in Quebec and Hollywood Florida.

Chevy was hitting the ball a country mile was impressive. “I owe it all to my coach Stevo. He is that little voice inside of my head telling me to take an easy swing”. “The woods are filled with balls from long hitters”, said Stevo. 

“I know May Day is working hard to get more shorter ball washers for my friend Snowpants “ stated Cribzie …. “ I love Snowpants they should have ball washers knee high for Snowpants,” stated Chevy.

The guys missed tour standout Bundura. “My air conditioner was not operating to maximum capacity and I had to get a crew in and take care of it. I was so pumped to play but I had to take care of this”, said an obviously disappointed Bundura. Fans were sending in photos of 12 Farhal trucks parked at the Bundura’s mansion in Ruthven.

On the ride in the Sea Lion, Stevo and May Day were talking about the upcoming provincial election. All three of the fellas understand provincial issues better than the candidates in this year’s election. “I am completely sick of single mothers”, said May Day who is not a fan of free daycare, tuition or dental. “I like the buck a beer angle”, said Stevo. The Sea Lion, who is the league’s biggest socialist said the NDP leader looked a lot better about ten years ago. “I am sure she liked the pork sword back in the day”, said the Sea Lion.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

The Turk’s annual Kapusta Open is June 2, 2018 at Ambassador while the annual Tomcat Open goes June 15, 2018 at Sutton Creek. Snowpants does a great job organizing so this year’s tournament is sure to impress. Look for the Rake in the field this year. Thanks to the great advocacy work of Stevo and May Dayfor freeing the Rake. “The Rake is like Nelson Mandela”, said Stevo.

GORDON’S GIN TOURNAMENT 2018

The league is thinking of a Ryder Cup type format this year. The target date will be Civic Day, August 6, 2018. 27 holes at Deer Run in Blenheim, Ontario. Look for details in the coming weeks.

Remember, you must play at least one week to qualify for the awards gala at the end of the year.

And hey, whatever became of………The Smooth?

GORDON’S LEAGUE FIELDS ‘A’ LIST LINEUP- 7 GOLFERS AND ONE COMEDIAN

Posted by 81rocky on May 22, 2018
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By: Dick Fitzwell

22/05/2018

The Gordon’s Gin Golf league rolled into the posh Belle View Golf and Country Club Monday as the league resumed play before a sold out gallery. The fans were really excited to see Hatchy make his 2018 debut. “I love playing with guys like Stevo”, said a happy Hatchy. “I play in this tour just so I can go to the Award’s Gala at the end of the year. It’s a black tie event and the private chefs they hire to make the ailes de poulet are the best. Never had food so good in my life,” added Hatchy.

Hatchy was on fire on the course, shooting a 67. Other scores were Bunny, 68, Sea Lion 69, Stevo 70, Chevy 70, Little Bird 71, May Day 72 and Soupy 73.

The fans were also glad to have Soupy back after a brief contract dispute. There was a reported communications problem between Soupy’s agent and Commissioner May Day but the issues were ironed out and a settlement was reached.

The clubhouse was packed with fans after the round. Little Bird, who is retired stand- up comic turned professional golfer was telling jokes, much to the delight of the players and fans. “He is a real pro. He even brings his own laugh tracks”, said May Day.

The league will be going on the road next Monday. The boys will be teeing it up at Sutton Creek.

Commissioner May Day very happy with the play this year …”Sea Lion and Bunny were on fire today” May Day said.

Mr. Gordon Hears a Who

Posted by 81rocky on May 9, 2018
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By Harry Ballsonue

“It takes lots of balls to golf like I do.”

The Gordon, Dirty Growler, Tomcat Golf League ( GDGTGL ) went on the road on Monday and played a beautiful course, Pointe West, if you ever get a chance to play it, PLAY IT! They heard a calling and went.
Beautiful Day lead to some beautiful shots by the Sea Lion and The Big Easy.
Chevy was running things as the assistant to the Commissioner and of course a skin game was organized. Sea Lion took 9 Skins, The Big Easy, 7 and Chevy 2.
New comer Big Al, was impressed with the quality of the playing talent, “I knew that all Tomcats were gifted hockey wise, but I didn’t know they were so gifted golf wise”.
Scores on Monday were, Sea Lion 79, The Big Easy 80, Chevy 81, Bunny 83, Big Al 84, Little Bird 85 and Stevo 98.
A big thank you goes out to Chevy for organizing the day and thanks to the Commissioner for setting up the crowd that went. “Chevy even got us a dog and a beer at the turn, what a great guy”, chirped Little Bird.
The league returns to Belleview Golf and Country Club next week. Look for an email from the Commissioner. We have not seen Soupy on the tour this year. “He is like Tiger Woods, he only selects the weeks HE wants to go, (Just like Tiger) when he plays, big crowds come out, he has a tree named after him at Belleview Golf and Country Club, but has not been out this year as of yet”. stated Commissioner May Day.

DATES TO KEEP IN MIND

June 2, The Turk is holding his Kapusta Open, $110 and it is a four man scramble, lots of fun, lots of great food back at the Kapusta Kow and the prize table is fantastic.
The Windsor Tomcats golf tournament ison Friday June 15, if you have not signed up, do so, you do not want to be disappointed. Contact Snowpants today.
While you are thinking what was the prettiest hole at Pointe West, (par 5, 12th) or the toughest (par 5 3rd) or the best par three, (4th), do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

Sea Lion Steals the Show

Posted by 81rocky on May 2, 2018
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May 1, 2018

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin Golf League was in action this week at the Belle View Golf and Country Club. In the field were May Day, Bunny, Sea Lion, Chevy, Bundura and Stevo. The scores were as impressive as the weather. Stevo fired a 69 and is in the lead early. May Day with an 80, Bunny – 79, Bundura – 70, Seal Lion 71 and Chevy with a 74.

The Sea Lion was initially not happy with the Bar Staff as he was served a canned Caeser. He summoned his personal assistant Sara, who immediately made the Sea Lion a Caesar just the way he likes them, rimmed, with pickle juice, a garden and not too spicy. “

Funny stories were exchanged. The Sea Lion was remembering the old days when he owned his Bull Mastiff, Cedric. “Cedric needed his nails cut and some hair shaved off to spruce him up. I loaded him up in the car and take him to the Dog grooming guy, Dale in town. When I brought him home, something was different. Then it donned on me, Cedric left as a Bull Mastiff and came home a Chiwawa. He looked completely different. I had the Champ call that place and gave them what for”, said the Seal Lion.

May Day proclaimed the league “Ding” Bell was is disabled. The Seal Lion proclaimed, “The  ***T Train Has arrived at Belle View”. The league has ordered a new bell.

The boys were also speaking of hair, or lack of hair. The Sea Lion says he goes to the barber once a month and has the barber make the clipper noises behind his head just to have a feel of getting a haircut.

If you are thinking this league is all about the Sea Lion, you are right. Without him, I wouldn’t have any material for a blog.

The Tomcat Golf course has been named. It will be called Cougar Bush. We were thinking of having a contest to name the course but seriously, how can you beat Cribzee’s suggestion? The holes have all been named.

Stevo said Sara will be hired as the Director of Guest Services and her starting salary will be $95,000.00 per year. “She doesn’t even have to come into the office but must tend bar when the Gordon’s League is playing”, said Stevo.

The league is going on its first ever road trip. May 7th the boys will be teeing it up at Pointe West. Tee times have been set. Look for an e-mail next week for league play on May 14, 2018at Belle View.


Gordon’s Gin Star Stevo seen here April 30, 2018 waiving to fans in the gallery on the 18th hole. Watch for Stevo on the July Golf Digest cover.

Rain, Drizzle, Golf and a Bon Fire

Posted by 81rocky on April 25, 2018
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By Dick Fitzwell

April 23, 2018

The Gordon’s Gin Golf League kicked off the 2018 season Tuesday at the Belle View Golf and Country Club. Rookies Bunny and Little Bird joined veterans May Day, Cribzee, Stevo and the Seal Lion in the Pro Am.

Pairings were:

May Day – Bill Murray

Stevo – Igor Larionov

Sea Lion – Craig Stadler (the Walrus)

Little Bird – Big Bird

Bunny – Michel Larocque

Cribzee – David Clarke

It was a little wet out there but the boys found a way to grind through it much to the fans delight. “It was an honor to be out here with pros like Stevo and the Sea Lion”, said Little Bird.

“Little Bird and I shared the limo over from the airport”, said Bunny after arriving from California where the pair played in a fund raiser hosted by Michael J Fox.

The celebrities really enjoyed the finely manicured gold course. “You guys really have a good thing out here”, said Sherif Clarke. “President Trump would love it out here”.

The Sea Lion’s personal assistant, Sara, made sure the golfers had hot coffee and tea. The sea Lion likes his Caesar’s made a certain way and Sara has been fully trained and the Sea Lion is raring’ to go this golf season.

Stevo built a bon fire for cold fans on the 15th hole and the league provided marshmallows for the kids in attendance and shots of honey bourbon for the adults.

Scores were Cribzee – 71, Little Bird – 72 – Stevo 74, May Day 81, Sea Lion – 70, and Bunny with an impressive 68.

The league will be going back to Monday’s commencing April 30. Watch for the e-mail. Respond quickly because tour spots are quickly filling up.