1. Sparky: Grade “C”
– Sparky need to work on his attendance. Work issues and learning Michael Jacksons’ moves are really no excuse for missing Tuesday nights.
– He never seems to miss a beat when he returns, however, and he is still considered a TOP “10” pick for the tournament.
2. Spinner: Grade “B”
– Spinner has missed a few more Tuesday nights than usual as well. However, he has a better reason than Sparky…he’s getting his pouch licked.
– Spinner still has a powerful shot and has tattooed a few shins this season.
3. Doc: Grade “C”
– Doc is a Tomcat rookie who has proven to be a reliable attendee and an often forgotten scoring threat.
– While in the running for “Most Improved Player” Docs’ skills continue to improve with every game. Now if he could only move into a decent neigh bourhood!
4. Cro: Grade: “B+”
– Another Tomcat rookie from Cada Country. Cro has the ability to change the outcome of a game at will, and is often mentioned in the same breath as Crispy.
– His attendance has held him back, but his t-shirt donation at the Tournament and his Tomcat Golf Tournament performance has put him in the pantheon of Mario Lemieux, Brett Hull and Pee Wee Herman.
5. Snowpants: Grade “B”
– Vic the Brick has been a solid addition to the Tomcat roster. He has made it obvious on numerous occasions that he has skills far beyond dusting the playing surface on Tuesday nights.
– Although his sudden lack of injuries have currently halted the Mathew Stafford comparisons, he still manages to get more tail than Stafford! A True Tomcat Indeed!!
6. Hurricane: Grade “C+”
– Hurricane is definitely in the waning years of his career. Still the holder of 56 Tomcat records, he does manage to have flashes of brilliance.
– While sharing him with the London Ball Hockey League, Hurricane is always welcomed to continue to play Tuesday nights. He is fast approaching ‘Legend’ status.
7. Shamus: Grade “B+”
– Shamus has definitely kicked up his game a notch this season. One of our more superstitious players, when Shamus switched to wearing a golf shirt for games, kids in arenas everywhere switched as well. Don Cherry actually wore a Shamus original on Hockey Night in Canada.
– Bought off waivers from the Jerusalem Junkyard Dogs, Shamus has become a premier player in the league.
8. Chevy: Grade “B”
– Chevy’s attendance this year has been record-setting. Often showing up in $6000 Armani suits right from the office, the Tomcats “Donald Trump” has managed to balance his drug business, his real estate empire and his family life without it affecting his scoring output.
– His suddenly improved back checking has now made him a 2 dimensional player and a definite top 3 pick in any format we play.
9. Soupy: Grade “C+”
– Here is a Tomcat rookie who has began to exhibit skills that rival that of cousin Sunny. Having fed Razor his jockstrap on a number of occasions this year, Soupy as well as Doc, is next in the running for MIP awards.
10. Killer: Grade “C”
– If the Tomcats had an award for the player who exhibits the most heart and could peel a carrot in 3 strokes or less, it would be Killer.
– Known to be a ‘secret weapon’ come Tournament time, Killer would be candidate for Dark Horse Winning Goal Scorer of the year.
11. Bulldog: Grade “C+”
– Bulldogs attendance has been lacking this year due to work commitments, however, he continues to be a force when he does appear Tuesday nights.
– His organization of the Outdoor Game keeps him in a prominent position in the Tomcat Hierarchy and his flowing mane is reminiscent of when Fabio was a Tomcat.
12. Lovie: Grade “B”
– The fact that Lovie flies in every week from BP oil rigs around the world to play on Tuesday nights, definitely cuts him some slack on the attendance sheet. Although playing 3 fewer games than last year, he has managed to stay near the top of the Tomcat scoring race.
– His bawdy humor and his postgame onstage nightly recollection of his numerous conquests, not to mention his generosity at Purples, leaves him in good stead with the Tomcats.
13. The Rake: Grade “C+”
– The Rake has played games this year when a normal man would have been in the morgue. His love and commitment to the Tomcats is unparalled. The Rake has been on more cruises than Captain Stubing, but his sea-legs are what helps him block shots at a 7 per game pace.
14. Sunny: Grade “B”
– Sunny Solaris has a desire to win that rivals Mark Messier. The man gives 110% every game and it shows on the scoreboard. It has been noticed by fans that his ‘gyros’ tends to bulge from his shorts when he is on a breakaway. The tendency of his tremendous package to lean to the left or right usually gives the goalies a good idea of where he is going to shoot.
15. Hollywood: Grade “B+”
– The “anointed one” is as steady and reliable as they come. His defensive skills and footwork are evidently superior, a direct result of being the personal trainer to Beckham, Maradona and Pele.
– A multi-dimensional defenseman/goalie, Hollywood had proved himself to be indispensible to the Tomcat legion. Not to mention being the Tomcats in-house “pool boy”.
16. Youngblood: Grade “B”
– Another “There’s nothing he can’t do” kind of guy. Youngblood brings skills to the organization that make us smile. This Renaissance man is a player, web guru, food accommodator, musician, newlywed, alcohol connoisseur,…what the hell??
– Needs a haircut.
17. Rocky: Grade “B”
– On work ethic alone, this fine specimen is a proto type for the ultimate male. Hung like 2 donkeys, built like a brick Pirogue,
Rocky has proven himself to be indispensible. A Tomcat through and through.
18. Cribs: Grade “C+”
– One of Windsor’s finest, Cribs has upped his game to become one of the top 3 defenseman in the league. His powerful shot and good looks has made his Tomcat website one of the most visited by female fans.
– His favorite cigars dictate his package size.
19. Jingles: Grade “C+”
– Probably one of the most handsome Tomcats, Jingles is one, if not the only Tomcat, who tends to think with his big head.
– A rambunctious player, Jingles always shows up to play, whether it’s with himself or the rest of us.
20. Stevo: Grade “A”
– What can anyone say about Stevo other than he’s the MAN!!
– Our ultimate leader, Stevo does more on one good knee than Traci Lords does on two. Where would we be without Stevo?? Ball hockey purgatory, that’s where.
21. Skippy: Grade “A+”
– The Skipmeister overcame some bad press early on in the season to become the MVP of this years’ Tomcat Tournament. Karma is a bitch isn’t it?
– Ugly pants aside, sheer determination, along with a gun and handcuffs will always prevail!!!
22. Bearcat: Grade “A+”
– Bearcat is one of the coolest Tomcats on the planet. He shows up when he can and kicks out orange napalm with the best of them.
– Bearcat is the Rambo of ‘tenders’… need a job done, call Bearcat!
23. Falcon: Grade “A+”
– Falcon is an entity unto himself. Whether he stops rubber with skill or a buildup of equipment odor, he gets the job done.
– As the holder of 43 consecutive Tomcat Tournament championships, Falcon has secured a place in the Tomcat Hall of Fame.
24. Razor: Grade “A+”
– As the senior Tomcat goalie, Razor has somehow managed to keep the orange ball from bending the twine more often than not. Most times, it’s by yelling louder than anyone else when a suspect goal slides by him.
– Diminishing eyesight is countered by Obie Wan Kanobi reflexes that help keep the biscuit out of the basket. Time is running out for the Razor.
25. Yuri: Grade “B”
– A Tomcat stall worth, Yuri is a Legend in the making. Knee brace, special dressing room and vegetable on a pizza nazi supreme, Yuri has established himself as a man among men.
– Having been breast fed on Red Cap, Yuri continues to be a top 2 defenseman on the Tomcat roster.
Until next year!
This is Mike Litoris signing off.
Windsor Tomcats 