Windsor Tomcats

Congrats to Sparky and his beautiful dance partner Nicole on winning Windsor’s Dancing with the Local Stars.  A little WD-40 goes a long way!

See the video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSq-Gz7VycU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

June 28, 2011 – 12:30 The Canadian Press

BOSTON – There has been much Internet speculation about which member of the Boston Bruins ordered an Amstel Light during an expensive night of celebrating with the Stanley Cup.

Now the brewery is offering a reward to try to solve the mystery once and for all.

Amstel Light says in a press release it will provide free beer during the player’s day with the Stanley Cup and at a Canada Day or Independence Day barbecue if he identifies himself.

A bill for more than US$156,000 at the MGM-Foxwoods Casino surfaced after the Bruins celebrated there, following their Stanley Cup parade on June 18. The itemized bill included 136 Bud Lights and several liquor orders in addition to the sole Amstel Light.

“We want to reward the Bruin who ordered the Amstel Light to recognize him for making a great decision,” the company said in Tuesday’s press release.

The most expensive item on the Bruins’ bill was a 30-litre bottle of Ace of Spades “Midas” champagne valued at $100,000 — something members of the team claim they didn’t actually pay for.

“We had been given as a gift the bottle of champagne from Foxwoods and we knew after when we finished with it we would sign it and Foxwoods would auction it off,” captain Zdeno Chara said last week at the NHL awards in Las Vegas. “That number that is posted up is nowhere near what the actual price of the bill was. All I have to say is we are very disappointed that something like this is coming out that is not true.”

Expensive celebrations have been in style lately. Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban picked up a $130,000 bar tab — which included a $90,000 bottle of champagne and $20,000 tip — after his team beat Miami to become NBA champions.

If it was the Tomcats, it would have been 136 MGD’s, 24 Bud Lights, 24 Keith’s, 12 Golden Pheasant and 12 Rolling Rock.

…by Harry Ballsonue

A slight light rain at the start of the Tomcat golf outing did not panic the 20 golfers that set out to concur the course, everyone had a great round and most returned back to Mykel Jaworiwsky’s house for ‘Sovlaki night in Canada’….fun time had by all there, as well.

“A special honourable mention should be made to the organizer”, Chris Girard had said and then continued, “to Snowpants Ferranti, who did a great job keeping the tournament alive and on a roll and I can say, that everyone had a blast” Girard had said, with a smirk.

Snowpants, wanting to commemorate the event, set off a small fire work that panicked a three golfers who had a pace makers, two Vietnam Vets and the golf pro at the golf course, “What? Snowpants asked, they blow off fireworks at the end of Tiger game, I thought it would be fun to do the same at the Tomcat golf outing”. Ferranti had said, with a sheepish smile, as he was being led off the Seven Lakes property by security.

Chris Girard announced that the Tomcat golf outing, raised, 3.7 million dollars on the day, for ‘women who want larger breasts’.

“We will be able to help a lot of women throughout Canada, the U.S and the world with this money, so it is a great day for everyone”. Girard had said.

In the meantime, the Minister of Fireworks and Explosive Devices (and Golf), Snowpants Ferranti, is looking for a new site to play at next year’s golf event, “We are not welcome back here, and need to find a new place, we are looking at Woodland Hills in Belle River at this time, it is 9 – par 3 holes, but right now, it is the only place we can get on, even Tecumseh golf is not returning my phone calls, to see if we can play mini putt”. Snowpants Ferranti had said.

“There are no pants, like Snowpants” Mykel Jaworiwsky had said.

Tomcats want to thank Mike, Diane and Tess for hosting the party and for a great poster that Tess had made, welcoming the Windsor Tomcats.

That is it, for Tomcat events for the 2010-2011 season, I don’t know what I am going to do with myself.  Season Starts back up on September 20, 2011 and I will write an article or two in August for the start of the season, but for now, I wish everyone the best and safest summer season!

If I see you laying on the beach tanning yourself, I will put my Harry Ballsonue, on your  forehead and belly.

WASHINGTON—Those who planned the secret mission to get Osama bin Laden in Pakistan knew it was a one-shot deal, and it nearly went terribly wrong.

The U.S. deliberately hid the operation from Pakistan, and predicted national outrage over the breach of Pakistani sovereignty would make it impossible to try again if the raid on bin Laden’s suspected redoubt came up dry.

Once the raiders reached their target, things started to go awry almost immediately, officials briefed on the operation said.

Adding new details to the account of the assault, officials described just how the SEAL raiders loudly ditched a foundering helicopter right outside bin Laden’s door, ruining the plan for a surprise assault. That forced them to abandon plans to run a squeeze play on bin Laden — simultaneously entering the house stealthily from the roof and the ground floor.

Instead, they busted into the ground floor and began a floor-by-floor storming of the house, working up to the top level where they had assumed bin Laden — if he was in the house — would be.

They were right.

The raiders came face-to-face with bin Laden in a hallway outside his bedroom, and three of the Americans stormed in after him, U.S. officials briefed on the operation told The Associated Press. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity to describe a classified operation. (But we now have learned that some of them were Sgt. Dean Colasanti, Brigadier General Louis Koenigsberger, Maj Kevin Kuprowski, Cpl First Class Mike Edgar, Cpl First Class Sammy Salaris, Cpl First Class Dave Dzibela, PVT First Class Shane Renaud, PVT First Class Ray MacDonell and PVT First Class ‘Chevy’ ‘Shove’wczuk, PCT Paul Renaud. PCT Josh Goldstien and PCT Ken Cribley, Others to be named as the article continues)

U.S. officials believe Pakistani intelligence continues to support militants who attack U.S. troops in Afghanistan, and actively undermine U.S. intelligence operations to go after Al Qaeda inside Pakistan. The level of distrust is such that keeping Pakistan in the dark was a major factor in planning the raid, and led to using the high-tech but sometimes unpredictable helicopter technology that nearly unhinged the mission.

“Every time we told them we were going in Bin Laden was not there, this time, we said nothing, and BAM there he was, eating cheesy popcorn and watching YouPorn”. Stated Major General Andrew Wade Morgan.

Pakistan’s government has since condemned the action and threatened to open fire if U.S. forces enter again.

“I would like to see them try”. Major General George Metulynsky.

On Monday, the two partners attempted to patch up relations, agreeing to pursue high-value targets jointly.

“Yes, I am on the negotiation team, and things are going well, them bitches aren’t really listening right now, but they will,” Stated Lieutenant General Paul Poisson

The decision to launch on that particular moonless night in May came largely because too many American officials had been briefed on the plan. U.S. officials feared if it leaked to the press, bin Laden would disappear for another decade.

“Yeah, we told too many of our peeps on that one.” Stated Brigadier General Louis Koenigsberger.

U.S. special operations forces have made approximately four forays into Pakistani territory since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, though this one, some 145 kilometers inside Pakistan, was unlike any other, the officials say.

The job was given to a TOMCAT/SEAL Team 9 unit, (Named after Sniper Dave Crawford) just back from Afghanistan, one official said. This elite branch of TOMCAT/SEALs had been hunting bin Laden in eastern Afghanistan since 2001 and playing ball hockey on Tuesday nights.

TWO very large aircraft flew from Jalalabad, Afghanistan, one piloted by Captain Andy Brewin, the other by Captain Darek Kowalzcykowski, with three school-bus-size Chinook helicopters landing in a deserted area roughly two-thirds of the way to bin Laden’s compound in the Pakistani city of Abbottabad, two of the officials explained.

Aboard two Black Hawk helicopters were 23 SEALs, an interpreter (Matty ‘The Matador’ Yousef) and a tracking Bulldog named Wilson. (See Lakeshore Auto web site for a picture of Wilson) Nineteen SEALs would enter the compound and three of them would find bin Laden, one official said, providing the exact numbers for the first time. (Three to find him were CPL Victor Ferranti, Sgt. John Salaris and CPL Chad Comartin)

Aboard the Chinooks were two dozen more SEALs, as backup. (Gerald Finnerty, Barry Morris, Chris Girard, Nick Lelyk, Doob Duruocher, George Matton, Peter White, Marty Thibert, Uwe Jamieson and Mark Jennings, just to name a few)

The Black Hawks were specially engineered to muffle the tail rotor and engine sound, two officials said. The added weight of the stealth technology meant cargo was calculated to the gram, with weather factored in. The night of the mission, it was hotter than expected. (CPL Victor Ferranti was not allowed to bring his tuck taped hockey stick due to the extra weight)

The Black Hawks were to drop the TOMCAT/SEALs and depart in less than two minutes, in hopes locals would assume they were Pakistani aircraft visiting the nearby military academy.

One Black Hawk was to hover above the compound, with TOMCAT/SEALs sliding down ropes into the open courtyard.

The second was to hover above the roof to drop TOMCAT/SEALs there, then land more TOMCAT/SEALs outside, plus an interpreter and the dog, which would track anyone who tried to escape and alert TOMCAT/SEALs to any approaching Pakistani security forces.

If troops appeared, the plan was to hunker down in the compound, avoiding armed confrontation with the Pakistanis while officials in Washington negotiated their passage out. Stefan Jaworiwsky had his blackberry ready for communication.

The two TOMCAT/SEAL teams inside would work toward each other, in a simultaneous attack from above and below, their weapons silenced, guaranteeing surprise, one of the officials said. They would have stormed the building in a matter of minutes, as they’d done time and again in two training models of the compound.

The plan unraveled as the first helicopter (piloted by Captain Mike Menzel) tried to hover over the compound. The Black Hawk skittered around uncontrollably in the heat-thinned air, forcing the pilot to land. As he did, the tail and rotor got caught on one of the compound’s 3.6-metre walls. The pilot quickly buried the aircraft’s nose in the dirt to keep it from tipping over, and the TOMCAT/SEALs clambered out into an outer courtyard.

The other aircraft (Piloted by Major Dean Meloche) did not even attempt hovering, landing its TOMCAT/SEALs outside the compound.

Now the raiders were outside, and they’d lost the element of surprise.

They had trained for this, and started blowing their way in with explosives, through walls and doors, working their way up the three-level house from the bottom.

They had to blow their way through barriers at each stair landing, firing back as one of the men in the house fired at them.

They shot three men as well as one woman, whom U.S. officials have said lunged at the TOMCAT/SEALs.

Small knots of children were on every level, including the balcony of bin Laden’s room. Tomcat posters of their favourite hockey players were pinned up on their bedroom walls.

As three of the TOMCAT/SEALs reached the top of the steps on the third floor, they saw bin Laden standing at the end of the hall. The Tomcats recognized him instantly, the officials said.

Bin Laden also saw them, dimly outlined in the dark house, and ducked into his room, with his half eaten bag of cheesy popcorn.

The three TOMCAT/SEALs assumed he was going for a weapon, and one by one they rushed after him through the door, one official described.

Two women were in front of bin Laden — yelling and trying to protect him, two officials said. The first TOMCAT/SEAL (Snowpants Ferranti) grabbed the two women and copped a feel and shoved them away, fearing they might be wearing suicide bomb vests, they said.

The TOMCAT/SEAL behind him (Chad Comartin) opened fire at bin Laden, putting one bullet in his chest, and one in his head.

It was over in a matter of seconds.

Back at the White House Situation Room, word was relayed that bin Laden had been found, signaled by the code words “Flying Cooler Lid.” That was not bin Laden’s code name, but rather a representation of the letter “F.” Each step of the mission was labeled alphabetically, and “Flying Cooler Lid” meant that the raiders had reached step “F,” the killing or capture of bin Laden, two officials said.

As the TOMCAT/SEALs (COL. Mykel Jaworiwsky with his new Nikon) began photographing the body for identification, the raiders found an AK-47 rifle and a Russian-made Makarov pistol on a shelf by the door they’d just run through. Bin Laden hadn’t touched them.(But wanted to)

They were among a handful of weapons that were removed to be inventoried.

It took approximately 15 minutes to reach bin Laden, one official said. The next 23 or so were spent blowing up the broken chopper, after rounding up nine women and 18 children, to get them out of range of the blast.

One of the waiting Chinooks (piloted by Major Dave Hann) flew in to pick up bin Laden’s body, the raiders from the broken aircraft and the weapons, documents and other materials seized at the site.

The helicopters flew back to Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan, and the body was flown to a waiting U.S. Navy ship for bin Laden’s burial at sea, ensuring no shrine would spring up around his grave.

When the TOMCAT/SEAL team met President Barack Obama, and his Presidential Aid Vince Vlaminck, both did not ask who shot bin Laden. The President simply thanked each member of the team, two officials said. The officials also said that they all enjoyed icy cold MGD’s at the White House.

In a few weeks, the team that killed bin Laden will go back to training, and in a couple of months, back to work overseas, but will be back to play the first night of floor hockey on Tuesday September 22, 2011.

…That is to say, the New DemoTomcatic Party.