Windsor Tomcats

By Heywood Jewblowmee

Skippy is organizing a game. It would be played at a drill hall located at 4007 Sandwich Street, in the old Sandwich Towne. It would be the Sandwich Towne Skylarks vs. the Windsor Tomcats. Normally, Tomcat management does not participate in such events, ever since the Bellwood School fiasco, but, they are doing it, as the proceeds of some of the money collected will go to charity.

The cost to play is $2.00 on any given Sunday at the Armories located on Sandwich Street and Skippy has graciously invited any and all Tomcats to come out on Sunday to play.

Taking it one step further, the Tomcats will venture out there on Sunday January 22, 2012 and play a ‘Friendly’ against the Sandwich Towne Skylarks, who are manned by Skippy.

“I think it will be a great deal of fun and I am looking forward to it. I think knowing the other team (Tomcats), as well as I do, should keep the fisticuffs to a minimum…at least I hope so.” indicated Skippy.

“We will go with anyone who wants to play on that night. We will need a goalie but will take both the Falcon and Razor if they both want to play. The Skylarks play 5 on 5 with a goalie, so if we get 12 guys to go,. we can run two lines and have two net minders….if more want to come, not a problem we will go with three lines, four lines, it is for fun and having a beer after.” indicated Stevo.

Beer is not allowed onto the premise, but the mess would become open after and beers are $3.00.

As for sticks, regular ice hockey sticks are allowed and Stevo encourages everyone to bring a real ice hockey stick to the game, along with hockey gloves and a jock. The ball used is the soft orange one that the Tomcats use.

As for a jersey/uniform, the Tomcats are still working on what colour they will be on that night and a further ‘informational’ update will be provided. For now, the thought is, a black Tomcat t-shirt would be acceptable. (If they really wanted to, they could go with the t-shirt provided last year and really look smart on the drill hall vs.the Skylarks….)

All Tomcats are allowed to go out and play on any Sunday and it might be a good idea for some to get out and see the lay of the land, prior to the January 22 tilt. The Tomcats will not be having a reciprocal game back at the Kapusta Kow Palace. “We have too many guys as it is, if we get another ball hockey club to come out and play on Tuesday, what does that do to the regular guys who have come out all the time and want to play.”Indicated the Rake and added, “If down the road the Skylarks wanted to play a game at the Kapusta Kow Palace on a Sunday night, enquires could be made to see if the Kapusta Kow could be made available on a Sunday night, but for now, there will be no game at the Kapusta Kow vs. the Sandwich Towne Skylarks.” concluded the Rake.

Skippy’s Skylarks are looking for guys to play, where the Tomcat have too many guys, so that is why no game at the Kapusta Kow.

In other news, for displaying very poor sportsmanship towards his brother Hollywood, Stevo has been fined a full 24 case of beer for his actions on Tuesday night November 22 and must bring that beer this coming Tuesday, November 29.

On January 22, at the armories, I’m sure there are nooks and crannies everywhere….if we find one, Haywood Jewblowmee.

You may have heard of Dr. Lovejoy, now comes Dr. Loviejoy

By Harry Ballsonue

Hollywood Hookers: Killer, Razor, Zschabba, Soupy, Lovie and Hollywood.
Cribz War Pigs: Shamus, Yuri, Sunny, Skippy, Snowpants and Cribz.
The Hurricanes: Junior, Rocky, Doc, Stevo, Spinner, the Danish and Hurricane.

Hurricanes: 2 wins, 1 loss, and 1 tie, 9 goals for 7 goals against and finished plus two with 5 points.
Hollywood Hookers: 2 wins, 2 losses, no ties, 7 goals for, 11 goals against finish with a minus 4 and 4 points.
The War Pigs: 1 win, 2 losses, 1 tie, 10 goals for 8 goals against, plus 2 and 3 points.

The Hurricanes were victorious playing some solid hockey on both ends, “I thought our defense played very well, we only allowed 7 goals and that bodes well for our goalie the Danish and for our defense, I though Junior was tremendous out there”, indicated Hurricane and then added, “He would have made a hell of a son in law, I’m sorry to see that my daughter never married him.” Concluded Hurricane.

“Disappointed, yes I would say I am, I thought we would fair better, but, still a good night at the Kapusta Kow and I know I’ll be back next week”, stated Captain Cribz, who as seen hobbling to the x-ray machine, as Hurricane had carved him up with his stick in an earlier game.

“Not sure why my brother was  so upset with me out here tonight, I just played my regular night of hockey, but he came over and told me that he loved me and shook my hand, I shook his hand, with a confused look. He was happy to win another tournament I think, so it all ended well” stated Hollywood.

Three star selection as selected by LaBamba: 3) Zschabba, 2) Junior and 1) Rocky.  All were presented with hats as a prize, thanks to some good negotiations by Razor. Zschabba, being the great guy that he is, gave his away to a fan. “Thanks Mr.. Zschabba said little Davey”.

The game was marred with a cut to the left eye of Snowpants and the crowd looked on as Snowy was bleeding, but in the end, a quick patch up job and a story about being jumped by 5 Mexicans in the alley, had everyone laughing, even though the word was that it may have been Rocky’s stick that cut Snowpants (thus the first star for Rocky….naw, just kidding Snowy)….originally thought to be the Danish, but he was so bummed about cutting someone, that the blame was put on Rocky.

Special highlights included the Hollywood Hookers doing a chant before their game with the Warpigs, “Shamus blows…..Snowpants” and then my favourite, before the start of the second period, “Shamus shat in Yuri’s change room”.

Over all a good night of hockey, but some chippyness is going on and head referre Stevo has asked the players to ‘chillaxx’.

One other point of interest, for those following the Tomcats on a weekly basis, Skippy, will be allowed to pick another team in the new year, as the net minders will be Captains again in the new year. “I am grateful for the opportunity and I know I can do better” Skippy said, with that boyish smile of his. Fans will recall that the Skippers went 0 and 4 last week a first time in Mini Tournament history.

I want to compliment my colleague, Heywood Jewblowmee on a fantastic article he wrote about Specialty games making a come back.  IF you have not read that story, then please take two minutes to do so.  Stevo, apparently has collected $350 from the Toronto players as they are ready to rock.

Next week, Dave Hann and Youngblood are to bring beer.

And speaking of Youngblood, I am being told by the Tomcat medical staff, that Youngblood will make his seson debut next week, Crosby returned Monday, Youngblood to return Tuesday…coincidence? I think not.

Interesting fact and I point it out as I know Stevo gets a bit bummed about his beer selection being razzed by long time Tomcat The Turk,, but I was told, that last week, 6 Red Cap’s were left over.  That is a first in Tomcat history, that beer is actually left over, now I don’t want to speculate and I could not get a single Tomcat to go on record to say why the beer was left over, but one can only think that because the beer is not enjoyed by anyone and therefore no one wants to drink it and thus the left overs. It seems to me that Stevo’s Brava light is never left behind and that all are merrily consumed. Like I said, I don’t want to speculate but it goes to reason.

Next week, the six left behind will be placed in the cooler for consumption, I am told.

Doc did a good job this week on filling the cooler as there was plenty of ice on all the beer.

When you are avoiding the Red Caps, I will put my Harry Ballsonue.

by Heywood Jewblowmee

Last week, a piece of paper flew out of Stevo’s black binder, in the parking lot of the Kapusta Kow Palace and got caught up right up against my car tire, imagine that! Well, I was curious, cuz it was a 14 page document and interestingly enough contained a 4 prong plan in regards to ‘Specialty’ games in a mini tournament format, to be held on the the night of the Tomcat Christmas Party, (December 20) for those wondering on what day that would be.  You recall the famous words of Stevo, on the very last night that ‘Specialty’ games were ever played,  “This is suppose to be for fun, and I’m not Flipping having any”. Well, it seems he may be softening a bit on the topic and has come up with a 4 team, Tuesday night, mini tournament format.  Games would be two 3 minute periods and he has established the teams, using everyone’s favourite NHL team as their team for the tournament and he indicated in his conclusion that he would only push it forward if each player put in $50 as a prize for the night, I will explain that at the end of the article on how he sees that working.

He combined Penguins, Flyers, Canucks and Rangers on one team, to make sure they had enough to field a team.

Here is how the teams are set up:

Rangers/Flyers/Penguins/Canucks: Wearing Yellow
Hollywood (goalie) Lovie, Youngblood and Doc

Montreal Canadians: Wearing White
Bearcat (goalie) Razor (goalie) The Rake, Junior, Yuri, Spinner and Snowpants

Detroit Redwings: Wearing Red
Falcon (goalie) Skippy (goalie), Sparky, Rocky, Bulldog, Jingles, Killer

Toronto Maple Leafs: Wearing Black
Hurricane (goalie), Cribz, Zschabba, Chevy, Stevo, Sunny, Shamus, Soupy, Crow and May Day.

So, how it would work, is the two top teams would play a 4 minute game at the end of the tournament, each team would play each other twice as they do on normal Tuesday nights. The games would be shorter of course, due to four teams being in the mini tournament and the final game would be two, 2 minute periods  (you have to get the game in, (and the whole tournament in) so that the Christmas Party can begin) and the final game would be played, for all the marbles.  Let’s say, Toronto won, then the 10 of them would split $900 dollars.BUT WAIT….there is more, The Tomcat kitty, which is busting at the seams this year, would match the prize money so the Maple Leaf team would then split $1,800 dollars.

But let’s say Rangers/Flyers/Penguins/Canucks team won, they would split $1,200 (players money and $1,200 (tomcat money)  that equals $2,400. That is $600 bucks each…something to play for…right?

The money would have to be collected in advance of course, Stevo had written in his recommendation.

Any way, it is just an idea right now, but this reporter, wanted to be the first to report it.  Also interestingly enough, Stevo felt that Para Medic’s and the Police should be present at the games, on a ‘just in case basis’, he indicated in his concluding remarks, “In the end, with what I know about specialty games and how they were played in the past and with each player playing for their own team in a mini tournament format, were they could win up to $600 each, a blood bath could occur and it would be good to have ambulance standing by”.

After the tournament, once all the dust settles and the Ambulance takes the broken and injured to hospital….Heywood Jewblowmee?

By Harry Ballsonue

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Tomcat fans were very pleased this past week to be treated to a belated Halloween treat when they got to watch another mini tournament. And like some past tournaments this one was full of controversy and some chippy play. More than once I thought I heard the standard “Play the ball” from the blind ref. Speaking of blind refs, it was a questionable call late in a first period clash between Sparky Chargers and Shamus Sharks that really had the fans hopping.  No doubt the shot by Shamus, who fans and players alike agree has one of the quickest and most accurate releases, hit a bar in the net, it’s just no one seemed to know which bar was hit.  Poor Skippy could only say, “I only heard the shot, I didn’t even see it”. Regardless of a goal or not in the big picture it didn’t help Sharks any as they ended the night with one win and three loses.  The netminder Razor was later heard venting his frustration by stating, “I wish you guys would have told me earlier you all wanted to score and not play defense”.  The chippy play occured between the Sharks and Stevo’s Stingrays. Doc and Jingles got tied up in the corner and both players went down hard.  Afterwards neither player wished to comment on the play, and both walked off on their own power – so neither is expected to be on injured reserve, but Stevo’s mantra was quietly heard buzzing in the background, “Play the ball”.

Overall another great tourney with all three netminders: Falcon, Razor and Skippy turning in solid games. In the end Stevo’s Stingrays did have their stingers out and took it all with an impressive 3-0-1 record (7 Points, 15 Goals scored and only 5 Goals against. The Falcon had one shutout and a stingy 1.75G.A.A.). The Chargers and Sharks went as follows: Chargers – 1-2-1, 3 points, 9GF,11GA and Skippy 2.75G.A.A. Sharks 1-3-0, 2points, 7GF,11GA and Razor 3.25G.A.A.

The three stars, which caused another controversary, considering Falcon’s G.A.A average and his shutout, went to Sunny, Spinner and Shamus.  Clearly another star was Sparky for bringing a 6 pack just because.  The league indicated Labamba was behind some of the reasoning in the star selection, and when a guy brings a 6 pack and misses out on a star, WOW.  I do love controversay and when I tried to console Sparky he simply said, Yuri HANDZONMECAC

The officers among the Tomcat ranks will enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6FTWv7abjU&feature=channel_video_title

by Harry Ballsonue

Sparky Chargers: Sparky, Yuri, Skippy, Jingles, Hollywood, Chevy, Lovie, and Snowpants.
Stevo’s Stingrays: Stevo, Doc, Falcon, Spinner, May Day, La Bamba, Junior and Sunny.
Shamus Sharks: Shamus, Razor, Killer, Zschabba, Matador, Cribz and Soupy.

The Stevo Stingray’s captured the mini tournament with an impressive 3 wins and one tie for 7 points. Sparky Chargers came in second with 3 points, one win, one tie and two losses.  The Shamus Sharks came in third, with 2 points, one win, and three losses. “Of course it is disappointing, I thought I picked ,my team well…I thought I picked the guys that could win, but we just did not get it done, I was happy with some aspects of the game and you know, if I had a second crack at it, I would go with the same team, as I think we could win” Shamus had said.

“I thought we had a pretty good team, but things just did not seem to roll our way, oh well, we still had fun and I loved my team” indicated Sparky.

The three star selection: 3) Shamus, 2) Spinner 1) Sunny.

“I’m honored to be selected as first star, but we had a very good team out there and a number of guys, including our goalie Falcon could have been a first star very easily”, indicated Tomcat Franchise player, Sunny.

From my vantage point, sitting up in the press box, I thought the hockey was very good.  Some quick plays and some outstanding goaltending from all three net minders.

The three Captains for next week: Razor, Falcon and Skippy. This will be a first for a mini tournament format and I like it, I think it should be lots of fun.

Lovie brought his Ipod player and played some ABBA on stage after, on stage and gave an interesting stat about a fecal count on cell phones, “67% of all cell phones have a high fecal count”. Lovie had said. (not sure how he knows this)

Stevo is in Mexico this week, dealing with a few paternity law suits and therefore Hollywood will be the acting President of the Windsor Tomcats, the Vice Presidents are Lovie and Sparky.

On Stevo’s behalf, Mayday stated, “This is nothing for Stevo, he gets these all them time, he will do a DNA sample for them, he always does, Martina Lopez, Maria Sanchez, Octavia Hernadez, Romeriea Diaz, Juliandra Alverez, Romona Flores, Sabrina Gomez, Tara Guzman, Glorianna Jiminez, Amalia Medina, Xenia Mendora, Rosa Torres and Alegra Vargas do not have a leg to stand on, but they will try their best, oh he knows them all, but they have nothing on him”. Mad Day had said.

Stevo returns late Sunday night, so if you are unable to make it on Tuesday, text him, email him, he will still get it and review it on Monday.

Lots of fun out there on the Kapusta Kow floor, the guys just seem to love each other, there is a laugh, a smile, a dig and just good times, don’t ever change Windsor Tomcats, stay beautiful.

CORRECTION: The St. Felix wishes to apologize to the Shamus Sharks organization for not declaring them as winners in a past tournament, this writer would like it be put on record, stating that the Sharks actually won the tournament with 2 wins, one tie and one loss, that is 5 points and they finished with a plus six on the night. Congratulations goes out to Cribz, Hurricane, Sunny, Razor, Yuri and of course Shamus. The Hollywood Hookers finished in second on the night. There are no errors however this week, as reported earlier, the Shamus Sharks finished with a dismal 2 points only winning one game on the night.

When you are there, laughing and reminiscing about a pretty play or pass, or thinking of Stevo’s paternity suits, I will put my Harry Ballsonue.

Many Tomcats can relate…
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=30220

Updated! Click here to read the latest Saint Felix.

by Harry Ballsounue

Hollywood Hookers Falcon, Soupy, Lovie, Snowpants, Sparky and Hollywood
Shamus Sharks Cribz, Hurricane, Sunny, Yuri, Razor and Shamus
May Day Marauders Bearcat, Zchabba, Chevy, Jingles, Doc, Stevo and May Day

What a fantastic night of hockey folks. Hockey was heaven and then on stage, everyone, sitting up there telling stories and laughing and having a few beers, I noticed even the Falcon stayed much later then normal…’what up with that?’

Team Hollywood Hookers ended up winning the mini tournament, with 3 wins, 1 loss and no ties.  They ended up with a minus one on the night.  Where, interestingly enough, the Shamus Sharks, finished with 5 points, with 2 wins, one tie and one loss, and they finished plus 6 on the night.  The May Day Marauders, finished with one tie and 3 losses and finished minus 5 on the night. 

Snowpants had to leave the last game, due to a ‘lower body injury’ which is thought to be his thigh, he worked hard out there, but eventually the Tomcats had to think about the entire season, and not just one game, so Captain Hollywood (Sounds like a super hero) originally said, “Snowpants is being double shifted and playing both the penalty kill and the power play”. But then changed his mind, when he saw Snowpants crying in the corner by the piano. Then Captain Hollywood said, “OK you can sit the last game, there’s no Pants, like Snowpants, like no pants I know” Captain Hollywood had concluded.

It should be noted that Zchabba did a Bobby Orr and rushed the ball from his own zone and scored a goal.

Youngblood is still on injured reserve and his return (like Syd the Kid’s) is still unknown.

With the three star selection, 3rd star, with 6 goals on the night, Shamus, second star, with 7 goals on the night (5 in the first game against the Shamus Sharks) Lovie and first star, with one spectacular save after another, Bearcat. “If only I could stop the easy ones'” Bearcat had said.

It was late into the night and I could hear stories being told, one about Fedur Federov by Jingles and one by Sam Roberts by Doc….

There was some “Crazy Business” going on too,  I only caught the tail end of the story, but someone, had done a huge ‘poopers’ in Yuri’s private dressing room, Yuri was not happy. “It stunk my dressing  room out, who does that”? Yuri had asked.

Overall a fantastic night of hockey…..lots of guys sitting on stage for a long time…nice to see.

Chevy’s case was put aside and Jack-ees case along with Razor’s 12 was consumed and a couple of Rolling Rock were thrown in for good measure.

Stevo brings a 24 of Brava Light, as a fine case….you will remember it was he, who let his team have a drink, before the tournament was over. “Stevo was wrong, he knew it, we play as a club and we drink as a club, so with him bucking up and buying more beer, it really did not hurt anyone, except Yuri of course, who does not seem to like that beer”. stated the Falcon. But, I have to tell you, as I snuck up on stage I spied with my little eye, Yuri having a Brava Light.

Make sure you keep checking out the new feature ‘What the Tomcats Know’ on Sunday-Monday-Tuesday basis, as it gives you the reader a knowing of who is in and who is out on Tuesday’s and it also gives you some updates.

And Finally, I want to remind everyone that the December St. Felix is now here….Razor does a fantastic piece on page three and new fella, May Day uses a pen name and interviews Snowpants, check it out on page 2….and you only thought I Harry Ballsonue was funny, well, while you’re reading the Felix, I’ll be sure to put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Harry Ballsonue

Doc Dockers: Doc, Soupy, Razor, Yuri, Snowpants, Sparky and Hollywood

Rakers: The Rake, Hurricane, Killer, Bulldog, Junior, Chevy and the Falcon

Jingles Jets: Jingles, Bearcat, Cribz, Lovie, Rocky, Bearcat and Stevo

                               W   L    T          GF   GA     +/-    Pts
Jingles Jets           3     1     0            11      8         3         6
Doc Dockers         2     2     0            9        8         1        4
The Rakers            1     3     0            6        7        -1        2

First of all. before the hockey, it must be mentioned that Junior brought his beer. His 12, his other 12 and his 6…..that is why you are the Captain of the greatest hockey club in the world, the Windsor Tomcats….good job Junior !!!

Hockey seemed a bit chippy last night, which is not the way Tuesday night hockey is suppose to go, but there were some frustrations and they were taken out, here and there. Three new rookie mini tournament Captains selected the teams last night and after the game, the Rake of the Rakers had this to add, “I thought I selected well, but some players, just did not do what I thought they would do, I hope I get to be Captain again, I know what to do next time”.

Doc, who has never been a Captain, ever…not even in a real tournament team, had some solid picks and ended up in second place. (Doc was once a Captain in Grade 5, in Victoria, B.C. on a lunch/recess he picked a Baseball team…and he selected the cutest girl in the class, as his first pick and they lost). (Good thinking though)

Jingles, selected for his Jingles Jets and did well, with two tough defense, who ended up scoring a few goals for the team, Cribz and Rocky.

Three star selection: 3) Bearcat 2) Soupy 1) Rocky

Not really a great deal to report.  You sweat, you play, you sweat some more, you hope to make a nice pass, you drink some beer.

Next week, only Sunny is out, so large crowd is expected, watch for the new feature on the Tomcat web site called, ‘what the Tomcat know’. (Should show up on Sunday or Monday)

In other news, Stevo has Named Jingles his new Executive Assistant, “Lovie had done a marvelous job for me and I felt it was not fair to have him hold two important positions.  I wanted him to concentrate more on being the Minister of the Interior and I wanted the new kid, Jingles to have more responsibility: Stevo had said. Jingles was very excited to be named to the position, “I am very excited to be talking on this new role and if there is anything I can do for the Tomcats I will do it, like Sunny says, ‘Glory to the Tomcat'” Jingles had said.

Week Six, pick up sticks, while your doing that, I’ll put my Harry Ballsonue