Windsor Tomcats

By Harry Ballsonue

Rocky’s Wings Rocky, Chevy, Bubbles, Skippy, Junior, Matador, Snowpants and Crispy
May Day Marauders May Day, Crow, Jennings, Rake, Razor, Bulldog, Zaba and Jingles
Yuri’s Met’s Yuri, Sunny, Bearcat, Killer, Mez, Spinner, Cribz and Willy
Stevo’s Stingrays Stevo, Lovie, Doc, Chords, Hollywood, LaBamba, Sparky and the Falcon

Every Captain thinks he has a good team….every Captain thinks his team can win Stanley’s Cup on February 25,2012, so who am I to say, that I think one team is better than the other, everyone has a chance, until the final whistle blows.  Good luck to all four teams.

Tournament rules are on the web site under the ‘Tournament Rules’ Tab at the top of this page.  Tomcat president is asking that everyone take the time to read the rules.

Tournament is for fun…so please don’t think winning the Stanley’s Cup will propel you into the NHL…..maybe the KHL but not the NHL!

At the tournament, when you have champagne in your pubic hair, let me put my Harry Ballsonue!

The Black Mac’s: 7-0, 7-4
Mayday, Rocky, Junior, Hurricane, Hollywood, Sunny, Yuri, Szabba and Razor

The White Knights: 7-2
Sparky, Bulldog, Snowpants, Chevy, Cribs, Jingles, Killer, Rake and Falcon

Game #1:
The Knights came out flying, the ball was rolling fast,
Snowpants was on fire, so we knew the die was cast,
With Killer scoring goals and the Black Mac’s standing still,
Razor sucked the big one as the White Knights scored at will.

Game #2:
This game started different, with the Black Mac’s running the show,
The net was filling quickly, scoring goals both high and low,
Every pass was on the tape, every shot found a hole,
Goal, forward, defense, every player knew their role.

Game #3:
The Black Mac’s had momentum, they started fast and strong,
If they thought they’d have an easy win, boy were they ever wrong,
The White Knight’s began to bend the twine, they finally found their mojo,
But in the end the Black Mac’s won, if only the Knights had Stevo!

HPP

Harry Palm Press:

4,  3, 1, 4, 1-2, 3, 2 or 3, 2, 3’s, 3, 3 of 4,  4 on 4 and a 5 then 6 ,  7-5,  7-4,  7-6, 2 out of 3, 6.6, 5.3, 2nd, 1, 3, 1, 2 or was it 3?,  4, 4, and finally a 3.  First let me indicate to all those Tomcats whom like to gamble and participate in poker games,or placing their bets on the NHL pool, that the numbers are not pre predicted to be ever drawn for a lotto pool.  Let me explain the numbers chosen:

There were 4 Skipjacks who joined the evening as Tomcat players with 3 of those players actually being showcased – Matt “Dizzy” D, Paul “Crazy Chords” C, and Nick “Willy” W.  Fans already know, or might guess then that the 1 remaining player would be Skippy, who broke into the ranks of the Tomcats as a full time member after being showcased just over a year and a half ago.  While full time the netminde is well aware he is 4th on the depth charts for Tomcats goalies, who have the solid 1-2 punch of Razor and the Falcon, followed in line by Bearcat, then Skippy.  Sources and Management have indicated of the 3 showcased players 2 or 3 may be considered for the upcoming tournament.  I likely think 2 in the end will actually get the nod, and one hockey critics along with Tomcats Management would be hard pressed to find fault with all 3’s play on Tuesday night.  Very interesting is the fact with how fast the showcased members made thier impact felt on the Kapustow floor.  The 3 players – while not all drafted on the same team, combined to score 3 of 4 goals scored in the opening game.  The fourth however (Skippy) let in 7 -7 and then 6…..Initially Tomcats management had thought there may have been another mini-tournament, but it ended up as a regular night with 4 spares a side. 

Scores of course were 7-5, 7-4, and 7-6 with the White Lightning  loosing  to the Blackjacks 2 out of 3 games.  Both Skippy and Razor played well with Skippy’s G.A.A 6.6 and Razor’s 5.3.  Skippy started a little off with the first game, but was able to somewhat recover and turned in a solid 2nd half.  In the end Razor showed the skills that have made him a number  1 starter, at one point absolutely robbing showcase player “Willy” on a breakaway.  Being a ‘regular’ game there were no star selections, as I later learned the 3 star selection only goes on mini-tournaments,  the outdoor classic or yearly tourny.  But with a great game how could there not be at least 1 star chosen.  Well, I quess I’ll throw out my star selection – and while there may be some debate over it, I’d give it to “Hurricane” Hann, who while one of the more seasoned players was still able to show he’s still got “moves like Jagger”.   The Hurricane scored on at least 2 or was it 3 pretty moves around the net.  It will be interesting then next week with the big draft which round the “Hurricane” would have been drafted in, as he is away on a trip with his wife, a past Miss Warsaw. There’s only 4 weeks and 4 days before “Rocky” takes to the floor to defend “Rocky’s Wings” win of last years cup.

After the game I spoke quickly with showcase player “Crazy Corda” who stated, “It was a real honour to just be invited out.  You could really see in this space how as a player it’s important to play as a team member – passes were quick and teams were very motivated to utilize all the players on the floor”. “I’m very relieved I played well and was able to help the Blackjacks win with some good goals – Even Dizzy got in there with one, and it was nice to see all of played well”.  Yes indeed the 3 players did play well, and as I was congratulating themall on a great showing I looked down and quietly said to “Dizzy”, “I know your excited, but Yuri HANDSONMECAC”.

Yuri

By Harry Ballsonue

White Lightning: Skippy, Lovie, Stevo, Cribz, Snowpants, The Rake, Show Case Nick, Soupy, Hurricane
Black Jacks: Razor, Hollywood, Rocky, Junior, Show Case Matt, Show Case Paul, Sparky, Doc, Chevy

The White Lightning got beat up pretty good by the Black Jacks, 7-5, 7-4 and then lost 7-6…..but they could have won it, if they really wanted to, I think they just felt sorry for the White Lightening. I got a headache out there watching them run around and pass the ball”, indicated a weary Cribz, “They really could control the play out there”, Cribz continued.

After the exhilarating game on Sunday against the Skip Jacks, I thought the games were somewhat flat, but I still enjoyed them.

The Tomcats brought out three new players to be show cased, Willy has played in the Out Door classic, but Dizzy and Chords were call ups from the Bad Axe Bearcats as two to possibly three players may be needed for the tournament.

"The Show Cased...Dizzy, Chords and Willy"

It was discovered late last week, that Youngblood is done for the season, with an undisclosed ‘lower body’ injury, which is believed to be a groin strain according to sources close to the the situation. Shamus maybe traded to Ottawa and Soupy is unable to play due to work commitments. All three new comers played very well and all notched a few goals on the night. President and CEO watched the three closely, “I was impressed with all three, I would love to see all three play, but will wait to see what our numbers are come draft night, which goes next Tuesday night, January 31” Stevo had said.

As far as Sunday night went, I do wish to make one correction, Chevy had actually scored three goals on the night, I was mistaken and only reported that he had scored two goals, but he had 3 goals total, 1 in the first game and 2 in the second.

Next week is always a fun night with the draft, while sitting their at the draft table, I plan to put my Harry Ballsonue.

Harry Palm Press

Avid readers have already digested Harry’s article regarding the recent tilt between the Tomcats and Sandwich Skipjacks – and he indeed hit the nail on the head by indicating the second game was stolen by Bearcat.  For a goalie who doesn’t come out too much for the Tomcats it was nice to see the veteran put in a solid effort with saves that simply demoralized the Skipjacks, and eventually won Bearcat first star of the game.  Being a classy organization, even with the two wins the Tomcats gave the Skipjacks their praise – noting the organization had some really good players.  While not nearly as organized as the Tomcats – I mean Tomcats drafted their lines on that sweet paper plate – none the less the Skipjacks showed they could be a team to contend.  It was further a relief to both managers when both teams, regardless of the score played hard, fair, and whenever things got toooo competitive each side later ‘hugged’ it out. 

The Skipjacks had only just recently gave themselves a name, and maybe even an identity they had been lacking; considering they had core members who had played in ananominity for the past ten years.  Historically the origins of the team are still muddied, and the team learned a valuable lesson or two from playing the Tomcats, a well established organization.  The Tomcats have grown slowly to become what they are according to Stevo, the President of the Tomcats, who commented – “I respect where the Skipjacks are as a group, I remeber the early days of very few players coming out.  Now I have to vet new players and we have several desperately wanting to join’. 

While the Skipjacks may not have won a game, several players we quietly being watched by the Tomcats organization and have earned themselves a trip to tonights game.  Look for Nick Wilson, Maciej “Matt” Dziedzic and Paul Corda.  Recent sources have indicated both Matt and Nick are sure to show, but Corda is still working on being let loose from work duties.  Another great thing to come out of the game was that both teams combined were able to raise $150 for Special Olympics.  Good coin from good guys leaving everything on the “Tilston Dome”.  Hats off to the Tomcats on capturing the first ‘Tilston Charity Cup’.  Skipjack manager Skippy indicated a trophy will be quickly made and presented to the winning Manager in the very near future.  The Tomcats were very impressed not only with the hockey itself, but at the very fine facility the Skipjacks have secured.  Assistant Captain, Lovie indicated, “The facility was top notch, and our team was warmly welcomed and hands were shook at the end – Classy move by both teams, cause I’ve seen losing teams just not man up and congratulate the victors”.

Sources indicate Tomcats management is now considering to participate yearly in the Skipjacks efforts to raise funds for their charity.  Tomcat Team Captain, Sparky commented, “It is a strong possibility the Tomcats would come out again next year, I mean how can you have a cup won and not provide the chance to the other team to win it back?”.

After the game Danish from the Skipjacks indicated he was pleased with the teams showing, “We had a real chance that first game to win – it was a 9-9 tie and we missed a great opportunity early on to end it.  I was real happy as I had expressed a concern we’d be killed”.  Thankfully for the Skipjacks that wasn’t the case and several players expressed the desire for a re-match in the future.  With all games there’s always a ‘game within a game’ for managers selecting lines and starting goaltenders.  Fans noted Danish got the nod, and I caught up with Skippy afterwards to ask him about the decision – “I had to go with the hot hand, I admit to not playing well recently and Danish has had my number for several of our usual Sunday tilts.  When I reviewed all the stats from 2011 the numbers bore out my decision easily as Danish has the better win/lose record and G.A.A.  Sometimes great manages have to recognize when other s are playing well and go with them….If that first game would have been a win-well as much as I hate to say it Danish would have gone back in, if we had lost the second game and if a tie breaker needed to be played – he deserved to go back in and play the rubber match as he played very well for us in that first game”.

With the addition of possibly 3 Skipjacks to tonights game an easy prediction is another minitournament in which Skippy is slated to play.  Fans will be closely watching how the netminder reacts as statistical insiders alreay know he has yet to win a mini tournament and currently sits at a 3.06G.A.A for the 2011-current date. Falcon is out with a lower body injury and the Danish is out with the flu and will not be called up from Peoria.  So look for Hollywood to be lacing up the pads tonight.

When I tried to bolster the lads confidence I looked down and said, “Skippy – Yuri HANDZONMECAC”

Yuri

By Harry Ballsonoue

1972 Summit now 40 years later in 2012 this game….Coincidence?

Goalies: Falcon, Bearcat
Defense: Rocky, Hollywood, Rake and Sparky
#1 Line: Sunny, Lovie Spinner
#2 Line: Doc, Hurricane, Chevy
#3 Line: Stevo, Crow, Killer

2012 Windsor Tomcats 'Ready to Defend'

A very interesting tilt, at the Skip Jack Arena as the Windsor Tomcats beat the Sandwich Towne Skip Jacks, 10-9, 10-6.

Two very close battles, with the Skip Jacks presenting a solid effort, “You can’t take anything away from them, they played great and were in the game right to the final goal”, indicated Tomcat Team Captain, Sparky.

“It was a bit different for us”, indicated Assistant Captain, Lovie, the ball bounced a lot out there..something we are not use to.  We played with five guys on and that was different, but we just plugged away and never game up”. Concluded Lovie.

In the first game, the Skip Jacks held their own and tied the Tomcats up on a couple of occasions, eventually pushing them to a nine nine tie.”You know both teams really wanted to win that game”, stated organizer and net minder for the Skip Jacks, Skippy, but in the end, the Tomcats scored the winner…after that, we seemed to tail off a bit, but I’m really proud of the guys and their accomplishments, I can say we did great”. Concluded Skippy.

Stevo lead the way with 6 goals, then Crow with 5, Lovie with 2, Spinner with 2, Chevy with 2, Sparky with 1 and Hurricane with only 1 on the night. (I know I am missing one goal scorer….let me know who you are and I will include it in the Tuesday night blog)  “Maybe I tried too hard out their to impress my protégé Chevy, but he got on the score sheet and we ended up winning, not like that kicker for the Baltimore Ravens”. Hurricane stated. Crow and Stevo were inserted in the line up, after, Snowpants, Shamus, Youngblood, Jingles and Soupy were unable to make it.

Big saves by Bearcat in the second game kept the Tomcats in, “He was incredible in the net”, stated Spinner, “A stellar performance, he seemed to be stopping everything and got better and better as the night went on, we owe our second victory to Bearcat, quite easily”. Spinner concluded.

Goaltending wins Championships and Bearcat  showed that, in the second game for the Tomcats. “It was nice of the guys to give me the first star, but I thought the Defense played well in front of me and the forwards scored some goals, so it made my job easy” a humble Bearcat said.

Talk of another game next year was already being mentioned back at the Mess Hall, where the Tomcats and some of the Skip Jacks went back for beer and some NFL Playoff Football. The 49ers lost and I tried to call Snowpants, but his fiancé Lorraine indicated that he locked himself in the washroom and was crying uncontrollably.

So there ends another night of Tomcat Travel Hockey. Complaints were made by the Skip Jacks about Tomcats hacking their virgin shins, but in the end, some solid passing and hard work, lead them to the victory.

If you have a close look at the line up sheet, where else would you see the line up done on a plate…hey is their some macaroni salad on that plate?

Where else would you see the line up done on a paper plate??? Tomcats Forever!

I enjoyed the game, but there is nothing like the action on the Kapusta Kow Floor as I put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Bloggy Bloggerstein

Tonight the Tomcats didn’t have enough for a mini tournament, but it took 18 minutes and 15 guys barking at Hollywood before it was decided. “I hope Stevo doesn’t miss many nights” said Holly, “these guys are fucking animals”.

Nicky stepped up and set the teams initially, lining up himself, Falcon, Soupy, Rock, Snowpants, Gretzky, Bossy and Lemieux…against Holly, Hann and Chevy with no goalie.

After a bit of adjustment the MLK-themed teams ended up:

White bread: Cribz, Hollywood, Snowpants, Shovey, Rake, Rocky and Junior.
Black panthers: May Day, Soupy, Boomba, Bulldog, Lovie, Killer, Turk and Hurricane.

Three goalies rotated, Falcon, Skippy and Danish.

Game one went to the vanilla crew 7-5 with Skippy beating Danish. Game two went to the dark side 7-3 with Falcon beating Skip for the win. The rubber match was a hotly contested match with some really good hockey. Behind the solid goaltending of the Falcon the Tighty Whiteys pulled out the rubber match 5-2. The Danish took the loss, but the talk was that he and Skippy were playing it low key to keep all their secrets for Sunday. “they’re sandbagging us” said Hurricane as he tucked his wallet neatly in Bulldog’s gym bag. “They will look like Roy and Tretiak Sunday”.

The 3 stars of the game as chosen by Boomba were Snowpants as third star, Bulldog as second star and Falcon as número uno.

Some highlights of the night included Turk going ballistic over the beer selection. “What in the blue fuck?” exclaimed George as he opened the cooler. “Molson 67? You gotta be fucking fooling me. I’d rather put a dick in my mouth before one of these, Christ. You can mess around with my pizza but don’t ever think about buying this ball sweat again”.

Another high point, literally, was Killer losing his stick which stood straight up. He was going full speed and pole vaulted on his stick which was jammed in his crotch. A strange,loud guttural noise was heard as he vaulted and everyone else stood in suspended animation watching. It was akin to the Nancy Kerrigan “why….why….whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?” Killer ended up being ok and we all witnessed the most acrobatic maneuver ever performed on the Kapusta floor. Hollywood came a close second when he tried to jump the boards but forgot to lift his legs. He fell flat on his face with a thud and then jumped up claiming it was a stunt fall. Many players seemed unconvinced.

May Day did a great impression of an Inuit throwing a harpoon when he tossed his twig toward Hollywood, Bulldog and Snowpants looked like water bugs all over the ice and Boomba looked like a mid 80’s Coffey with his slick passing.

The only negative all night was a late news flash that Youngblood may possibly be out for the year. Whispers around the locker room suggested a professional Gilooly-like hit bankrolled by Killer due to the lack of veggies on the pizza while others suggested the NDP bashing may have put Andy off for good. Further updates will be passed on as they become known.

On a related note, it has been rumored that Shamus may be moving to Ottawa as a special assistant to the PM on a hockey subcommittee. This has not been verified, but updates will be relayed on this breaking story as well.

Also, Hollywood’s second career in music may be taking up too much of his Tomcat focus according to Stevo. “I don’t even know this guy anymore. He’s not the same guy I gave my campus crew sweatshirt to years ago. He may join Lovie on the review list if he is not careful. Below is a photo of Hollywood enjoying himself away from his Tomcat brethren…to be continued.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2060162048/tt1101237

By Harry Ballsonue

The Windsor Tomcats announced this afternoon, the Tomcat roster that is to participate in the Tomcat-Skip Jack game, to be held at the Skip Jack Arena on Sunday January 22, 2012…Here they are:

Goalies: Bearcat, Falcon

Defence: Hollywood, Doc, Sparky, Rake, Rocky & Lovie

Forwards: Killer, Sunny, Soupy, Shamus, Youngblood, Snowpants, Hurricane, Chevy & Spinner

Tomcats going with 3 full lines and two goalies, Captain Sparky had this to say at the press conference, “we are looking forward to this historical event, we think we are bringing along a team that will represent the Tomcat nation, very well. We thank Skippy for putting this together and we’ll see you Sunday night”.

INFORMATION: Tomcats to wear black, be there 6:45. game is on Sunday January 22, 2012, start time time is 7:05p.m.

It us my understanding that if  any one has any questions they are to contact Sparky, Lovie or Hollywood. (If you can’t make it, is what I was told)

It is a military complex, behind the tank, out front, I’ll put my Harry Ballsonue.

by Bloggy Bloggerstein

I realize I have been letting the articles slide this year. It is due to my part-time job as a porn makeup artist. Everyone thinks high definition is so great, I dare them to watch it in HD with out any makeup. Horrifying. Have you ever tried to get just the right amount of mascara to run perfectly for a deep throat scene? Ever seen a crushed spider too long between brazilians without some rouge? A raging, beet-red genital wart with no powder? How about an angry clitoris…forget it, most guys can’t find those anyway…

Regardless, standard definition is better, let’s leave it at that. Back to my story. I get a text from Lovie asking me to go meet him for lunch at Hurricane’s yesterday and I accept, thinking it is a nice opportunity to get together and chat while hammering home some chicken wings. I hear that a few other Tomcat greats will be in attendance, so I am geeked and show up at the restaurant with my appetite, autograph book and a sharpie.

After sitting for 19 minutes he finally shows up, rushing in like he is the busiest man on earth. He hardly said hello, he just buried his head in the menu and started beaking off at the waitress which made her cry. He then ordered up half the menu and complained that it was taking too long. When his food came he bit into a piping hot wing and turned the roof of his mouth into Hiroshima after the bomb. He cursed, whispered to the waitress, who cringed thinking she was going to get blasted again and returned to his seat. Next thing you know the waitress brings over the bill with everyone’s lunch on it. Lovie makes a big show of grabbing it in tells us he is paying for lunch because he has to leave right away. Fucking big shot…

Get ready, this is where it gets good. His eyes get as big as pie plates as he scrambles around from pocket to pocket like a mime with ADHD. “I forgot my wallet” he says. Jesus H, I’ve heard it all now. “What an asshole” said Snowpants, “I’ll get the bill then”.

“Hurricane is cheap, but Lovie is so cheap that his wallet is inside Hann’s wallet” said Hollywood, bashing Hurricane yet again as he so loves to do.

“We need some kind of justice” said Stevo. “I’m calling Nick immediately, you are getting a fine shoved right up your ass pal”.

“Bloggy don’t play dat” I replied. “That’s the oldest trick in the book mofo”.

“If things are that tight the soup kitchen is down the street. Try there next time” said Sparky. “Count me out for the next charitable dinner”.

In discussions with other Tomcat alums it appears that this is not an isolated incident.

“Yeah, Lovie got me on that one too” said a visibly shaken Doc. “I thought he was a decent guy and we were to meet at Hurricane’s for noon. He strolls in 30 minutes late and eats, then slinks off without paying the bill. Phony fucker told me he thought we were going to pull a dine-n-dash when I confronted him at hockey the following week”.

“You think that’s bad?” said an animated Razor. “At least he had the nerve to show up for your lunch date! That asshole never even made it for the last one. Said he was busy or some shit. Well, at least I didn’t get stuck with the bill I guess”…

“That old chestnut” said Falcon as he gazed into the sky lovingly. “I used to love that scam, the old I forgot my wallet routine. I’ve had many a meal on that one, but it gets old real quick. If you have any class at all you shut it down after 1 or 2 lunches with the same group of guys”.

“I just want to get this out so that it can’t happen to any more unsuspecting Tomcats” said a forlorn Snowpants. “I thought he was a cool guy, I’ve had him over for drinks and football games and overly-salty snack treats and wonderful cheese and meat trays and he does this to me? I can’t…uh…” A broken Snowy had to be walked to his car in a bundle of tears by the Tomcat security detail.

“Booya! I always told you the guy was an asshole Stevo” said Darek, who has seen some of Lovie’s worst behaviour on the soccer pitches of Windsor. “I hate to say I told you so, but he’s a fucking clown and should be relieved of his Tomcat privileges”.

Unnamed sources say emergency team meetings are taking place this morning to decide Lovie’s fate. More on this as it becomes available.

By Harry Ballsonue

Cool Cats: Razor, Cribz, Hollywood, Zaba, Stevo, Spinner and Snowpants
Black Cats: Falcon, Sparky, Rocky, Chevy, Sunny, Soupy and Mez

You want a work out? Well, if you did not play last night…you missed it.  Two teams, two spares aside and the hockey was fast and furious, with the Black Cats winning both games, 7-4 and then 7-6.  The Cool Cats made it interesting in the second game, having a 6-1 lead, but then the Black Cats stormed back and won the game 7 to 6. “I could not believe we lost, we had them on the ropes and they came back”, stated a dejected Zaba.

“We did not seem to have it together in the first part of game two, but then we clicked and scored a few goals and won the game, it does not get better than that”, stated a smiling Sparky.

The Falcon donned some new equipment, blocker, trapper, pads, obviously a good boy at Christmas and Santa treated him with some spiffy equipment. “I was a bit miffed by the Toronto Maple Leaf colours he had on the equipment, I only could score one goal. The rest of the night, I was just out of sync, I hope he changes the colour on them.” Stevo had said.

“It was good to see everyone”indicated Snowpants, “I missed the boys a lot over the Christmas break”. Snow Pants had concluded.

“I don’t recall the stage being so empty”, stated Falcon, “You don’t get to see it like this that often”.

The Tomcats had only 3 guys not in the line up on Sunday but then a number of Tomcats bailed last minute and it ended up being 2 spares a side. “It really is something when so many decide not to come, and we still have 2 spares a side, it was fantastic hockey, so thanks to those that did not make it”, stated a well worked Cribz. “Hopefully I can walk tomorrow”, Cribz concluded with a smile.

Some good reviews on the Tomcat pre Christmas toque “My wife Denise just loved the toque, said it was classy and that I could wear it with a suit”, stated a beaming Sunny. Any new clothing items? “We are looking at a grayish sweat shirt with the same design as our Black Tomcat Hoodie”, indicated Hollywood, “Just wrapping up some final prices. Tomcats may subsidize it a bit, but the majority of the cost will be to that of the Windsor Tomcat himself”, concluded Hollywood.

Till next week, keep your stick on the Kapusta Kow Floor and go to the net and good things will happen, and if you are around the net, I will put my Harry Ballsonue.