Twas the night before Christmas and all through the halls
Were Danny and Stevo hunting for golf balls
Pfanueff stockings were hung by the chimney over there
Stevo had hopes the Bundura would care
The Tomcats were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of Stanley’s Cups danced in their heads.
Ends a Tomcat party with the boys wearing their caps,
had just settled their pickled brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I ‘dismounted ‘dis chick to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
And there was Snowpants wearing nothing but a purple sash.
The moon on the breast above the house of Crow
gave the lustre of midday to Lakeshore Lemons below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
was Hurricane riding in a sleigh with tiny reindeer.
With the lefty driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it couldn’t be Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
and he whistled and shouted, it was Andy, Doc’s his nickname.
“Now Louis! Now Spanky!
Now Chevy and Soupy!
On, Lovie! On, Sunny!
On, Hollywood, on Killer!
To the top of the porch!
If you’re not too drunk to walk at all!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!”
And then, in a tinkling, I heard on the roof
It was Junior having a wiz, boy what a goof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Junior with Zaba, not fucking around.
His eyes–how they crossed! The dimples in his ass, how merry!
Had ten martinis with a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
Cribzee and Tunezee made him blow.
The stump of a bong he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
You’re going to jail in this white full sized van,
You’ll be spending the holidays in the can
Stevo dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were not tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of MGD he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a bartender just opening his pack.
As dry leaves that before the Tomcats fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, glasses held high
so up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
another trip to Battlecreek, starting to brew
There is too much hacking at hockey, Stevo said at work,
One of these days, I am going to call that guy a jerk.
And laying his stick at the side of the bench,
Michelle would kill me if I called her a wench
He sprang to his feet, to his team gave a whistle,
“Play the fucking ball” until you hear the whistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Hockey to all, and to all a good night!”
By St. Nick (May Day)
By Harry Ballsonue
Teams:
Kamikaze Komets Kamikaze (Captain) Crow, Rocky, Snowpants, Flintstone, Ogie, Chico and Hicksee
Doc Blitzen Doc (Captain) Beep, Sunny, Stevo, Sparky, Spinner, Hollywood and Razor
Sheepdog Vixen Sheep Dog (Captain) Soupy, Matador, Jingles, Cribzie, Falcon, Hurricane and Killer
Packed house at the Kapusta Kow, with the franchise players all showing their stuff to the potential Captains of the Major Tournament. The Kamikaze Komets take the tournament with Crow leading the charge. He blocks shot, intercepts passes, he passes, he shoots, he scores a one man band…..he can do it all.
The order of the draft for the February Tournament (Feb. 28) was determined and first pick went to Doc Sturgeons, Second to Kamikaze Flying Aces, third to the Sheep Dogs from Outer Space and fourth and fifth picks go to The Rake-amataz (aka the Rake).
“I am very, very excited to have the first pick overall, Hurricane has been playing great this year…so has Chevy…..but I think we are looking more at Beep or Sunny….” Indicated Doc.
“Sure you would like to have first pick and pick Crow, but maybe he will be available as a fourth pick this year”. stated The Rake and then started laughing uncontrollably
The three start selection as selected by La Bamba, the third star #32 Hollywood, the second star #88 Ogie, and the first star #39 Chico.
A super solid, buy a guy who does not drink….brought a 26er of Canadian Club to the Tomcat Christmas Party, put her there Flintstone! and like Mr.. Slate would say, “Flintstone you’re NOT fired”. Tomcats thank you for your warm generosity.
Tomcat Gifts were opened on stage with care, after hockey….as they knew St. Nicholas was already there. Beautiful Beer Bottle Koozies, designed by Rocky, great job Rocky…I could see the smiles on everyone’s faces as they opened up their gift.
Pizza was ordered by the assistant Minister of Pizza, Zaba…great job Zaba of course many uttered the now famous quote of the Turk, “you want veggies on your pizza, you want veggies, then go have a fucking salad”. (Classic) and speaking of The Turk, he was not able to be there, as he is vacationing with Tomcat Clothing designer and super model Nadia, but asked that I pass this along…..
The boys gather in the Tomcat lounge for some beer, pizza and Leaf hockey.
More Christmas cheer shared by the Tomcats!
Nothing beats hanging with the boys at the year-end Christmas party!
There’s an annual contest at Bond University, Australia, calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year’s chosen term was: “political correctness“.
The winning student wrote: “Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.”
I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Year’s…please be safe and take care of those you love!
TOMCATS FIRST NIGHT BACK IS ON JANUARY 13, 2015.
Do you think, just for one minute, when the kids have opened up all their presents and the Mrs. has gone to take a shower while you are sitting there in front of the roaring fire that I could put my Harry Ballsonue?
Often has been the debate regarding whether Tomcat players really do or don’t like to play in a mini tournament. Statistically one would have to dust off the book to really dig into the number of times so far this season we have seen a mini.
Tuesday night featured another mini, to which I am not opposed as I consider it a warm up to the ‘big’ annual tourney. A recent article hinted at some of the mini stats, such as the prowess of the Matador and his win streak as a Captain. For pure dominace or simply a team that fans witnessed gelling from the moment the puck dropped; we may have to add Sunny’s name. Sunnyy and his selection Tuesday night simply couldn’t be matched. It really was a rarity to see a mini team come together so quickly and ride the night to tournament win in such handy fashion.
The only hiccup for the team was against Beep’s Oceans, whom in the last game eked out a tie. The night featured great matches between Beep and Sunny as one game had Beeps squad up by 3, only to have Sunny’s Skies explode for 6 goals. In the rematch with Beep and the gang seeking some redemption on a night filled with close calls; the superstar could find no resolution and it is not a rarity anymore to see a tie game in a mini.
One would have also thought with there but being a week left of hockey before the annual Christmas break that we would have seen an evening of no shenanigans. Such regrettably was not the case and future fines of tasty beverages have been added to the coffers. “I now, I know, I threw my stick and I will bring a case of beer in the new year”, indicated Tunzie. You have to love his competiveness but remember, you’re not going to the NHL…AHL maybe, but not the NHL…..And like most Tuesday nights with the players eyeing future NHL contracts we witnessed some hyjinks. Snowpants tasted the ‘conduit’ along the side wall, Falcon had a player try to slice his juggler, and Skippy was run over. But when it all was over and Sunny’s team hoisted the invisible mini tournament cup, the boys in true Tomcat fashion hit the stage and settled any further hurt feelings over more bevies. The three stars were congratulated and all were reminded of next weeks annual Christmas game in which all Tomcats will find themselves on the nice list and receive their Christmas present.
It should also be mentioned that Skippy’s GAA on the night was 3..89
So with the 2014 season winding down and the players counting the days till ‘Santa’ arrives, I will be in the bevy cooler tasting some fine selections while Pattyn Megroin.
Pattyn,
by Harry Ballsonue
Teams
Sunny Skies Captain Sunny, Lovie, Snowpants, Stevo, Sparky, Cribzie, Kamikaze, Skippy
Rocky Mountains Captain Rocky, Soupy, Spinner, Falcon, Jingles, May Day, Doc, Killer
Beep Oceans Captain Beep, Tunzie, Matador, Razor, Chico. Shack, Hollywood
A very good night of hockey with the Sunny Skies taking the Mini.
Newcomer, Shack, pulls off a solid and brings 12 Rolling Rock, nice work Shack.
The Greeks are trying to take over …Sunny Soupy and Shack
Tunzie throws his stick and will now be fined a 24 in the new year.
Matador, pays off fine of 12 for almost decapitating Kamikaze last week…..Put her there Matador!
Three star selection as selected by La Bamba, 3rd star, # 23 Cribzie, 2nd Star, #21 Tunzie and the first star, #17 Sunny.
If you have not told Doc if you can play in the tournament, then please do, as he needs to get everything in place, so that the draft can take
place on January 13, 2015, which just so happens to be the first night back after the Christmas break.
Hollywood did a great job with back board, contributions like this, make the Tomcat world go round.
Next week, December 16, is the Tomcat Christmas Party. You are reminded to have a Designated Driver. All Beer, Rye, Rum, Vodka to be
provided. Only cost you have is $10 for pizza. The party will commence after hockey. After hockey, the Tomcats will also hand out this years Christmas
Present to all the Tomcats.
Hey, while you are enjoying that slice of pizza, (no veggie please) can I put my Harry Ballsonue
By Harry Ballsonue
“We are what we think” Buddha
Teams:
Sheep Dog’s White Knights: Captain Sheep Dog, Tunzie, Soupy, Rocky, Stevo, Chico, Hurricane
Doc’s Black Demons : Doc Captain, Beep, Matador, Sunny, Sparky, Falcon, Rake
Kamikaze’s Red Rovers: Kamikaze Captain, Lovie, Snowpants, Jingles, Spinner, Turk, Hollywood
The hockey was very good and if you missed the night you missed a full night of excitement and knockdowns….(Easy Snowpants)…Originally it was thought that the Kamikaze Red Rovers won, but after further calculation, verified by Soupy and Snowpants, Sheep Dog’s White Knights won by a goal differential.
Nice to see Spinner back in the line up…….and he played so well that he got Star Status….the three stars as selected by La Bamba, the Third star, # 19 Stevo, the second Star, # 44 Spinner and the first star, #39 Chico.
Couple of injuries to report, The Rake went down like a sack of potatoes as he was chasing Tunzie down, the Tomcats are reporting a ‘lower body injury’, but from all accounts of the replays that I have seen, looks like a right knee situation and it looks like the Rake may be out for a few weeks. In another incident, the Matador, slashed the Kamikaze with a high stick, the refs did not catch it at the time. Kamikaze went into the infirmary and was stitched up and was back on the bench within a few minutes…”A good Canadian Boy”, Don Cherry had said. The league has reviewed the tape and it does show that the Matador did not have control of his stick and a fine of a case of beer (12 pack) has been levied against the Matador…to be brought out by the end of January, 2015
“After taking a stick to the ear by Matador, Kamikaze got stitched up and was back on the bench for more action ….good Canadian Kid….way Ta go Kamikaz ” Don Cherry
Super solid by Tunzie, brings a 24 Rolling Rock, ‘Just because’. Rocky gets a solid, for bringing a 24 of Rolling Rock….he was suppose to bring a 12…but hey, he does not even drink, and he brings a 24…change that to a super solid. Stevo’s night for beer and he brought Rolling Rock as well…three cases sitting up on stage……
As far as solids go, Spinner, gets a super solid too…a few weeks back, minor leaguer Hicksee needed a pair of hockey gloves and Spinner gave him his….if that is not the Tomcat Christmas Spirit, then I don’t know what is….”It was a Festive Miracle” as Hollywood would say.
Solid move that should have been mentioned last week was that Spanky had brought a bottle of Forty Creek a few weeks back, the boys cracked it open last week and from what I was told, it was a tasty treat. So great job Spanky…love that you are back in with the Tomcats…love to have you come and play soon.
Great time at the Christmas party and Sunny, Chevy and Snowpants should get ‘Contributor Award’ consideration come tournament time for organizing such a fantastic event. Snowpants always takes the time to organize a game show, and that has to be mentioned in this blog, cuz Snowpants really really cares about the Tomcats, and has become an extremely valuable member of the Tomcats both on and off the Kapusta Kow Floor.
Pitbull who is a big fan of the Windsor Tomcats attending their Christmas Party and just like his videos …surrounded him self with beautiful …case in point Roxy and DJ Broozzer Holly …
Just to show you what great guys, Matador and Tunzie are…..
Tunzie and Matador ( not shown ) left their Rock Bottom gift cards for other Tomcats to enjoy ….that is the Tomcat Christmas Spirit !
An email has been sent out to everyone by Doc for the upcoming tournament, to be held February 28,2015. The cost is $20 and you get another Tomcat Tee Shirt, beer and three and half hours of rocking excursive. If you are in, let Doc know if you are in. You need to let Doc know before January 7, 2015 as the draft goes the first Tuesday night back, January 13. The draft order goes December 16, right after hockey, on stage, before the Tomcat Christmas gift is distributed. Ho Ho Ho…..
I want to leave you today, with the words from a Bruce Springsteen song, they are one of my favourite lines in any song, it goes, “Barefoot girl, sitting on the hood of a Dodge, drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain”. How is that the Tomcats? well, it could go something like this, “Barefoot guys, sitting on the stage, drinking beer on ice, in the Kapusta Kow”. Does it get any better than that?
Hey, whilst you are drinking a beer, eating Kielbasa and cheese, stitching up the Kamikaze and helping the Rake of the Kapusta Kow Floor, could I put my Harry Ballsonue.
Other photos from the Christmas Party…
Tomcat party or GQ reunion?
We all love Canada…and Canadian ladies!
Sparky couldn’t seem to ever get a picture with Pitbull so he found someone more famous….Julie and Lovie.
Nothing better than hanging with Tomcats!
By Harry Ballsonue
Jingles Jets….Captain Jingles, Beep, Soupy, Chevy, Falcon, Cribzie, Turk and the Kamikaze
Matador Bulls…Captain Matador, Lovie, Sunny, Snowpants, Sparky, Doc and Bearcat
Hurricane Crimson Tide…Captain Hurricane, Rocky, La Bamba, Stevo, Chico, Hicksee, and Hollywood
A very, very good night of hockey. The Matador Bulls take the Mini, and that puts the Matador at 5-1 when he is a Captain of a mini. “I thought we did well out there today…the team jelled, we got solid goaltending from Bearcat, so, I can just smile and say great job boys, to my team”, stated the Matador.
And when I say good hockey….very gentleman like, very sportsman like…very nice to see.
“Stevo seemed to be like kryptonite to Soupy tonight, stopping him every bit of the way”, indicate Lovie and Chevy, who started wearing a toque was sweating his balls off….”Where was his inner tube head band”? Lovie asked….
The three star selection as selected by La Bamba….but first I must mention that Doc scored 4 goals tonight and was not even considered as a star….Matador was willing to relinquish his star for Doc…..but the three that were selected were worthy, the 3rd star, # 12, Beep. The second star, # 10 The Matador and the first star, #33 Bearcat.
Super solid, by Hicksee, for coming out, all the way from Cheektowaga, (New York, just outside Buffalo) where the Bad Axe Bearcats were playing and sitting on a bus for 14 hours to make the game, he brought 12 MGD. Way to go Hicksee put her there!
And the Tomcat Gods were looking over him, as he did the super solid, he also scored his first two goals of his Tomcat career.
New tee shirts were worn by the Hurricane Crimson tide.
The Tomcats are considering retiring the Yellow Ukraine shirts and have gone with a red shirt for Tuesday nights to alternate with the lime green…looking good Hurricane Crimson Tide!
Next week, I am being told, that Stevo is bringing Rolling Rock, but not the kind you buy in Ontario….Rolling Rock bottles and he is bringing kielbasa and cheese too….you don’t want to miss that.
This week, coming up is the Tomcat Christmas Party…it is a private event, so I will not be able to cover the evening…but the lovely wives of the Tomcats will be in attendance and my oh my, some cuties in attendance there.
Hey, whilst you are dancing with your significant other at the Tomcat Christmas party do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
By Harry Ballsonue
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens”
Lincoln Abraham
TEAMS:
Kamikaze Komets: Captain Kamikaze, Snowpants, Lovie, Chevy, Cribzie, Killer and Hollywood (Net Minder)
Doc’s Sturgeons: Captain Doc, Soupy, Jingles, Rocky, Razor (Net Minder), Hurricane and Chico
Sheep Dogs From Outer Space: Captain Sheep Dog, Tunzie, Matador, Falcon (net Minder), Stevo and The Turk
Hockey, I don’t mind saying was a bit rough….it is a well known fact that everyone wants to win…and score a ton of goals….everyone is competitive, but after all, when it is all said and done, it’s just Tuesday night hockey. We really don’t need the two handers waking at sticks, we don’t need the hooking and pushing in front of the net, and we certainly don’t need players trying to take advantage of anyone, because that would be wrong and that is not what Tuesday night hockey is all about, the thinking is you should judge YOUR night on how much sweat is in your headband and not how many goals you scored, some maybe have it backwards.
Stevo asked that I quickly go over some of the rules re ‘time out play’. There really is only two plays that a team has to wait for the other team to set up and get ready, 1) when the play is blown dead, due to a ball going out of bounds or when the ball is hit with a high stick, or if there is an injured player. Basically anytime, there is a stoppage, the other team can make a change and get ready for the ball to be played, the second time would be 2) after a goal, it would be gentleman like and sportsmanlike of the team that got scored on to wait till everyone was ready before the ball is played. (and usually players do wait for the goalie to wipe his brow…and set for the play)
When is there no need for a ‘time out’ type play? Well that’s an easy one folks, when the goalie stops the ball and plays it into the safety zone…there is no stoppage then, the player can play it as quickly as he wants and if he does not want to, well then he has 8 seconds to move the ball, if he does not the other team gets it in the corner. (And we can see when the players from the team scurry to get into place, on plays like this….sometimes, ‘it’s just a bad line change’)
Stevo, hopes that everyone is clear on that, and he totally understands, if you go home and mark down how many goals you scored in your diary….or tell your wife, “I was great today honey on the floor, you should have seen me, I think maybe I’m ready for the NHL Babe, what do you think?”, but, he wants everyone to be mindful of what Tuesday night is all about.
For the record, the Kamikaze Komets took the tournament, and the Mini was decided on the number of goals they scored compared to the number of goals that the Sturgeons scored, so congrats to the Komets.
3 Star Selection as Selected by La Bamba….3rd star, #55, Snowpants, 2nd star, #26 Chevy and the first star, #22 Lovie.
Lovie also gets recognized for a solid as he brought a ‘just because case’. Lovie brought a 24 of Rolling Rock, so you are the champ in our books Lovie.
As a beat writer, now blog writer of a professional team, you would think I would be in the know a great deal more and give you the reader more insight, but I am just a normal guy, doing a normal job and sometime, (if they don’t tell me and if I don’t snoop or ask, then I don’t find out), but last week, Sunny brought a case of Yuengling (American’s Oldest Brewery) I was did not find this out until later in the week, anyway, he had gone to Ohio to pick it up for the boys, now if that is not a franchise player, I don’t know what is….
Don’t forget to tell Chevy, Sunny or Snowpants if you are going to the Christmas Party this year, they need to know in order to finalize plans on menu items and the game show that Snowpants is organizing.
Chico is already in the Christmas spirit with his festive socks and shirts.
January 2015 St. Felix will be out December 1, so make sure you come to the Tomcat web site and check it out.
Hey do you think, when you are trying really hard on the Kapusta Kow Palace to make the NHL, I can put my Harry Ballsonue.
By Harry Ballsonue
“Where ever you go, you bring yourself”.
TEAMS:
Rocky’s Raccoon’s: Rocky, (Captain), the Sheriff, Soupy, the Matador, Hollywood, Jingles, Doc
Stevo’s Stingrays: Stevo, (Captain), Beep, Chevy, Flintstone, Mayday, Skippy and Killer
Snowpant’s Snipers: Snowpants (Captain), Sunny, Lovie, Sparky, Falcon, The Turk and Kamikaze
Very good hockey at the Kapusta Kow, with Snowpant’s Snipers winning it all….it was very close….great to see close hockey like that. “It was exciting to see”, indicated Snowpants, then added, “when it came to the final game, we had to either tie or win to win it all, and we did what we had to do in the final game and won the whole thing”. Snowpants indicated.
Debut’s by May Day and Skippy had the fans on their feet.
The hockey was clean and calm, which is what you want on a Tuesday night. The Mystery man was unveiled and the Sheriff did not disappoint his team mates nor the fans…notching a goal and setting up a few more, “I wanted to play forward, but they wouldn’t let me”, indicated the Sheriff, “Oh well, I will do as I am told, I’m new to the organization”. The Sheriff was presented with two Tomcat Beer Koozie’s for his participation.
Three star Selection as selected by La Bamba, 3rd Star, # 42 The Sheriff, the second star, # 30 The Falcon and the first star, # 93 Killer. Killer had tears in his eyes as he said, “I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it, I wish the Rake was here to see it, I need my Rake, I love my Rake, I need my Rake”, Killer stated, crying like a child.
Big thanks go out to Hollywood who stepped up and played goalie when the Mini realized that they were one goalie short, thanks to Hollywood for playing goalie.
Sparky thanks the boys that helped out with the beer empties, “I am the minister of empty cans, I thank everyone who helped”, indicated Sparky.
One moment, that needs to be captured was when Snowpants was wringing out his head band, it looked like sweat, but what was it one Tomcat asked, to which Sparky responded, “that’s not sweat, it’s rye”.
Finner General Manger of the Tomcats, is organizing a ball hockey fund raiser for Movember, the event is this Sunday at Homedale Park and it starts at 11 a.m.. Cost is $10 and Finner is hoping for three to four teams… Suggestion is that you bring your own cooler…there will be a bottle draw for $5 or $10 dollars and all proceeds are going to his Movember team.
Last week some score clock problems, were encountered, but Sparky and Hollywood were able to make the necessary repairs so this week the clock ticked like a clock.
Sparky and Hollywood fix the clock…just in time for Tomcat hockey to rock!
Once again, I must say the hockey was very good, with good clean hockey and that is nice to see, not just by the fans but by the reporters in the press box, thanks guys, for being so great.
Please make sure you tell Sunny, Chevy or Snowpants that you are or your not coming to the Tomcat Christmas Party November 28. The previous two years have been fantastic and the Tomcats are thinking this year will be no different.
Whilst Snowpants is wringing out his headband, could I put my Harry Ballsonue.
Bundura, Don and the Sea Lion
Tomcats invited by Maple Leafs to Columbus to watch game …” Sure we could of worn our Tomcat Jerseys but we thought we’d surprise the Leafs and wear their jerseys”…Zaba, Minister of Travel
Windsor Tomcats 