What the Tomcats think they know…October 1, 2019

Posted by 81rocky on September 30, 2019
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by Management

Beer Bringers: Hollywood (24) and Kamikaze (12)

Beer Bringers on Deck: Killer (24) and Matador (12)

Net Minders: Falcon and Terror

In the Line Up: Chico, Bullwinkle, Rocky, Chevy, Tonto, Snowpants, Soupy, Shack, Kamikaze, The Lizard, Beep, The Rake, Hollywood (?), Squid, Killer

Not in the Line Up: Stevo, LaBamba, Scuz, Big Easy, Kramden, May Day, Sunny, Hurricane, Matador, Cribz, Tunzie, Sparky, Sheepdog, El Chopo, Bulldog, Bagz

Not in the line up and never heard from them:  Slim Jim, The Anvil, Que

On the IR: The Turk, Skippy, Doc, Jingles

Skinny: As of now, 20 guys.  If 2 more cancel, I need to cancel a goalie.

TOMCATS FOREVER !

Week Two, at the Kapusta Kow, Moo Moo Moo

Posted by 81rocky on September 25, 2019
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by Harry Ballsonue
“Failure is a part of success.  There is no such thing as a bed of roses all your life.  But failure will never stand in the way of success if you learn from it.”
Hank Aaron
Teams:
Soupy Black Aces: Falcon, Soupy, Chico, The Lizard (New Guy) La Bamba, Kamikaze, Stevo, Tonto and Bullwinkle

Sunny White Knights: The Terror, Sunny, Hurricane, Rocky, Bulldog, Chevy, Snowpants and Shack.
 
If you ou did not play last night, you missed some great hockey.  Old time hockey, no clock and the games were up to 7. (Sparky to fix clock next week).
So the Sunny White Knights came out like gang busters and took the first two games, 7-2 and 7-1.  Soupy in addressing his team before the third game talked about learning from the mistakes…”we are getting beat by some pretty boys from Wheatley.  C’mon guys, lets not let them sweep us.”  That’s when the Black Aces came out and took game 3, 7-3.  No hacking, no whacking, just some good clean passes, some good shots on net and some fine, fine hockey.
Bullwinkle paid his initiation case, 24 bottles of MGD…thanks Bullwinkle!
New guy, The Lizard, did well, he started to finally get a feel for the game in the third.
If you can’t make hockey next week, contact Rocky.
Other News From Training Camp
 
In case you missed it, the guys that went to the Tomcat Training camp this year got Windsor Tomcat Underwear, compliments of the Big Easy, Sea Lion and Stevo.  “We were given these bags and we all opened them at once and wow, there they were, Tomcat underwear.   I have been suggesting that for the past 15 years,” an exuberant Sparky said.
Stevo has two pairs left over, a Large pair and a XXL.  If you are interested in purchasing a pair, your cost is $15.  Money will go to the Tomcats.
If you are thinking about Hank Aaron’s quote and asking yourself, what NHL team did he play for, do you think, whilst you are thinking about that, that I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

What the Tomcats Think They Know…September 24

Posted by 81rocky on September 22, 2019
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by Management

Beer Bringers:  Sheepdog/Bullwinkle (initiation) (24), Chevy (12) and Terror (12)

Beer Bringers on Deck: Hollywood (24) and Kamikaze (12)

Net Minders: Falcon, Terror and Bagz

In the Line Up: Chico, Bullwinkle, Rocky, Chevy, Tonto, Snowpants, Soupy, Bulldog, Sunny, Stevo, Shack, Hurricane, Kamikaze, Sal (Doc’s buddy), LaBamba

Not in the Line Up: Cribz, Beep, Scuz, The Rake, Hollywood, Tunes, Sheepdog, Sparky, Big Easy, Kramden, Squid, Matador, May Day, El Chopo, Killer, Bagz

Not in the line up and never heard from them:  Slim Jim, The Anvil, Que

On the IR: The Turk, Skippy, Doc, Jingles

Skinny: At 18…a mini with one spare per team.

Start of Year:  $50 to Rocky to receive gift if you did not pay last week.

TOMCATS FOREVER !

Hot One at the Kapusta Kow

Posted by 81rocky on September 18, 2019
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by Harry Ballsonue

Teams
Sunny Sea Hawks: Sunny, Killer, El Choppo, La Bamba, Chico (net) Hurricane, Kamikaze and Soupy
Beep Ravens: Beep, Bagz (net) Stevo, Sparky, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Tonto
Tunzie Eagles: Tunzie, Falcon (Net) Chevy, Bulldog, Shak, Snowpants and Skippy
 
You would think these guys had been playing since mid July the way they were going out there.  Good hockey and thanks for the goalies for playing in net as it was a Hotzie Totzie one out there.  Speaking of net, Bagz, a third round pick in 2016 made his Tomcat debut, he played and impressed with his quick blocker saves. “I am just getting used to the big show here, I am in awe,” Bagz had indicated.
One interesting event was the goal off the back board.  Sunny did not seem impressed with the attempt and the outcome.  “I was ready to make a glove save off the back of the wall and then realized the back board was there and by then it was too late.  Tonto, that sneaky little devil tapped it in,” stated Chico.
Skippy played out last night after having back surgery last week.  Heroic!
Snowpants made a toast at the end of the night for 30 years of Tomcat hockey.  “To 30 more,” he said.  Stevo will be 90, Bulldog will be 82, Hurricane will be 92. All three original members played last night.
Start of the year gift was handed out.

Several very good looking Tomcats donning their new Tomcat start of the season hat!

Not all Tomcats did normal summer routine to get ready for Tomcat hockey season, here Hollywood shows why he is called Hollywood or should we say Hollywoodsky or Hollywoodnovich, perhaps Hollywoodorenko

Training Camping Battle Creek Report
 
Once again, training camp was incredibly awesome.  ‘Good Times Had By All’ as they say.  Some new nicknames popped up by a bartender at the local watering hole, ‘Cheap Wedding Dad’, ‘Perv’, ‘Trafficker’ and ‘Ultra Perv’.  Tomcats will keep their regular names, but there are some good ones there.
Chevy is looking at changing the dates around for next year, to a few days in August, with a ‘Monday to Wednesday’ type of thing.  Less golf (sore backs) and less expensive.  Look to Chevy for further details as they become available.
If you don’t like to constantly laugh, golf and drink beer, then this trip is not for you.
Chevy arranged for a new Tomcat Training Camp Golf Shirt, boys look smart in the Sky Blue Shirts.
Winner of the CBTMS (Cougar Bush, Two Man Scramble) were La Bamba and Bagz:
I have not been told too much more about Battle Creek, but I heard a few guys whispering and laughing hysterically, something about ‘where you guys from…Buffalo.  We are the Buffalo Bisons alumni team, La Bamba was the pitcher and Sparky was the catcher’.  One other one was, ‘at my age sperm does not shoot out in a stream, it is more of a poof of smokef’.
When you are checking out the group photo and asking yourself, ‘which one is Ultra Perv’, and why don’t I go on this trip, do you think I can put my Harry Ballsonue?

What the Tomcats Think They Know…September 17…First Night of Hockey

Posted by 81rocky on September 15, 2019
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by Management

Beer Bringers:  Stevo (24), Rocky (24), Terror (12)

Beer Bringers on Deck: Sheepdog/Bullwinkle (initiation) (24) and Chevy (12)

Net Minders: Falcon, Chico, Bagz

In the Line Up: El Chopo, Bullwinkle, Rocky, LaBamba, Chevy, Tonto, Snowpants, Sparky, Beep, Soupy, Killer, Bulldog, Sunny, Stevo, Shack, Hurricane, Kamikaze, Squid, Kramden, The Big Easy, Tunzie

Not in the Line Up: Cribz, Terror, Scuz, The Rake, Hollywood, Matador, Sheepdog, May Day

Not in the line up and never heard from them:  Jingles, Slim Jim, The Anvil, Que

On the IR: The Turk, Skippy, Doc

Skinny: So far we have to assume all are playing until people tell us they are not.  As such, looks like a mini.  Doc will be there to ref.

REMEMBER Two New Rules:  No slashing down on players sticks and direct goals scored when a team starts with the ball after the other team scores are no longer allowed.  The ball must be passed or crossed over half for it to count.  Some new players will be showcased over the next few weeks to build up our part-time reserves.

Start of Year:  $50 to Rocky and to receive gift.  First night of hockey ($5) included in the $50.  Rocky also asks to start the year right by doing the following:

  • Always let him know if you are in or out
  • Do your part to help set up early, or if not, tear down after, get some ice for the beer, sweep the floor, etc.  We can’t keep having the same 7-8 guys carry the load all the time (Sunny, Snowpants, Hollywood, Sparky, Stevo, Soupy, Doc, Kamikaze, etc.).  Help these fine gentlemen out.

TOMCATS FOREVER !

30th Season Starts Next Week

Posted by 81rocky on September 11, 2019
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By Harry Ballsonue

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time”
Leo Tolstoy

30 years is a long time, quite a long time, if you ask me. Congratulations to the Tomcats and their 30th season.
Season Starts Tuesday September 17
$50 fee at the start of the season, (Everyone Pays) with the fifty you get your first night free. (Doc and Rocky worked on ’start of the year’ gift so we can’t wait to see what they came up with).

Great guys like LaBamba, Sparky and Sunny = Windsor Tomcats

Many super fantastic moments happened over the last 30 years, Tomcats looking to start another 30 years on September 17.
Everyone is going to have a different ‘favourite moment’…Bulldog falling and saying ‘oh I almost fell’….the fake press conferences with the fake podium after hockey…Snowpants putting a towel around his head, walking to the wall (Visa Vee NFL Old system review) taking towel off and then waving the play off. All the tournaments and
the team photos. Going to Purples after a tournament and taking over the bar (Junior). Razor’s singing of Happy Birthday Marylyn Monroe style…but number one thing, is the first week of hockey, when most of the guys have not seen each other and as everyone walks up on stage, the smiling, the laughing, there is a brotherhood, a kinship that cannot be taken away from those that play at the Kapusta Kow Palace, those that call themselves a Tomcat.

These four wily veterans are returning to the Tomcat line up for the 2019/20 season: El Chopo, La Bamba, Cribzie and Chevy. Season ticket holders are excited, ‘It is nice that the fans are excited but I’m excited, it means more Tomcat clothing,” Said an exuberant Chevy.

Exciting year coming up, let us play safe, let us have fun, and let us enjoy a beer after hockey without a bruise, a cut or a limp.
IF YOU CAN’T MAKE IT NEXT WEEK, let Rocky know by Monday, the 16th at the latest.
ALSO…CHECK THE UPDATE BEER LIST…make sure you plan to have your beer on your night.  If you have to miss that night, plan ahead and bring your beer earlier and store in the Tomcat room so it is ready for your night.
While you are checking out the photos and thinking to yourself, ‘how did La Bamba get into two photos’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

Gordon Gin League

Posted by 81rocky on August 27, 2019
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The Gordon Gin League made its return to Belleview this week. Even though there was light rain,  with a dry summer the course was as hard as a strippers buttocks.

A larger than normal showing with many fans and onlookers some tour players decided to get additional practice rounds in advance of the coveted “Cougar Bush” golf trip.
Labamba fresh off the Hawaiian tour shot a crisp 67 with the tunes blaring and was seen ordering Pineapple on his pizza at the turn.
The SeaLion struggled with a 74. He commented that “Since losing so much weight I cannot drive the ball like I used to. Last year I would put my belly into it and drive the ball 340 yards. This year I cannot even break 300.” He was seen leaving the course with 2 hot babes on his way to McDonalds.
The Howler and Little Bird both Fan faves of the Gordon Gin league made the cut today.
The Howler was quite excited as she got to ride (with) Stevo and shot a 69.
Little Bird straight as an arrow plopped the ball in the hole like eggs in a nest with a 68.
Kribzie who suffered a sunburn on last weeks tour decided to wear a hat today that affected his perfect hair and it threw him off his game shooting a 73.
Stevo, Chevy and the Big Easy could be seen 1 putting everything today and shot 67,71,70
There was discussion about “birdy juice” and what happens when someone gets an eagle do we have any “eagle juice”?
Highlight of the day was the Big Easy telling Stevo about an Australian Kiss….
It’s Like a french kiss with tongue but “down under”!
Just-in Beaver

Howler and Stevo “ it was fun riding with the assistant to the assistant traveling secretary of our golf league.“ stated the Howler.

La Bamba, Cribzie, Lotrke Bird and The Sea Lion

Chevy, Stevo, Howler and The Big Easy

Golf Update

Posted by 81rocky on August 24, 2019
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The Gordon Gin League held the first annual Chevy Bubble Open tournament at Pointe West Golf Club as part of the North American Tour.
Special invitations went out to golfers able to comply with the strict dress code requirements of the club. Unfortunately 75% of the tomcat organization were unable to qualify, predominantly due to being required to tuck in shirts and not pee in backyards.
It was a fine day for golf, little on the steamy side.
The teams were:
Hatchie Chevy vs. Stevo, Mayday
Bubbles Cribzie vs Pat Sajack & Todd Frenchie
With bubbles Cribzie shooting a record low 62 it ended up being a tie based on the better ball triple regression hole by hole scoring format.
Stevo enamored with the beauty of the golf course immediately after the round went into the clubhouse and spoke with Loriann about memberships. He got side tracked by 4 vixens having beverages on the patio. Particularly Alex (who’s real name is Alice)  and came back to the table professing that he is now in love.
Mayday for the first time in history was found with his shirt tucked in. When asked for a comment he said ” No Comment – your probably never going to see this again!”
A Great day had by all.
Just-in Beaver

BUBBLES/CHEVY OPEN TURNS HEADS AT POINTE WEST SUMMER OF 2020 DECLARED SUMMER OF STEVO

Posted by 81rocky on August 24, 2019
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August 22, 2019 – Amherstburg, ON

By Dick Fitzwell

The Bubbles/Chevy Open was held at the Pointe West Golf and Country Club on August 22, 2019. Participants were Chevy, Bubbles, Cribzee, May Day, Hatchie, P.O., Stevo and Ghost ( not sure the fella’s name but he left right after the tournament so I couldn’t confirm).

Without question, the star of yesterday’s show was Bubbles who put on a golfing clinic yesterday. “ I would have paid just to watch him play”, said May Day after one of his several errant shots. “I was stealing Sea Lion lines today. Pretty much called myself a nipple head after every bad shot”, stated May Day shaking his head.

As always, Cribzee was the best dressed golfer. Cribzee, who forgot his hat, was impressed there was sunscreen available in the locker room. “I’ve never seen anybody put sunscreen on their hair before”, said Hatchie.

As Chevy added up the scores on the patio with several onlookers waiting in anticipation for the winning team, he finally announced that after 7 hours of grueling golf, the best ball tournament ended in a tie.

Individual scores were Bubbles, with a course record 61, Chevy 70, Stevo 71, Hatchie 72, P.O. 73, Ghost 73, Mayday 90 ( after 3 holes), Cribzee 72.

We tried to get a quote from Bubbles after his impressive round,but he was too busy signing autographs on the patio.

It did not go unnoticed that Stevo and May day played their first ever round of golf with their shirts tucked in.

Thanks to Bubbles and Chevy for organizing this great day.

SUMMER OF STEVO

The Summer of 2020 has been officially proclaimed as the Summer of Stevo. The proclamation came from none other than, you guessed it, Stevo. “ After spending all of this summer building an entire subdivision, I figured I would take things a little easy”, said Stevo. Organizing trades, dump trucks and dealing with greasy real estate agents has worn Stevo out.

May Day suggested to Stevo that they should become members of Pointe West. “It’s a nice course, we like golf and the cost is reasonable. Who cares if you have to tuck your shirt in and have a whiz in a urinal or toilet? It wasn’t that bad today”, stated May Day.

Stevo was seen on the patio and in the back office introducing himself to other members and management. “ I really think I would fit in here”, said Stevo. “ Who would of thought that a Ukrainian guy from Oshawa would become a member of an exclusive golf club?”, asked Stevo. “ I should have started tucking my shirt in 20 years ago”.

Mark it down folks. Summer 2020. The Summer of Stevo. Knowing Stevo, he will have tee shirts printed up.

Ride Her Cup

Look for a recap on the tournament soon.

STEVO TAKES HOME THE BIG KOBASSA

Posted by 81rocky on July 31, 2019
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By Dick Fitzwell

Stevo’s first delivery of lifetime kobassa hanging in his shed in Essex.

The Kobassa Open was held on July 28, 2019 at the Belle View Golf and Country Club in Kingsville, Ontario on July 28, 2019. This was an invitational tournament limited to Gordon’s Gin Golfers and relatives of Ukrainian descent.

Stevo, Ned, Chevy and May Day were on hand and played to a capacity crowd. Stevo had the pepper vodka and chasnik on hand to celebrate birdies. He also had some mead b/c Chevy does not like the pepper vodka. While Chevy ate about 15 cloves of chasnik, he said, “Pepper vodka gives me bad breath. If I would have known Stevo brought mead, I would have birdied at least 6 holes”.

The tournament was sponsored by Halinda’s Meats and fans were treated to free kobassa, raw chasnik and shots of rye after every hole. There was kobassa hanging from the trees on every hole, so fans could enjoy their day. The players had to rent several Transit Windsor buses just to get fans home.

Stevo was on fire, especially the back nine where he really took over the tournament. “I kept my eye on the big kobassa. Free kobassa for life. I don’t eat meat anymore, but I will make an exception for kobassa.”, said a happy Stevo.

Scores for the day were Stevo, 62, Chevy 70, Ned, 71 and May Day 72.

Ride Her Cup goes August 5th and Hatchie and May Day are in Vegas making the teams. Look for an e mail August 1, 2019 confirming times, teams, team names and colours and format. If you have any special requests, too bad. Hatchie and May Day are not taking advice or requests.

No Muffins, a Starbucks Line and a Grumpy Sheep Dog

Posted by 30falcon on July 18, 2019
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No Muffins, a Starbucks Line and a Grumpy Sheep Dog by Harry Ballsonue

“While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake”

           Henny Youngman
The Dirty Growler, Mister Gordon’s Golf League (aka DGMGGL) took the show on the road this past Monday and played in  Michigan  The course was Cherry Creek and it is indeed a beautiful course.  Sheep Dog felt it was a bit gimmicky with different holes having different landing zones, “I’m a grip it and rip it type of guy, so yeah I found it a bit gimmicky”. Stated Sheep Dog, when asked about the course.
Before the round started, a kids golf school was taking place, well, it is very very difficult to explain some of the goings on that occur in the Golf League , but I will try, with the golf school going on, (I am snickering thinking of this) Professional Golfer, Sea Lion introduced himself to the kids at the golf schools and then started a side gyration thing.  It is hard to explain, and I wish I had caught it on camera, but, unfortunately I did not and well, if you see me in the hall ways of the Kapusta Kow or up on stage, covering the Tomcats this season, please ask me to demonstrate the move.
8 golfers attended the road trip, they were, Sheep Dog, Snowpants, Bundura, Sea Lion, Sir Stevo, Little Bird, Bronco and Cribzie.  With Sheep Dog a tich grumpy, he and Cribzie were not encouraging each other on, “Yes I find him dreamy”, Sheep Dog said and added, “But, well I don’t want to talk about it”.
Cribzie was seen in the mens locker room, with his security and staff but would not come out to give a comment.  One of his staff members did say, ‘he had some tears in his eyes’.
A spokesperson for Cribzie did address the media after and said that everything was good between the two of them and that Sheep Dog’s grumpiness lead to a small tiff.
IMG_8079.JPG

Bronco, Snowpants, Sheep Dog and Cribzie

IMG_8085.JPG

Sir Stevo, Little Bird, Sea Lion and The Bundura

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Winners of the DGMGGLCCA (Dirty Growler Mister Gordon Golf League Cherry Creek Award)  presented to Sir Stevo, Little Bird, Sheep Dog and The Bundura

“It is a dubious honour to receive this golfing award today”, stated team Captain Sheep Dog and added, “Last year I was fortunate enough to be on the winning team of the Ride Her Cup and now this golfing accolade, well I can’t say thank you enough times, to my golf coach, to my swing coach, to my agent, to my adorable wife the Stomper, to my children, thank you thank you, thank you and to his Dreaminess, Cribzie”.
Speaking of the Ride Her Cup, that has been slated for Monday August 5, if you are interested in participating, please text the Commissioner, May Day.  Teams will be made soon, so YOU DO NOT want to delay in getting on the list to play.
This weeks Golf Scores: Snowpants 78, Sheep Dog 80, Sea Lion 80, Cribzie 81, Bundura 82, Little Bird 83, Bronco 84, Sir Stevo 109
Tour Continues Monday July 22, watch for email or contact the Commissioner May Day directly, YOU really want to be part of this!
And…there were no muffins at the golf course, they had chips and hot dogs at 8 a.m..  Prior to that, there were 9 people waiting for their order at the Starbucks and 7 people waiting to order. A morning breakfast debacle on the DGMGGL.
So hey, while you are checking out the award and you are asking yourself, ‘is that a place mat’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

GOLF TOUR ON THE ROAD AT WILLOW RIDGE FOR CANADA DAY

Posted by 81rocky on July 3, 2019
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July 3, 2019

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin League were on the road in Blenheim, Ontario at the Willow Ridge Golf and Country Club. The league paid extra climate tax, so the PM could guarantee great weather for the day. There were no floods, thunderstorms, tornados or hail, just perfect golfing conditions. “ If I could get that type of golf weather every week, I would send the government more of my money”, said the Sea Lion.

Stevo, Sea Lion, Big Easy, La Bamba, Little Bird, The Howler and May Day played Monday.

La Bamba, who is a fan favorite everywhere had fans running up and hugging him on just about every hole. La Bamba, who is the minister of music had an impressive play list in the golf cart for his group to enjoy.

The Big Easy, who is by far the best golfer on the tour had a bad reaction to some of La Bamba’s music. Everything was good when La Bamba was playing the hit rock music of yesterday and today, but when the Rap music segment was playing on the back nine, it was like the big easy turned into the Alt Big Easy. He went from, “Hey Stevo, please get me a beer” to “Yo git me uh colt 45 what ‘chew trippin foo’”, when the wrap music was on.

“It was like he turned into a different guy. He started calling Stevo 25 Cent.”, said May Day. Fans were wondering what the heck was going on. Stevo birdied the 11th hole and the Big Easy says, “Yo yo’ game iz pimp-tight this day and shit.”

La Bamba asks the Big Easy how is weekend was and the Big Easy says, “Yo ah wuz drinking colt 45 an’ Cranberry last night in the hood. Yo ah gots uh headache you know das right! Yo It just hit me slap mah fro!”

La Bamba took off the rap music on the 17th hole and the Big Easy pulls up his golf shorts, turns his hat to the front and continues to play like nothing happened. “ I’ve never seen anything like it”, said Stevo.

Scores for the day were The Big Easy/Alt Big Easy 68, 34 with the Rap, 34 with the Rock, Labamba 70, Stevo, 71, May Day 72, Sea Lion and Little Bird, 69 and the Howler 70.

Look for an e mail soon for the annual Ride Her Cup which is being held again at Deer Run. Hatchie and May Day are this year’s captains and we will be looking for a commitment soon.