Click here for all the details of this amazing journey of the world’s most famous sports trophy!

Anonymous contributer

I have been following your web site but I don’t play hockey myself, but I do admire the work that goes into your web site and how creative your bloggers are (Well the ones that have stepped up, of course…not the ones cowering under your porch).  One thing that I notice that is weird is that you have roughly about 30 players in your line up (see Roster tab above),  but only 6 have signed up to be notified of new blogs or articles that come up on your web site.  How interested are you in the Windsor Tomcats?  Do you really give a flying fa-huu-lee? You boys seem very lucky to have a place to play, great guys to hang out with (fromwhat I read about being on stage and drinking beers and such) and someone there organizes you to have exercise.  How incredible is that?  All you have to do is get there, throw on your Sketchers and you are on your way.

But to have only 6 signed up for notification???  That is sad!

I would think most of you are married….and maybe you have some gay players (percentage is one out of every ten is gay.  So when your wife (or boyfriend…<non bloggers inserted here>….and I mean insert boys, take it like a man!) is to let you know when you will be having sex, would it not be nice to be notified and reminded?  I would think so.

Keep the blogs coming, I have enjoyed them all this year and hope to continue reading them.

I play Australian Rules Football. I live in Melbourne, which is in the state of Victoria.  Check out the ‘Geelong Cats’  if you ever have a chance….that is how I tripped up on your web site.

Get your smart phones programmed and your house and office computer to ‘NOTIFY’ you when something new comes up on the Tomcat Web Site.

It was great reading about all the adventures and misadventures that my fellow Tomcats were engaged in this summer. With this blog coming the first week of September, the summer seems over with all the little tomcats returning to school and the season just two weeks away. Pools will soon be closed, and the hockey sticks taken out. Goalies, please air out your equipment before the first night! 
 
I had a hard time trying to decide what to write about. There was my trip to Poland with my wife Ania. The purpose was to attend the reunion of her fellow contestants in  the 1974 Miss Poland contest. Lovely ladies indeed, Polish women have the best legs. Once in Europe, I was overwhelmed with the number of fans of the Tomcats who follow our website. Everywhere I went, people shouted ” Hurricane, you’re the best”, but I think they were talking about my porn career, not my hockey skills. I wanted to help the underpriviledged kids of the former Soviet bloc countries improve their hockey skills, so I formed the Hurricane Helpful Hockey Hints skills program. Those kids loved it, and I kept it inexpensive for them. I evened agreed to accept food stamps in lieu of cash. 
 
I could blog indefinitely on further summer adventures, but I thought I should try, once and for all, to answer that one question I get all the time from fellow Tomcats and adoring fans, that is, “Is Chevy your son”? On the surface, there is substantial circumstantial evidence that points to this being true. They are as follows:
 
Uncanny physical resemblance (picture me with 1 or 2 more pounds)
Spouses are registered nurses
Spouses are brunettes
Matching Science degrees
Pharmaceutical career
Highly developed business acumen
First born is a daughter
Like beer
Drive Ford escapes
He shoots left, I shoot right (Symmetry of genes)
Gifted conversationalist
Gritty, don’t get us mad personalities.
 
Now, those Tomcats who are in law enforcement would say this evidence would not be enough of a rationale to undergo DNA testing to prove the family connection once and for all. However, there is one more piece of evidence I have never shared with Chevy or the Tomcats. Around the time of Chevy’s conception, I was a university student at the U of T. They had an exchange program with Queen’s University in Kingston ( Chevy’s birthplace and hometown), so I took advantage and attended Queen’s for one semester. As you can imagine, I was quite a stud and partier in those days and had the time of my life. I remember very little of it though, as I was in a constant state of fog the whole time due to drug and alcohol consumption. There were many conquests of the ladies, but very little recollection of them.
 
Of course, this means nothing until that faithful day I was at Chevy’s Lake Erie Estate helping him with some renovation work. His parents showed up, making the long trip from Kingston. Upon greeting his mother, giving her a hug and peck on the cheek hello, I was suddenly overcome with a devastating sense of deja vu! The softness of her cheek, the smell of her cologne, the way my arms fitted perfectly around her slim, sensual hips, a certain coy look from her, a wink and a pressing of her body against mine in that brief embrace was almost too much! I had to pull away quickly, to stop potential  embarassment. Could it be, could it really be true that his mother was of those girls way back then? The embrace left me deeply shaken and confused.
 
There was only one thing to do: get a DNA test. I investigated various laboratories who do this testing, but it is very expensive, and they would not accept Ukrainian food stamps as payment. There was only one choice, and that was to contact Chevy and ask him to come with me for testing and share the cost. Unfortunately, the truth will have to wait. Chevy was not exactly receptive to the idea, stating, and I quote ” Stay away from me, you frigging sick bastard!” Some people are just afraid to discover the truth.

With that fellas, I look forward to seeing you in two weeks.

Hurricane<!– has been replace here –>

Click here to read the latest St. Felix.

As you guys may or may not be aware, I am heading back to the freezer in the Sault on October 1^st. This year was a great year playing again with the Tomcats. Nice to see some old faces and meet some new guys as well, especially the Tomcats own Red Rocker, Snowpants. 

The highlight of my season was winning Stanley’s Cup again. I was in Amherst burg with Crow on August 21^st and Crow signed more autographs with Stanley’s Cup than Kevin Westgarth did with the Stanley Cup. As a result, many children now aspire to playing hockey on Tuesday nights and drinking beer with the boys on stage. In fact, many parents were so impressed with Crow and I, they withdrew their kids from minor hockey.

As far as how I spent my summer.  Most Monday’s I spent golfing with Stevo and the Sea Lion. Every week there was a different 4^th guy. Hurricane Hann, Bucko Morris, Crow, and Snowpants to name a few. And then there was the Bucko Open and it was nice to see Marty, Sauce and Chrispy (I think he doesn’t have a phone though. Does anybody know)?  Snowpants had the best start I have ever seen at the storied Belleview Golf and Country Club. I think he was one over after 9, with the only blemish being a bogie on the difficult Par 3 5^th hole.

For those of you who haven’t golfed with Crow, he is quite good. What I can’t figure out is his swing. He addresses the ball on the tee, gives it a” whoosh”, and his finish is crazy. After his follow through, he leaps to the right about 7 feet, lands near his cart, unzips his bag and cracks a Coors light while the ball is travelling about 300 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.

Speaking of Crow, he is a true Tomcat. He gave me a part-time job at Lakeshore Auto as a Washroom Attendant/Security Guard. Seems potential customers were looking at cars, verbally agreeing to deals, asking to use the john, and leaving a horrendous stench in the Lakeshore Auto facility. My job was to sign contracts for Crow in the john. I was paid well. He gave me a lifetime supply of air freshener as compensation.

Crow and I also started a renovation/lock smith business. We now renovate vacation condos and hotels and provide free lock smith services if you forget your key in your room. Vacation destinations are happy because they prefer guests to use their keys when entering their rooms. 

Favourite Tomcat moment this summer – Golfing with La Bamba – This guy can run a multibillion dollar corporation from his golf cart but he blows as a caddy. I ask his, “What’s over that hill”? La Bamba replies,” Water”. I take a short iron out and lay up thinking there is water over the hill. We get over the hill, no water. I fired him immediately, but I gave him a good severance package. I let him buy me a beer.

On a serious note, I would like to thank Hurricane for helping my mom find some medication she needed and the only place it was in stock in the province was at the Shoppers in Tecumseh. You see fellas; this is what it means to be a Tomcat.

Tomcats Forever,

Mayday

Hey Tomcats,

Have to share this special moment. Can you imagine meeting a rock and roll legend “in person”?! Lorraine and I just returned back from London, England after soaking in some of the 2012 summer Olympics and the closing ceremonies as the finale. What a show! And I still think I can run faster than that Usian Bolt, especially in the Kow Palace, as Cribz would attest. He wasn’t on the ballot to perform at the closing ceremonies but who do we meet at the airport? Yes, the Red Rocker himself, Sammy Hagar with his wife Kari. I couldn’t believe my eyes. After taking several pictures, getting a personal autograph, and a mention that Sammy and I share the same birthday, go figure, Sammy invites us to his annual Birthday Bash at his Cabo Wabo Cantina in Cabo San Lucas this October. The tequila will be flowing, I can assure you.

Guys, as touching as this was to a dream come true, what a better time to decide to tie the knot down south at the Cabo Wabo Cantina this October. Pack your bags and come witness a party to remember. Lorraine has no idea what’s in store but to have the Tomcat brethren in attendance is icing on the cake. Hope you guys consider and can make it down. Given we now have two free passes, I think I can afford a nice gem to place on her finger too.

The Tomcats have welcomed Snowpants graciously into the organization from Day 1. I am honoured and thank all of you for your friendship, all the laughs and jokes, the fierce competition each and every one of you bring each week to the Kow Palace and not to mention all the fun. God bless you all and may we remain the best bunch of guys an organization has to offer.

Tomcats Forever!!!

… Snowpants

COACH – Hey Skippy, GM wants to see you after practice.

SKIPPY – Ok – (he heads upstairs to the GM’s office)

GM – Hey Skippy I have good news and bad news, what do you want 1st?

SKIPPY: Doesn’t matter

GM: The good news is the Skipjacks want to keep you, but then again you own the team. The bad news is the Tomcats see us going in a different direction and effective immediately, you have been released. The Tomcats would like to thank you for your service and wish you well in your future endeavors.
 
Skippy is seen feverishly texting his agent Yurihandonmykak or whatever the fuck his name is.
 
Two hours later in the Tomcat Room…
 
GM – We let Skippy go. His agent and some guys who pay on that Minor League team he owns were driving me insane and my Bullshit Meter is real fucking sensitive anymore.

COACH: Thank goodness – These fucking goalies are driving me crazy. They all want to be Coach, GM and President. I don’t fucking get these players anymore.

GM – Let’s have an MGD

COACH – Let’s have two.

The summer drags on and fans and players alike are already counting down the days left to return to the Kapusta Kow Palace.  Like waiting for Christmas, true fans know there are only 30 days left before the sounds of feet running up and down the Kapusta are heard and another season of highlight goals and saves are spoken of in awe around the water cooler.  True fans also religiously punch in “Windsor Tomcats” into thier computer search engines and are directed to one of the coolest looking web sites around.  A great place, regardless of the 70% or lower of blogs coming in, to keep up with your favourite players enjoying their summer time off.

Hockey must be close, because as I checked the web page today I was reminded to query the beer list and decided to take a look.  That look turned into a double take as hidden in the beer list was some VERY interesting Tomcats news.  It seems management has made some decisions which haven’t really made the headlines of late; like the full time status granted to Labamba, The Matador and a new player yet to be tagged with a nickname.  Until that happens I will call him “Ocho Ockle.”  I went back into the St Felix archives and could only find one remote mention of any roster changes.  Back in the St Felix summer issue there was an article entitled, “Some interesting tidbits of information.”  Reading further into the article one would find the mention of “Status of players” and I paraphrase the following:  “Tomcats are unsure of the return of Nick Lelyk, Youngblood is expected to return (Barring any issues with medical staff), another player remains the property of another club, and NO OTHER PLAYERS ARE NOT RETURNING; but management will do a survey in late August.  The next player to move up is The Matador (If he can commit), and Labamba (Could be part time player at best with work schedule conflicts).”

It appears Tomcats management has done away with the need for a survey, or to consult with their internal advisory board.  It also appears The Matador has committed, and Labamba’s work conflcits have been ironed out.  Thing is I don’t recall a press conference to announce any of this, or to welcome a new player (Ocho Ockle); nor does any article address Bundura trading in his stripes for a Tomcat white and dark tee.  In terms of seniority the addition of The  Matador and Labamba make sense, I’ve seen both play and both are solid guys, but adding a “new” player like Ocho Ockle into the mix?  I checked the most recent roster and counted 29 FULL TIME Tomcats, which doesn’t include thier goalie roster.  In past overheard locker room conversations I’ve heard more than one long time Tomcat comment on the amount of players the team is carrying.  The number has lead to a marked increase in “mini tournaments”, which some players have embraced and others have criticized.  That criticism may have reared its ugly head on the night a mini tournament was likely to happen, but only enough players showed up to save a cancelled night of hockey.

Adding fuel to the mix I caught up with part time/casual Tomcat players Nick Wilson and Deeds (Skippy’s Brother in Law).  Both were surprised at the news.  Wilson responded, “The Tomcats, when I did play, accepted me with full open arms and I thought I played well enough to warrant an invitation back.  I’m disappointed management hasn’t contacted me to clarify a few things with the season not too far off, but I will continue to work on my game and hope to get a call up soon.  Regarless of what happens this season, I am hopeful to participate again in the outdoor classic, and I look forward to a rematch of the Skipjacks and Tomcats for the Tilston Challenge Cup and of course I would love to play in the February Tournament”.

Plenty of unanswered questions, and maybe some new ones created when ‘Official’ word is released by Tomcats management.  With only 30 days remaining some decisions will have to be made.

Till the ball drops in both facilities, I will be busy letting Stevo (the non consulting manger) place his HANDZONMECAC.

Yurri

THE TOMCATS HAVE PROVIDED THE FOLLOWING PRESS RELEASE: “As in the real world of hockey (NHL) rumours and player trades and moves are always discussed.  Players are sometimes signed before a team can officially announce that player being named to the team. (Physicals, Insurances, Housing etc)  The Tomcats are no different.  In assessing our needs for the upcoming season, we need to look at the bigger picture and make decisions based on needs of the organization, instead on of what some bloggers, friends of players and disgruntled players who may not be impressed by mini tournaments think. It is every Hockey Clubs responsibility to select the best possible players for their organization. Announcements, in due time, will be made in regards to the roster for the upcoming season.  The Windsor Tomcats encourage everyone to check the Tomcat Web Site for up to date information. The St. Felix still proves to be a valuable journalist tool and one that is filled with information that satisfies the Rapacious Tomcat Fan who has an appetite for Tomcat news and updates.

The Tomcats wish to thank their fans for their continued support.”

Unlike the Tomcats before me, I did not have any self-enlightening trips to Tibet or the corner of Wyandotte and Ouellette, although I hear from my neighbour, Junior Passion, that the women are spectacular in both. I, however, would like to further my cousin Sunny Salaris’ posting, and tell the story of the aforementioned hockey game pitting the Windsor Tomcats against the PTown Pig Farmers.

While on the 2-week stint in Petrolia, with Sunny and Lovie, I took it upon myself to spread word of the Windsor Tomcats and their great influence in the Windsor area. I had intended on decorating myself from head to toe with Tomcat swag, but I soon came to realize that my only items of clothing were a toque, and a Tomcats t-shirt. I asked Sunny and Lovie for their help in this matter, they quickly came to aide providing me with loads of Tomcat swag. Much to my dismay, Lovie provided me with a custom, Tomcats black lace thong with “TOMCATS FOREVER” on the front and a picture of Stevo’s face on the rear. He assured me it was not weird, and I was not about to question him, given his reputation on the Kapusta Kow floor. The Ptown locals were so impressed with my display of Tomcat swag; they set up a meeting with the town mayor, Pizza Pete. During this meeting, in the back room of Pete’s Pizzeria, with hardcore porn playing in the background, Pizza Pete asked the three of us, “who are these Tomcats you speak of?” Before I could answer, still wearing my Tomcats thong and t-shirt, Sunny jumped in, and to quote the legendary WWF wrestling crew D-Generation X, “Oh you didn’t know? Your ass better call somebody!” Pizza Pete didn’t want to call anybody, so the three of us just told him the story of the Windsor Tomcats. He was very impressed, so we went for a lap dance from the one armed town stripper Roxie Sweetcocker at the Squire Tavern. Oddly enough, Roxie was well aware of the Windsor Tomcats, mentioning that she had done a private show at their Christmas party years back. Given the thumbs up from Roxie, Pizza Pete proposed a challenge to the Windsor Tomcats, and here we are today.

Looking forward to the upcoming season!

Soupy

BTW – If you haven’t already, check out the Beer Schedule tab above to see when the Tomcats expect you to bring beer this coming season!

Here are some tidbits that might not be well known by all Tomcats…

• The 2012-2013 Beer List is up.  Check out that tab to see when you are the hook this coming season
• The Tomcat web site is mobile enabled so go ahead and check this site out from your smart phone
• On the right hand side of this page, you can give your email and then receive notifications any time something new is posted.  Great way to stay up-to-date with Tomcat Nation
• Anyone can leave comments to any article on here (see “leave comment” at top of this post) and the most recent comments will be listed on the right hand side under “What’s been said recently…”  Go ahead and comment.  All bloggers love to receive feedback and makes for great Tomcat banter!
• The average length of an african elephant penis is about 2 meters and most of it is not visible. It weighs about 25 kg or 55 lbs. The record is 6 and a half feet  long!

Hello fellow Tomcats and members of Tomcat Nation. Sunny checking in with my off
season report.

The off season has been busy starting with a 2 week trip to Petrolia with fellow
Petrolians Lovie Edgar and Soupy Salaris. Together we conducted a 1 week hockey camp
which was very well received. The mayor of Petrolia, Pizza Pete Salaris would love to
have a Charity game pitting the Tomcats against the local Hard Oilers and area pig
farmers. I told him I would table it with the board. The mayor had one request that
was to inform him in advance if Junior Poisson would be attending so they would have
time to
find a safe place for all the elderly woman as his penchant for Grandmothers is well
documented and legendary!

Lovie, Soupy and myself spent the second week making appearances speaking with
children. One group of children clutching brooms and wearing knee pads were a little
upset that our minister of floor sweeping and pyrotechnics was not coming. We
promised them that we would bring him along next year. The kids were ecstatic to hear
and their mothers screamed in orgasmic pleasure! We were also guests at a charity
golf tourney that supports a cause dear to all Tomcats. All funds generated went to
help woman struggl
ing to find the funds for breast augmentation surgery.

Currently I am in Tibet hiking and soul searching. While filling up my water bottle
at a natural spring, the word Sunny came from behind me in the most peaceful and
serene voice I have ever heard. As I turned there he was standing before me with arms
outstretched saying “Sunny, from the Tomcats, right!” It was the Dalai Lama
himself! I was speechless! He invited me to his palace in the mountains. I bowed my
head and accepted his gracious offer.

Once inside his palace I was handed an ice cold MGD and given a satisfactory nod from
this great man. We walked through a doorway and there it was…a Tomcat shrine!
Pictures of all my fellow Tomcats were everywhere! One shrine stood alone at the back
wall. It was the Stevo Shrine,complete with pictures and quotes as well as a life
size cardboard cut out!

The Dalai Lama said that Stevo’s code of ethics is now how he and the Tibetan monks
try to live their lives! He said the next time he is Canada he would like to come to
the Kapusta Kow to watch a game but more importantly to talk with Stevo and the
Tomcats to start the process of teaching the Tomcat way of life to the world! I have
spent the last week trying to fill the Dalai Lamas appetite for Tomcat stories and
insight while he mends my spirit!

See you all at training camp and keep a tight ass boys!

Tomcats Forever,

Sunny