Came looking for a new article today and didn’t see one. I spun right, spun left and still didn’t see one. All this spinning to find an article is making Dzzy! Someone needs to “teach” the Tomcats how to show up with articles.
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By Harry Ballsonue
Hey there hockey folks, my wife and I along with our 4 kids, just got back from our 5 week stay at the cottage up North and we just stopped off at home to do some laundry and re pack as we are now heading to see some family in Rhode Island…going to sit on the beach at Misquamicut State Park (look it up, great beach!), but know that I will be monitoring to see who is posting their blogs, so far out of ten, 3 have not. (Sparky, Junior, and Chevy) You know what Stevo said, he will do for the Tomcats, what the Tomcat do for them…and right now it is sitting at 70%. I was able to text him, on my drive back from the cottage (Easy….My wife was driving…and I was watching a movie on the DVD with my four kids)
“Well at only 70 percent, do I show up for the first night with my two cases of beer? Do I even send out emails reminding everyone about hockey? Hell do I even do a roster for this year…only 70, I can do some stuff, but not all I do”. Stevo is referring to the amount of blogs that are submitted, to a ratio of ones that do not get done.
“So far I have been impressed with what I have read”, Stevo said in his second text. “I still plan to bring beer for the best one, but you have to submit them, on time in order to qualify for the beer”, the third text read, (meaning, if you were to submit your blog, three weeks ago and you do it in September, that does not count).
I should mention those you have contributed….Razor, Rake, Rocky, Cribz, Hollywood, Doc and Skippy.
So right now, blame, Junior, Sparky and Chevy if you don’t get notified about hockey on the first night, or, if the doors are closed on the first night and there is no beer. But hey, whilst you are standing outside the fire escape, thinking, WTF, why did I not get notified there is no hockey, can I put my Harry Ballsonue?
Tomcat Nation awaits a summer update from the man with the big shot and big shove.
Harry Palm Press
The end of season has already passed for the Tomcats, fans and players alike are turninig their thoughts to a summer spent off and looking forward to another great year of plays and playmakers. When the season did end, their was a simple ask to players that they share their summer shenanigans. To sweeten the pot Tomcat management offered up a case of cold bubbly for the best blog. I have been keenly watching with interest players thus far who have contributed blogs. What I have noticed is those that have contributed seem to be really enjoying their time off. There’s been reports of travel and leisure enjoyed by some superstars. Skippy on the other hand went down a darker/sweatier path. Since Monday May 28th the Skipster has been toiling in a summer league dedicated to spending the off season in improving his game. When I asked the youngster why he would put himself thru such abuse, considering the heat and subpar facility he replied, “I just couldn’t stand all that time spent away from playing hockey. I also figured I’m down to only playing once a week as opposed to upwards to four times if I want during a regular season.”
Other sources have speculated Skippy got a secretive call from management as speculation continues to swirl around Razor returning next season. Bookies are speculating that Skippy will take the place of Razor if a retirement is announced, moving him up the food chain to the number two goalie. Added to the mix is whispers Hollywood and the Matador have also expressed an interest if needed to man the pipes. Crazier still is the rumour that management has flown to Tiawan and scouted a superstar Asian goaltender. I give creedance to othe rumour Skippy may take over, or at least play a significant number of more games this season as confirmed sources have indicated the Skipster just bought himself a sweet motorcycle (Kawasaki Vulcan Cruiser – 800CC).
Skippy and his new glide
With the bike came a helmet and these same sources indicate Skippy was trying to find his ‘Bad’ self in preparation to fill the shoes of Razor. It may be true; I once recall Razor rolling up in his ride while “Wanted Dead or Alive” was blasting in the background. Fans, bookies and Tomcat superstar players alike will be patiently awaiting the next St.Felix (Coming out later this summer I hear), to dispell or shed some light on all these combined rumours.
To date their have been so few articlesthat there was an article written questioning, “Why/Why?”; a reference to the lack of contributors. Being a dedicated reporter I tried to fill that void and sent in an article (Season Ending Start – Tuesday May 29th/2012). Much to my surprise management put the kibosh on the whole thing, the following is excerpts saved from my messages with management – “I am just looking at it right now…It starts with the Skipjacks…I will see if it’s TOMCATS appropriate.” This was followed by a request for no G.A.A related storyline. Well to Skippy’s two fans out there, in his summer league to date he is 2-2-1 with a G.A.A of 6.0, which is tied with the fourth best goalie in that league. There was also a further reference to “editors comments being sent,” which I reviewed with dismay and replied CENSORSHIP!!!, considering this quote (Which I intercepted due to my computer hacking skills…) ” Send it to Rocky directly..I do not edit it!”. DON’T EDIT IT? Really?
The Skipjacks were hoping to be an affiliate team of the Tomcats, whom they look up to with awe and closely have modeled themselves. Last year was a first time tourny in decades with Tomcats graciously playinig the Skipjacks, and the Skipjacks humbly acknowledging their superiority on the floor. When I sent in the earlier article I had hoped I was commenting on TOMCATS players like Skippy, Danish and newcomer Wilson as they toiled in this summer league. I figured the 2 fans each player had would like to follow their summer league play, even if it was outside Tomcats play. While the players feelings were hurt, each responded, “We just want to drink from the same bowl as a Tomcat”. Enclosed you (Hopefully, minus management editing) will find the new Skipjack logo, which was based largely in part by consulting with Tomcat management.
New Skipjacks Logo
Even with all the missteps, the Skipjacks are looking to the future and planning on another tilt with the Tomcats as they seek to reclaim their trophy. In the meantime Skippy, Danish and Wilson will continue to work out and trying to become better players for the Tomcats organization this fall. Classy!! And just this once, I will let management place their HANDZONMECAC.
Yurri 🙂
Well Guys,
Since you all know this is my second year as a Tomcat I am still considered a rookie, I don’t have any battle scars yet or stories of throwing cooler lids at tournaments or even helicoptering a 5 iron. I do however ever feel just as part of this beautiful organization as someone with 23 years of those experiences and that is thanks to each and everyone of of you.
Just to give some background on where I was raised and when and how I ended up in Windsor which ultimately gave me the opportunity to be drafted. I was born in 1973 in Victoria which roughly now the same population as Windsor at around 250,000. Growing up in Victoria is kind of unique as you have everything you need there but if you want to see sporting events or big shows your kind of cut off as they only occur in Vancouver which is an hour and a half ferry ride and costs about $80 buck each way for a car and driver. Thanks B.C. government for limiting my youthful experiences!!
Anyways, growing up there there was always plenty to do outdoors which we always took full advantage of with either camping or salmon fishing. There are some beautiful places on the island. Some must do’s if your ever out there, Cathedral Grove some of the biggest trees you’ll ever see and then there is Long Beach in Tofino.
Well after high school and college and doing my pilots licence and realizing how difficult to find a pilots job was, I went to plan B and applied for air traffic control. Luckily I was accepted and started that in Dec. 2002, and left for Cornwall, Ontario – never being past Calgary it was quite an experience and adventure. Living in Cornwall if none of you have ever been there is unique in itself if you can ever get over the smell of the pulp plant. I was able to live in a fully enclose d building with dorms, cafeteria, swimming pool, gym, and the most important a bar! I think my record was roughly six weeks without going anywhere except to walmart to get tooth paste. I always referred to it as feeling like bubble boy off of Seinfeld.
I was also fortunate enough to meet my wife while living in this bubble as they rented a portion of it out to the Air Force. During the day I was being taught to keep airplanes apart and she was being taught to put them together. I still think it’s harder to keep them separated than putting them together but I will leave that up to you to contemplate. Also I recommend not bringing this point up to my wife in casual conversation cause I definatley know she can kick a few Tomcat asses not that I am saying any names, right “Junior”!!
After completing this training I was shipped off to Windsor not even knowing where the hell Windsor was! My wife was shipped off to Rome NY for an out of country posting so then the commute was on. I did this for a year then eventually too a couple of years off to live with her in NY. After her posting was up I transfered to Winnipeg where she as also sent. You know how sometimes in life you think a good idea is a great idea until you have made it and finally realize that it was an awful idea. All I can say is the next worse pace to live would have been Saskatoon and it would have been a coin toss! The cold for 10 1/2 months and the bugs for the remainder was not what we had signed up for.
I had the opportunity to come back to Windsor and it didn’t take much convincing for Jodi either. We arrived 4 years ago in Windsor and have never looked back, it was one of the best choices we made. I think our first winter here Jodi was out for a walk with the kids and came across this guy who introduced himself as Steve. He seemed to know where we were from how old we were what we did for jobs. It was a little creepy but once we found out he was a Cop I figured he had pretty sharp detective skills and we had moved into a great neighborhood. I didn’t get creeped out by him again until summer when I realized he kept starring at my wife’s feet whenever she wore sandals. I figured he had a woman’s shoe fetish. I was wrong it was a toe fetish, just ask Sparky!
Well, out of all the experiences and moves I have realized that Windsor is the next best thing to being home. As growing up in Victoria and living here is very similar, this is like the best kept secret of Ontario, the people who live here know it and appreciate it so don’t tell your friends about it and especially don’t let the word get out about the Tomcats otherwise everyone will want to move here.
Thanks for being such a great group of guys and to Stevo who introduced me all to you, I have had a blast the last couple of winters playing with all of you. Yes, even you Chevy! So enjoy your summer and keep in touch as well be cautious at wearing open toe shoe’s in the presence of Stevo as I would not want to imagine what he think’s about as he lies in bed at night with his eyes wide open! Cheers!
Doc!
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PICTURES TO BE ADDED SOON!
Tomcats held their annual Golf Outing at Seven Lakes and 24 golfers participated, the largest participation in Tomcat history, the Tomcat train is at full speed and making no stops!. Thanks to all those that golfed, thanks to Snowpants for putting the day together, thanks to St. Felix (patron Saint of Ball Hockey and the Windsor Tomcats) for putting together a gorgeous day and thanks to Hollywood and Lady Di for hosting the Tomcats. Souvlaki night in Canada is always a big hit.
Congrats to Soupy for winning the tournament, Hollywood and Soupy for being closest to the pins.
Great to see the Alumni represented with Rexy and Pro Am Participant Bill Booksa, who paid $2,500 to golf with his favourite Tomcat ‘the Turk’.
A three page Summer St. Felix will be out first week of July….please take the time to go on the site and have a look at it.
In the mean time, to all the Tomcat bloggers, keep your submissions coming. Remember what Rex Brennen (ex Tomcat Captain) always said “don’t ask what the Tomcats can do for you, ask what you can do for the Tomcats”.
Stay Beautiful!
It is me, Phil Landerer, and I have had the pleasure the last couple of weeks to hang out with Hollywood. We have been randomly travelling places, just being tourists. But the other day he said “awww Damnit, I gotta write a blog for the fans.” I graciously offered to write something he said cool, he even offered me twenty bucks to write it. He must have been drunk or something, I told him about all the neat and cool things we have encountered! He said “Big Effin Deal, write whatever you want!” So I have decided to journal our last several weeks for you out there in Tomcat world!
May 27, 2012: He wasn’t too hard to find, hanging out in a little village market, there was Joseph Kony hanging out in Yambio, Sudan, right under the noses of the District and Republic of Congo, and not too far from Congo, where Kony himself is wanted for a couple of crimes against humanity. It is pretty cool hanging out with guerillas, definitely not as cool as hanging out with Tomcats.
June 1, 2012: Farting around on the Peak of Shuckstack Mountain, located in the Smokey Mountains, just shy of the Appalachian Trail. South of Sassafras Gap, Northeast of Sheep Knob. Who in the F names these places? While out on top of what seemed the world, an old fire tower with a spectacular view, we noticed some rustling around in the forest below. We quickly climbed down the fire tower and bumped into Bigfoot! He invited us back to his cave where we shot-gunned a bunch of beers, ordered a couple of pizzas and watched a couple of his favourite movies, Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock’em.
June 4, 2012: Germany was pretty boring, especially hanging out at the Internet café with Luca Magnotta. But then Interpol swept in and scooped him up, complaining about him sending a foot to one person and a hand somewhere else? Pretty bummed out, he was going to tell us all about all sorts of stuff!
June 7,2012: The Scottish Highlands are beautiful at this time of year, especially when a pretty little serpent named Nessie is showing you around. She is also known as the Loch Ness monster. I was expecting more guys wearing skirts in these necks of the woods. Oh well onwards with our travels!
June 10,2012: While in Mexico, we are in a little town called Matamoros, where the enchiladas and chimichangas are delicious. This town lies just south of Brownsville Texas (where the women and Salsa Verde are not delicious). We find ourselves in the company of Vicente Carillo Fuentes! Being a guest of Vicente, our combined fame ensured that only the finest Patron was flowing. Let me tell you, here is a poor chum that is totally misunderstood. He told us that there are scores of party poopers hunting him for only God knows why. Who knows? Just as he was going to reveal the recipe of Spanish Fly to me, he said he had to be excused, and was whisked away in a nearby helicopter. He left us to a delicious spread of tamales, gorditas, and totopo. Needless to say, the next morning did not agree with me.
June 12, 2012: Today we have arrived in Ottawa, our nation’s capital. We are hoping beyond hope to bump into the ever-so-elusive Shamus. Our plan is to hike the trails in Gatineau forest, walk along the canal, scoping some sights out. There is a daytime poker tournament, so he definitely might be there? We will also hit a few used DVD stores; we know he loves to frequent those places. Golf; we shall check out a few golf courses, and last but not least, check out a few of the Jewish community centres. Maybe when we find him, with me being a beat reporter I will ask him those burning questions all the Tomcats are curious to know. Our journey continues…
Forever yours,
Phil Landerer
Assoc Press is reporting that Rocky Comartin has taken the initial steps to legally change his last name to Ocho Uno. When questioned after the Outdoor Classic game in late April about the rumored name change, number 81 said, “I don’t know anything about a name change.” My name is Rocky Comartin.” Yet, the rumor about the blue-liner swirls through Tomcat land.
Could Rocky, seen here battling against Doc, really be changing his name??
Most within the Tomcat Organization are familiar with number 81’s nickname Rocky, ceremoniously given to him when he joined the Tomcats in the fall of 2003. At the time, he was given the number 22. However, to pay homage to his high school football days, Rocky asked for a number change during the 2006 season. Interestingly enough, that same year, an NFL star with the same first name, Chad Johnson, wore a jersey that said “Ocho Cinco” above his number 85. Subsequently, the NFL fined the wide receiver for altering his jersey. Since then, Ocho Cinco has become synonymous with Chad Johnson and since the NFL only allows legal last names to be written on jerseys, Chad Johnson changed his name to Ocho Cinco in 2008. The extra media attention garnered from this event drove Ocho Cinco jersey sales through the roof and made Chad Ocho Cinco a house hold name. Could Rocky Comartin be pulling the same publicity stunt? This seems contradictory to the usually quiet and low-key demeanor of Rocky. However, he was embroiled in a stick throwing incident a couple of seasons back, and it is a contract year for him. Maybe we are seeing a new Rocky emerge?
Since players split jersey revenue with the Tomcats organization, it might be a lucrative move for Rocky. The name change may be a strategy for Rocky to get the money he feels he deserves – you know Lovie, Sunny, Falcon or Crow type dough. So, will Rocky change his name? Will he bring an Ocho Uno jersey to a store near you? And will fans buy the new jersey? Only time will tell.
For the record, here are some contract details for other notable Tomcats…
Player Annual Salary
Stevo $9,000,000
Falcon $8,850,000
Lovie $8,700,000
Crow $8,700,000
Sunny $8,600,000
Cribz $8,500,000
Junior $8,100,000 (took cut to sign Lovie)
Hollywood $8,150,000
Sparky $8,000,000
Snowpants $350,000 (bulk of his salary is paid in lap dances at Leopard’s)
As many of my fellow Tomcats may recall, I suffered a horrendous high stick injury to my face within the last few weeks of hockey during the 2011-2012 season. This blatant act was reviewed by none other than Brendan Shannahan, however no penalty was imposed. Since the injury was permanent and disfiguring, it was necessary to travel to the West Coast, in sunnyLos Angelesto seek top of the line cosmetic surgery.
I met with several doctors and decided to go with ‘the best of the best’. After a 13 hour procedure that would have made Lee Majors proud since his surgery as ‘Steve Austin’, I was well on my way to recovery. It didn’t take long for local celebrities to notice a Windsor Tomcat was recovering in their fine community, and I quickly started getting invites to gatherings such as Paris Hilton’s birthday party, Kim Kardashian’s beach party, and Robert DeNiro’s annual fish fry. I won’t even mention the two days I spent at Heff’s playboy mansion.
While inLos Angeles, it only made sense to meet with LA Kings coach Darryl Sutter. Now, I don’t usually like to pat myself on the back, but after reviewing his defensive alignment, I made several suggestions for line adjustments and aggressive forward pinch maneuvers which have had positive results. Sutter has adapted my strategies and personally congratulated me with their recent success in making it to the Stanley Cup.
As you can see by the photo, my scars have healed, and I’ve taken up a part time job teaching surfing at the Ron Jon Surf Shop. I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know that I offer a 80% discount to bikini clad clients. It’s a tough life, but somebody has to do it.
Until September, I hope everyone has a great summer, and wish for happiness to all. I hope to see you all at the annual classic Golf Tourney.
Stay safe…Cribz
By Harry Ballsonue
Tomcats Tailgating and a Happy Stevo, but that smile has been erased from his face.
Once a long time ago, Nancy Kerrigan cried these words in the City of Detroit. Today, the President and CEO of the Windsor Tomcats, Stevo, is crying these same words. “Why, why, why, are guys not writing their blogs?” Stevo asks, laying in a fetal position in his shed in his back yard. “I try to give so much to the Tomcats, organizing hockey, the tournament, staying up late on Tuesday nights writing blogs for the Tomcats and when I ask some of the guys to contribute I get two that do and two that don’t. That is only 50%. What if I just gave 50% to the Tomcats? Maybe I will organize the Tuesday nights and not beer nights or the Tournament….YES!!!, a super fantastic idea, I will give to the Tomcats what I get back from the bloggers….right now, it is at 50%.
So that is what you will get from me” a defeated Stevo said, then added, “If it goes lower than 50%, you may not see a Summer St. Felix, or notification of when hockey starts…I will give back, what I get from the Tomcats”.
Famous words of Rexy (ex Tomcat Captain) (Who is playing in Tomcat golf event by the way), “Ask not what the Tomcats can do for you, ask what you can do for the Tomcats”.
Maybe if there is no hockey this year, we can still meet on Tuesday nights and I can put my Harry Ballsonue.
Hello fellow Tomcats,
Having ended the season the IR list, my main objective over the course of the summer is to fully recover from my recent shoulder surgery, and to return for the season opener in September. As my recovery progresses, and at the direction of Stanley’s Cup winning team Captain (May Day), I will be performing stick handling drills against the four year old twins from across the street in order to sharpen my skills for the upcoming season.
And, as some of you are aware, I am having a new pool installed this month which will surely be followed by months of landscaping in order to achieve the mancave-like backyard worthy of a Tomcat. Sparky has graciously volunteered to assist with the installation of the electrical components of the system, although I’m not sure that the heavy duty speaker wire, two empty MGD bottles, sea water, tin foil and duct tape will meet building code or not. However, having said that, I will have to extend full benefit of doubt noting that he is a licensed professional. It is even rumoured that Sparky will be performing the post installation ceremonial dance as required by the Brotherhood of Electricians. This extremely secretive and rarely seen activity should be a once in a lifetime experience. I scoured the internet and found only one brief example of what is to be experienced. O nce you watched the attached video clip, you’ll understand. Have a great summer.
Regards,
The Rake
Windsor Tomcats 