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A Tomcat Tale: Harry Palm Press

Posted by 81rocky on July 25, 2013
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Aesop’s fables have been told and re-told; passed down from generation to generation, and nary do the lessons need updating in this ever increasingly digital age. The Tomcats are really no different. Entering their 25th season, rumors and innuendos have cropped up in the typically quiet summer months; that time of the year when the players are finally able to wind down. Fans will recall last year there was a mandatory ‘ask’ from Management to the players to create weekly blogs. The twittersphere and other social media sites lit up with each Tomcats player settling back and letting the fans know what hi jinx they were up to in the off season. This year has been a bit different; the players aren’t leaping to the keyboards or grabbing their high tech gear and looking for a satellite signal to upload their stories. So instead the focus has been on the ‘Stevo’ drama – Will he or won’t he retire after the 25th season?

Remember the drama surrounding Razor and his apparent ‘Retirement’ dilemma last year? It made for good press – and that’s about it. Razor returned and was just as solid as the year before. He even captured another ring in the annual tourny. I will say it now – loud and clear; Stevo will NOT be retiring any time soon. While age may be catching up to the leader of the organization; the itch to play hasn’t left, nor has that competitive spirit. Kudos to Stevo for looking forward and realizing EVERY player eventually has to hang it up; but like some other long term players I think they’ll be prying his cold dead fingers from that hockey stick prior to him actually leaving the Tomcat fold. It will be a SAD day in Tomcat history when he does leave; but several other key players have quietly been stepping up to ensure Tomcat hockey is played for another 25 years when he does.

Speaking of player’s summer news, sources have it that Skippy has confirmed his playing time come the start of the new season will be downgraded due to his daughter’s birth. “I plan on playing when I can; and I’m committed to being there at the start of the season, on my beer night, and at ALL major tourny’s – but beyond that I gotta play it by ear.” Apparently fatherhood has taken its toll in terms of Skippy’s time, and the limited time he does have outside of his regular job duties is filled by his second job – Being a father; which Skippy has described as ‘Exceptionally busy’. With the glut of top quality goaltenders the Tomcats have, along with Bearcat looking to break back into the fold; Skippy’s reduction in playing time may be a blessing in disguise. When questioning the time downgrade Skippy was quick to point out he felt he had earned some small measure of players and fans respect this season with his MVP nod at the outdoor game. The next major piece of hardware Skippy has his eye on is the Major Tislton Challenge Cup; which if indications via the St Felix are correct remain in limbo. When asked about the prospect of losing the annual dust up between the Tomcats and Skipjacks Skippy stated: “I’ve said my piece to the Tomcat powers that be – and now I will try to sell it to the players as management has indicated the games fate rest on a vote. I believe with some of the ideas in place this year this game and many future rematches will remain in place.”

Time will tell on many fronts what is yet to be written in the Tomcat history books – Will this be Stevo’s last year? Will Bearcat come back and recapture some of that old magic in net? Will there be a Tomcat/Skipjack game? And will all my articles always end off with ‘Yuri HANDZONMECAC?”

Well, at least some things will never change…

Yurri

Ancient Tomcat Proverb

Posted by 81rocky on July 23, 2013
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A real woman is a man’s best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible…

No wait…Sorry.

I’m thinking of whiskey. It’s whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.

Author: The Dalai Cribley (the wisest Tomcat around)

Summer St. Felix is here!

Posted by 81rocky on July 1, 2013
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Click here to read the latest St. Felix.

More questions from WindsorTomcats.com fans…

Posted by 81rocky on June 27, 2013
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Dear Tomcats:
My mom took me to the outdoor game this year and I got to see the Tomcats after the game, from a distance as you ‘tailgated’ in the Polish Hall Parking lot, you seemed like a very tight knit group, even with a lot of outsiders, is that the way it is on stage after at the Kapusta Kow Palace?

Francis Boulian, age 13
Tabernack Quebec

Dear Francis:
Is your mom a hottie? Next time have her come to the gate where security is and have her show her titties to the security guard, she will be allowed in (if she has a nice rack) you will have to stay in parking lot of course. She can then tell you about what it is like in the circle of the Tomcats.

Thanks for being a fan!

T.C.
______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tomcats:
My mom told me that after one of your games she came into Purples and some of you were there hanging around, but security was really tight and no one was allowed near you guys.  If I came around would Crow, or Lovie sign a jersey for me?

Cameron MacDonald, age 12
Little Falls Nebraska

Dear Cameron:
Is your mom a hottie? Next time have her come to  security  and have her show her titties to the security guard, she will be allowed in (if she has a nice rack) make sure you do not come, as you will have to stay in parking lot, outside, of course. She can then tell you about what it is like in the circle of the Tomcats. 

T.C.
________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tomcats:
I hear that the Windsor Tomcats are coming out with a 2013-14 Windsor Tomcat Program. Is it possible to get one. My mom and I are big fans  and would love to have one. What are the chances? My mom is 45 and I’m 25…and we just love the Tomcats. We both plan to be at the opening night on September 17 as we already have our tickets!

Cindy Lopez
Slippery Rock, Alta.

Dear Cindy:
Are you and your mom a hot? On the 17th  come to  security  and  show your  titties to the security guard, Gate T, you will be allowed in (if both of you have a nice rack) If one of you do not have a nice rack, you will not be allowed in, but the other will and she can grab you a Program (if there are any left)….there won’t be, but hey if you have a nice rack, then come on by!

T.C.

You drink a lot because you’re supersmart, study says (as does Jingles)

Posted by 81rocky on June 20, 2013
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Go ahead, order that second beer or have another on stage: You deserve it because you’re so smart.  According to the greatest study in the history of science (we’re only slightly exaggerating), smarter people tend to drink “more frequently and in greater quantities” than their duller, drier peers.  In two studies conducted in the United States and United Kingdom, children’s intelligence was measured and categorized in five groups ranging from “very dull” to “very bright.” When the study participants were assessed later in life (the Brits checked in from their 20s to their 40s) the “brighter” kids were the ones who emptied more glasses more often.  Why? No one is exactly sure yet.  Anybody want to drink on it?

2013 Tomcat Golf Tournament

Posted by 81rocky on June 16, 2013
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The weather could not have been any better for the 2013 annual Tomcat Golf Tournament. St. Felix was looking down on the boys and made sure the temperature was perfect, not a cloud in th sky and a nice gentle breeze…absolute perfection!

The boys prepare for tee off!

The boys prepare for tee off!

Speaking of perfection, Razor, the resident Tomcat scratch golfer, took away all the honours on the day…Longest drive, both closest to the pins, lowest score and the award for the best outfit. Razor had to rent a Uhaul to carry home his prizes.

Perfect form from the razor

Perfect form from the razor

When you shoot like Razor, you can dress in bright colours and flex all you want!

When you shoot like Razor, you can dress in bright colours and flex all you want!

Special thanks go out to Snowpants for planning and running the event once again.  The poor guy had to sell his car to help pay for the event costs and ended up having to ride his bike to the course!

Though slightly oversized for Snowpants, this BMX is his only mode of transporation for now.

Though slightly oversized for Snowpants, this BMX is his only mode of transporation for now.

Nothing beats a Snowpants smile!

Nothing beats a Snowpants smile!

Thanks also go out to the sponsors of the prize donations….including Chevy  and ‘Amy’s Helping Hands,’ olong with Crow and “Lakeshore Auto All Makes All Models.”  These tournaments would not occur without their generosity!

Huge applause go out to Hollywood for providing the meal and venue afterwards.  Hollywood does this every year it seems which is greatly appreciated!

Finally, a ‘super solid’ goes out to Ogie (our Tomcat of the week).  He provided a case of 24 for the golfers eventhough he was unable to take part himself!  Remember that next time you see Ogie and make sure to give him his due.

Finally, ever heard of a Rake Sandwich?  Killer found himself in one on the course…

rake sandwich

Another great Tomcat event in the books!

Tomcats Forever!

NEW FEATURE: Fans send questions into the Tomcats

Posted by 81rocky on June 12, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Dear Tomcats:

Why did you guys go with an orange long sleeve shirt this past year?

Joan Stevens-Kildare, 42 years old 
Fox Trot New Mexico

Dear Joan,
That is a good question!

W.T.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tomcats:

I notice on the black tee shirt, with the yellow logo, there is a red stripe. Does that red stripe signify anything?

Johnny Deans, 12 years old
Southern Plains, Alberta

Dear Johnny,
Thank you for your very astute question. Yes Johnny, the red stripe does signify something, it means a Tomcat is willing to go down on his lady when it is that ‘time of the month’. 

W.T.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tomcats:

My favorite Tomcat is Snowpants, but when I google ‘Snowpants’, I just get information on ‘Snow Pants’ in Northern Face catalogues.  Could you tell me if he is married, does he have children and what does he like to do when he is not playing Tomcat hockey? Does he follow the NFL at all and what is his favorite team? Who is his favorite band/musician?

Crystal Amber , age 34
Las Vegas, Nevada

Dear Crystal,
Snowpants is probably the most popular Tomcat.  Snowpants is not married, and does not have any children, but he is deeply in love with his ‘women friend’ L. When he is not playing hockey, he is an avid golfer. Yes Snowpants loves the NFL and cheers for the San Francisco 49’rs. Snowpants loves Sammy Hager, the Red Rocker.

W.T.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tomcats:

My two favorite Tomcats are Rocky and Cribzie, can you tell me a little something  (secret) about them, that I may not know already?

Liz Fairchild, age 38
Lisbon, Texas

Dear Liz,
Rocky and Cribzie are the two classiest guys you would ever want to meet. They are both kind souls and love being Tomcats.  As far as a secret, Cribzie loves to wear number 23 and Rocky is a drummer and can bang the skins pretty good.

W.T.

Thanks for all your emails and letters, keep them coming and we will repeat this feature a few more times in the coming months.

Tomcat Management

Windsor Tomcats Vs Windsor Minx

Posted by 81rocky on June 3, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. 4 Comments

Team Roster for Tomcats: STEVO, DOC, CHICO, HOLLYWOOD, ROCKY, SOUPY, CROW and RAZOR

Team Roster for Minx: SCHNEIDER, THE CLEAVER, SERTA, ROXY, MRS. RAZOR, JAZZY JAZZ and RINGER.

Score Keepers, Spares and Spectators: Meshe Gagnon, Katie, Kim (Loxy), Lynn (Foxy), James. 

For almost 25 years the Windsor Tomcats have enjoyed an estrogen free environment, but that all changed on the 1st of June when the newly formed Windsor Minx hosted their first annual Volleyball competition at “On the Beach” in Tecumseh.  Thanks to everyone who came out and made the event such a success!!

In a 3 game series, the Tomcats took 2 solid wins and the Minx took 1 awesome victory.  “Jazzy Jazz” won a well deserved Best player of the evening prize and “Doc” was devastated by being voted Worst Player, some tears, an undershirt and blood were shed by “Doc” thanks to “Crow”, the scrappy sand brawler.  After the competition was over, the teams mixed and the Tomcats and Minx played a few friendly games, although some sand-wrestling and talking-smack continued throughout the entire event.

Doc and Jodi get up nd dance after their wrestling match in the sand.  Jodi won, of course.

Doc and Jodi get up after their wrestling match in the sand. Jodi won, of course.

There was only one real casualty of the evening….Chico started the event ass over tea kettle off the picnic table and ended the evening with possibly two broken toes….which means it was a good night!!

Dawned in their V-neck, logo clad, skin tight, fusia T-Shirts, the Windsor Minx displayed proudly their team moto. “The Better Half Division of the Windsor Tomcats”.  “Stevo” was overheard to have said “never did a Tomcat team photo look so good!!” 

Best looking Tomcat (I mean Minx) team photo ever taken.

Best looking Tomcat (I mean Minx) team photo ever taken.

Following Volleyball everyone headed over to “Doc” and “The Cleavers” house to continue the festivities!!  And continue they did…..till roughly 2am.  The hot tub and pool were put to good use, setting an all time record for hot tub occupancy of 10 people.  Doc could be seen the following day adding about 2 feet of water to the very empty tub. 

Tomcats and Minx set a record for most people ever in the Brewin hot tub.

Tomcats and Minx set a record for most people ever in the Brewin hot tub.

There were a few times that the pool seemed a little too crowded with men (SausageFest)…it is believed that “Doc” and “Chico” master planned an idea to get the girls in the pool…”Chico” called “Schneider” for a drink while Doc did the unthinkable and took “Schneider” out by tossing her in the pool with her clothes on…

The Chip 'n' Dales made an appearance at the after party!

The Chip ‘n’ Dales made an appearance at the after party!

From Left to Right...Foxy, Roxy and Loxy at the after party.

From Left to Right…Foxy, Roxy and Loxy at the after party.

Music, libations, food, friends and fun were the themes of the evening; a great time was had by all!!  If you were hoping for some more juicy after party stories…..I’m afraid you’re not getting any, what happens at the Tomcats Vs Minx parties stays at the Tomcats vs Minx parties!!!   You will have to participate next year to find out!

Thank God for double knots 😉

As a final note:  The Windsor Minx are looking for more group members.  If you are the female companion of a Tomcat and want to participate in future events please e-mail Schneider at dijana_w78@hotmail.com or The Cleaver at jodiburniston@hotmail.com  Social events for the Windsor Minx are being planned for the future and we would love to have you with us…..stay tuned!!

Signing out

The Cleaver and Schneider

Picture Gallery from the Volleyball match vs the Minx

Posted by 81rocky on June 2, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Blog stories to follow soon…

Best looking Tomcat (I mean Minx) team photo ever taken.

Best looking Tomcat team photo ever taken.

"The Gang" taking part in the first ever Tomcat vs Minx event.

“The Gang” taking part in the first ever Tomcat vs Minx event.

Doc and Jodi get up nd dance after their wrestling match in the sand.  Jodi won, of course.

Doc and Jodi get up after their wrestling match in the sand. Jodi won, of course.

"Wow Look!  There is a ball in the air and it is coming our way," Hollywood stated.

“Wow Look! There is a ball in the air and it is coming our way,” Hollywood stated.

Hollywood prepares to bump the ball to Stevo

Hollywood prepares to bump the ball to Stevo

Someone take it!!!

Someone take it!!!

The Tomcats tried to hit the ball high as it provide more time to check out the Minx in their spandex outfits without being caught gawking :)

The Tomcats tried to hit the ball high as it provided more time to check out the Minx in their spandex outfits without being caught gawking 🙂

Roxy Comartin positions herself to dig the ball

Roxy Comartin positions herself to dig the ball

Soupy serves the ball on match point

Soupy serves the ball on match point

"Missed it by that much."  Great effort though!

“Missed it by that much.” Great effort though!

The Minx "Ringer" makes a backward save to keep the ball in play.

The Minx “Ringer” makes a backwards save to keep the ball in play.

Stevo shows he still has what it takes to keep up with the young ladies...at least on the sand court.

Stevo shows he still has what it takes to keep up with the young ladies…at least on the sand court.

Stevo gets ready to set up James on the weak side.

Stevo gets ready to set up James on the weak side.

Do you lean left or right? By Howie Feltersnatch

Posted by 81rocky on May 29, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. 3 Comments

The world has never been so divided as the current day.  Everything you read in the news, hear on the TV and radio, or discuss with coworkers and friends tends to take on one political slant or the other.  “Harper doesn’t care about the environment, the NDP are the closest thing to Marxism, the Liberals just don’t get it…blah, blah, blah!”  While talking politics is fun (NOT!), this is the Tomcat Hockey Blog and hockey is definitely more fun than politics (and probably less violent).

So when it comes to hockey, are you a lefty or a righty?  Looking at the 1071 NHL players and prospects, 65% shoot left.  Among forwards, 61% shoot left while 72% of the defencemen have left handed sticks.

When the vast majority of people are right-hand dominant (about 85% of the population), why is it that so many hockey players shoot left?  Doing some research, it appears one valid argument why people should use a stick opposite of their dominant hand (right hand people shoot left, left handed people shoot right) is as follows:

  • When you shoot left, the hand in the middle of the stick is your left hand, and the hand at the top of the stick is your right hand. When you are skating fast, or stretching to reach a far away puck, you end up with only your top hand on the stick – as explained above, in the case of a left shot player, that would be your right hand.  That is why right handed people (which is most people) end up shooting left – so that when they have to handle their stick with just one hand, it is their dominant right hand.

So if shooting left handed is really the superior approach for the majority of right-handed people, I thought it would be interesting to look at the top 20 scorers of all-time to see if the statistics pan out.  Here they are:

Wayne Gretzky           L
Gordie Howe               R/L (ambidextrous)
Brett Hull                     R
Marcel Dionne            R
Phil Esposito               L
Mike Gartner               R
Mark Messier              L
Steve Yzerman            R
Mario Lemieux            R
Jaromir Jagr                 L
Teemu Selanne            R
Luc Robitaille               L
Brendan Shanahan      R
Dave Andreychuk       R
Joe Sakic                         L
Bobby Hull                     L
Dino Ciccarelli             R
Jari Kurri                       R
Mark Recchi                 L
Mike Bossy                   R

SIDENOTE: Is it just me or did many of the guys above where the Winged-wheel in their careers???  Anyways, I digress…so of the 20 top scorers of all-time, only 8 shoot left.  A majority (12 of 20 or 60%) shoot right.   

So how about the Tomcats?  According to the player profiles on this website, here is the shooting hand breakdown:

Turk                             L
Sunny                          R
Cribz                           R
Junior                          R
Hollywood                  L
Killer                           L
Doc                             R
Mayday                       R
Sparky                         R
Rocky                          R
Snowpants                  L
Crow                           R
Chevy                          L
Mez                             R
The Rake                      L
Spinner                        L
Jingles                         R
Stevo                           L
Bulldog                       R
LaBamba                     R
Zaba                            R
Lovie                           L
Hurricane                    R
Soupy                          R
Matador                        R
Beep                            L
Chico                           R
Ogie                            L
Flintstone                    L
Eagle                           L
Bubbles                       L
Crispy                          R
Finner                          L

45% (15 of 33) of the Tomcats shoot left, while 18 of 33 (55%) shoot right.  

Conclusion:  If the Tomcats have more right handed shooters and there are more right handed shooters in the list of top 20 all-time NHL scorers, then it must be better to lean to the right (even if current NHL stats and the main stream media say it is not).

Yours in hockey, 

Howie Feltersnatch  

Tomcats Forever!

No Fear, Great Year, Love the Beer, Let’s all Cheer

Posted by 81rocky on May 22, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

By Harry Ballsonue

I have one more blog to write before I go to Costa Rica, for the summer and spend some time with my wife, she lives there full time and sells sea shells on the beach.

I have read Stevo’s last two blogs…some very interesting information. It was a good year and I would think each and every Tomcat is happy, content and joyed.

First of all I am impressed that 38 jackets were ordered and the Tomcats paid money for everyone to get a jacket. (I know, each player paid $25 bucks for the 25 anniversary) That is a pretty cool thing to do. The jackets turned out great and look very cool.

The Tomcat Christmas Gala at Rock Bottom I know was a success and I see that this year, Chevy is in charge with his helpers, Sunny and Snowpants.

Tournament this year was very good. Doc will be a great addition at helping Stevo set it up this year.  It seems like a great deal of work and Doc will no doubt pick up a lot from watching Stevo this year and then be able to carry the ball next year.

The Tomcat Tournament picture turned out great, except for the fact that Beep did not make it into the picture.

Statistically the Tomcats had the same amount of Mini’s compared to just regular 2 teams playing this year as last.

The Out Door Classic was fun this year, with no ‘gimmicks’ between periods and the Black Hogs put on a real show, when they needed it.

For next year, Snowpants will be a Captain for the very first time in the Stanley’s Cup.  A dubious honour, to say the least. Returning Captains will be Jingles (will he use the Jingle’s Jets?) Lovie, of the Lovieville Flyers and Stevo and you can always count on him to be the Stevo Stingrays.

I will not see you guys at the June 14 golf outing as I will be in Costa Rica, but you know, I would love to put my Harry Ballsonue.

New Beer list out for the 2013-2014 Season!

Posted by 81rocky on May 17, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Look early, look often.  Add reminders to your calendar, set your alarm, tie a string to an appendage…do whatever you have to do to remember what dates you are expected to supply beer for your Tomcat brethren.  No excuses to miss or forget. 

Tomcats Forever!

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