Windsor Tomcats

By Harry Ballsonue

This Day in History…..

2001 – Seven-time NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion Dale Earnhardt dies in an accident during the Daytona 500.
2003 – Nearly 200 people die in the Daegu subway fire in South Korea.
2014 – Matador Scores on first penalty shot awarded in 20 years.

Chico’s Cheetah’s : Chico, Chevy, Spinner, Soupy, Razor, Turk and Killer
Sparky’s Siberian Tigers: Sparky, Snowpants, Stevo, Matador, Hollywood, La Bamba, Flintstone and Sheep Dog
Rake’s Jaguars : The Rake, Tunes, Rocky, Junior, Mez, Cribzie, the Danish and Hurricane

The Cheetah’s take the tournament with another strong scoring performance by Chevy, “I could not believe the amount of goals he scored out there” said Hurricane, “and when he was not selected as a star, I was flabbergasted, I could not believe it, but that is the vicious world of ball hockey,” concluded Hurricane (Chevy’s Mentor).

The three star selection as selected by La Bamba, the Third star, #35 The Turk, the Second star, #1, The Danish and the First star, #29 Razor…(Yes Skippy, two goalies selected as stars!) The Danish being selected as a star, stayed up on stage till midnight drinking beer, “I love this, this may actually be the best day of my life, I never want it to end,” stated The Danish.

The night was very aggressive, in what I saw. I know the tournament is a few days away and maybe players were posturing…but no need to be so aggressive….after all, is it not on stage after, that the yuks occur and the laughs and the fun are present…..and is that not the best part of it?

A few notables on the evening, Chevy, brought a 24 of MGD as a fine for wacking his stick against the net that Falcon was minding…classy move by Chevy.

Sparky (actually the Rake) brought out some cheese and crackers and some kielbasa, very nice move!

Snowpants, wanting to take initiative on ‘How To Be The Best Ref In The World of Ball Hockey”, moved the Bundura and the Sea Lion aside and reffed a period of a game. The Ball Hockey Referee Association grieved the move and asked that Snowpants be suspended for the upcoming tournament. Management and the Association were able to work out a deal and agreed on a 12 pack fine…to be brought first night of Tuesday hockey.

The Matador, had a penalty shot and scored on Razor, (after Killer had put his hand on the ball in the crease)…a first in a very long time…(the penalty shot, not Matador scoring).

Everyone there on the night paid for their upcoming hoodie or sweatshirt, which Stevo very much appreciated. The Sweat Shirts and Hoodies should be distributed on Tournament Day.

Tournament goes this Saturday, 8:30 start, everyone (EVERYONE) is asked to be there by 8:15…set up, dress, etc.

Full Team Picture, after the first two games are played……curfew for the Windsor Tomcats is 10pm Friday night and sex is highly encouraged the night before the big tournament!!

While you are on the stage, getting ready for the tournament, and you are all nervous and stuff, can I put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Harry Ballsonue

On Feb 11 in history…

1979 – The Iranian Revolution establishes an Islamic theocracy under the leadership of Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

1981 – 100,000 US gallons (380 m3) of radioactive coolant leak into the containment building of TVA Sequoyah 1 nuclear plant in Tennessee, contaminating 8 workers.

1990 – Nelson Mandela is released from Victor Verster Prison outside Cape Town, South Africa after 27 years as a political prisoner.

1997 – Space Shuttle Discovery is launched on a mission to service the Hubble Space Telescope.

2008 – Rebel East Timorese soldiers seriously wound President José Ramos-Horta. Rebel leader Alfredo Reinado is killed in the attack.

2014 Ogie calls from Inuvik, NWT, singing the ‘Snowpants’ song.

Green Hornets: Matador, Tunes, Snowpants, Cribzie, Flintstone, Chico and Razor
White Caterpillars: Hollywood, Sunny, Junior, Stevo, Jingles and Bearcat
Black Beatles: Rocky, Soupy, Chevy, Turk, Falcon, Rake and Sheep Dog

The Green Hornets took the night with stellar, and I mean stellar goaltending from Razor. “the Green Hornets had more shots on them then I can recall in a game of Hockey on a Tuesday night, but Razor stood tall and made save after save after save”, indicated The Rake.

Of course the Razor was the first star on the night. The three star selection as selected by La Bamba, third star, Hollywood, the 2nd star,Jingles (who did not receive a warm reception to being named second star) and the first star, Razor.

Razor, Jingles and Hollywood, the three stars, Razor could have easily been all three stars. Great job Razor and good job La Bamba on the three star selection!

“People cheered when Razor was announced,” stated Chico and added, “But then when Jingles was named, the stage went kind of quiet.” Chico concluded, “But then when Hollywood was named, well the crowd on the stage cheered again.”

Hollywood in second star like fashion, wanted to check out a turtle neck that Snowpants was wearing, he went up to him and lifted his shirt and said, “oh it’s a full length shirt, I thought it was a dickie.” To which the Turk responded, “If you want to see the Dickie, you got to go lower.” The stage erupted in laughter!

Super solids done by a couple of Tomcats, first, Ogie calling Hollywood, all the way from Inuik, NWT and singing the ‘Snowpants Song,’ cuz really “there’s no pants, like Snowpants, Like no pants we know.” Second, the Sheep Dog, brings a 24 of Blue Light…No reason! Tunes brings a 12 pack of Bud Light….No Reason! Chico, no reason, brings a 12 of Rolling Rock…because of these great guys, the Tomcats announced that beer will be provided on stage during the tournament by the Tomcats, so you do not have to bring your own beer.

“We had thought about it, but then we got some extra cases and of course we will buy some MGD for the tournament, so really it was a no brainer, Tomcats will provide the beer on stage come Tournament Time,” stated Jingles.

The Turk, who celebrated his 56th birthday last week…what does he do? Brings a bottle of vodka from the Ukraine…now that is a super solid by the Turk. The boys toasted the Turk and wished him a happy birthday as they talked about next week being the last Tuesday before the Tournament.

Big crowd expected next week….

Cannot write this blog, without mentioning Junior…solid performance on his part all though he seemed out of breath at times, but it is a conditioning thing and superior athletes such as Junior will have no problem at all getting back into game shape.

One small incident, noticed by me and a number of reporters and some fans, was that Chevy was disappointed in his play and smashed a stick against the goal post striking the Falcon. Chevy did not meet with the press after the game, but a team spokesman, for the Black Beatles indicated that Chevy had stated, “I would like to apologize for my actions tonight they were not warranted and by no means intentional. I will bring a case of 24 in for the boys to make good with the Falcon and the team I was playing for.”

Reminder to those you have not paid for their hoodie or sweat shirt, please pay Stevo next week as he is picking up the order prior to the tournament and would like to have cash in hand when he goes to pick up the merchandise….

Hey as you are looking for Snowpants Dickie, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue?

Tomcats Forever!

By Harry Ballsonue

Stevo Stingrays: Stevo, Soupy, Hurricane, Sparky, Mez, Flintstone, Danish and Spanky
Rocky Barracuda’s: Rocky, Chevy, La Bamba, Falcon, Sheep Dog, Doc and Killer
Cribzie Camaro’s: Snowpants, Matador, The Turk, Hollywood, Kamikaze and The Rake

Rocky built a strong team from the net out in selecting the Falcon as his goaltender and then La Bamba on defense and then picking super forward, Chevy who ended up scoring 22 goals last night for his team to lead the Barracuda’s to victory, “I don’t know if I scored 22 goals, but it was close” indicated a bashful Chevy.

“I thought the games were very even tonight, there were some 5-2 games, but over all, it was a close night of hockey” stated Kamikaze, who did a super solid and brought a 12 pack of beer, ‘just because’…most excellent of you Kazie.

The three star selection, as selected by La Bamba, the third star, #19 Stevo, the second Star, #23 Cribzie and the first star, #26 Chevy. “Chevy deserved first star status tonight, he was a scoring machine,” stated The Turk.

“I am very proud of my boy Chevy for getting the first star, he was out there scoring like a mad man”, indicated mentor and best friend, Hurricane.

Doc, who displayed the latest in Tomcat clothing, indicated that he wish he had Chevy’s shot. “If I had a shot like that, and my looks, there would be no stopping me,” Doc said.

First star last week….superstar this week ….Doc models the latest in Tomcat fashion the Tomcat hoodie ….

Two weeks of hockey left before the tournament. Junior is is making his season debut next week and fans must know this as the Kapusta Kow Palace is sold out for that night. “I know I am looking forward to seeing Junior play and I’m on the Windsor Tomcat Hockey Club,” indicated Spanky.

Stevo was honoured to have been selected 3rd star, “I would like to thank La Bamba for doing that and for selecting me, with my knee injury and me missing lots of hockey this year, it means a great deal to go out there and play well and not reinjure the knee,” Stevo had said.

After the games were over and the boys were just talking about life, Snowpants and Cribzie were informed that they would be roommates on the upcoming Battle Creek Golfing trip, Cribize said to Snowpants, “we know there are two beds in the room, one bed will be for our luggage, and booze and stuff and the other, will be for Snowpants and I,” Cribzie said with a laugh.  Snowpants looked at Cribzie adoringly and said, “You had me at we know there are two beds…..”

Hey, whilst you are checking out Doc in his hoodie, can I put my Harry Ballsonue.

Click here to read the latest St. Felix.

By Harry Ballsonue

Teams were fair and the games were close, great job Cribzie we love you most!!!

Skippy’s Southside Scoundrels: Skippy, Rocky, Cribzie, Chevy, Tunes, Sheepdog and Kamikaze
Falcon’s Fabulous Few: Falcon, Sparky, Stevo, Hurricane, Lovie, Killer, Soupy and Spanky
Hollywood’s Happy Ho’s: Hollywood, Chico, Sunny, Matador, Snowpants, Doc and Flintstone

The Southside Scoundrels took the mini, with some solid play by the defensive duo of Cribzie and Rocky, playing together for the first time in 6 years, “We never get to play together, it was really good to play on D with him….” Indicated Cribzie the creator of all three teams.

“I think he did a fantastic job,” stated Soupy, and added, “I felt all three teams were equal and anyone could have won the tournament, if only we got some shots on net against the Scoundrels,” indicated Soupy.

The three star selection as selected by La Bamba, 3rd star, # 28 Kamakaze second star, # 20 Sheep Dog and the first star # 73 Doc.

“What an honour, I know I notched a few goals tonight and made a difference out there, but to be selected first star, well…wow, I don’t know what to say, except for, I wish Crow (Mr. Beatle) was here to see me score the goals I scored, and to see me as first star,” indicated a beaming Doc.

Second Star, a first time Star, Sheep Dog, “What can I say, I get this Tomcat jacket and then my wife buys me a sporty hat, now look at me, second star, women are approaching me from all sides, I love being a Tomcat,” an almost weeping Sheep Dog indicated.

Sheep Dog calling his agent …”hey I was the second star…renegotiate my contract….show me the money!”

Solid move goes to Hollywood who brought in a ton of kielbasa and cheese and crackers, well done, the boys munched on the food on stage and had a grand old time.

Stevo announced that he is organizing his last clothing item for the Tomcats as President, a Black Tomcat sweat shirt, with a Silver stitch, “If you want one, let me know…if you don’t I understand…if I order 2, if I order 45, it makes no ‘never minds’ to me,” a jubilant Stevo had indicated.

Speaking of Stevo, for a man who was on the IR for 9 weeks, his return was pretty darn good. He notched a few goals and set up some of his teammates, “I am just so happy that I did not reinjure it, The February 22 tournament means a great deal to me and I am glad that I can play in it, noting my knee problem,” Stevo had indicated.

Next week, the three show case players are playing and it looks like another mini….

ONE POINT THAT I WAS ASKED TO MAKE IS: Tomcats ARE NOT providing beer this year at the Tournament, so please bring beer that you plan to consume on stage, don’t be mooching off others.

A solid was once again done by Lovie who brought a 24 of Rolling Rock for no reason at all, except that he is a great guy and I was interviewing Stevo, new comer, Spanky walked by, said his good byes to Stevo and said, “Make sure you place my name on the beer list, I want to do my part in contributing beer.” God I want to be a Tomcat. What a super thing to do by Spanky….

Back at Purples, several of the Tomcats were there, Lovie, Sheep Dog, Hollywood Stevo and Chico, as the clinked their glasses, Sheep Dog said ‘Tomcats Forever’….which means, You gotta sing the Tomcat Song, which they did, with Hollywood doing a solo as the other four sang back ground….”I am just trying to learn the song,” indicated an excited Sheep Dog, “I will practice it at home, and I will know it for the next time it is belted out,” he added.

Whilst the boys are picking out another beer from the cooler, on stage, could I put my Harry Ballsonue…

Die hard fans and players alike are undoubtedly looking forward to the upcoming annual ‘Stanley’s Cup Tournament’, and from what has been seen in terms of play recently at Tuesday night affairs; players have definately ramped up thier efforts.

Quiet rumours are also being heard which may significantly alter the teams which have already been selected.  Unconfirmed sources have whispered long time Tomcats such as Bubbles and Cribz are quietly nursing injuries.  One specific rumour has it that Jingles, a team Captain is also still on the I.R.  When I questioned some of the players drafted to the Jingles Jets, they were quick to state, “If Jingles goes down, our team may be hard pressed to compete.”

The absolute most shocking statement came from a long time Tomcat superstar; who requested for now his identity remain secret:  “This will likely be my last season.”  WOW!  What a shocker that will be when the player feels ready to make a media announcement; which I suspect may come after the outdoor tourny.

Having been sworn to secrecy I will protect the player in question, but it did cause me to review the Tomcat roster to ascertain a median age.  What I came to was a mediam age of 41.  I also began to review the teams selected for the tourny, and as in year’s past I am ready to make my predictions.

True fans of my work may recall my prediction made last year, as seen in the article ‘Predictions, Contemplations, and a Monkey?’ (Jan 30, 2013); along with the article ‘Tomcats – A Rainbow of Colours’ (Feb 24, 2013).  To recap, I predicted the Cribz Crown Royals or Hollywood Hookers would join the Chevy Sharks in the final game.  We all know the Sharks took it, and while I don’t recall picking a clear winner, I did predict the Sharks making the big show.  I further correctly predicted that the Mauraders would not repeat as champs; and Beep would be selected first overall.

My predictions this tourny:  Snowpants Black Jacks will make it to the final game, along with Lovie’s Legion of Doom.  It is really hard to predict which team will take it all, as both are very well matched on paper; but I think the over-under favours Snowpants tasting his second cup win.

Maybe, just maybe my comments will fire up either Stevo’s Stingrays or Jingles Jets to put a monkey wrench into the whole plan.  Either way, all eyes will be on the big game and time will tell who will be able to claim the cup.

Yurri

To say this week’s hockey had a storybook ending might be stretching it a bit, but hey, I am trying to stay with this silly fairytale theme for this article…

Captains were chosen my those brave men who have been in the Sherwood Forest the longest…The Turk, Bulldog and Hurricane.  Their teams of merry men included:

George’s Grumpy Gang (wearing Green) – Sunny, Jingles, Kamikaze, Doc, LaBamba and Hollywood (G) (Note: Grumpy was given as George refused to pick a team, so Hollywood made the selections on his behalf)

Bulldog’s Bashful Bunch (wearing Black) – Falcon (G), Tunes, Sparky, Cribz, Sheepdog and Spanky (who never showed)

Hurricane’s Happy Heros (wearing White) – Soupy, Rake, Mattador (G), Chevy, Rocky, Snowpants

Games started a little late but breaks between periods and games were kept to one minute.  The pace was quick as the Tomcats get closer to tournament time.  All goalies played very well, leading to very low scoring games.  White and Black were tied coming into the final game.  In the end, Hurricane’s Happy Heros proved to be too much, taking the winner 2-0.

Final results:
Hurricane’s – 3-0-1
Bulldog’s – 2-1-1
George’s – 0-4-0

When some Tomcats discussed the merits of playing forward or defense, a quote was heard from one very wise Tomcat (probably the wisest of them all, just ask him – The Rake)…”Forwards make commercials, Defensemen make History!”

The 3 Star selection, as selected by King LaBamba The Great, The Fifth, Esquire:

Third Star – Falcon
Second Star – Matador
First Star – Snowpants

Reporting from FantasyLand, filling in for Friar Tuckhisballsonue, I’m Howie Feltersnatch

Think drafting tournament teams is easy?  Think again.  See some photos caught from Tuesday night’s marathon session and you decide…

Lovie reacts when Stevo’s pick throws off his whole strategy…

Jingles holds back laughter after Snowpants selection in round 4…

See below to see which team you will be suiting up for on February 22, 2014…
Jingles Jets – Skippy, LaBamba, Cribz, Hollywood, Crow, Doc and Spinner
Stevo’s Stingrays – Bearcat, Zaba, The Rake, Sunny, Soupy, Tunes, Hurricane and Junior
Lovie’s Legion of Doom – Razor, The Matador, Eagle, Bubbles, Beep, Sheepdog, Mayday and Flintstone
Snowpants’ Black Jacks – Falcon, Bulldog, Chico, Killer, Spanky, Chevy, Rocky and Sparky

New year, new lights, and new tournament teams…

2014 kicked off with a mini on Tuesday evening.  Ogie and LaBamba brought some tunes to keep the tempo and the evening rockin’!

Back in Black, as selected by Soupy included: Chevy, Ogie, Cribz, The Rake, Kamikaze and Falcon

White Weddings, as selected by The Matador included: Killer, Jingles, LaBamba, Sheep Dog, Snowpants and Hollywood

Fiddler’s Green, as selected by Sunny included: Chico, Yuri, Spinner, Doc, Rocky and Razor

The pace was quick all night and the games were all close.  In the end, the Fiddler’s Green team prevailed with a 3-1 record.  White finished a respectable 2-2, while Black ended up 1-3.

The 3 Stars of the evening, as selected by LaBamba were:

3rd Star – The Matador
2nd Star – Razor
1st Star – Sunny

And speaking of stars, did anyone notice how bright it was inside the Kapusta Kow Palace?  That’s because new lights were installed over the holiday break.  In fact, some Tomcats gave up some time on the weekend to help the maintenance crew get the new lights in place.

It;s official, Chico has been higher than any other Tomcat in the Kapusta Kow!

Other Tomcats were on hand to catch Chico in case he lost his balance.

Bird’s eye view of the Kapusta from up in the rafters.

In what is being called the longest Tomcat Tournament Draft in history, Jingles, Stevo, Lovie and Snowpants selected their teams for the 2014 tournament (to be played on February 22).  Many of the boys stayed on stage to drink until the results were available.  Here are the teams that will square off this year:

Jingles Jets – Skippy, LaBamba, Cribz, Hollywood, Crow, Doc and Spinner

Stevo’s Stingrays – Bearcat, Zaba, The Rake, Sunny, Soupy, Tunes, Hurricane and Junior

Lovie’s Legion of Doom – Razor, The Matador, Eagle, Bubbles, Beep, Sheepdog, Mayday and Flintstone

Snowpants’ Black Jacks – Falcon, Bulldog, Chico, Killer, Spanky, Chevy, Rocky and Sparky

Keep a close eye on the Jingle’s Jets as Jingle’s himself had to leave the game last night after hearing a slight cracking sound, followed by intense heat, in his knee after an akward fall.

This is Howie Feltersnatch filling in for Harry Ballsonue

Razor spent Christmas and New Years in England promoting the Tomcat brand. He was in negotiations with several sporting venues to host the annual Tomcat Tournament in 2015. Cardiff and Liverpool were somewhat interested, however London didn’t think they had a sports facility large enough to handle the expected crowds.

Razor did manage to sign a long term, multi-million dollar agreement with Mohamed Al-Fayed, the owner of Harrods. Harrods will be the exclusive carrier of all Tomcat swag for the UK.

Draft For Feb. Tournament goes right after Hockey

Beer Bringers: La Bamba, Tomcats
Net Minders: Razor, Falcon, Hollywood
In the Line Up: Rake, Rocky, Doc, Chevy, Spinner, Jingles, Killer, Cribzie, Snowpants, The Matador, Chico, Soupy, Sunny, The Turk, La Bamba, Sheep Dog, Kamikaze, Ogie
Out of the Line Up: Stevo, Bulldog, Crow, Skippy, Mez, Hurricane, Tunes, Sparky, Lovie, Spanky
I.R.: Zaba,
Not Sure: ?
The Skinny: Draft for the February Tournament will go after hockey at the Kapusta Kow Palace….stick around after to see what team you are on. Lovieville Flyers, the Snowpants Black Mamba’s, Jingles Jets or Stevo’s St. Clair Beach Stingrays????
Mini or no Mini: Mini is how she is looking….
Captains for the Mini: TBD
In The Press Box, Healthy Scratches: N/A

TOMCATS FOREVER

As we start 2014, my last few months as being the President, I wanted to say what a great ride this has been.  Sitting up on stage, waiting for everyone to open their Christmas present this past December 17, really touched me.  Where else would you get guys to wait.  We were all like little kids at Christmas waiting to open our gift from Tomcat Santa.  The Tomcat Spirit is alive and well…soon the draft will be done for the upcoming tournament and before you know it, the tournament will get played and a Stanley’s Cup Champion will get crowned and then the outdoor game will be upon us…time goes by quickly. “Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.”  John Lennon said that and it is so true!

The Tomcats are the greatest bunch of guys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and being with.

So as we embark on the next 14 weeks of hockey, I leave you with a quote from Nelson Mandela…because as Tomcats, we need to always continue trying to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and a fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us, it’s in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Nelson Mandela

God Bless the Tomcats.

Stevo