Windsor Tomcats

By Harry Ballsonue

Beautiful weather, beautiful course, beautiful people, thats what you get when you go to the Tomcat Golf Outing. Alumni Tomcat Crispy took the tournament with a smooth 77, runner up went to Razor, at 78. The ‘Mosts Honest Golfer’ went to Jingles who shot a crusty 114.

“Great day out there today”, indicated Crispy, “great to be back out and seeing the boys” Concluded Crispy. Fantastic for the fans to see Crispy, Bucko, Fuzzy and Finner in the tournament. “We had a great time”, stated Finner.

29 golfers played this year and that was a recored as for the number of golfers, Snowpants did a fantastic job organizing the event, “Lots of credit goes out to Snowpants,” stated May Day, and then added, “He puts in an incredible amount of effort, and it is very appreciated” May Day concluded.

Snowpants was presented with a box of Titleist Golf balls for his efforts.

Thanks also goes out to the prize donators, Chevy, The Rake and Snowpants.

“I’m not sure what golfing in heaven is like, but I would think it would be similar to the conditions that we had today, sunny, no humidity, 75 degrees but maybe no wind….it was a bit windy out there today.

Other prizes went to Closest to the pin, Killer on one hole and Sheep Dog on another and the longest drive went to Fuzzy. Congrats to those fine golfers.

Many laughs were had at Hollywood’s after for the post golf party. I was not allowed into the palatial palace of Hollywood’s, in La Salle, but I was told (by text) that some chuckles were out there but the Tomcat would not tell him who the laughter was all about.

Snowpants, did also want to thank Lady Di and Hollywood for hosting the party, yet once again.  “We really appreciate them doing this for us, the food was a smash hit with everyone, Hollywood and Lady Di do such a fantastic job.” Special thnaks also to The Rake for taking part in preparing the food for the boys as well!

A special guest appearance at the party, if you missed it was Hollywood’s and Stevo’s Mom, Vera. She did not make any speeches or anything, but was there to meet and greet the Tomcats.

Once again, for the 16th year in a row, a fantastic time was had by all, and the balls were smashed down the fairway…the food was a smash hit with everyone and some of the Tomcats, were a bit smashed too. No one drove him smashed…..the Tomcats had D.D.’s for fun loving.

Hey, whilst you go back for more of the Sovlaki  night in Canada, can I put my Harry Ballsonue.

Is your brain in 1st Gear or Neutral???

1st QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON, WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?

ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU’RE FIRST, THEN YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU’RE IN SECOND PLACE!TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION, BUT DON’T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION.

2nd QUESTION: IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU’RE….?

ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU’RE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU’RE …….. WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON?? YOU’RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

3rd QUESTION: VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY. DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR. TRY IT.

ANSWER: TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30. ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? DID YOU GET 5000? THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100. IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR! TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

4th QUESTION:  MARY’S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: 1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3… NINI, 4. NONO, AND ??? WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN’T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND, A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF. A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH. BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

ANSWER: IT’S REALLY VERY SIMPLE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT… DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK?? IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

(NO TOMCATS WERE INJURED IN THE CREATION OF THIS TEST)

One word can describe the Minx vs Tomcats Volleyball game and after party…..SPIKED!!!

From the epic Spike failures of KAMIKAZE on the volleyball court to the Spiked drink successes at DOC and The CLEAVERs Pool party!!

With a 3 game series the Minx were defeated by the Tomcats but not for lack of effort; especially on the part of JAZZY JAZZ, holding her MVP status again this year.

Windsor Minx…the weather wasn’t the only hot thing on the day!

The Minx take time out from their Maxim photo shoot to pose for the Tomcat press!

What a great turnout and the weather couldn’t have been any better. Apparently it wasn’t hot enough to detour the man-love between CROW and STEVO, as they were seen in the Hot tub alone together on many occasions throughout the evening.

ROCKY and ROXY were in great form, on and off the court…..what gym do these two belong to because I think we all need to join for next years game!!

A big thank you goes out to CROW and The CLEAVER for saving SNOWPANTS life in the pool. Apparently his drinks were Spiked too much and his natural swimming ability was lost at around midnight. CROW pulled him out and The CLEAVER banished him to sit on the pool stairs for the rest of the evening (such a Mom move)!!

Nice to see some new faces at the game and in the pool (BECK and KAT), although I think KAT’s face was probably the last thing all the Tomcats were looking at!!! DOC and CHICO enjoyed throwing KAT in the air while SCHNEIDER made sure to support her tushy, quite a scene!! With the new addition of Minx Jody this year…the teams Jodi-Factor was doubled, awesome!!

The Tomcats showing they can look good on the sand court…If you think Doc is hot in a Minx shirt, you should have seen the Minx who took of hers to give to Doc…had to be there I guess!

Somebody needs to tell SHEEP DOG to never wear white shorts to a pool party……they were not opaque very long!! Opps…

BEEP made it out but had to leave early to drive to Toronto….boo!! SOUPY made it out solo this year, leaving all the last minute wedding preparations to his way better-half SERTA, another epic celebration coming our way next weekend!!

Thank you to everyone who participated and the planning is already underway for next years event!!

If your better-half wants to become a Minx please have them contact The CLEAVER at jodiburniston@hotmail.com

The whole gang…another terrific Tomcat/Minx event in the books.

With the BoD meeting in the rear view mirror, the Tomcats found another reason to get together and drink.  Great turnout for Soupy’s bachelor party last Friday.  Tomcats both young and old, new comers and wiley veterans, came out to have some drinks with the boys and see Soupy off into marital bliss.  Besides flirting with all the ladies at the Bull and Barrel, a few brave Tomcats also flirted with danger by taking on the mechanical bull…including the man of the evening himself…

The highlight of the night was the young waitress looking to get tabs paid and asked one of the Tomcats, “where is the short old guy wearing a brown coat?”

The festivities concluded at Uncle Leo’s place where several Tomcats took in the sights and sounds in true Windsor fashion.

What’s Next?

Tomcat vs Minx volleyball this Saturday with after party at Doc and Jodi’s place.  Bring your swimwear and make sure to double knot ladies!

Tomcat Golf Tournament – June 13 with after party at Hollywood’s.  32 golfers…largest tournament ever!

Tomcat Bottle Opener Dog Tags – Remember to wear your tag while you travel and get a picture of you (or preferably a cute lady) wearing the tag in some location outside of Windsor.

Till next time,

Howie Feltersnatch

By Harry Ballsonue

Stevo is wearing a black suit, white dress shirt and a tie with some faded greens and golds.  Rocky is wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt and orange and light orange shades in his tie.  Both look like G-Man, as the press conference is about to start….

“First of all, thanks to everyone for being here this morning…..” Stevo starts off.

“The Board of Directors met and even though it was my intention to step down as President of the Tomcats, I have been asked to stay on for another 1 to 2 years and enter, as the Board calls it, ‘a transition phase”, with Rocky becoming the Vice President and CEO of the Windsor Tomcats.”  Stevo continues, “Hollywood, my dear Brooozzer, will remain on the Board of Directors, but is no longer the Vice President.”

Rocky indicated, “I am very happy that Stevo is remaining as the President, the entire board hates the thought of Stevo stepping down.  I will gladly assume my new role as Vice President and CEO and do what is needed.  I think Stevo will always be ‘The President’ in my books.”

As one insider indicated, when they found out Stevo was to remain the President, “Ahh…No one wants to be in his shadow when he is still playing.  Stevo must leave the game before a successor takes over, or Rocky must kill him first.  It’s like the Game of Thrones.”

Razor was extremely passionate when it came to Stevo remaining as President…“I love that guy, I think he should stay as President, and his idea of delegating is a good one, if he does that and remains on, then perfect!”

Present at the meeting: Kamikaze, Sparky, The Turk, Rocky, Snowpants,, Soupy, Zaba, Sunny, Razor, Rake, Doc, Chico and Stevo.  Security provided by Big Ned.  Catering provided by Lady Alex.

Highlights
• $40 to remain cost at the start of the season, $5 each night (Unless the hall rental goes up)
• Start of the season gift, to be organized by Doc and Razor, looking at a ball cap
• Financial picture shows Tomcats are at $600 in the coffers
• Captains for next year’s major tournament : Doc, Rake, Chico, Sparky
• Tournament is Saturday February 28, 2015
• Twitter: Chico has set up a Twitter account and will be responsible for it
• When two teams playing, Soupy is main ‘team maker’ and Rocky is the back up
• Out Door game set for April 28, 2015
• New Blooger Hired, The Hockey Puck Poet will write a blog every second week
• Part Timers, Sheep Dog, Tunes, Kamikaze and Flintstone to remain part time and will not start at the start of next season, will be called up ‘as required’.
• Falcon to assist Rocky in Web site up dates. (Rocky to bring Falcon aboard and provide training)
• Beer list is now the responsibility of Soupy
• Christmas Present to be decided upon by Rocky
• Christmas Party is November 28, 2014 and Chevy, Sunny and Snowpants are in charge of the party
• Charity Committee formed, Chico to head it up, $10 to be collected for hockey from each player in the month of November and March
• Rocky to be reimbursed for the Web Site cost
• Vice Presidency: Hollywood to remain on the Board of Directors but no longer Vice President
• Clothing for Christmas party – NO Tomcat tee shirts or Sweat Pants, YOU MUST wear proper business casual attire
• Next Year’ Board of Directors Meeting will be once again opened up to every Tomcat member.
• Venue for next year’s meeting still to be established

New Business……Highlights
• “Best group of guys I’ve ever been involved with” ~ Chico
• Chico is the new Minister of Charities and will be forming committee to give money to a charity of the committee’s choice
• Snowpants suggested during the summer months that ‘Minx of the Month’ be posted, with tid bits of information about them
• Sunny asks that everyone try to be on time as it is a 6:30 start. In a mini, the Captain will NOT be allowed to move from being a B team on the schedule to a C team, if guys that he drafted are not there, and his team has the first game, that team starts their game with full team or short of players…
• Zaba will be organizing a trip to Columbus to watch the Leafs. Date to be looked into once NHL Schedule released Zaba wants everyone to go!
• Dom Polski, due to the fact that we did not go to Dom Polski, this year, the Tomcats will attend Dom Polski one night this year instead of going to Purples and Dom Polski will always be the venue for libations after the outdoor game.

In the end, last year ran very smoothly and the Tomcats thank everyone for their vested interest and deep participation.

Next event is the Tomcat vs Minx Volleyball (May 31st) and then the Tomcat golf outing, June 13 at Seven Lakes.

Season to start September 16, 2014

Tomcats Forever!

By Harry Ballsonue

A picture tells a thousand words.  The empty stage with the empty chairs, quite different from just a few weeks ago, with 21 guys milling around…..

Start your off season workouts.

May 20^th Board of Directors Meeting coming up…if you plan to attend, please let Stevo know, if you have not already let him know…..

‘Did I let him know? ”…you ask yourself, well here is who is on the list to attend…(if your name is not on the list, then you have not let Stevo know).

Attending: Chico, Rake, Snowpants, Doc, Zaba, Sunny, Hollywood, Sparky, Rocky, Jingles.

Stevo supplying some eats and beer, so it would be nice for him to know if you are coming or not…

I am not going to Costa Rica this year..as my girlfriend (in Costa Rica )says she no longer loves me….I have no place to stay in Costa Rica, so I am laying low here in Windsor for the summer….so I may write another blog or 5 as the summer rolls on.

Happy Golfing Tomcats!

And hey, whilst you are staring at the picture of the empty orange chairs on the stage, do you mind if I put my Harry Ballsonue?

TOMCATS FOREVER!

Now the seats are all empty
Let the roadies take the stage
Pack it up and tear it down
They’re the first to come and last to leave
Working for that minimum wage
……Jackson Browne
There is something to be said about the first Tuesday night after hockey ends, ‘what do I do with myself’…‘gee the weather isn’t all that great, we should have maybe played one more week’…and “should I go for a run?’ or ‘I miss the guys already.’

When Tomcat Hockey season turns into BBQ season, you know it’s time to put away the hockey gear and bring out the patio furniture.

I thought the year was one of our best.  No incidents, a fantastic Christmas party, a great tournament, we always had beer on stage and there was a general high level of hockey throughout the year.

We had very good turnouts overall, we had a record amount of mini tournaments…and the Super Mini at the end of the year was a great deal of fun and a great way to end the season.

I thank EVERYONE for participating this year, I thank those that slid off the couch and came in on a night where maybe it would have been easier to just lay on the couch.

I thank those, who were suppose to bring a 12 pack but ended up bringing a 24 (I think we all do).  I thank those that brought beer, just because…(you know who you are).  I thank those who brought snacks….I thank Rocky for all his work with the web site and for putting up with Harry Ballsonue…..I thank the goalies for coming out each week…..I thank Chevy and Amy for sponsoring the outdoor game and to those who set up each week and then tore it down at the end of the night, thank you!…just like Jackson Browne says, ‘Pack it up and tear it down.’

Everyone will be missed…..everyone will be thought of…

If you are coming to the May 20th meeting, please let me know.

I will then see most of you on the 13th for our golfing party.  If you can’t golf, come to my Broozzer’s after for a beer and shish ka bob….

I miss everyone already….stay beautiful, I truly do love you guys!

Stevo,
President.
Windsor Tomcats

Click here to read the latest St. Felix.

Chico Cool Cats Chico, Crow, Jingles, Turk, Howie, Razor, and Spanky
Stevo Stingrays Sunny, Lovie, Chevy, Adrian Q, Hurricane and Skippy
Hollywood Hookers Hollywood, Tunes, Soupy, Carson Q, Kevin L. Tim and the Danish
Snowpants Black Jacks Snowpants, Rocky, Matador, Kamikaze, Falcon, Sheep Dog and Matt D.

With the rain, came the cancellation at the Lanspeary Park.  90,000 ticket holders were told sorry, ‘no can do on the Hockey Venue,’ so 24,000 (maximum capacity) at the Kapusta Kow, got to go to the game and the rest, will get their money back.  Sorry Tomcat fans, but mother Nature was messing with the Tomcats and even St. Felix could do nothing about it.

If you are thinking, this was the next level, before the NHL, you were correct.  The hockey was intense for all the games, but in the end, the Chico Cool Cats ended up with 5 points and a plus 3.

Chico Cool Cats

Stevo Stingrays

Hollywood Hookers

Snowpants Black Jacks

A record was set with the amount of teams and the amount of players…”This is a fantastic night, if you look at it, we were cancelled at one place but here we are at our home and what a great night and four teams on a Tuesday night, that is a first,” indicated the Falcon.

The Three star selection, as selected by La Bamba, 3rd star, Howie, Second star was Matt D and the First star on the night, Adrian D.

La Bamba also handed out some trinkets, to the Best Defensive Forward, Kevin L, to the Best Forward Carson Q and to the Best Defensive Player,  Tim D .

First star Adrian Q was very excited about being selected first star.

Rocky and Adrian…..”A…D…R…I…A…N!!!”

At Purples, for the last night of celebration, the boys enjoyed some pizza and some beverages. “Great night of hockey and fun,” stated Sunny, “will miss all the boys,” Sunny added.

Super solid goes out to Chevy who sponsored the night and long sleeve shirts were handed out to each and every player that participated.

Thanks to Zaba and the Bundura for Reffing.

Thanks to The Turk the Minister of Pizza and to Zaba his trusty assistant for a fantastic job on the pizza.  The Turk pointed out, “If you look at one of the pizzas, there are onions and peppers, you see, I too can be converted slightly, just so you know,” The Turk concluded with a gracious smile.

A new Minister position was announced…Hollywood has become Minister of Pussy and Tomcat Related Matters.

The Minister of Pussy and Tomcat Related Matters

I guess one funny moment, (and I was not there, I just heard about it from one of the players that wished to remain anonymous) was that one of the new guys, was standing by the white board, as the schedule was being drawn up and there was some discussion whether or not a Championship Game should be played.  “Hey Stevo, do we play a Championship Game,” one of the guys asked.  Stevo had no time to answer, when this young punk, with 30 seconds on the stage said “Yeah, oh yeah, we have to play a Championship Game.”  Stevo burst out in laughter and said, (and remember I am just repeating the quote as I was not there), “who the fuck is this guy, what the fuck are you talking about a Championship game?  No, No Championship Game is to be played,” Stevo chortled.  And guess what, non was played (The four Captains agreed on not having a Championship Game).

That’s it for hockey till next year.  The Tomcat Golf Outing is Friday June 13.  Follow Snowpants emails for developments and further information.

Tomcats announced this morning, that both Howie and Tim D have been released out right by the Tomcats.  No reason was provided to the media.

Hey, whilst you are off this summer, golfing, BBQ’ing, going for walks and thinking of next season, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue?

Visitors                                                                                   Home

BlackJacks & Legion of Doom                                             Jets & Stingrays
Lovie                                                                                        Skippy

Razor                                                                                       Hollywood

The Matador                                                                            Crow

Sheepdog                                                                                 Spinner

Flintstone                                                                                Jingles

Falcon                                                                                      Sunny

Chico                                                                                        Soupy

Spanky                                                                                     Tunes

Chevy                                                                                       Hurricane

Rocky                                                                                       Stevo

Snowpants                                                                              Turk

Kamikaze                                                                                Ian

Matt D                                                                                     Noah

Howie                                                                                      Dainish

Dorey                                                                                       Josh

Carson                                                                                     Ryan

Snowpant’s Guest                                                                 Vic S.

Mayday’s Guest 1                                                                  Kevin

Mayday’s Guest 2                                                                 Darrell F.

Tony Q.                                                                                  Big Ragu

By Harry Ballsonue

TO YOU MY BROTHERS:

Be the kind of man that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says “Oh Crap, He’s up!”   Brother, life is too short to wake up with regrets.   So love the people who treat you right.   Forgive the ones who don’t just because you can.   Believe everything happens for a reason.    If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.   If it changes your life, let it.   Take a few minutes to think before you act when you’re mad. Forgive quickly.   God never said life would be easy, He just promised it would be worth it. To the cool men that have touched my life.   Here’s to you!!   A real Brother walks with you when the rest of the world walks on you.   Tomcats Forever!

Black Quebec Nordiques: Falcon, Rake, Sunny, The Turk, Lovie, Hollywood, Soupy, Chico

White Hartford Whalers: Matador, Stevo, Snowpants, Spinner, Chevy the Kamikaze,  and the Razor

A perfect way to end the year with the White Whalers taking the first game 8-6 and the Black Nordiques taking the second game 3-1. Some hot action on the floor as the Kapusta Kow was boiling due to warmer temperatures on the weekend. “It was a sweat box out there, but a great work out”, indicated the Kamikaze who had a solid night on defense and held his own against the likes of Soupy and Sunny.

You would think that it being the last night, there would have been a mini, but, small amount of guys came out but two teams were still formed and it was some great hockey for the last night at the Kapusta Kow ” I thought the two teams were very even and both teams played well and the hockey was great.” indicated a sweaty but Jubilant Spinner.

It was hot dog night at the Kapusta Kow and the first 15,000 fans got a free hot dog and after, some of the Tomcats enjoyed a hot dog as well.

Snowpants, Chico, Chevy and Spinner enjoy a night at the Kapusta Kow and a hot dog ….”Everyone loves. hot dog Strvieeeeee,” says the Rake.

A Solid goes out to the Rake who brought, relish, some nice hot mustard and ketchup for the dogs and wanted nothing for bringing the condiments, Thanks Rake!

Chevy told a story about Polar Bears and he had the guys riveted to their seats as he spoke of a Horny male Polar bear and a reluctant female Polar bear….”The boys love stories like that”, indicated the Turk who asked if the female polar bear had a jar of Tylenol beside her.

Tomcats wish to mention that the Matador and Snowpants both had 100 percent attendance for the second half of the year, that is dedication to the Tomcats boys!

The white board says it all!

Out door game next next week…Chico asks that everyone is there at 5:30 getting ready, donning on their jersey and doing some wind sprints.

Whilst you are reading the poem called ‘To You My Brother’s” again, would you mind if I put my Harry Ballsonue?