Windsor Tomcats

By Harry Ballsonue

“One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it.”
Knute Rockne

Teams:
Hollywood Hookers – Sparky, Tonto, Doc, Beep, Stevo, Tunzie, Snowpants an Hollywood
Terror Tramps – Rocky, Spinner, The Turk, May Day Hurricane, Sunny and the Terror
Falcon Floozies – Bulldog, Chevy, Sheepdog, Soupy, Matador, The Rake and the Falcon

It was cooler out, but the hockey was hot inside the Kapusta Kow Palace.  After setting record temperatures in the Kapusta Kow last week, this week the place was tolerable but still warm inside.

“Last week was crazy hot, you could almost see the air, it was so hot,” stated Sparky. This week the hockey was good with the Hollywood Hookers taking the mini.  Matador and Chevy both ended up with broken sticks, frustration sets in, they will not be called up to the NHL team and now they know it, maybe they will play for fun and enjoy a beer after hockey.  Sadness sets in until the beer cooler gets opened.  Hurricane made the nicest pass of the year, feathering one over to Spinner who was in full stride, but the Falcon stood tall and made the save…but the pass was very good. Now that’s Tomcat hockey.

Snowpants was like a dog on a bone out there, tenacious as always, no wonder he is a fan favourite.  More Snowpants jerseys sell than any other Tomcat Jersey.  If you are keeping stats, Snowpants has now been a winner in the first three mini’s of the year.

I think it must of been the heat (hot in the press box, heat rises) I forgot to mention last week, that it was great to see Hurricane and The Turk back in the line up after off season surgeries.  Also fantastic to see May Day out there patrolling the blue line and not just playing in the tournament, the young kids can learn a great deal by watching the wily veteran. May Day scored a beauty goal, top shelf, where Baba keeps the Sherry.

This week, May Day, Hurricane and The Turk were all on the same team.

A quote from Bulldog:  “as the locker room gets older, the sight of more braces, the aroma of Ben Gay and A535, and the guys are looking forward to the bevies after, more than the playing of hockey!”  Love that quote.

“The balls were kept on ice, but it makes the balls too hard…I would hate to see someone get a hard ball like that off the cheek bone,” stated Stevo.  He added, “Everyone gets the same disadvantage with a sticky ball, I would rather lose a ball off a stick then lose an eye,”  concluded Stevo.

The Tomcat Corps  of Engineers were busy after hockey putting heavy duty casters on the Tomcat Table. Great job guys.

Reminder…if you cannot make it to hockey please let Rocky know.

While you are thinking, “hey that looks like a City of Windsor Job, one guy working and 5 guys watching,” do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

And now….in golf news…..

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin league was back in action on September 25^th at Belle View. It took 54 holes and play continuing well into darkness before Stevo eagled the 54^th hole played to edge Mayday by a stroke.

It was crazy. If Stevo got a par, May Day got a par. If Stevo got a birdie, May Day got a Birdie. If Stevo got an 8, May Day got an 8. May Day did not have an answer for Stevo’s eagle and finished the day with a minus 15, one shot back of Stevo’s minus 16.

In breaking news, White House officials were on hand at Belle View Golf course on September 25, 2017 to invite the Gordon’s Gin Golf League to the White House to meet the President. The visit will take place on the same day as the Pittsburgh Penguins will be attending the With House with the Stanley Cup.

“This is a great honor. I’m also an American citizen and to meet the president, I have to say I’m speechless”, said Stevo. “I’m from Buffalo and when I am in the USA, I always consider myself an American”.

May Day is also looking forward to the visit said, “Pretty cool.” I would love to meet Rex Tillerson. Why? Because he has a cool name. I like the name Rex”.

Gordon’s Gin league players will be undergoing very extensive security clearance in advance of the White House visit.

It is rumoured the President will be presented with various golf memorabilia during the visit. “We have a lot in common”, said Stevo. “I like golf. The President likes golf. But he gets to ride his golf cart on the greens”.

League play continues this Thursday October 5, 2017. Look for the e-mail.

 

Stevo and May Day above standing for the Canadian, American and Ukrainian National Anthems.

Bringers of the Bottles:   Hollywood (24), Kamikaze (12)

Between the Pipes: Falcon, Hollywood and The Terror

Starting Line Up:  Rocky, Stevo, Chevy, Rake, Doc, Soupy, Sunny, Snowpants, El-Chopo, Tunes, Spinner, Beep, Sparky, Matador, Mayday, Hurricane, Bulldog, The Turk, Moose

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Jingles

Healthy Scratches: Scuz, Skippy, Kamikaze, Killer, Sheepdog, Chico, LaBamba, Cribzie

Sitting in Press Box: N/A

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up:  Bullwinkle, Doc’s buddy

Captains if there is a Mini:  TBD

6:30 pm start.  Will be another warm night but not as bad as last week.  Hopefully 3 goalies this time.  Almost too many guys at this time.  Unless many drop, we are having a mini.

By Harry Ballsonue

“Golden State Warriors not going to White House?  Trump invites WINDSOR Tomcats instead.”
May Day

Teams

Hurricane Hellcats – Hurricane, Chico, Falcon, Sunny, El Chappo, Spinner, The Rake, Kamikaze, Killer
Stevo Stampeders – Stevo, Chico, Falcon, Beep, Rocky, Cribzie, Tonto, Doc and May Day
Sparky Super Sonics – Sparky, Chico, Falcon, Soupy, Chevy, Snowpants, The Turk, Sheep Dog,

Another Hot night in the City and in the Kapusta Kow Palace. “Where is the button for the Air Condoning,” asked the Falcon.  Great question.  This was the hottest night in Tomcat history, the temperature gauge came in at 43 C.  Interestingly enough, in Green Bay this past Sunday, the temperature at game time was 90 F., the hottest recorded temperature ever for a Green Bay Packers game, and here the Tomcats registered a 43 C.

Hockey was very good, and the Sparky Super Sonics took the night.  Congrats to Sparky for selecting such a stellar team.  El Choppo, missed last week and on his very own volition, brought a 24 pack of beer and he is not even a drinker, put her there El Choppo, you are a Tomcat.

New recruit, Tonto played last night and did not disappoint.  Selected in the 2015 draft, 28th overall, “I really found the action fast, no time to really think out there,” stated Tonto.

Back on the stage, The Tomcats welcomed Tonto and sang “Tomcats Forever”, smiles everywhere.

Big news comes from the Falcon who got engaged on the weekend (Friday) while in Chicago.  “She is a great person, I could not stand not being married to her any longer, now we need to find a house and I can’t wait to be married to her,” stated a beaming Falcon.

Don’t forget to pay your $50 if you have not already done so.  A beautiful hoodie awaits.

All Tomcats will always stand for the National Anthem.  God Bless America, God Bless the Tomcats.  While you are thinking why not “God Bless Canada,” do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

Bringers of the Bottles:   Sheepdog (24), Doc (12)

Between the Pipes: Falcon, Chico and The Terror

Starting Line Up:  Rocky, Sheepdog, Chevy, Rake, Killer, Doc, Kamikaze, Soupy, Stevo, Sunny, Snowpants, Cribzie, El Chopo, Tunes, Spinner, Beep, Sparky, Matador, Hollywood, Mayday, Hurricane

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Jingles, The Turk

Healthy Scratches: Scuz, LaBamba, Skippy, Bulldog

Sitting in Press Box: N/A

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up:  Bullwinkle, Moose, Doc’s buddy

Captains if there is a Mini:  TBD

For those who didn’t come last week, $50 for start of the year gift.  $5 charge for all others.  REMEMBER…We Start at 6:30pm!  Mini so far.

By Harry Ballsonue

“Let us cross over the river and rest under the shade of the trees.”
Stonewall Jackson’s last words on May 10, 1863

TEAMS:

Beep Broncos Beep, Tunzie, Stevo, Falcon, The Rake and Doc
Soupy Sonics Soupy, Chevy, Spinner, Cribzie, Skippy and Sheep Dog
Sunny Sabres Sunny, Rocky, Shnowpants, Kamikaze, Chico and Killer

The season has started, it was hot.

I never envy the goalies in weather that is like this, because it is too hot to play, but it was the first night of hockey, they go through a lot with balls whistling at their heads and at them, and then when the weather is nice, it is hotter in the Kapusta Kow Palace, then hell,  but they played in all the games, except for the very last one, because it did not mean anything, because the Sunny Sabres were already the winners of the night.

Hockey was very good, no shenanigans and everyone, was almost in mid season form, “It was a good night, nice to see the boys back together again, it was hot though, I will give you that much,” stated Snowpants.

After hockey, after the fifty dollars is paid, Rocky, with his trusty assistant, Sheep Dog, handed out beautiful new hoodies.  A front pouch area for keeping your hands warm, Grey in colour and the writing in bold orange lettering.  Designs by Tomcats own, Hollywood.  “They are very nice hoodies, something different, Hollywood did a great job,” stated Rocky.

Keep up the great play from tonight for the rest of the season and the Windsor Tomcats will have a great great year.

Battle Creek Michigan

Some of the Tomcats attended the training camp in Battle Creek Michigan again this year, this would have been the 27th year that the Battle Creek trip was attended, it started in 1990, the first few years, the Tomcats went to Port Huron Michigan on a fishing trip (a pole or tackle box was never packed).  Then a few years after, it was suggested to them by then Tomcat, ‘The Mayor’, that they go to Battle Creek Michigan to golf.  Which they did and here they were in 2017 going again.  “It really is a great trip, I don’t know if this year I stopped laughing, maybe when I slept, but that would have been it,” stated Cribzie.

Cribzie and Baggz were the 2 man team Scramble Champions.

 

“We had great guys this year, no issues, no drama, no problems what so ever,” stated a beaming Stevo. “Chevy got us some fantastic golf shirts with the Tomcat logo, I know what he spent on them and we all say, thanks so much Chevy,” Stevo added.

Just a little bit of housekeeping, if you cannot make it to a night of hockey, please let Rocky know.

While you are checking out the cool hats that Cribzie and Baggz won and the the shirts worn by the Battle Creek 12, do you think, just for a moment, I could put my Harry Ballsonue?

Bringers of the Bottles:   Stevo (24), Rocky (12)

Between the Pipes: Falcon, Chico and Skippy

Starting Line Up:  Rocky, Sheepdog, Chevy, Rake, Killer, Doc, Kamikaze, Soupy, Stevo, Sunny, Snowpants, Cribzie, El Chopo, Tunes, Spinner, Beep

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Jingles, Hurricane, The Turk

Healthy Scratches: Scuz, LaBamba, Hollywood, The Terror, Bulldog, Sparky, Matador

Sitting in Press Box: Mayday

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up:  Bullwinkle, Moose, Doc’s buddy

Captains if there is a Mini:  TBD

First night of the 2017/2018 Campaign!  $50 for start of the year gift.  No $5 charge if you pay your $50.  REMEMBER…We Start at 6:30pm!  Looks like a mini so far.

By Harry Ballsonue

The 2017 season should be an interesting one with the fact that Tomcat management tried to shore up some goaltending for this year, there are six net minders on the roster, starting with the first three that will get the playing time, Falcon, The Terror and Chico, but here is the beautiful thing, if there is only two teams, then Falcon and The Terror play in net, and Chico, who is an excellent defence-man will play defence. “We have the same thing with Scuz as well”, stated a beaming Rocky and added, “If it all works out this year, we should be pretty good in net, it is very nice that Chico is interested in playing in goal for us and if and when the Terror can play, he is an excellent addition.”

Skippy and the Danish, have been relegated as fill ins when needed, “I love the Tomcats, any way I can help out, I am willing to do, my attendance has fallen off a bit last few years, so I understand my role with the Tomcats,” stated the happy go lucky Skippy.  To be fair to this stellar net minder, injuries have plagued him for the past few years and his GAA remains at a strong 6.79.

One of the emails I received this week, from several fans was, ‘Will it be confusing if the new guy, who use to be named Ricky is now renamed Bullwinkle since there is already a Bulldog on the team, will the name Bullwinkle and Bulldog prove to be too much for some Tomcats?”  Great question, from Sly in Comber, Rocco in Windsor and Daisy from Kingsville. I don’t think so, Bulldog is always Bulldog or Bully, Bullwinkle, will be Bullwinkle or Winkle.

Here is another email from a Jasmine in Leamington, ‘What about Crow, is he playing, what is his contract status?’ I am being told by Tomcat Management that Crow, is going to be placed on long term injured reserve, this, according to Finner, the GM, but this has not been done as of yet, I was told, from a source, that did not want to be mentioned, that Crow is holding out for more money and he is demanding to play, only on the same line with only Stevo and Tunzie, he wants to play with no one else. Wait and see what happens.

Jingles is said to be rehabbing his injured arm very nicely and is expected to make a return into the line up in mid October.

The Turk, who had off season surgery is said to be eyeing a mid to end of October return to the Tomcat line up.  The Turk holds records every year for ‘most blocked shots’ in a season, last year he blocked, 14,782 in the 2015-16 season he blocked, 13,989 and in the 2014-15 season he had blocked, 14, 324 shots.

Scuz will start the season in the minors with the Bad Axe Bearcats and will be brought up in Mid October, according to General Manager Finner.

Tomcats, in the off season, signed Moose, who according to some scouts is a Beep double as far as play and stature, he will start the season in the minors with the Bearcats and be brought up when needed. “He is a Tomcat, a great guy and I would say a better player then I am,” stated Beep, who knows Moose.

Tomcats will miss the Razor, in the net and on stage, nothing was funnier when Razor dressed just in a towel sang Happy Birthday to Stevo in his Marilyn Monroe voice and when Razor and Hollywood would sing, “Carless Whisper” doing the sax solo or when Razor would mimic the Ukrainian band singing the Katy Perry’s song, I can hear Razor singing, “You…change your mind, like a girl change her clothes”, Razor you are loved and you will be missed, visit always, the boys want to see you.

Quincy from Livonia writes, ‘Will Chevy score 80 goals this year and will Kamikaze keep knocking Stevo down?”  Both great questions, I predict Chevy hits 90 goals this year and I also predict that Stevo will get knocked down and will lose it this year, he won’t be having fun when it happens but the tantrum will be fun to watch, lets hope someone gets a celly out and records it for you tube viewing.

Don’t forget to tell Rocky if you cannot make it to hockey next Tuesday, September 19th.

The beer list is out, so make sure YOU know when to bring your beer.

Hey, whilst you are checking out the photos, do you think I can put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Harry Ballsonue

Tomcats Training Camp starts Tuesday September 12 in Battle Creek Michigan, then the season starts on Tuesday September 19 at the Kapusta Kow Palace.

Coaching Staff, lead by head coach Sea Lion with his two assistants, The Legend and Rex Brennan have shown the line up card as follows

Killer, Sunny, Matador
Doc, Snowpants, Chevy
Soupy, Stevo, Bulldog
Spinner Beep Tunzie
Kamikaze, Hurricane*, Moose

Defensive pairing stack up as follows:

Cribzie – Hollywood
Sparky – Rocky
Rake – La Bamba
Sheep Dog – El Choppo
May Day – Bullwinkle

Net minders:

Falcon
Chico
Terror
Skuz
Skippy,
Danish

“The more goalies we have in the system the better”, stated Windsor Tomcat Team Captain Rocky, “We can’t have enough.”

If you look at the line up, there are some missing players. On the IR are Turk, Jingles and Hurricane. (Hurricane has an * beside his name)

Also gone from the crease is fan favorite Razor. “This is the first official time that I am out, I will miss the road trips, the fans and of course the fun on stage.”  Razor has been hired on as the goaltending coach, so the team will still see him around quite a bit.

Who is Bullwinkle ? Great question, you may have remembered him as Ricky last year, but Ricky? That’s a first name, let’s call Snowpants, Jerry or Cliff.  He is Rocky’s friend, so as of now, we are calling him Bullwinkle…get it, Rocky and Bullwinkle. Someone will need to come up with something else…..but for now he is Bullwinkle!

Beep is brining out a fella, his nickname is Moose. He is Beep’s size ! He is a part timer, you might not see him for a few weeks.

May Day has signed a one year deal with the Tomcats to give them stability on defense, he will be a part time player.

Hurricane underwent surgery in the off season, and is questionable for the start of the season.

Next week further details about the roster and I answer some of your emails.

While you are checking out the line up and saying to yourself, ‘wow, Killer is on the first line this year”, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin Golf League resumed play on August 21, 2017 but unfortunately, play was suspended after ten holes because of water accumulation on the greens. Stevo, the league’s weather director said it looked like the round could be completed but one particular cloud like the one that always hovered over 235 Eugenie Street for years was to blame for all of the rain. “When I checked my handy, dandy palm Doppler after nine, I knew right away the round was in jeopardy”, said Stevo.

Scores after nine holes were Soupy with a 32, Turk 34, Stevo 35 and May Day, 36.

Since play was cut short because of the rain, the boys signed autographs in the pro shop over a few cold beers. T shirty, hoodies, golf balls and even bras were signed for loyal fans. “I am not a fan of bras, but I figure if I get one to sign, it must mean it’s not being worn”, said a happy Stevo.
The sensitive issue of politics was the topic of discussion, particularly the decision of Ryerson University’s decision to go to genderless dorms. Male and Female students will now be house in the same dorms to accommodate transgender students.” Why do they make this such a big deal? asked Turk. “Maybe guys will get more blow jobs”.

Soupy, who May Day thinks will be eventually become the president of UNIFOR Local 444 almost didn’t make it in time for the round. “My assistant got the message for the weather all wrong. I thought the round was cancelled”. However, it all worked out as a group of seven golfers from the Serbian club wearing soccer sweat pants played ahead of the pros. “It all worked out. We are an inclusive and accommodating league”, said May Day.

League play will not resume until at least after the Battle Creek Trip. However, a few charity events will be scheduled. Watch for the e-mails.

Sea Lion was again a scratch. He was in Texas rescuing hurricane victims. We tried to contact the Sea Lion but he had no cell service. However Fox News dedicated a segment to the Sea Lion showing footage of him swimming down Houston streets looking for stranded citizens.

The league office arranged for the boys to donate their winnings to the Hurricane Relief fund until Stevo read the fine print. “Wait a minute. This memo says Hurricane’s relief fund”. Instead a decision was made by Commissioner May Day to donate the prize money to refugees who are illegally crossing the Canadian border. “Maybe there will be a golfer in hockey player in that crew. Perhaps a future Tomcat”, said May Day.

August 22, 2017

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin Golf league resumed play on August 21, 2017. The beer girl and Sara the bar maid were bubbling with glee when she heard Tomcat legends Crispy and the Turk were to join Stevo and Mayday for Gordon’s Gin play.

The fans were cheering as the helicopter landed on the first tee box with the Turk and Crispy aboard.  It was a different story outside the gates of the storied Belle View Golf and Country Club as left wing protesters clashed with police after learning the Tomcat legends were in town. “I don’t get it”, said May Day. “We are good will ambassadors everywhere we go. We promote inclusion, diversity and of course, open boarders”.

May Day donated the Fox News tent that housed the media at the tournament to the Canadian Army so that refugees could be housed. “The army does a great job”, said Stevo. “That’s what I call winning”!

Scores for the week included the Turk finishing with a 64, despite an 8 and 15 sand trap shots. On one shot, the Turk used his driver because he nearly started a brush fire with his sand wedge in one trap. “Don’t they have real sand in Belle River?” asked a perturbed Turk on several occasions. Fan favorite Crispy checked in with a 65, Stevo a 70 and May Day with a 73.

Despite having a great score Stevo was obviously uncomfortable wearing solar eclipse glasses the entire round. “Safety first”, said Stevo. Stevo was also wearing a newly invented defibrillator vest that he recently invented in his garage. “I got the idea watching the news”, said a happy Stevo. “This thing could save my life”!

Crispy, who was whisked away by body guards that his agent Buhla has watching him around the clock immediately after the round was obviously happy to have played this week. “It doesn’t get any better than playing with Stevo, May Day and the Turk”, said Crispy. “I would play for free to be in that foursome every week”, stated an obviously happy Crispy.

Play resumes next week. Make sure you let Mat Day know as soon as you know you are able to play.

Mark the date…Tuesday September 19th is when the 2017/2018 season kicks off.  $50 start up fee and a really cool gift is in the works.

We have Falcon, Chico and Terror lined up to be the regular goalies with Skippy, the Danish filling in.  Come October/November, Scuz will be in the mix both in net and out.  In a pinch, we also have Hollywood.  As well, Stevo, Hurricane and the Matador can get between the pipes if really needed.  looks like goalies will not be a concern this year!

Time to work off the off-season beer weight…we’ll be pounding the floor and pounding beers on stage before you know it.

If your status has changed at all since responding to Rocky last month, please let him know ASAP!

Tomcats Forever,

Management

 

 

 

BAGS REINS IN BELLEVIEW, SEA LION UNLEASHES BUT FALLS SHORTBY Dick Fitzwell
August 8, 2017

The first ever annual Gordon’s Gin Golf League held its tournament at Belle View Golf and Country Club on August 7, 2017.

There were 64 golfers who made the cut, including Rochester pro, Sheepdog. Other notable professionals included Stevo, Cribzy, Mayday, Hatchy, Chevy, Bags and the popular Sea Lion.

What was originally thought to be a two man race between Sea Lion and Bags, it didn’t turn out that way with Bags winning by a comfortable 6 strokes. “This is the greatest day of my life “, said Bags after being presented with the cheque for $67,528.44.” The cash is always a bonus but the Tim Horton gift card made my day,” said Bags at the media scrum.

The Sea Lion had a rough start chili dipping a few drives and approaches. “Pretty rough”, said playing partner May Day.

The Sea Lion didn’t turn it around until the 10th hole after firing his caddy for putting mustard on his sandwich. In fact, cell phone video obtained from a fan showed the Sea Lion unleashing fire and fury like the world has never seen on his sandwich wrapper. After hitting his tee shot to behind a tree, the Sea Lion, pulled out his 3 wood, told the gallery, I’m just going to walk up and hit it”. He was still in stride the Sea Lion took a mighty swing, hit the ball and tree at the same time and then asked playing partner Mayday, where his shot went. “Thank goodness the ball was in good shape”, said May Day. “I would have hated to tell him he went in the water. And that sandwich wrapper really took a beating. I am glad he fired his caddy because that could have been him getting the Sea Lion’s wrath.”. The Sea Lion got a par on the 10th and finished with birdies on 17 and 18.

Sea Lion and Chevy won closest to the pin prizes while Stevo, Bags and the Sea Lion took two skins each. Chevy took home a single skin prize.

Hatchy came out of the gate solid but fell short despite his precision putting. “The man is deadly from six feet in. He doesn’t miss”, stated an obviously impressed May Day. “That’s my boy Hatchy”, said Stevo.

“I really had a good time out here. I’ve known Stevo for years and I know the Sea Lion but golfing with these guys at this impressive tournament was a blast”. Hatchy who plays the Beach Grove tour had a recommendation for Belle View. “I really like those carts where you can clean your clubs after a shot. This way, I don’t have to use the dogs’ water bowels when I get home”.

Cribzy was the best dressed golfer out there earning praise from bartender Sara, who was obviously impressed with his sun tan and his Calloway clothing. “They pay me to wear it”, said Cribzy. “I’ll be wearing the 2018 stuff in Battle Creek next month”. Sheep Dog, who despite not being paired with Stevo had a great time. “I am in next year. Write me in. I’ll play even if I can’t play with Stevo”, said an excited Sheep Dog.

Fan favorite Chevy also had a great time. “It was either this or cleaning up water balloon shells with my shop vac. The kids birthday party got a bit out of control”, said Chevy.

League play resumes next Monday. Just wondering, does anybody know if Sparky is back from Newfoundland?