….by Heywood Jewblowmee
The Young Bloods: Youngblood, Finner, Lovie, Shamus, Nick Lelyk, Bulldog, Mes and Rob ‘the Danish’ Dienesh (Goalie)
Rocky’s Wings: Rocky, Crispy, Chevy, Bubbles, LaBamba, Snowpants Junior, and Skippy
Polka Kings: Mykel Jaworiwsky, Sunny Salaris, Mark Jennings, Yuri Met, Stevo, Killer, Razor and Louis the Rake
Jingles Jets: Jingles Kuprowski, Dave ‘Crow’ Crawford, the Falcon, Doc Brewin, Hurricane, Soupy, Spinner, Cribz
The draft was a first for Andrew ‘Youngblood’ Morgan and Kevin ‘Jingles’ Kuprowski, but they did a great job, selecting their players, now it is only a matter of time, to see how their team does come tournament time, First over all pick, Lovie Edgar was excited, “Being selected first means a lot to me and my family, my wife and son were here in the crowd and little Mikey junior, who I named after my dear friend Michael Jaworiwsky, was clapping. Jackie my wife was beaming with pride, I am very happy to be a Young Blood and look forward to February 26” Edgar stated. Second pick went to Rocky Comartin and he selected Franchise Tomcat, Chris Girard, “It is an honour being selected to the Wings, I can’t wait to play with the boys in a few Saturdays”. Girard had said.
Dave ‘Crow’ Crawford, who was selected third but was considered a first over all pick, was not disappointed, “It is my first year in the organization, I am just happy I was picked by someone, so thanks to Mr. Kuprowski and the entire Jingles Jets organization, I will not disappoint you.” Crawford had concluded.
This writer, just wants to remind the Captains, that the tradition of buying a round of drinks at Purples still stands. So bring some money to Purples.
T-Shirts for tournament, of the team you are assigned to, is your responsibility and usually the cost is around$10 bucks. Pizza is $10 and is to be paid to Youngblood and it is devoured at Purples for around 3:30 – 4p.m.
The cost of the tournament is only $20….and is to be paid to your Captain on the day of the tournament.
Bring your own beer to the tournament, don’t mooch off of others!!!
One point of interest for the tourney: If LaBamba cannot play due to a work commitment, then he would be replaced by Matty ‘the Matador’ Youssef. If Junior cannot play, due to injury, but LaBamba can, then the Matador fills in for Junior, if both, Junior and LaBamba can play, then the Matador will fill in for Louis ‘the Rake’ Koneigsberger, who has now been placed on indefinite injured reserve, with an upper body injury, believed to be a right shoulder injury.
In other related Tomcat news, Andy ‘Doc’ Brewin, who is also known as Cyclone to his two neighbours, Stevo and Crow, is having a party on Saturday March 5 and all the Tomcats and their significant others are invited. 320 Cada Cres. in St. Clair Beach Ontario. Details to follow, I hope to sneak into the party and listen to the Tomcat scuttlebutt and report back to you the reader of Tomcat information.
I also heard, that Dave ‘Hurricane’ Hann promised to bring a case a beer to the party. Rumour at this time and both Doc Brewin and Hurricane Hann were not available for comment.
When I’m at the party, maybe in the basement, Heywood Jewblowmee?
Uncategorized
by Harry Ballsonue
I’m just covering the mini tournament, my side kick, Heywood Jewblowmee will cover the draft and other Tomcat news.
Lovievill Flyers:Lovie, Husky Eyes, Shamus, LaBamba, Youngblood and Hollywood
Snowpants Snow Squalls; Snowpants, Spinner, Cribz, Bulldog, Yuri, Hurricane and Doc
Stevo’s Stingrays: Stevo, Chevy, Rocky, Razor, the Rake and Jingles.
Final Standings:
With it being draft night and with 2 cases of beer and a ton of Keilbassa and a little snow storm licking at the door of the Kapusta Kow Palace, there was no final Championship game last night and the winner was declared by the actual tournament it self. Winner winner chicken dinner to Lovieville Flyers, they scored 17 goals as compared to the Snow Squalls who scored a meager 2 and they are on a roll winning last week as well. Lovie Edgar knows how to pick a team.
When the Lovieville Flyers were out there, it was like they were on a power play, tick tack passing and accurate shooting lead to the 17 goals, “We were good out there tonight, like a well oiled machine”, indicated Captain and third Star Lovie Edgar, “I was happy how we all played as a team and my very dear friend Mykel Jaworiwsky was solid, a regular Terry Sawchuk out there” Lovie concluded.
If the tournament would not have been set up, Tuesday night hockey would have had 5 and four spares, it was made for an exciting night of hockey.
Thanks to Second star Dave Hann for playing goal and to first star Mykel ‘Hollywood’ Jaworiwsky for donning the pads and playing goal as well. Three star selections, will continue to be made in mini tournament nights.
High praise also goes out to Shamus Goldstein who had a stellar night notching 7 goals. “He is a quality guy and a very good player, Tomcats are lucky to have such a fine fellow”, indicated Steven Jaworiwsky.
Kudos also goes out to LaBamba who brought out a whack of cigars to be enjoyed by the Glen Sather types during the draft.
Tomcats should really invest in over the net cameras, so that Mykel Jaworiwsky and Husky Eyes Salaris can see when the ball crosses the line. Also, Pegs or some sort of nailing system should be installed, so the nets don’t move, so players cannot complain about a goal that is scored if the net is moved slightly.
Over all, another exciting time on a Tuesday night, in a snowstorm, under your touque, I can find your sweaty little forehead and put my Harry Ballsonue.
….by Harry Ballsonue
Lovieville Flyers; Chevy, Shamus, Hollywood, Soupy, Doc and Razor and of course Lovie.
Snowpants Snow Squalls; Cribz, Hurricane, Bulldog, Sparky, Youngblood, Falcon, the Turk and of course Snowpants
Stevo’s Sting Rays; Stevo, Crow, Spinner, Rocky, the Rake, Skippy, Killer and the new guy, Matty ‘Showcase’ Yousef.
Fantastic night at the Kapusta Kow Palace, with 6 and 7 spares, (A Windsor Tomcat record), the Tomcat organization quickly turned Tuesday night into a mini tournament. “That was a great deal of fun”, stated a smiling Ken Cribley, “What a great idea, what a great work out, what a great time, what a great organization”, Cribz further added.
Tomcat jackets were also handed out to some of the new Tomcats and Soupy donned his right off the get go, “my cousin Johnny, would have me do some unspeakable things to him, in order for me to wear his #17 jacket, so I am happy to say, I’m glad I got my own, #18 is pretty darn sweet” Soupy Salaris said, fighting back tears of joy.
In the final game, with the Stingrays down, 2-1, and with the Crawford, Yousef and Stevo Jaworiwsky ready to pounce, to tie the game, Quarter Back, Louis ‘the Rake’ Koneigsberger, threw a bomb, final score…3-1 for the Lovieville Flyers.
Standings:
W L T GF GA Pts
Lovieville Flyers 3 0 1 10 6 7
Stevo’s Stingrays 1 2 1 8 9 3
Snowpants Snow Squalls 0 2 2 6 8 2
Outcomes;
Flyers 3 Stingrays 2
Flyers 3 Snow Squalls 2
Stingrays 2 Snow Squalls 2
Flyers 3 Stingrays 2
Flyers 1 Snow Squalls 1
Stingrays 2 Snow Squalls 1
Final; Flyers 3 Stingrays 1
Back at Purples, I was able to speak to George Metulynksy, “Tonight was really something” Metulynsky had said, “I remember our first few years, we would be waiting for that door to open, so one or two more guys, would come in, as we were playing three on three. They never did, those were the days with plastic sticks…and then tonight, to see the number of guys, it really is something, I know we set a record tonight, I am proud to be a Tomcat”. Metuylnsky had concluded.
Next week the draft will take place. I hope Stevo brings kielbasa and cheese, I love when he does that on draft night. He lets the media eat as well, next week, as I am eating your kielbasa, I will put my Harry Ballsonue so you can eat my kielbasa too.
Ever wonder what the hell goalies think about when the play is in the other end? Here’s a small sample of how our brains work. I thought this up on Tuesday night (no wonder we lost).
On the first day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, a season of ball hockey,
On the second day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, 2 goalie pads, and a season of ball hockey,
On the 3rd day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 4th day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 5th day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, 5 beers of stage, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 6th day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, 6 more shots in the nads, 5 beers on stage, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 7th day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me 7 different bruises, 6 more shots in the nads, 5 beers on stage, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 8th day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, 8 shots in a row, 7 different bruises, 6 more shots in the nads, 5 beers on stage, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 9th day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me 9 forwards and no defence, 8 shots in a row, 7 different bruises, 6 more shots in the nads, 5 beers on stage, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey,
On the 10th (and last) day of Xmas the Tomcats gave to me, some glasses so I can see, 9 forwards and no defence, 8 shots in a row, 7 different bruises, 6 more shots in the nads, 5 beers on stage, 4 break aways, 3 shots in the pills, 2 goalie pads and a season of ball hockey ……
Happy New Year to the Tomcats and their significant others,
This is Mike Litoris signing off!
Rob ‘The Danish’ Dienesh is being called up from the Bad Axe Bearcats, Tomcat farm team, to suit up for the tournament. Also being called up, on a ‘show case’ basis only is Matty Youssef. He will dress tonight against the Hell Cats…..
“Matty comes to us, from a 7
th round pick, back in 2006, I think it was”, indicated General Manager Gerald Finnerty, “He has really played hard in Bad Axe and it is time for him, to see what the big club is like” Finnerty added.
“We need to see if this kid can play and if Junior is not able to play in the tournament, then we know what we are getting with Matty” indicated Stevo Jaworiwsky. “So please don’t give me grief if we have 5 spares a side today, as last week, we only had two spares a side…and if there are more guys, the more beer goes and it could become a Purples night, and the young kid, just off the bus, can then be shown the Tomcat photos and Banners at the Purples Bar and Grill, so you see, it is all good” Jaworiwsky had said.
For those of you who can’t recall, the startup time is 6:30 p.m. and yes, both Walker Road and Howard Road are now fully open and operational.
In other exciting news, the new Tomcat Jackets have arrived and will be distributed tonight.
These are indeed exciting times, first Peter White, then The Danish….and now the Jackets….Whoa!
Tomcats now looking for a goalie
It has been confirmed, Peter ‘Bubbles’ White, known to many as the Bubbler, will indeed suit up for the February 26, 2011 tournament. “I look forward to this tournament every year, it’s Stevo’s Christmas Day, how could I not play in it”. Stated the Bubbler.
As for goaltending, the Tomcats are looking at a few options, one would be for Dave Hann to play in net, if minor leaguer Rob ‘Danish’ Dienesh is not available. If Dienesh cannot play, the Tomcats will then go with Hurricane Hann in net and bring up a player to be show cased. A Matty Joseff, a 7th round, 2007 pick, who is in Bad Axe with the Bearcats could be brought up, or Matt Dziedzic a youngster selected in the first round in last year’s minor draft.
Check in on your Tomcat Website for further updates.
Shamus turns 30 today! (Well jan 21)
Normally we do not post such trivial things, but a boy has become a man.
Pass the covosier. Etc…
Happy birthday Josh.
This post care of Kevin.
Youngblood Picks first and Rocky steps in
…By Harry Ballsanoue
Team S; Snowpants, Soupy, Sparky, Shamus, Shevy and Mykel J
Team Ray: Razor, Stevo, Rocky, Cribz, Doc and Bulldog
We start today with a little bit about Tuesday night hockey. Andy ‘Doc’ Brewin nets 5 goals last night. “It was my best night ever, I thought, I played well”. Brewin had said, then added, ‘Shovey was a bit shovey out there, but I think I handled myself well”. Brewin concluded.
Shots on goal were a bit off balance, team S had 391 shots and Team Ray had 29 shots on net. “Everything seemed to go in on me tonight” indicated a dejected Mykel Jaworiwsky, “I made a few saves, but I needed to make more”. Jaworiwsky concluded.
For those that were able to make it, they were able to provide a fast pace of hockey and lots of nice passing plays led to a lot of nice goals.
In tournament news, Sparky Renaud has stepped away from the tournament, due to a national election in London Ontario, apparently Sparky is interested in being the new Buzz Hargrove and must go to London, so he will not be able to participate in the tournament, but, step in Rocky Comartin, the new Captain for the tournament. “It is a great honour and I look forward to the role”, indicated a beaming Comartin.
Also out for the tournament, is Dean ‘Bearcat’ Meloche. Bearcat has had an aligning knee injury and is unable to play.
This provides somewhat of a dilemma for the Tomcats, however, I have been told that there are some plans in action and that replacements are being sought for both Sparky (Buzz) and for Bearcat.
“We certainly will not get the quality goaltender, that we would have in Bearcat” indicated tournament organizer, Stefan Jaworiwsky, but we will try to come up with something….maybe I will go in net, it would get me in the front row again in the Tomcat team picture.” Jaworiwsky said, with a smirk.
As for the draft order, Youngblood, will get first pick, Second pick goes to Rocky and Jingles Jet’s get 4th pick. (the Polka Kings already hold 3rd pick)
Draft goes on Tuesday February 1, 2011.
These are indeed exciting times for the Tomcats and speaking of exciting, where is that chin of yours as I plan to put my Harry Ballsonue.
1)Paul ‘Junior’ Poisson: Injured, but this warrior can still be a warrior.
2)Louis ‘the Rake’ Konegisberger: Playing solid as he always does, Tomcats always getting calls on this guy, come trade deadline.
3)Chad ‘Rocky’ Comartin: Stud Defender that any tournament team needs.
4)Gerald ‘Finner’ Finnerty: Great dressing room guy can still play. If you are looking for a Chris Chelios type player, Finner is your man.
5)David ‘Hurricane’ Hann: A digger, a goal scorer a mentor of Chevy Szcewczuk, you get It all when you select this player.
6)Mike ‘Lovie’ Edgar: Franchise player, often compared to Brett Hull, Eric Lindros and Mikhail Grabovski…he goes first round..One, Two or Three?
7)Anthony ‘Bulldog’ Meloche: A sharper, younger Sergie Federov. This guy can play. Great team spirit.
8)Dave ‘Spinner’ Dzibela: “Holy Mackinaw….what a shot”. Big # 44 can play…and is good with the ladies.
9)Victor ‘Snowpants’ Ferranti: He can score, he can pass, he can make a difference. First round selection.
10)Steven ‘Stevo’ Jaworiwsky: Has lost a step or two, but can still put the puck in the net, if you select him, get him a set up guy.
11)Ray ‘Razor’ MacDonnel: All star goalie, compared to Ken Dryden, Curtis Joseph, Terry Sawchuk and Martin Brodeur.
(Lower hairy region assoc press):
Having media credentials – even if they are forged, does have its advantages, like being able to write about a team I love – the Tomcats. I just received a correspondence from the President of the journalism associated press of Canada regarding a recent story I had uncovered. After reading it, I went to the Tomcats website (Which should be on everyones favourite list), and saw a recent article by the Commish. It challenged my last article regarding KOWALCZYKOWSKI playing in the upcoming tournament. All I can say is that it is All TRUE – I did in fact speak with Derek KOWALCZYKOWSKI, who indicated he would play in the upcoming tournament. Mind you when I say play – people expect a little too much. What was said – without the permission to repeat, I dont even know if KOWALCZYKOWSKI thought he was being interviewed – he was after all so engrossed in those fat chicks at the gym. Anyway – I got the scoop of the century – KOWALCZYKOWSKI was going to play. When I asked him about the tournament it brought a big smile to his face and he described what playing in the tournament meant. KOWALCZYKOWSKI described his playing time as stepping out on the floor – in his players uniform (And maybe some equipement). Once he stepped on the floor – maybe he will wave to the fans, take a bow, wave the stick around like the champion scorers of old – and leave quietly. A great way to go into retirement – a players last taste of playing glory – before being forced to retire due to a injury. A great way to go out – step on that floor – feel the playing surface for one last time, and hold the stick in a last stand before all the fans – as a PLAYER – What a story!!! – It brought a lump to my throat – and it may just be the fire the Polka kings need to repeat as champs. The Polka Kings have a secret weapon in their corner this year – KOWALCZYKOWSKI likely retiring from the game – and I bet, against those 3-1 Vegas odds – the Polka Kings play with a certain fire. The Polka Kings are playing to win one last championship for KOWALCZYKOWSKI – That will make them a very dangerous team. So Commish – unlike the last story that had poor Skippy suiting up, due to a unfounded tip – this one is legit – its just ALL IN THE WORDS – play does not mean minutes, running, or even participating in the actual game. KOWALCZYKOWSKI play is just for one man to go out in style. I hope KOWALCZYKOWSKI does step onto the floor – and the fans get up and give a great guy a standing O, what a way to retire!!!
I quess I will keep up with the tips folks, cause to get the journalism press involved, and a response from the Commish – I think it really means the fans are reading all the correspondence from all the Tomcat press corps- Including Harry BALLSONUE, Heywood JEWBLOWMEE, and myself – Yuri HANZONMECACAC. I quess this internet thing has really taken off for the Tomcats – and breaking news can indeed happen at anytime – anywhere – stay tuned for those tips, and game recaps from your favourite press guys.
Yuri
…by Harry Ballsonue
Tomcats President and Chief Operating Officer, Stefan E. Jaworiwsky prides himself on accurate information being distributed throughout the Tomcat organization. “Communication is the international solvent”, Jaworiwsky says, as his face turns red, “Then I see some hack, some bunko artist, write an article on the Tomcat website about Darek Kowalczykowski playing in the tournament, that is false. The head line is wrong, he is not planning on playing”. Jaworiwsky continues to talk to me, in his plush office located on the South East corner of the Kapusta Kow Palace overlooking the Detroit River, he motions to me, with his pointer finger, to wait one moment as he gets his assistant on the line, ‘Amanda get me our lawyers on the line, this guy must be stopped, who is this hockey hater, Yuri Hanzon on something or rather, MS. Howell, call the Police, we need to make sure this guy does not get on the property ever again’.
Jaworiwsky then smiles at me, takes a sip of his Perrier water and whispers to me, “Sorry you had to see that, but this so called web writer, first writes a false story about a mini tournament to be played December 21, he gets some poor naïve kid, Skippy Renaud to get dressed in goaltending equipment, the poor kid, gets on the Kapusta Kow floor and has to be told, he is not playing goalie, that the article was incorrectly written”. Jaworiwsky pauses, then continues, “This is total nonsense, this Yuri Hansonmy whatever, sounds like a made up name too, total nonsense, this guy needs to get his typing fingers broken”. Jaworiwsky concludes.
I’m ushered out of his office, as the Police arrive and so does the President of the Journalism Association of Canada. I am not privy to that conversation, but, both the Cop and the Journalism President did not look impressed with my so called fellow journalist.
So, just so you know, Darek Kowalzyckowski is not playing in the tournament and I am following up a lead on the Chris Girard story, I am told that Girard is to make a decision on whether or not he plans to play in the tournament in the next day or so. I will keep you posted.
Yuri was right about only one thing, Fat Bottom Girls, do really make the rock and roll world go round.
Hockey starts up on January 18, 2011, I am told it is a 6:30 start! Where is that precious little forehead of yours, I can’t wait to put my Harry Ballsonue
(Harry lower region pres):
Breaking news Tomcat fans – and unlike the last tip I received regarding a 2010 final tournament type game being played – this one is legit. I was scoping out the local gyms looking to see if I could find any Tomcat players preparing for the new season.
Low and behold I found ZSCAHBBA – mind you he was just wandering thru (I think he was checking out the fat chicks), but he did stop after I hooked him up with one (Cause like the Commish says – Fat girls make the world go round babby!!!) – and he actually spoke with me! CRAZY!!!.
When I brought up the upcoming tournament Derek indicated his knee was still in bad shape – Bad enough to possibly retire for good (What a loss to the organization). I knew he was serious when he indicated he was even going to have to give up his soccer season. Tomcat fans will be crushed, but will see ZSCAHBBA tournament time. ZSCAHBBA indicated he will step out on the floor briefly – in effect making him a player – then scoot off for the remainder – and celebrate another Polka king win. At press time bookies have it 3-1 for the team to repeat – but I just could not burst his bubble. SO fans look to see ZSCAHBBA perhaps for the last time as a player at the tournament.
Till the next breaking news – Yuri HANZONMECACAK (Again)
Windsor Tomcats 