The new edition of the St. Felix will be online tonight, after Youngblood finally gets his lackluster act together.
In the meantime, to tide over the insatiable desire every Tomcat has for hockey, a link from Lovie:
Uncategorized
… by Bloggy Bloggerstein
Tuesday night was very thin by the usual standards with one spare per team. Some players had work commitments, some had lame-ass excuses like “I lost my big red muscle man wife-beater and can’t play without it”, some may still be recovering from the strained twitter they received while ballet dancing instead of playing a goddamn manly sport like hockey and a few were no-call no-shows…Glug glug…
Due to a drunken but impassioned plea from Snowpants to Mrs.
Commissioner, Michelle Jaworiwsky, at Brewin’s bash, Stevo finally caved and put he and the Snowpanted one on the same squad.
Vic was so excited he instantly put on his new-found sunglasses (which were on top of the piano where he left them on tournament day, right beside a shitty-looking Value Village sleeveless number that Ricky wouldn’t wear at Sunnyvale) and ripped into a solid version of “Have a Drink on Me” by AC/DC.
The games were very competitive, with Team White prevailing 6-7, 7-3, 7-6. The Blacks were Stevo, Sunny, Snowy, Doc, Shamus and Razor.
Whites were Chevy, Boomba, Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie, Soupy, Lovie and everyone’s favourite DJ, Hollywood Casey Kasem.
Random thoughts:
Hollywood overcame a rough start to solidify the White team. After one particularly good glove save on Sunny he replied smoothly “There’s a long distance…dedication”
Sunny intercepted every stinking goddamn pass that was attempted anywhere inside a 20 ft radius of him. It reminded Lovie of playing against Crispy. After the game Salaris continued to show off his stellar hand-eye coordination. He cozied up behind Razor and said “feel my thumb?”, to which Razor replied sheepishly “uh, yes”. Johnny threw out both hands and gave a rousing “TADAH”!
Shamus was very hard on himself. Even though he buried a number of goals he didn’t feel it was his best effort and he left after only half a beer.
Doc pissed off more than one Tomcat with his defensive play. More than once a White defenseman snuck up into the slot, drooling as a sweet pass headed their way only to have their stick lifted by the back- checking Brewin. “Hey Doc, we don’t have a Selke award, so get off my fucking back and chill out with the defence” said George
Sammy Soupy Salaris had the in-tight control going last night. He was dazzling guys with his soft mittens and sneaking dekes into the low corners. Sunny was the only one not impressed by the showing. “Fuck that” said Salaris as he cross-checked Soupy across the lower back and drove him head-first into the Snowpants Escort billboard, “see if you can deke from your head”. Funny enough, he did just that and buried his 15th of the night.
Vince Boomba made a rare appearance and showed no rust at all, playing a great game. He took a filthy high stick above the eye from Shamus early on that opened up like a mega sized bag of Doritos thrown in front of Rita McNeil. Vince stuffed a balled-up t-shirt (yes, Junior’s of course) in the gaping hole and continued to play. “Are you sure we shouldn’t go over to Met and get that stitched up?” said Stevo. “Not unless they allow road pops in the fucking waiting room” replied Boomba. What a true hockey guy.
Chevy earned man-of-the-match status in a unanimous decision. From his play, you might ask? No, he wasn’t anything to write home about. But he did bring beer as well as an assortment of polish sausage, cheese and crackers. That, my friends, is what makes you popular in the Tomcat world. Much like cigarettes in prison, beer is the currency of the Tomcats
George gave everyone a history lesson on paczkis as apparently his buddy started the tradition in Hamtramck around 20 years ago. It was delicious and educational all at the same time. George then proceeded to lob out one-liners faster than Don Rickles on Viagra and the boys laughed the night away…
But some don’t show up? Fines?
…by Harry Ballsonue
Hellcats; Lovie, Hollywood, Soupy, Chevy, The Turk, La Bamba
Blackcats: Stevo, Sunny, Razor, Shamus, Doc, Snowpants
NO SHOW NO CALL: Bulldog, Youngblood, Spinner and Louis the Rake
Hellcats end up winning, with stellar goaltending from Mykel Jaworiwsky, 6-7. 7-4 and 7-6
It was a slower pace, then a week ago, at the tournament, but the teams were fair and the goal scorers had their chances, but both Razor MacDonell and Mykel Jaworiwsky were up to the task and some pretty gosh darn good saves were made.
Snowpants ‘Swifter’ Ferranti spend almost as much time on his knees on the floor of the Kapausta Kow as he did in his running shoes. Chevy brought his 24 of Moosehead and treated everyone to some nice Kolbassa and cheese, classy move by a classy guy. (I am told that Razor has his beer next week and he is brining some rye along…classy guy, with another classy move) Soupy Salaris, who missed his beer night, brought a 112 of MGD and will have to bring another 12,. some time in the distant future. Shamus, the Prince that he is, brought 12 Corona and then left after having only one beer, “I’m going to see a chick”, he said on stage and then dashed out, fumbling for condoms.
Lovie was on fire, netting a number of goals for the Hellcats, “They seemed to be going in, where were those, on the 26th of February” Lovie had asked.
One spare aside, after a great tournament, attendance always falls off. LaBamba and the Matador have been told that they can start coming out, full time, just for the rest of the year, as Zippy Renaud is out with a broken hand, apparently suffered on a Lovie Edgar snap shot.
The no shows were somewhat of a concern as perhaps they thought there was no more hockey, with the tournament done. “The Tomcats will be waiting to see what they have to say for them selves, we did not receive word that they would not be playing” indicated General Manager Gerald Finnerty. $5.00 fines will be imposed.
As the boys sat on stage, sipping a beer, they discussed, Family ties, Cheers and other classic t.v. shows, Stevo Jaworiwsky admitted to crying in the episode where Archie Bunkers wife Edith dies and as he gives away her clothing, he finds her slippers. Snowpants Ferranti admitted to crying to a Cheers Episode when Diane leaves Sam, a Partridge Family Show where Lauri hears music on her braces, A Brady Bunch show, when Peter knocks over a lamp and the famous saying is said, “mom always said, don’t play ball in the house” and to a Seinfeld Episode when Morty has his wallet stolen in the Doctor’s office, “I just felt for Morty, how would he pay for lunch”, Snowpants said.
For those that don’t know, hockey has started up again. It is a 6:30 start. Tomcats play till April 19 the on April 26 the outdoor game is to be held. Tomcats ruled that there would be no new Out Door Game t-shirt this year, so the cost to play is $10, then back to the Dom Polski (Polish Hall) for pizza and a beer or two.
For the four that did not call or email Stevo, I can’t wait to get my Harry Ballsonue.
(Harry Palm Press):
Breaking Tomcats news – it has just been confirmed that Skippy will not be playing in the outdoor tourney, or for the rest of this season. Sources indicate the tournament MVP has sustained a broken right hand from an injury sustained at work. When I got the call from my source I rushed over to the Hospital just in time to see Skippy being discharged, his right hand in a temporary cast. I pushed my way thru the media throng and spoke briefly with him, “All I can say is the Doc confirmed I broke it, and unfortunately I won’t be back till September. I’m really disappointed I won’t be there for the fans to play in the outdoor tourney. I’ll likely attend to watch the action from the Commish box seats. What really sucks is I gotta figure out how to relieve myself with just one hand – considering of course the girth involved here.” While he may have been in good spirits despite the bad news, both fans, and players alike will truly miss seeing Skippy in action. Maybe if I hang around long enough I can see just how he’s going to manage putting his HANDSONMECAC.
Yurri
…by Bloggy Bloggerstein
You have to feel happy for Skippy. Hasn’t played in ages, a tourney rookie was a bit of a question mark on a very good team and he ends up walking away with the Stanley’s Cup and MVP. Attaboy Skip! That almost makes up for those god-awful pukey bile yellow slacks. Almost…
Rock makes Mel Kiper look like a preschooler on draft day. The guy can put a team together. Congrats Rock. Unfortunately, you are also henceforth banned from any Tomcat fantasy drafts…
Razor had a crazy-good tourney and was the MVP heading into the second period of the final, but just missed out on pulling a Hextall and winning the Conn Smythe on the losing team.
Stevo had a great tourney and was also in the MVP discussion on the stage. This was on top of the commitment, time and effort he puts in all year and especially at tourney time. Thanks Stevo, you are a beauty.
The Tomcats Forever anthem has been looping non-stop in my pumpkin since Saturday. Watch Stevo when you view the video, he can’t help cracking up when the girls’ parts are mentioned. Just like me when it came up in grade 6 sex ed class…
Danny is a great guy. He comes out for the entire day and stays until the last drink is tipped. Now that’s a Tomcat.
Along the lines of the lost and found sunglasses, has anyone seen a Brink’s truck? It is lost and was last seen driving through the Danish’s five hole…just kidding, thanks for stepping up and coming out to help us.
Falcon should be thanked gratuitously for spending good taxpayer’s money to dig up the video of that absolutely hard-as-rock Russian broad jumping around in that tighter-than-fuck outfit. I mean, jesus, oh…hold on…ahhh, sakes….pow. I need a brief intermission, some kleenex and a jar of Jurgens lotion…
Killer, I hope you are still taking advantage of the swollen pickle with the sweetie
When drinking at Purple’s it is absolutely mandatory to avoid eye contact with Junior. You could be talking to someone about the merits of socialist society, the effects of US interference in 3rd world countries, the emerging economies of China, India and Brazil, getting your taxes done or even discussing the form of our Russian sexerciser and he will automatically think you are talking about him in a derogatory fashion. This is always followed by him charging over and invading your personal space and telling you how lucky you are that he isn’t punching you out. On a positive note, Doc had a nice little two-step with him while they drilled back some pie. Buying him a beer also softens up the big bear…
The gig is up on Junior, by the way. His “injury” didn’t look to be anything serious to those of us on stage. We feel he is swimming deeply in plenty of fish on Tuesdays and dare I say it, using the Tomcat name to tomcat around the neighbourhood and…oh, never mind. I guess that makes sense. Just bring your phone around once a month with some pics Uncle June.
We thought Crow was impressive on the floor, you have to see this guy in the bar. Between Crow, Doc and Matty being so solid and Soupy’s poor attendance lately, Stevo is looking more and more likely to take the GM of the year. Sunny is still sore about it and only the intervention of his wonderful wife Denise has kept the Greeks together. Sammy might find himself facing death by Boola Boola if he’s not careful.
If we ever have a drinking tournament I want Crow, Hollywood, Youngblood, Jingles, Razor, Falcon, Doc, George, Danny, Junior, Stevo and Snowpants on my team.
Darek did a hell of a job refereeing the tourney. It is not an easy job and someone is always pissed, but the feeling on the stage is that he let the guys play and made one or two calls on obvious cross-checks which kept the lid on the game. He also made the call on Junior in the final when he ran Sunny through the wall, which was not as tough a call as originally thought. Mr Magoo, Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder were all standing with whistle to mouth as well…
It was great to see Bundura out as well, especially when he was getting in Junior’s kitchen.
Nick showed how tough the Belle River boys are as he played through a bad knee injury to ensure the Youngbloodz weren’t short
Crispy showed that he doesn’t know the meaning of rust and that he is still “The Man” with “The Shot”, right Killer? Jennings also thumbed his nose at those who thought he would be hurt by the lack of Tuesday nights.
Possible fines: Stevo for breaking stick and not having fun. Lovie for being a first round bust. Nicky for excessive bandage use. Killer for attempting to fuck a ballhockey ball. Falcon for having equipment that smells slightly worse than napalm. George for getting violent at Purples due to veggie pizza. Razor for impersonating Andy Capp in team photo. Rocky for texting with TSN panel during draft.
Thank goodness the cruiser had a solitaire game on the laptop. If it was porn I know it would be one of ours…
The chants of “One more year” flooded the stage when Finner’s retirement was announced. Stay tuned…
Thanks again Stevo for all your effort, we do appreciate it.
As we all recover from the intensity of the Stanley’s Cup Tournament (basically Christmas Day for every red blooded Tomcat out there) this is just a reminder that we get Tuesday March 1 2011 off. Some are predicting that Junior might show up at the Kow Palace anyway and begin training for next years big event.
In any case: next game is Tuesday March 8 2011.
Please note: the rumor is that Soupy has been fined for not showing up or providing his required beer on the Tuesday prior to the tournament. All penalties assessed in the actual tournament are still pending league review, but your faithful scribe will keep you posted.
If that is quite everything, can I please get my Dick Gozinya?
PS: Since we do have the week off, Falcon would like to remind everyone to keep up with their usual workout routine:
(Harry Palm Press):
WOW, hope you were able to scalp a ticket to this tourney, because it was a classic combination of steller goals and even stingier goaltending. Speaking of goaltending, the four goalies combined sported a very low 3.83 G.A.A – no wonder scores were so low this year, and generally they are with the top two duo of the Falcon and Razor standing tall in net.
Did you hear the `Play the ball“ yelled out a few times – It did get a bit “Shovey`(No not that Shovey) out there a few times – no wonder play was very intense. Harry BALLSONUE may have reported on the scores and Rocky`s Wings winning it all this year, but there is always more to a story. How about three first timers to drink from the coveted cup….Victor `Snowpants“ FERRANTI, Matty `The Matador`YOUSSEF, and Shane `Skippy`RENAUD. Three very junior players in the Tomcat organization.
I caught up with the Falcon later and was asking him how he thought this year went – I mean why not, the guys got a ring for every finger. It was like looking into the sun staring at those hands. Anyway falcon summed it up nicely `back in the day we didn`t have the superstars we do today – I mean it used to be who ever got Chevy was a lock to go to the championship game. Now we`ve really upped the game and gotten alot of young stars – look at the Crow, or Shamus – I mean we`re loaded with talent now, and play has gotten way better – even the shots and set ups are spot on“. The Falcon went on and congratulated the winning Rocky`s Wings, and spoke of Skippy taking this years MVP. “I watched him in warmups, and he just seemed to be stopping everything – I was trying to convince everyone them that he was here to play – crazy considering the guys will tell you he`s weak in giving up the five hole“. Classy guy that Falcon, who went 1-2-0 with a stingy 3.3 G.A.A.
Prior to the championship game the Kings and Wings faced off in a game that didn`t really matter – they already both knew they would meet for the cup. That game ended fittingly enough in a 7-7 tie. When the marbles were on the line, the Kings came out supreme behing steller shut out goaltending and the Matador doing a nice job late in the game by playing the ball and killing the clock. It was like watching a cat play with a ball of yarn. Matty was later overheard saying, “I just kept waiting to be planted into the wall`.
Congrats to all teams, who with the exception of the Wings will be reshullfled next year in an other quest to drink from the cup. Since I am on a roll with predictions – being almost spot on with the tourney results – AND the sighting of KOWALCZYKOWSKI taking part as a ref (Hey I did say he`d be on the game floor – But even I didn`t expect that), I think Falcon is right – talent is going up, and I don`t think we`ll ever see another dynasty like team Belarus (2005-2007 Champs). That being said, I`ll wait to see how the 3 new captains picks pan out before I try to predict another tourney result.
Predictions aside, who really who would have predicted Skippy palying for not 1, but 2 shut outs (Quite possibly a Tomcat Tourney record). When I asked him about it, he`d start to say something, but break down. Earlier in the day he was babling somthing about taking a big dump prior to the first game, whatever works I guess. Rumour has it he hasn`t let go of the cup yet, and keeps talking to it (Crist another Lord of the ring nut). We`re off for a week, the outdoor tourney is around the corner, and the Danish is in, despite a hard tourny. Danish was quite ok with the events – “I was worried about playing well – and overall I thought I did ok for my 1st Tomcat tourney – The guys were great in supporting me, and I look forward to continuing to work on my form and break into the top spot real soon“. Well the Danish and the rest of the boys will be able to display all their skills on the BIG rink – Tickets have already sold out for the outdoor classic – Just another sign of how many stars the Tomcats do have playing for them.
O, By the way – I did join in on the celebrations at Purples, but unfortunately none of the chicks wanted to put their HANDZONMECAC.
Yurri.
Not back now till March 8…No hockey this Tuesday!!!!!
…by Harry Ballsanoue
2011 Stanley’s Cup Champions
Rocky’s Wings
Rocky
Chris Girard
Stephan Sczewczuk
Peter White
Victor Ferranti
Paul Poisson
Shane Renaud
Matty Youssef
Rocky Wings 1 – JIngles Jets 0
Polka Kings 5 The Young Bloodz 2
Rocky’s Wings 6 Young Bloodz 3
Polka Kings 4 Jingles Jets 2
Rocky’s Wings 7 Polka Kings 7
Jingles Jets 8 Young Bloods 5
Championship Game Rocky’s Wings 2 The Polka Kings 0
Standings:
Another fine day at the Kapusta Kow Palace at the annual tournament. Rocky’s Wings prevailing in a hard fought 2-0 victory in the final game. “I thought we came out strong, we knew who we had to watch out there in that final game and I think Crispy did a great job defending the zone and Skippy Renaud played a great game for us in net”. stated a jubilant team Captain Chad Comartin. The Rocky Wings will be able to defend their title next year, just for one year.
Tournament Rookies were honoured with a Limited Edition Purple Tomcat t-shirt, Most Gentleman player went to Bulldog Meloche, “I’m always f*^^%$g wining that award” . stated Bulldog Meloche. Most dedicated Tomcat went to a very deserving Andy ‘Youngblood’ Morgan. Three new captains announced for next year, Dave Hann…George Metulynsky and Steven Jaworiwsky, the three longest serving Tomcats. Bulldog Meloche was also to be a Captain if the Polka Kings had won the tournament, but was a last minute scratch, since he just Captained the LaSalle Vikings 2 years ago. And tournament MVP went to a very deserving Skippy Renaud who shut out his opponents on two occasions in the tournament, “I’m very honoured in getting this award, every dog, has his day, and I guess today is my day” a beaming Renaud had stated.
Out door game announced for April 26. There will be Tuesday night hockey up until that time.
Lots of compliments on the new Tomcat t-shirt as well. “I need a whole new closet for all my Tomcat wear” indicated Sunny Salaris.
George Metulynsky was in awe of his five new shirts. “I got an orange Polka shirt and I got the Polka King alternative shirt, I got a Lakeshore auto shirt and I got a new Ghost Crossing shirt and to top it all off, of course I got a new Windsor Tomcat tournament shirt.”
After all was said and done, the boys sat around and enjoyed a few pints up on stage. Then they were ushered to Purples where the celebration continued, with the ‘ Tomcat Forever ‘ song being sang in the bar. (WAIT FOR THAT TO BE PUT UP ON THE WEB SITE)
Special thanks go out to Dave Walton the photographer, Ray MacDonnell and Chad Comartin for securing some of the prizes, Dave Crawford for providing a new Tomcat Jersey for the Picture taking and Lakeshore Auto T-shirts for all the Tomcat Members. And to all the Tomcats who participated in the tournament.
Whilst at the bar, I overheard George Metulynsky tell a story, “If you throw your wife and dog into the trunk of the car, and after three hours, you open the trunk, who will be happy to see you, ‘the dog’ (some of the Tomcats shouted back,) Yes…and if your dog is barking in the back yard and your wife is yelling at you from the front yard, who do you let in first?” ‘The dog’ the Tomcats shouted back,..”That’s right” George said, then added, “Cuz if you let the dog in, it’ll shut up”.
and the Tomcats howled.
No hockey this coming Tuesday March 1, back at her, on March 8.
With you drinking from Stanley’s Cup. I will put my Harry Ballsonue.
Hey boys,
It’s the newest Windsor Tomcat sweater. Crow was behind these fine threads so be sure to send a Tomcat salute his way!
Windsor Tomcats 