Bulldog notches the first goal on the scoreboard
Uncategorized
Legend, lore and whispers heard in the night busily recount “facts” associated with the stereotypical serial killer; such as their stashes of trophies taken from past victims. The Tomcats sport a quiet unassuming killer. It’s been said he’s been watching in the shadows studying under the great Razor. Some say when he uses a certain brand of dish soap his hands drip the colour of blood red. Others say the rings of past tournaments glory glow an eerie gold hue, and he’s constantly rubbing at the empty fingers missing their feel of victories. Razor has a hand full of rings, one for each finger I’m told; and Falcon has been eying those fingers ever so quietly.
Last night he collected another mini tournament win, combining with his team mates to post a 2-1-1 record (9 GF – 4GA PLUS 5) and notching two shut outs which helped him to an impressively miniscule 1.0 G.A.A on the night. 1.0 G.A.A- scary indeed, scary good! I’ve said it in the past, the funny thing with mini tournaments is the spotlight either tends to be focused on the goaltenders or the captains who picked the teams. With Beep getting his first nod at a Captains spot, everyone focused on the captains and teams selected.
Backed by an impressive roster, and Skippy having an outstanding night, Beep only lost out on winning his first mini tournament by that pesky plus minus rule; which ultimately favoured Sunny’s Black Devils by a mere 3 goals. The road to a near win was fraught with difficulties considering Beep’s squad lost 1-0 in their first game, and the second – a 1-1 tie required several looks under the replay booth hood by Cribz who reffed. The delay was a spirited discussion as to whether Junior, now back in the fold playing as hard nosed as ever; actually kicked one in past an outstretched Razors pad. I’m not sure, but just before the verdict came in of ‘GOAL’, I swear I heard Junior snarl, growl, swear and threaten to “smash shit.” Hey, every team needs those hard-nosed players who are willing to dig in the corner and go where other players wouldn’t dare; which is a wonder why more calls don’t go against him.
After that Beep rallied his squad and they riffled off back to back wins with Skippy ending the night on a high with his first ever mini tournament shut out. When all the fans had left I caught up with Beep and asked him about Captaining in a mini and if, as a newer player he had difficulty lining up his team. “Well I’m getting to know the boys better and better each week; and after I picked some players I knew by name I said screw it and took whatever players were left.” Great hockey sense, the ability to notch high light reel goals and the ability to quietly lead, it was no surprise Beep got the first star nod; which by no means was a bone thrown to him as a result of coming so close to winning.
After the winners and stars were chosen, players discussed the apparent increase in what has been described as “chippy play”, and more specifically management clamped down on protecting their core of goaltenders by introducing new fines for “Captain hackey” players. It’ll now set you back a cold 6 pack for hacking at the tenders, and the hacking on the floor will still rest with Stevo yelling out “PLAY THE BALL”.
I love the fact management has predicted next week will feature another mini, and I love even more the captains who will select: Snowpants, Shovey and Steve O; classy, all captains begin with an “S”. I can’t wait to see if a mini does in fact break out what those team names are. I’m also hopeful fans and players will see the unveiling of the long awaited new electronic scoreboard.
Until next week, I’m going to try and catch up with Phil Landerer and see if any of his collection of hot chicks want to be Pattyn MEGRYOIN.
Pattyn, filling in for Yurri.
The night: Devils night.
The time: Around 6:50(they are supposed to start at 6:30).
The event: The Official Devils Night Mini Tourney!
The captains: Soupy, Husky Eyes and first time ever captain for a mini, Beep!
Once the teams were picked everybody was ready to go. Beep’s White Devils featured; Beep, Rocky, Snowpants, Junior, The Rake, Killer, and Zippy Skippy in between the pipes. Soupy’s Yellow Devils sported; Soupy, Cribz, Hurricane, The Doc, Yuri, lacing the pads was Razor, and making his seasonal debut last night with a gorgeous beard was Lovie. The night belonged to Sunny’s Black Devils, who were: Sunny, SteveO, Shovey, Hollywood, Sparkaroony, and wearing the equipment was the Falcon.
All three goalies played exceptionally well last night! It really could have been any team’s tournament. The White Devils were tied for overall points. The Rake was heard questioning “how did the Black Devils win exactly?” Black was tied for points with White, but had a better +/- ratio.
Three stars as selected remotely by LaBamba were; Beep with the first star, Snowpants number two, and Hollywood three (personally he looked like he ate three or four plates of food at an all you can eat buffet, running around with cramps last night).
At the press conferences after the game, it was announced “Moving forward, if you slash a goalie, you get a six pack fine.” Right away, Killer was overheard telling the Rake, and Chevy telling Snowpants, and Doc telling SteveO, something about one or two preemptive six packs in their lockers or vehicles to have on hand. Everybody assumed that the Hurricane would bring in a keg every week for the amount that he slashes! The decision came after a fair amount of chippy play that arises at these mini tournaments. Remember, everybody has to go to work the next day and “you are supposed to have fun!”
Some interesting tidbits of information; Killer did his impersonation as Zorro, and pouched Sunny, and left a K impression on his unit. Beep did not, in fact, look out of place not wearing his purple outfit! A reminder was sent out to all, about the Christmas party, November 30th. Please let Sunny or Hollywood know ASAP if you are in, or out. Snowpants, being his usual social butterfly self, was talking to a handful of Tomcats and was talking about holidays and such. He went to throw out this question, “do you guys know what the best holiday is?” Before anybody could answer Turk yells out “Superbowl!”
Speaking of the Turk. He announced he will be launching a new nutritional meal/eating plan! What is it called?…“Body by Turk.” What is involved? “Not much, you maintain your regular diet but you add spam to everything!” Spam shakes, Spam on a bun, grilled Spam, deviled Spam, Spam Jello, Spam skewers, Spamburgers, pickled Spam, Cabbage rolls and Spam……….. The possibilities are endless. While everybody is now thinking of the old Monty Python sketch. The Turk quickly added in “the best part is you never have to add salt!” Apparently he has a huge deal with some infomercials, and the shopping network, also a couple of cookbooks. The Turk is well on his way with his “Body by Turk“ diet!
Next weeks captains for the mini have already been chosen…they will be Snowpants, Shovey and SteveO. Beep was also named Minister of Mini Tournaments, moving forward. I really wanted to ask Shamus about how he felt about this, but nobody knows where he is?
Hold on to your girlfriends and wives! Phil Landerer thanks you for reading!
Just like the engineers at Apple can’t seem to keep new products from being leaked, neither can the engineers of the new Tomcat Scoreboard/Clock. Sources indicate a credible source has released the following video on YouTube which shows the yet-to-be unveiled masterpiece developed by Dr. I.M Sparky, Ph.d and his team of MIT graduates. Rumor has it the clock will be gracing the Kapusta Kow floor very soon…
It was a well fought battle to the end, on the Kapusta Kow Palace floor last night! Sitting in the press box, watching the amazing back and forth of hockey, rumour had it going around the sewing circle, it possibly was the longest game, up to the seven score, in Tomcat history!
Razor was “razor sharp” in his outing, playing in net for the White Lightning last night! On the other side of the floor for the Black Thunder, Bearcat was pouncing, and attacking every shot the Lightning was throwing at him!
The Black Thunder consisted of Stevo, Doc, Chico, Snowpants, Cribz, Sparky, Junior (yes Junior)! The White Lightning had Hurricane, Shovey, Rocky, Soooouuuupppppy, Turk, Hollywood, and the Matador! The White Lightning were victorious in both games, with a 7-4 in the long game, and in a second, time determined game they won with a 4-1 final.
The thing about game one last night, with the score 0-0, sixteen scoreless minutes of hockey played, Hurricane had three points on the score sheet somehow? The statisticians were trying to figure how in the heck that happened!
Razor busted out his version of Wham’s “Careless Whisper.” Goose bumps perked up on everyone’s arms, and hair rose on the backs of their necks! “Whenever he croons a tune, I smile from ear to ear” said a happy Matador. Doc was quoted saying, “My wife and I are thinking of bringing the Karaoke party out of retirement just so Razor can host the evening!” Chico was overheard saying “I hope he sings I want your sex, I loooooove that song.”
And speaking of musical talents, in my recent travels, I noticed Cribz moonlighting as a trumpet player at the Kitchener/Waterloo Oktoberfest festivities. When he plays his trumpet, all the lady’s hearts melt! Take a look…
Thanking you all for reading, and for having girlfriends and wives!
Phil Landerer!
So to be honest, I am not much of a blogger. I like to play hockey, drink beer, make fun of Dave Hann (who by the way had about 75% of his facts incorrect on his blog), score a coupe of goals, go home and maybe get lucky. But on occasion it would be nice to have strange hot girls touching my balls and having their picture taken…
Chevy
Apparently there is actually another person known as Rocky, and for some reason Philadelphia decided to make a statue of him. To help bring notoriety to this other Rocky, the Tomcat Rocky agreed to pose next to the statue recently. Rumor is that visits to the statue have increased significantly since.
Fans had initially heard the rumor they would get to see another mini tournament, which would have included a very rare appearance in net by the Hurricane; who is set on maintaining one appearance in net for each of his 20 plus years as a Tomcat. When it came to game time however any disappointment fans or Hurricane may have had disappeared very quickly in what wound up to be a classic stellar match up of the Tighty Whities and Black Jacks. The Whities were lead by the dangerous scoring trio of Beep, Snowpants and Stevo. The Jacks countered with their trio of Rocky, Killer and Soupy. Falcon backstopped the Whities and Skippy was given the rare back to back start in net and played for the Jacks.
The first game featured the Jacks holding a distinctive 4 goal advantage until the Whities woke up, clawed back and made it interesting; but eventually came ever so close with a 7-5 ending. The second game was even more interesting with each team exchanging goals and staring at each other with a 6-6 game on the line. With the game tied both teams players laid it all on the line searching for that elusive 7th goal, which was found by the Whities; but not without controversy, some yelling and a spirited discussion about what height a ‘high stick’ really is.
Five weeks into the season and fans along with players have already witnessed two separate “controversies”. The first was back in week two when an alleged eight goals were scored in a single highly contested game. That particular controversy centered around Stevo yelling “Play the ball”, and everyone froze leading to a charged discussion about goal; or no goal. This week was no different in a controversial goal, the scenario just went down another path and centered instead around an alleged high stick. The teams chatted and further discussion was put to rest with everyone accepting Sunny’s version of no high stick. Sparky summed it up best when he was overheard commenting, “If Sunny says it wasn’t a high stick – it WASN’T a high stick”. The Jacks grudgingly accepted the loss, which lead to the inevitable discussion of a third tie breaking game. With time against the teams play was agreed upon to a score of 3; which was taken for all the marbles by the Jacks in a 3-1 final.
The initial problem faced by players was the first two games took just over an hour and a half to play, thanks in part to Falcon and Skippy trading outstanding saves at each end of the floor. Even with the teams settling on playing to 3, statistically it meant each team was only able to score a goal every 6.17 minutes. Had there been a mini, that would have definitely lead to some goose eggs being posted by Falcon and Skippy. Hurricane later commented, “I was really excited to get a chance to keep my streak alive, particularly this early in the season. I was ready to go, and maybe with the clinic Falcon and Skippy gave I might have gotten off easy.” Regardless of controversy on the floor, Tomcats pack it away once on stage and enjoying the rewards of a cold frosty one with the boys. As well, Sparky modeled the next Tomcats rage in wearable clothing with a proposed golf shirt and shorts being showcased. Both looked promising, even on Sparky.
Fans may not only get to see the Hurricane in action next week, but also another goalie as both Razor and Falcon are rumored to be taking the day of, and Skippy has yet to commit. Tomcats management reminds players to see Snowpants now to book an escort, should their significant other not be available on November 30th to celebrate the Tomcats annual Xmas bash.
All I can say is when I heard ‘escorts’ I had to leave and placed my HANDZONMECAC.
Yurri
Fans may have arrived a little more rested this past Tuesday for the weekly Tomcat tilt, considering many were just overcoming their turkey tryptophan hangovers; but that sleepiness was quickly erased when the fans learned they would be able to witness the very first Mini Tournament of the year. The three teams consisted of the Hollywood Hookers, backed by Hollywood, Sunny, Stevo, Labamba, Turk, The Rake and Falcon as their goalie; Rocky’s Rockheads featuring Rocky, Beep, Spinner, Matador, Bulldog, Jingles and Razor in net; and finally Cribz Crawlers, starring Cribz, Soupy, Snowpants, Mez, Sparky, Hurricane, and Skippy as tender.
During the tourny I think there were more than a few Tomcats players who had yet to overcome the cursed turkey tryptophan, particularly when you consider only 22 goals were scored in the combined 6 total games played. Even Snowpants at first seemed a little slower – I mean we hardly had to squint at the super slow-mo to see him clearly.
When the three star selection was later announced not a single goaltender got the nod, and together they were pretty impressive posting a combined 3.6G.A.A. That would have been much lower had it not been for an unusual 5 goals scored on Razor and Skippy having one bad period letting in 4. Games otherwise were very close, even those that featured the explosion of goals; because almost all were settled by less than a goal.
The third star, being LaBamba, blasted a beauty past Skippy in the top left corner to lift the Hookers to their first mini tourny win. Afterwards Labamba stated, “Cribz and the boys really came from out of nowhere and took advantage of some of the earlier games and had they won they would have taken it all – I was just in the right spot and was able to knock it in”. A beauty of a goal indeed, and worthy of Labamba receiving the 3rd star nod.
While Rocky’s Rockheads wound up with four points and a 1-2-1 record scoring only a total of 4 goals. And yes, I said 4 total goals scored – A testament to the tight games played, great defense and solid goaltending displayed. Rock played solid defense all night, earning him the 2nd star.
First star went to Sunny, who helped the Hookers take it all, just edging Cribz and his pesky Crawlers. Those Crawlers were an interesting team as most had them totally out of it as they started 0-2. Funny thing about tourny’s, because the Crawlers ended up a goal short of taking it all. If they had won the last game, their total would have been 2-2-0. Snowpants summed it up best when he said, “We missed that by the slimmest of margins, which just goes to show your never really out of it as a team in these mini’s; and Skippy really only had that one bad period.”
The only thing that would have made it even more exciting would have been the unveiling of the new score clock. Fans can barely contain their excitement and word is sponsorship spaces are quickly being snapped out. Word also has it Snowpant’s escort service was last heard to be in negotiations to have their logo plastered on an entire side. Only a true Tomcat would know chicks and beer are always a good bet regardless of the economy. Until next week, I will be Pattyn Megryoin waiting for another Tomcat game.
Pattyn (Filling in for Yurri)
Junior has been removed as Captain of the Tomcats, as of Tuesday, October 9, 2012 9 p.m.
The announcement comes on the heals of Junior missing his fourth week with the Tomcats this season, not doing his blog and by doing so, having influence on 3 others not do do their blog, (Jingles, Spinner and Chevy) He was also sited as not participating in the Tomcat-Skipjacks game, instead, staying home to watch a football game.
“This is not leadership,” a discouraged President of the Tomcats, Stevo Indicated. “Leadership is an action, not a position,” Stevo stated.
Very little has been seen in the way of leadership by Junior, therefore he has been removed as the Captain of the Windsor Tomcats, Junior has also been removed from the Board of Directors as well.
“I asked, no, told, my Board, in our May meeting, out of all the Tomcats, I expect each and every board member to do a blog, we need to lead by example, and this was not done, it is very very disappointing. If one rower does not do his job, where will the Tomcat ship end up?” Stevo concluded.
Rocky, has been named, by the Board of Directors as the new Captain and takes over for Junior. The assistants remain as Hollywood and Sparky. Congrats to Rocky, who has been a key addition to the Tomcats, running the Web Site, setting up and tearing down, obtaining prizes for tournament, he has been on The Board of Directors and has taken on a leadership role through out his time with the Tomcats. Rocky becomes the 5th Tomcat Captain in the history of the organization…others include, Stevo, Rex Brenan, May Day and most recently Junior.
Tomcats Forever!
With negotiations completed at the Big 3, it’s time to get back to normal around here. It was a difficult round of bargaining, it reminded me of going out for lunch with Lovie (when the bill comes they forgot their wallet), then promise they’ll get it the next time.
The score clock is coming along wonderfully – it has gone through the paint department and is in the painstaking process of being assembled. It has been a long road from the design phase, prototype development, durability testing, re-design, test market trials, pre- production models and finally to the production model that will be unveiled at the Windsor International Time Clock Show. This will be held at the Kapusta Kow Palace in the very near future – stay tuned for the date and time. There will be dignitaries from across the globe as this is the biggest innovation in Ball Hockey since the invention of the orange ball! I can hardly wait until we start on the design for the retractable roof for the Kapusta Kow.
Sparky
Windsor Tomcats 