By Harry Ballsonue

By Dick Fitzwell

July 4, 2018

The Gordon’s Gin League was back in action on July 2, 2018. The boys played the very prestigious Willow Ridge Golf and Country Club in Blenheim, ON. It was a beautiful day for golf.

Fans welcomed Chrispy with a big ovation and the commissioner also signed Sheep Dog for the remainder of the season. Sheep Dog is now off for the summer. He teaches English in Saudi Arabia during the school year. “I love teaching in Saudi. If a kid is caught with a cell phone in class, they just cut his hands off. The Windsor/Essex School Board allows kids to have their cell phones at school”, said Sheep Dog.

Chevy who was scheduled to play withdrew because of an injury he sustained at his annual Canada Day BBQ held at his estate in Amherstburg. Sources say Chevy tweaked something while climbing a 50 foot flag pole with the Canadian flag. Sources describe it as an upper body injury. We wish Chevy a speedy recovery.

Scores for the day were Chrispy 67, Sea Lion 71, Sheep Dog 73, Stevo 75, Bunny 77, Bundura 78 and May Day 79.

“I couldn’t put two good shots together in a row”, said May Day. “I will be calling my coach, hitting the range and try and figure this out”.

The guys will either be at Sutton Creek or Belle View next week.

Announcements:

The annual Gordon’s Gin Tournament will be held on August 6, 2018. A Ryder Cup format will be used over 27 holes of golf. In other words 9 holes, two man scramble, 9 holes, alternate shot and 9 holes match play. Don’t miss out on this exciting day. Let May Day know by July 13th if you are interested in playing. Costing to be announced soon.

Congratulations

Our congratulations go out to Mr. and Mrs. Turk, whose son, Turk Jr. was married this past Saturday to his lovely bride Sheena. Several Tomcats were in attendance and the ceremony and reception were lovely.

Commissioner May Day with his Bride former Miss Malta 1981 in Attendence at Turks son wedding

“I have no idea who she is…she recognized from Ghost Crossing said she was a huge fan and brought me drinks….danced with me and told me funny jokes …I think I’m in love “ stated Hollywood

And hey, whatever became of Miami?

• By Dick Fitzwell AP

Tilbury ON: The Gordon’s Gin league was off on June 25, 2018 as many of the pros had stuff going on. I will try and catch our fans up as to what has been going on the past few weeks.

June 15, 2018 – Tomcat Open

The Tomcat Open was held at Sutton Creek on June 18, 2018. Snowpants did an amazing job organizing the event. He was literally the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer. Snowpants was at the course at 5:30 am grooming the greens and selecting pin placements for the day. At 8:00 am, he runs over and sets up the registration table. At 8:30 Am, Snowpants holds a meeting with the staff at Sutton Creek. He basically laid down the law and told the staff every Tomcat should be given the Red Carpet treatment.

At 8:45 am, limousines started arriving and Tomcats were greeted by boisterous fans as they got ready for their yearly golf outing.

Snowpants gave his annual welcome speech at 8:55 am and the boys were then directed over to the 1st hole where Tunzie had a mobile photo studio set up to take pictures of the foursomes.

Great job by Snowpants and thanks to Tunzie for taking the photos. They will be life long memories.

The Ride Home

May Day was in charge of the Bucko Bus as it picked up and dropped off players Stevo, Bucko, The Big Easy, and Hatchie. With Hatchie in the rig, who needs a GPS? “His directions to and from the course were the best directions I ever followed. Better than MapQuest”, said May Day. “I was impressed. Hatchie even knew the start and end dates for construction and even knew what company won the successful bid”, said Stevo.

First drop off was the Big Easy. As you probably guessed, he lives on Easy Street in Tecumseh. The Big Easy’s fine family was home to greet him as he returned from a gruelling day of golf. Bucko and May Day met the family for the first time. The Big Easy’s wife, Sweet Feet and daughters Paris and Nicky were on hand to greet the guys when they pulled in. Paris is engaged to Ned, Stevo’s son. The Big Easy and Stevo signed a pre-arranged marriage contract when the kids were 7. “I couldn’t ask for a better son in law in Ned”, said the Big Easy. Look for a Wedding Bans announcement soon.

Next, it was off to Hatchie’s place. Hatchie’s dog Bandit was home to greet the guys. Hatchie treated the boys to some cold beer and major league baseball on the big screen in his garage. “It’s a Belle River thing”, said Hatchie of the big screen in the garage. “But it really brings the community together. There must have been 75 people here watching game 7 a few weeks back”.

“Hatchie really knows how to be a host. He actually offered me his last pepperette”, said May Day. “I was almost in tears”.

A thanks to Hatchie for the car wash gift certificates he provided the guys as a parting gift. What a guy.

June 18, 19 & 20th

The annual Bundura tour was held in London, ON and the boys were at Otter Creek, Forest City National and Firerock. A great time was had by all and most of the guys are looking forward to the Battle Creek trip in the fall. Lots of stories but everybody is sworn to secrecy so details are under a publication ban.

July 2, 2018

The league is resuming play at Willow Ridge in Blenheim on July 2, 2018. Fan favorite Chrispy is joining the pros for the first time with the appearance, he qualifies for the year end banquet.Get there early if you want an autograph.

And hey, whatever became of Crow?

2018 Windsor Tomcats Annual Golf Tournament

By Dick Fitzwell

June 6, 2018

Before we get to the Gordon’s Gin blog of the week, I have to tell you the Windsor Tomcats were out in full force for the Kapusta Open at Ambassador on June 2, 2018.  Razor was out sporting an outfit hand sown by his tailor, Scruff. “I only wear these outfits once and then donate them to the Children’s Wish Foundation”, said Razor. Notable Tomcats in the Kapusta Open included Razor, Chevy, Sea Lion, Bundura, Stevo, May Day, Cribzee, Turk, Snowpants and former Tomcat speedster, Bunny.

Mr. Gordon also made an appearance both on the golf course and at the banquet. “Mr. Gordon is always with me”, said the Bundura. The Sea Lion said he was under strict orders to bring Mrs. Sea Lion one perogy. So what does he use for a go bag? An empty plastic cup. “I can get 4 perogies and 3 cabbage rolls into the cup. I will do anything for Mrs. Sea Lion”, said the Sea Lion.

He was right, 4 perogies and 3 cabbage rolls fit quite nicely into the cup with room to spare for a shot of gin.

“I won enough Kapusta hats for every Tomcat”, said a beaming Snowpants.

Best prize won at the Kapusta Open was a rectal thermometer by Stevo. “I have been stuck on many occasions with a high fever and no thermometer. Now I’m good to go”, said a happy Stevo.

The boys were back at Belle View on Monday for regular Gordon’s Gin action. After coming off a 7 hour, twenty five minute round at Sutton Creek the week before. May Day, Bunny, Sea Lion and Stevo played a 3 hour, 45 minute round. “Way better this week. I will give Sutton Creek one more chance but another round like last week and I’m never going back there”, said May Day. “Three guys in wheel chairs playing from the tips is unacceptable”, said the distinguished commissioner.

May Day wowed the gallery with his trickery. His second shot on number 10 literally bounced off the pond scum and onto the grass in front of the green and his second shot at the par 5 17thbounced off a one inch railing on the bridge into the fairway leaving him in good shape.

Scores were Bunny 65, Sea Lion 67, Stevo 69 and May Day a one over 73.

Sea Lion, Stevo, Commish May Day and Bunny on the Growler your …” an incredible day to be playing with these three Legends,” stated Bunny.

Puma sports recently signed the Sea Lion to a lucrative sponsorship deal. “If it’s good enough for Ricky Fowler, its good enough for Danny the Growler”, said the Sea Lion.

Announcements – Tomact Open goes June 15th at Sutton Creek. Should be a good day. Contact Snowpants for details. Also, if you want a hot selling Kapusta hat, Snowpants will be handing them out at the Tomcat Open. They are great at the beach. Chick Magnets.

June 11th – We will be playing Sutton Creek. Shooting for a tee time in the morning so we can be home by 10:00PM. Watch for the e-mail.

June 13th – Ghost Crossing will be performing Wednesday June 13th at The Lion’s Head Tavern.  It is the last stop on the 2018 Summer Tour so come out and listen to this Tomcat-riddled band!  7pm start.

And hey, whatever became of Crazy Legs?

So it has been a month since the BoD meeting, and it a took a while for the meeting minutes and follow-up items to be approved and sorted out.  Here are the details:

Attendees:

Rocky, Snowpants, Sparky, Doc, Kamikaze, Soupy and Slim Jim

Sunny and Doc were late cancellations, but provided feedback.  As well, Hollywood was not able to attend due to work commitments but also provided input before and after.

• Soupy and Kamikaze officially added as BoD members (to go along with Rocky, Hollywood, Sparky, Doc, Sunny and Snowpants).  These guys are always involved and care for the organization…just made sense.  Congrats boys!
• Start of year cost will be $50.  Tuesday nights will remain $5.  The Tomcats have had a rent increase for the first time so these costs will be manageable based on the numbers here.  A start-of-year gift will be included with the $50.
• Look back at this year’s play.  The BoD thought the play was, for the most part, clean and fair this year.  However, “stick swinging” was discussed and concern (swinging the stick to make a play at the ball).  This will not be tolerated going forward and will be discussed at start of season.  Any infractions will be called out and a fine levied to the player.  On this note – when any call is made on the floor, any member of the BoD making the call is considered the final call and will be accepted by all.  No exceptions.
• Rule Clarifications:
  • 5 seconds behind the net after goalie save or dead ball. The safety zone is the “key area” behind the net and does not extend to the corners or the entire width of the surface behind the net.
  • Ball out of bounds – dead ball and goes to opposite team.  Rule applies even if touched by a player on the bench.  Any player on the bench  intentionally touching a ball out of bounds will be spoken to.
  • High Stick – the stick should not contact the ball at or above the cross-bar height.  Anything in between a players elbow or shoulder may get called.
  • Slap shots – Maximum height is the players hip/waist area.  Anything above that can and should be called a slap shot.
•  Tournament 2019:
  • Captains – Rocky, Sunny, Tonto and Snowpants
  • We will use original format just like this past season – play everyone once, 2 periods, 12 min each
• Last night of hockey before Christmas – Considering a Legends vs. Rookie night (basically figure out the median tenure and have the newer guys play the guys who have been around for a while)
• Still looking to find a couple of new guys, especially a goalie if possible.  Goalies will always be a concern since if we cannot have two for sure each night, we are screwed.
• August – Looking to have some Tomcat volunteers to have a “Clean up” day at the Kapusta to get things ready for the season, make a few repairs.  We may also offer to strip and wax the floors, and have the costs deducted from our 2018-2019 rent.
• We will be reaching out in July to find out your commitment for the upcoming season.

That is all for now.  Enjoy your summer and see everyone in September.  We start up Tuesday, September 18, 2018 at 6:30p sharp

Yours in all thing ball hockey,

Rocky

By Dick Firzwell

May 29, 2018

The Gordon’s Gin league is now a travel golf league. It’s like travel ball hockey, but better.

It was a hot day at the Sutton Creek Golf and Country Club where the gallery was packed and rowdy anticipating the stars from the Gordon’s Gin Golf League. “The growlers were real smelly today”, said a sweaty Sea Lion after shooting a course record 65.

Other scores were May Day 98, Chevy and Cribzee 69, Stevo 70, Bunny 71 and Soupy with a solid 72. “I was in the rough all day”, said Mayday. “It didn’t help the club was slipping out of my hand in most of my shots on the back 9”.

Snowpants never liked to okay Sutton Creek …never comes out on a Monday to play in the Tomcat League …”we didn’t know why till today …he can’t clean his balls in the ball washers …he can’t reach,“ stated Commoner May Day.

Bunny, who has been hitting the ball as good as any time in his career is a welcome addition to the league. Bunny is the career leader in winnings in the French Tour that plays in Quebec and Hollywood Florida.

Chevy was hitting the ball a country mile was impressive. “I owe it all to my coach Stevo. He is that little voice inside of my head telling me to take an easy swing”. “The woods are filled with balls from long hitters”, said Stevo. 

“I know May Day is working hard to get more shorter ball washers for my friend Snowpants “ stated Cribzie …. “ I love Snowpants they should have ball washers knee high for Snowpants,” stated Chevy.

The guys missed tour standout Bundura. “My air conditioner was not operating to maximum capacity and I had to get a crew in and take care of it. I was so pumped to play but I had to take care of this”, said an obviously disappointed Bundura. Fans were sending in photos of 12 Farhal trucks parked at the Bundura’s mansion in Ruthven.

On the ride in the Sea Lion, Stevo and May Day were talking about the upcoming provincial election. All three of the fellas understand provincial issues better than the candidates in this year’s election. “I am completely sick of single mothers”, said May Day who is not a fan of free daycare, tuition or dental. “I like the buck a beer angle”, said Stevo. The Sea Lion, who is the league’s biggest socialist said the NDP leader looked a lot better about ten years ago. “I am sure she liked the pork sword back in the day”, said the Sea Lion.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

The Turk’s annual Kapusta Open is June 2, 2018 at Ambassador while the annual Tomcat Open goes June 15, 2018 at Sutton Creek. Snowpants does a great job organizing so this year’s tournament is sure to impress. Look for the Rake in the field this year. Thanks to the great advocacy work of Stevo and May Dayfor freeing the Rake. “The Rake is like Nelson Mandela”, said Stevo.

GORDON’S GIN TOURNAMENT 2018

The league is thinking of a Ryder Cup type format this year. The target date will be Civic Day, August 6, 2018. 27 holes at Deer Run in Blenheim, Ontario. Look for details in the coming weeks.

Remember, you must play at least one week to qualify for the awards gala at the end of the year.

And hey, whatever became of………The Smooth?

Click on the below document link to find out tee times, costs, and other details for the big event on June 15th!

2018 Windsor Tomcats Annual Golf Tournament

By: Dick Fitzwell

22/05/2018

The Gordon’s Gin Golf league rolled into the posh Belle View Golf and Country Club Monday as the league resumed play before a sold out gallery. The fans were really excited to see Hatchy make his 2018 debut. “I love playing with guys like Stevo”, said a happy Hatchy. “I play in this tour just so I can go to the Award’s Gala at the end of the year. It’s a black tie event and the private chefs they hire to make the ailes de poulet are the best. Never had food so good in my life,” added Hatchy.

Hatchy was on fire on the course, shooting a 67. Other scores were Bunny, 68, Sea Lion 69, Stevo 70, Chevy 70, Little Bird 71, May Day 72 and Soupy 73.

The fans were also glad to have Soupy back after a brief contract dispute. There was a reported communications problem between Soupy’s agent and Commissioner May Day but the issues were ironed out and a settlement was reached.

The clubhouse was packed with fans after the round. Little Bird, who is retired stand- up comic turned professional golfer was telling jokes, much to the delight of the players and fans. “He is a real pro. He even brings his own laugh tracks”, said May Day.

The league will be going on the road next Monday. The boys will be teeing it up at Sutton Creek.

Commissioner May Day very happy with the play this year …”Sea Lion and Bunny were on fire today” May Day said.