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Hot One at the Kapusta Kow

Posted by 81rocky on September 18, 2019
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by Harry Ballsonue

Teams
Sunny Sea Hawks: Sunny, Killer, El Choppo, La Bamba, Chico (net) Hurricane, Kamikaze and Soupy
Beep Ravens: Beep, Bagz (net) Stevo, Sparky, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Tonto
Tunzie Eagles: Tunzie, Falcon (Net) Chevy, Bulldog, Shak, Snowpants and Skippy
 
You would think these guys had been playing since mid July the way they were going out there.  Good hockey and thanks for the goalies for playing in net as it was a Hotzie Totzie one out there.  Speaking of net, Bagz, a third round pick in 2016 made his Tomcat debut, he played and impressed with his quick blocker saves. “I am just getting used to the big show here, I am in awe,” Bagz had indicated.
One interesting event was the goal off the back board.  Sunny did not seem impressed with the attempt and the outcome.  “I was ready to make a glove save off the back of the wall and then realized the back board was there and by then it was too late.  Tonto, that sneaky little devil tapped it in,” stated Chico.
Skippy played out last night after having back surgery last week.  Heroic!
Snowpants made a toast at the end of the night for 30 years of Tomcat hockey.  “To 30 more,” he said.  Stevo will be 90, Bulldog will be 82, Hurricane will be 92. All three original members played last night.
Start of the year gift was handed out.

Several very good looking Tomcats donning their new Tomcat start of the season hat!

Not all Tomcats did normal summer routine to get ready for Tomcat hockey season, here Hollywood shows why he is called Hollywood or should we say Hollywoodsky or Hollywoodnovich, perhaps Hollywoodorenko

Training Camping Battle Creek Report
 
Once again, training camp was incredibly awesome.  ‘Good Times Had By All’ as they say.  Some new nicknames popped up by a bartender at the local watering hole, ‘Cheap Wedding Dad’, ‘Perv’, ‘Trafficker’ and ‘Ultra Perv’.  Tomcats will keep their regular names, but there are some good ones there.
Chevy is looking at changing the dates around for next year, to a few days in August, with a ‘Monday to Wednesday’ type of thing.  Less golf (sore backs) and less expensive.  Look to Chevy for further details as they become available.
If you don’t like to constantly laugh, golf and drink beer, then this trip is not for you.
Chevy arranged for a new Tomcat Training Camp Golf Shirt, boys look smart in the Sky Blue Shirts.
Winner of the CBTMS (Cougar Bush, Two Man Scramble) were La Bamba and Bagz:
I have not been told too much more about Battle Creek, but I heard a few guys whispering and laughing hysterically, something about ‘where you guys from…Buffalo.  We are the Buffalo Bisons alumni team, La Bamba was the pitcher and Sparky was the catcher’.  One other one was, ‘at my age sperm does not shoot out in a stream, it is more of a poof of smokef’.
When you are checking out the group photo and asking yourself, ‘which one is Ultra Perv’, and why don’t I go on this trip, do you think I can put my Harry Ballsonue?

What the Tomcats Think They Know…September 17…First Night of Hockey

Posted by 81rocky on September 15, 2019
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by Management

Beer Bringers:  Stevo (24), Rocky (24), Terror (12)

Beer Bringers on Deck: Sheepdog/Bullwinkle (initiation) (24) and Chevy (12)

Net Minders: Falcon, Chico, Bagz

In the Line Up: El Chopo, Bullwinkle, Rocky, LaBamba, Chevy, Tonto, Snowpants, Sparky, Beep, Soupy, Killer, Bulldog, Sunny, Stevo, Shack, Hurricane, Kamikaze, Squid, Kramden, The Big Easy, Tunzie

Not in the Line Up: Cribz, Terror, Scuz, The Rake, Hollywood, Matador, Sheepdog, May Day

Not in the line up and never heard from them:  Jingles, Slim Jim, The Anvil, Que

On the IR: The Turk, Skippy, Doc

Skinny: So far we have to assume all are playing until people tell us they are not.  As such, looks like a mini.  Doc will be there to ref.

REMEMBER Two New Rules:  No slashing down on players sticks and direct goals scored when a team starts with the ball after the other team scores are no longer allowed.  The ball must be passed or crossed over half for it to count.  Some new players will be showcased over the next few weeks to build up our part-time reserves.

Start of Year:  $50 to Rocky and to receive gift.  First night of hockey ($5) included in the $50.  Rocky also asks to start the year right by doing the following:

  • Always let him know if you are in or out
  • Do your part to help set up early, or if not, tear down after, get some ice for the beer, sweep the floor, etc.  We can’t keep having the same 7-8 guys carry the load all the time (Sunny, Snowpants, Hollywood, Sparky, Stevo, Soupy, Doc, Kamikaze, etc.).  Help these fine gentlemen out.

TOMCATS FOREVER !

30th Season Starts Next Week

Posted by 81rocky on September 11, 2019
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By Harry Ballsonue

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time”
Leo Tolstoy

30 years is a long time, quite a long time, if you ask me. Congratulations to the Tomcats and their 30th season.
Season Starts Tuesday September 17
$50 fee at the start of the season, (Everyone Pays) with the fifty you get your first night free. (Doc and Rocky worked on ’start of the year’ gift so we can’t wait to see what they came up with).

Great guys like LaBamba, Sparky and Sunny = Windsor Tomcats

Many super fantastic moments happened over the last 30 years, Tomcats looking to start another 30 years on September 17.
Everyone is going to have a different ‘favourite moment’…Bulldog falling and saying ‘oh I almost fell’….the fake press conferences with the fake podium after hockey…Snowpants putting a towel around his head, walking to the wall (Visa Vee NFL Old system review) taking towel off and then waving the play off. All the tournaments and
the team photos. Going to Purples after a tournament and taking over the bar (Junior). Razor’s singing of Happy Birthday Marylyn Monroe style…but number one thing, is the first week of hockey, when most of the guys have not seen each other and as everyone walks up on stage, the smiling, the laughing, there is a brotherhood, a kinship that cannot be taken away from those that play at the Kapusta Kow Palace, those that call themselves a Tomcat.

These four wily veterans are returning to the Tomcat line up for the 2019/20 season: El Chopo, La Bamba, Cribzie and Chevy. Season ticket holders are excited, ‘It is nice that the fans are excited but I’m excited, it means more Tomcat clothing,” Said an exuberant Chevy.

Exciting year coming up, let us play safe, let us have fun, and let us enjoy a beer after hockey without a bruise, a cut or a limp.
IF YOU CAN’T MAKE IT NEXT WEEK, let Rocky know by Monday, the 16th at the latest.
ALSO…CHECK THE UPDATE BEER LIST…make sure you plan to have your beer on your night.  If you have to miss that night, plan ahead and bring your beer earlier and store in the Tomcat room so it is ready for your night.
While you are checking out the photos and thinking to yourself, ‘how did La Bamba get into two photos’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

Gordon Gin League

Posted by 81rocky on August 27, 2019
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The Gordon Gin League made its return to Belleview this week. Even though there was light rain,  with a dry summer the course was as hard as a strippers buttocks.

A larger than normal showing with many fans and onlookers some tour players decided to get additional practice rounds in advance of the coveted “Cougar Bush” golf trip.
Labamba fresh off the Hawaiian tour shot a crisp 67 with the tunes blaring and was seen ordering Pineapple on his pizza at the turn.
The SeaLion struggled with a 74. He commented that “Since losing so much weight I cannot drive the ball like I used to. Last year I would put my belly into it and drive the ball 340 yards. This year I cannot even break 300.” He was seen leaving the course with 2 hot babes on his way to McDonalds.
The Howler and Little Bird both Fan faves of the Gordon Gin league made the cut today.
The Howler was quite excited as she got to ride (with) Stevo and shot a 69.
Little Bird straight as an arrow plopped the ball in the hole like eggs in a nest with a 68.
Kribzie who suffered a sunburn on last weeks tour decided to wear a hat today that affected his perfect hair and it threw him off his game shooting a 73.
Stevo, Chevy and the Big Easy could be seen 1 putting everything today and shot 67,71,70
There was discussion about “birdy juice” and what happens when someone gets an eagle do we have any “eagle juice”?
Highlight of the day was the Big Easy telling Stevo about an Australian Kiss….
It’s Like a french kiss with tongue but “down under”!
Just-in Beaver

Howler and Stevo “ it was fun riding with the assistant to the assistant traveling secretary of our golf league.“ stated the Howler.

La Bamba, Cribzie, Lotrke Bird and The Sea Lion

Chevy, Stevo, Howler and The Big Easy

Golf Update

Posted by 81rocky on August 24, 2019
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The Gordon Gin League held the first annual Chevy Bubble Open tournament at Pointe West Golf Club as part of the North American Tour.
Special invitations went out to golfers able to comply with the strict dress code requirements of the club. Unfortunately 75% of the tomcat organization were unable to qualify, predominantly due to being required to tuck in shirts and not pee in backyards.
It was a fine day for golf, little on the steamy side.
The teams were:
Hatchie Chevy vs. Stevo, Mayday
Bubbles Cribzie vs Pat Sajack & Todd Frenchie
With bubbles Cribzie shooting a record low 62 it ended up being a tie based on the better ball triple regression hole by hole scoring format.
Stevo enamored with the beauty of the golf course immediately after the round went into the clubhouse and spoke with Loriann about memberships. He got side tracked by 4 vixens having beverages on the patio. Particularly Alex (who’s real name is Alice)  and came back to the table professing that he is now in love.
Mayday for the first time in history was found with his shirt tucked in. When asked for a comment he said ” No Comment – your probably never going to see this again!”
A Great day had by all.
Just-in Beaver

BUBBLES/CHEVY OPEN TURNS HEADS AT POINTE WEST SUMMER OF 2020 DECLARED SUMMER OF STEVO

Posted by 81rocky on August 24, 2019
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August 22, 2019 – Amherstburg, ON

By Dick Fitzwell

The Bubbles/Chevy Open was held at the Pointe West Golf and Country Club on August 22, 2019. Participants were Chevy, Bubbles, Cribzee, May Day, Hatchie, P.O., Stevo and Ghost ( not sure the fella’s name but he left right after the tournament so I couldn’t confirm).

Without question, the star of yesterday’s show was Bubbles who put on a golfing clinic yesterday. “ I would have paid just to watch him play”, said May Day after one of his several errant shots. “I was stealing Sea Lion lines today. Pretty much called myself a nipple head after every bad shot”, stated May Day shaking his head.

As always, Cribzee was the best dressed golfer. Cribzee, who forgot his hat, was impressed there was sunscreen available in the locker room. “I’ve never seen anybody put sunscreen on their hair before”, said Hatchie.

As Chevy added up the scores on the patio with several onlookers waiting in anticipation for the winning team, he finally announced that after 7 hours of grueling golf, the best ball tournament ended in a tie.

Individual scores were Bubbles, with a course record 61, Chevy 70, Stevo 71, Hatchie 72, P.O. 73, Ghost 73, Mayday 90 ( after 3 holes), Cribzee 72.

We tried to get a quote from Bubbles after his impressive round,but he was too busy signing autographs on the patio.

It did not go unnoticed that Stevo and May day played their first ever round of golf with their shirts tucked in.

Thanks to Bubbles and Chevy for organizing this great day.

SUMMER OF STEVO

The Summer of 2020 has been officially proclaimed as the Summer of Stevo. The proclamation came from none other than, you guessed it, Stevo. “ After spending all of this summer building an entire subdivision, I figured I would take things a little easy”, said Stevo. Organizing trades, dump trucks and dealing with greasy real estate agents has worn Stevo out.

May Day suggested to Stevo that they should become members of Pointe West. “It’s a nice course, we like golf and the cost is reasonable. Who cares if you have to tuck your shirt in and have a whiz in a urinal or toilet? It wasn’t that bad today”, stated May Day.

Stevo was seen on the patio and in the back office introducing himself to other members and management. “ I really think I would fit in here”, said Stevo. “ Who would of thought that a Ukrainian guy from Oshawa would become a member of an exclusive golf club?”, asked Stevo. “ I should have started tucking my shirt in 20 years ago”.

Mark it down folks. Summer 2020. The Summer of Stevo. Knowing Stevo, he will have tee shirts printed up.

Ride Her Cup

Look for a recap on the tournament soon.

STEVO TAKES HOME THE BIG KOBASSA

Posted by 81rocky on July 31, 2019
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By Dick Fitzwell

Stevo’s first delivery of lifetime kobassa hanging in his shed in Essex.

The Kobassa Open was held on July 28, 2019 at the Belle View Golf and Country Club in Kingsville, Ontario on July 28, 2019. This was an invitational tournament limited to Gordon’s Gin Golfers and relatives of Ukrainian descent.

Stevo, Ned, Chevy and May Day were on hand and played to a capacity crowd. Stevo had the pepper vodka and chasnik on hand to celebrate birdies. He also had some mead b/c Chevy does not like the pepper vodka. While Chevy ate about 15 cloves of chasnik, he said, “Pepper vodka gives me bad breath. If I would have known Stevo brought mead, I would have birdied at least 6 holes”.

The tournament was sponsored by Halinda’s Meats and fans were treated to free kobassa, raw chasnik and shots of rye after every hole. There was kobassa hanging from the trees on every hole, so fans could enjoy their day. The players had to rent several Transit Windsor buses just to get fans home.

Stevo was on fire, especially the back nine where he really took over the tournament. “I kept my eye on the big kobassa. Free kobassa for life. I don’t eat meat anymore, but I will make an exception for kobassa.”, said a happy Stevo.

Scores for the day were Stevo, 62, Chevy 70, Ned, 71 and May Day 72.

Ride Her Cup goes August 5th and Hatchie and May Day are in Vegas making the teams. Look for an e mail August 1, 2019 confirming times, teams, team names and colours and format. If you have any special requests, too bad. Hatchie and May Day are not taking advice or requests.

GOLF TOUR ON THE ROAD AT WILLOW RIDGE FOR CANADA DAY

Posted by 81rocky on July 3, 2019
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July 3, 2019

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin League were on the road in Blenheim, Ontario at the Willow Ridge Golf and Country Club. The league paid extra climate tax, so the PM could guarantee great weather for the day. There were no floods, thunderstorms, tornados or hail, just perfect golfing conditions. “ If I could get that type of golf weather every week, I would send the government more of my money”, said the Sea Lion.

Stevo, Sea Lion, Big Easy, La Bamba, Little Bird, The Howler and May Day played Monday.

La Bamba, who is a fan favorite everywhere had fans running up and hugging him on just about every hole. La Bamba, who is the minister of music had an impressive play list in the golf cart for his group to enjoy.

The Big Easy, who is by far the best golfer on the tour had a bad reaction to some of La Bamba’s music. Everything was good when La Bamba was playing the hit rock music of yesterday and today, but when the Rap music segment was playing on the back nine, it was like the big easy turned into the Alt Big Easy. He went from, “Hey Stevo, please get me a beer” to “Yo git me uh colt 45 what ‘chew trippin foo’”, when the wrap music was on.

“It was like he turned into a different guy. He started calling Stevo 25 Cent.”, said May Day. Fans were wondering what the heck was going on. Stevo birdied the 11th hole and the Big Easy says, “Yo yo’ game iz pimp-tight this day and shit.”

La Bamba asks the Big Easy how is weekend was and the Big Easy says, “Yo ah wuz drinking colt 45 an’ Cranberry last night in the hood. Yo ah gots uh headache you know das right! Yo It just hit me slap mah fro!”

La Bamba took off the rap music on the 17th hole and the Big Easy pulls up his golf shorts, turns his hat to the front and continues to play like nothing happened. “ I’ve never seen anything like it”, said Stevo.

Scores for the day were The Big Easy/Alt Big Easy 68, 34 with the Rap, 34 with the Rock, Labamba 70, Stevo, 71, May Day 72, Sea Lion and Little Bird, 69 and the Howler 70.

Look for an e mail soon for the annual Ride Her Cup which is being held again at Deer Run. Hatchie and May Day are this year’s captains and we will be looking for a commitment soon.

Golf Hangover?

Posted by 81rocky on June 21, 2019
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by Harry Ballsonue

“You really rode the Beaver hard last night Ward”. June Cleaver
One of my favourite all time t v show quotes…you got to love it.
As for Golf, only three Tomcats played in the Dirty Growler golf league this week. With the Tournament this past weekend, many Tomcats took this Monday off.  “It was good to be out there, Chevy was on fire, birdie birdie birdie”, stated Cribzie.
“Stevo brought out a Ukrainian Honey Hot Pepper Vodka, wowzers, that will clear your sinus, your poop shoot and the wax in your ears”, stated a grinning Chevy.
The three golfing Amigos
Scores this week, Chevy 78, Cribzie 79 Stevo, 102
“I had a rough time out there today, can’t explain it to you, do you know if anyone has a fishing boat for sale, I may take up fishing instead of this stupid game of golf.
Cribzie, just before he threw it on the green and made the birdie putt, More Ukrainian Honey Hot Pepper Vodka please.
Dirty Growler is back on, on Monday June 24, see the Commissioner May Day if you want to play.
Whilst you are thinking about what the Ukrainian Honey Hot Pepper Vodka tastes like, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

And the Pantelon de Neige Jug goes to…

Posted by 81rocky on June 16, 2019
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By Harry Ballsonue
“I brought 49 balls as a prize today, It was suppose to be fifty but I kept one”  Hurricane
As everyone knows, it never rains at a Tomcat event and well, no rain while on the golf course for the Windsor Tomcats on Saturday June 15. “It really turned to be a good day, no rain, a bit of wind, but everyone got the round in and everyone had fun,” Stated organizer Snowpants.
Sunny and Big Poppa take the Pantelon de Neige Jug by shooting a cool two over.
If you check out the scores, you will see that there was a tie, with an aggregate formula, Snowpants was able to award the prize to Sunny and Big Poppa. “I did ask for a play off”, stated Hurricane, and then added, “well actually demanded, but I get it, security did not have to be so rough with me, when they carried me out of the clubhouse”.
Second place went to Hurricane and Snowpants, third was taken by the Kentucky two, Sheep Dog and Cribzie, “I thought we had a good chance, I know Vegas had us winning, I hope not a lot of people plopped lots of money down on us”, stated a smiling Cribzie.
Chevy holding his Canadian Flag
A FEW INTERESTING POINTS
 
Snowpants, as always did a super terrific job as organizer, he deserves a great deal of credit.  All the Tomcats thank you Snowpants.
The big winners of the Skins, were Sunny and Big Poppa, and once handed the winnings, they proceeded to buy four ‘Triple Boogie’ pitchers of beer, Tomcat Spirit, that is the way you do it boys.
A big BIG thank you goes out to everyone who donated a prize, you know who you are, so thanks, Snowpants tries to give everyone a little something and with your kind contributions this year he was able to do that, so thank you Tomcats.
FEEDBACK WELCOMED
 
Snowpants would like to hear from you re the Two Man Format, and if you liked having the tournament on a Saturday.  It starts with you so let Snowpants know your thoughts.
DIRTY GROWLER LEAGUE
 
The Ride Her Cup, will be held the long civic holiday weekend on the Monday, Commissioner May Day will be organizing, from a golf perspective, you want to circle that day on your calendar and attend.
IN TOMCAT HOCKEY NEWS
 
The Windsor Tomcats are happy to announce a two year signing of Bagz as a goalie this year.  Bagz will have to pass a medical but after that, it is just a formality.  “I am excited for this opportunity, great guys, so it would be an exciting time for me and my family”.
Tiny has also been invited to a PTO (Professional Try Out) with the Tomcats come training camp. He is a goalie and a one time first team all star in the Professional league, the LHL (Lebanon Hockey League) He had played for the Beruit Bearcats and posted a .912 GAA.
IN ENDING
 
So this completes the Tomcat Hockey Season, Rocky, who could not attend the Tomcat Golf Tournament due to a scouting trip to China, Germany and Ukraine wanted to thank everyone for the year and wants everyone to continue their off season training and that Tomcats get back to hockey action in September.
I love covering the Tomcats and I love the Tomcats, as you say, ‘Tomcats Forever’, but do you think, I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

From the Kapusta to the Dirty Growler

Posted by 81rocky on June 4, 2019
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By Holden Toodiks

“He is cut like a milk bag”  Quote by Bryan Hayes of ‘Overdrive’ on Heavy Weight Champion of the World Andy Ruiz Jr.

I thought it was a great quote, but now, we talk golf, Dirty Growler Golf
Chevy and Cribzie Vs. Sea Lion and Stevo in a fun event to raise money for charity (available on Golf Channel only) ….on the side, a small wager was made, read more, but Sea Lion And Stevo took the day with a $10,000 win, each.


“It’s all for fun of it and I’m glad we played”, Stated Cribzie who organized the event. “It’s great being a Tomcat but it’s always great being able to give back to the community” said Cribzie, the pride of Essex.

A friendly wager was made by these two tomcats against Steve and Sea Lion…Chevy and Cribzie ended up paying out at the end of the round.

Reluctantly Stevo and Sea Lion accepted the bet and in the parking lot, after the round Chevy and Cribzie reached into their pocket. Pulled out a wad of 100’s and paid the winners off.  “I don’t know how it ended up being only $10,000 I had it calculated at $23,000 but Chevy did the math and said that’s what they owed us, oh well”. Stated Sea Lion


Cribzie has been voted best looking golfer on Growler tour last three years …here you can see Sea Lion pointing out a good looking babe in the crowd and you can see Chevy looking on, thinking ‘Cribzie is a devilishly good looking man’
IN OTHER GOLF NEWS
Kapusta Open was held on Saturday June 1.  The Turk and his crew put together a fantastic day. “If you have never played you are missing out on an incredible time” indicated Chevy and continued “ the course ..golf ..food and prize table were excellent…did I mention the food”? Stated a smiling Chevy.
Next year the tournament is on Saturday June 6, 2020
Dirty Growler goes again next Monday if you are interested…contact the commissioner May Day.

July 8 Stevo looking to organize an even at Cherry Creek in Michigan …great course you don’t want to miss it.  If you are not included in the email contact Stevo on his texting Machine.

Thanks for reading I’m Holden Toodiks.