By Harry Ballsonue
Never has there been a closer mini tournament. Yuri, with his Hands on His Cock, was not there, so he cannot dispute my math, so here are the standings:
W L: T GF GA +/- Pts.
The White Rabbits 2 2 0 11 9 +2 4
The Yellow Chicken Hawks 2 2 0 9 8 +1 4
The Black Buzzards 2 2 0 8 9 -1 4
Rake Rabbits, lead by the Rake and then there were Beep, Matador, Spinner, Snowpants, and the Falcon
Mez Chicken Hawks, lead by the Mez and then there were Sunny, Rocky, La Bamba, Razor, Chevy and the Turk
Doc’s Buzzards, lead by the Doc and then there were Soupy, Lovie, Stevo, Hollywood and Chico
The Three Star Selection, as selected by La Bamba: 3rd Star, Snowpants, the second star, Chico and the First star, Lovie.
“I do not recall, ever, games being so close” indicated a exuberant Rake, who drafted the winning team. “Pinch me, I can’t believe we won tonight, by such a slim margin. Fuck off to all those doubters, in my previous years of drafting, tonight I picked a winning team and we won.” The Rake indicated and then skipped off towards the beer cooler.
A big thank you goes out to the refs , the Bundura and the Sea lion. The Sea lion, pulls a super solid and brings a case of Budweiser for the tournament, tell me, he won’t win the MVP Award.
The refs did a great job, and now are in the groove for Saturday.
Lovie who was the first star over all, showed why he is considered a franchise player, rifling in a couple of dandies.
Snowpants seemed to be all over the floor today, knocking balls in, intercepting the passes and just being like the energizer bunny. “I just felt good out there today, I hope this continues for me into Saturday’s tournament,” Snowpants had indicated.
I was told that some fans spotted several of the Tomcats making their way to Purples and autograph hounds were there asking for Soupy’s, La Bamba’s and Doc’s autographs. Soupy pulls a solid at Purples, I am told and buys the first round…..that is the Tomcat Spirit.
All three teams with 4 points and one goal differential to set the winner. Mark this one down in our calendar, as you will not see this kind of parity every week.
This Saturday, the tournament starts at 8:30. Cost is $20 for tournament and $10 for Pizza, at Purples for 3 pm.
Rumour has is that a new colour will be unveiled on Saturday for the long sleeve Tomcat shirt. “I really hope the guys like the shirt,” indicated a nervous Stevo. “I think it will look great with jeans,” he further added. The full Tomcat team picture will be taken, after the first two games are played.
Don’t forget, beer is supplied by the Tomcats this Saturday. Please have a D.D. arranged.
When you are cracking open your 5th beer, and the awards ceremony is done with, and you are just chill-axing, do you mind if I put my Harry Ballsonue?
Windsor Tomcats 
Even though Yuri wasn’t there to dispute your stats I can very easily tell from the comfort of my couch that they are messed up. Anytime you do goal differential, the pluses should always always always equal the minuses. According to your calculations The White Rabbits were +2 and The Yellow Chicken Hawks were +1. That is a total of +3. Then how do you explain The Black Buzzards being only -1. Maybe stick to writing the articles but leave the math to other professionals.
They are two different teams, how can you have it as +3. Let me see if I can expalin it to you….Poland Scores 3 goals and has one goal scored againt them. Therefore they are +2.
Another team, say Canada, scores, 5 goals and gets 1 scored against them, that makes them +4. No a third team, say, USA scores one goal and has 6 scored against them, they would be a minus 5. Three different teams…..three different plus/ minus.
You cant just say what if this team scores this many and this team scores that many and this team gave up this many and this team gave up that many. The best way to prove my theory is to set up a schedule of 6 games like in a mini tournament. So I will try and demonstrate with some fake games scores :
Game 1 – Black vs Yellow 5-2
Game 2 – Yellow vs White 3-0
Game 3 – White vs Black 4-1
Game 4 – Black vs Yellow 1-2
Game 5 – Yellow vs White 5-4
Game 6 – White vs Black 3-2
Final Standings would be
1st place – Yellow team 6 pts, 12 GF, 10 GA, +2
2nd place – White team 4 pts, 11 GF, 11 GA, even
3rd place – Black team 2 pts, 9 GF, 11 GA, -2
The pluses equal minuses. And this will be the case with any scores that you enter into the schedule.