AND DAVE ‘HURRICANE’ HANN BRINGS A 2-4
…by Harry Ballsonue
Team White (and Beige): Bulldog, Razor, Sparky, Hollywood, Soupy, Chevy, Doc and Junior
Team Black: Snowpants, Stevo, Jingles, Youngblood, Rocky, Cribz and the Falcon
Hockey was fine, with both goalies standing on their heads and spitting nickels. Team Black finally winning after a marathon of hockey, 7-4 7-4. “It was a hot one out there tonight”, stated Mike ‘the Falcon’ Menzel “It may be the end of the season, but the boys can still turn it on”, Menzel concluded. “I don’t know what happened out there tonight to us” stated a perplexed Chevy Szcewczuk, “We had our chances, but the Falcon seemed to stop everything tonight”.
Snowpants Ferranti scored his 7th goal of the season last night. Brought in as a goal scorer from the New Jersey Zepher’s a year and a half ago, Snowpants has not been up to snuff. “we are not disappointed in his play at all, he is doing all the right things out there, but just gripping his stick a bit too tight, maybe” indicated Tomcat Team Captain Paul Poisson, who himself had a stellar game, knotting a few goals himself, top shelf where Gramma keeps her Sherry. And yes, Snowpants spent half his time on his side, sliding around the Kapusta Kow Palace. Gomez scores 8 for the Habs this year at 8 Million a year and Snowpants scores 7 for the Tomcats at 7 mil a year…hummmmm interesting.
Solid performances were also put in by Rocky Comartin, Bulldog Meloche and Doc Brewin, who, for some reason wore a beige shirt, instead of a white shirt. (Advisory committee to meet in the off season about that to determine if a fine should be levied)
Tomcats then held their NHL Playoff hockey pool. 14 Participants with Lovie Edgar being the 14th. (Lovie was not there and his team was to be picked for hime) There was some talk about expelling Lovie Edgar from the pool and that is when Stevo Jaworiwsky, threw the King of Spades (which was Lovie’s pick) across the stage. Stevo then said, ‘he’s a fag, he should not be in the pool’. A few Tomcats nodded in agreement as the playing card landed at the feet of Bulldog Meloche. At that moment, Michael Jaworiwsky the pool organizer got up and said, “That’s it, I’m done, if Lovie is not in the pool, I’m not in the pool, it’s not like he’s some homeless person, he’s a Tomcat” Jaworiwsky said, his face all red and bothered. Steven Jaworiwsky, older brother then said, “If my brother is not in the pool, then I am not in the pool”. Then Bulldog Meloche said, “If Stevo is not in the pool, then I am not in the pool” . Then Youngblood Morgan spoke up, “If Bulldog is not in the pool, then I’m not in the pool”. And so on, when it ended up, only Junior was still in the hockey pool. The stage fell silent, as Mike Jaworiwsky pulled out the participants cash from his wallet and said, “Here is the money, take it”.
What next?
For a split second, no one knew what to do. Was this true? No Tomcat NHL Playoff pool? Go On!
But wait, then Bulldog Meloche said, “I’ll pick for Lovie”. Then Stevo said, “No, I’ll pick for Lovie”, Then Doc Brewin, Still wearing his BEIGE shirt said, “No, I’ll pick for Lovie, he’s not a homeless person, he has no shopping cart, I’ll pick for him, he’s a Tomcat”. Then…as Mike Jaworiwsky, held back tears of joy, the pool was back on, as he yelled, “Lovie, Zippy and Rocky on deck”. At that moment the pool was back on and happy Tomcat faces were everywhere on stage. Thank you Mike ‘Hollywood’ Jaworiwsky for the pool, for being you and saving the Tomcat day! (Jaworiwsky indicated that this would however be the last hockey pool that he is running for the Tomcats)
In other news, Dave Hann had his son Bryan Hann bring a case of beer to hockey. To show what a great guy Hurricane Hann is, he was only to bring a 12 pack. But Davey brought a twenty four of MGD. Fantastic job…a super solid on Hurricane Hann’s part. That case was held back for next week, where it will be placed on ice and enjoyed on the last night of hockey. Also bringing beer next week is Dave ‘Spinner’ Dziebela. Tomcats also have a number of beers being held up in the Tomcat room, so come prepared to have a few beers next week.
On the injured reserve, Dave Crawford out with a broken left index finger and Shamus Goldstein is out with an upper body injury, believed to be his back.
Soupy Salaris announced that he is out for the outdoor game, but hopes to join the Tomcats for one or two drinks at the Dom Polski.
Paul Poisson was the winner of the regular season pool, ($90) with second place going to Darek Kowalczykowsk ($50) and third place was won by Ken Cribley ($10)
Next week is the last week of hockey at the Kapusta Kow Palace. Come on out, would love to see a mini tournament, with my Harry Ballsonue.
Windsor Tomcats 
Wow, I am completely torn right now. On one hand I am laughing my ass off after reading Harry’s take on the evening, especially “the draft debacle”.
On the other hand I feel like a total asshole for causing all this grief. Well, actually my wife caused it all, but that’s another story…
Hollywood is a super solid dude who works his ass off stealing photocopies and cutting out player lists like a home-grown bomber making a ransom note. He then collects notes during the draft, attempts to collect entry money from a bunch of tightwads, enters the teams into the computer and finally comes up with witty team names. All with zero recognition. Now I have added to this stressful mix by throwing my hat in the ring in absentia. Hollywood, I apologize. I will run the pool next year, but I would rather do it as a team. Remember, there is no “i” in team, but as Stevo says, there is an “i” in tits…
…and usually two eyes on the tits…multiplied by the number of Tomcats in the room with her.
In fact, word has it that the exposed breast caused by the wardrobe malfunction in Sparky’s dance show was only actually seen by Tomcats. Nobody else at the show said a word about it. Except for Sunny’s wife, but she is extremely cool and should be looked at for an honorary Tomcat induction for correctly predicting the Fosbury Flop.