(Harry Palm Press): 

You gotta take your hat off to a classy guy like Stevo (AKA -The Commish).  When he heard Skippy was unable to attend this evening, he advised the injured goalie to not worry as he’d take care of the case of beer Skippy owed.  Class is matched with class, as Skippy adamantly insisted he bring the case owed -and with good reason.  Seeing as how long the tender has been missing from the flock, he went way out there for his choice of beverages.  I give you “TYSKIE” – a robust and very generous 500ml bottle of bubbly goodness -compared to those inferior 355ml brands.  Ok it’s not the MGD endorsed brand of the Tomcats -but it is BEER.  Time will tell if the Tomcat players enjoy the illictor as much as Skippy does.  When I conference called him he explained the tactic -“Problem is I wanted to show up and see the guys – I was also curious about the rumour of another goalie who’d been called up and has been filling in.  Apparently he’s pretty good, and was well liked as he’d brought beer.  Unfortunately today I had 8-10 needles of a local anaesthetic put in my hand to assist with my recovery.  I just don’t know when that’s gonna wear off -and when it does I’m gonna be curled up in the corner prayin for death.  So I went with a premium imported brand with more ml to sweeten the pot.  Hope it works – and rest assured I’ll be out to support everyone at the outdoor tourney”.  Enough said Skippy, cause any good Tomcat will tell you it is indeed about the beer -and not only does any beer taste good, but free beer is even sweater going down.  Now that Skippy is getting better, I’ll have to tell him -umm Yuri HANDZONMECAC.

(Lower hairy region assoc press):

Having media credentials – even if they are forged, does have its advantages, like being able to write about a team I love – the Tomcats. I just received a correspondence from the President of the journalism associated press of Canada regarding a recent story I had uncovered. After reading it, I went to the Tomcats website (Which should be on everyones favourite list), and saw a recent article by the Commish. It challenged my last article regarding KOWALCZYKOWSKI playing in the upcoming tournament. All I can say is that it is All TRUE – I did in fact speak with Derek KOWALCZYKOWSKI, who indicated he would play in the upcoming tournament. Mind you when I say play – people expect a little too much. What was said – without the permission to repeat, I dont even know if KOWALCZYKOWSKI thought he was being interviewed – he was after all so engrossed in those fat chicks at the gym. Anyway – I got the scoop of the century – KOWALCZYKOWSKI was going to play. When I asked him about the tournament it brought a big smile to his face and he described what playing in the tournament meant. KOWALCZYKOWSKI described his playing time as stepping out on the floor – in his players uniform (And maybe some equipement). Once he stepped on the floor – maybe he will wave to the fans, take a bow, wave the stick around like the champion scorers of old – and leave quietly. A great way to go into retirement – a players last taste of playing glory – before being forced to retire due to a injury. A great way to go out – step on that floor – feel the playing surface for one last time, and hold the stick in a last stand before all the fans – as a PLAYER – What a story!!! – It brought a lump to my throat – and it may just be the fire the Polka kings need to repeat as champs. The Polka Kings have a secret weapon in their corner this year – KOWALCZYKOWSKI likely retiring from the game – and I bet, against those 3-1 Vegas odds – the Polka Kings play with a certain fire. The Polka Kings are playing to win one last championship for KOWALCZYKOWSKI – That will make them a very dangerous team. So Commish – unlike the last story that had poor Skippy suiting up, due to a unfounded tip – this one is legit – its just ALL IN THE WORDS – play does not mean minutes, running, or even participating in the actual game. KOWALCZYKOWSKI play is just for one man to go out in style. I hope KOWALCZYKOWSKI does step onto the floor – and the fans get up and give a great guy a standing O, what a way to retire!!!

I quess I will keep up with the tips folks, cause to get the journalism press involved, and a response from the Commish – I think it really means the fans are reading all the correspondence from all the Tomcat press corps- Including Harry BALLSONUE, Heywood JEWBLOWMEE, and myself – Yuri HANZONMECACAC. I quess this internet thing has really taken off for the Tomcats – and breaking news can indeed happen at anytime – anywhere – stay tuned for those tips, and game recaps from your favourite press guys.

Yuri