Razor MZ

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Razor MZ 2: The latest ‘Tomcat Tidbits’

Posted by Youngblood on March 17, 2011
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Obviously, well hung Tomcat puck stoppers  Falcon, Bearcat, Skippy and Razor have no idea what it means to be ‘shut out’, well, after the Tomcat Tournament, maybe Skippy does, anyway, once you let the ladies know that you stop rubber for a living, the world is your oyster (or bearded clam).  Needless to say, when the Swedish Bikini Team showed up in Windsor for a promotional video, the Tomcats puck stoppers were asked to ‘represent’.  After a couple of naked pyramids (thank heaven above that Falcon was on the bottom), 2 wild games of Twister and a streaking session through the quad (Blue 42!!!), the puck stoppers invited the Swedish hotties to a rolling bikini waxing party in Falcons Durango.  We have sent the “interior detail” bill for a rather moist smelling Durango, to the Tomcats.

Bulldog has approached the representatives of the Trailer Park Boys to ask if they would MC the outdoor game at Lanspeary on April 26th.  Julian and Ricky said it sounds like a real shit party and they would love to do it.  Apparently, Bubbles loves doing that type of appearance, but he’s recovering from recent laser surgery and will be unable to attend.  Bulldog asked how the surgery went and was told that Dr. Tayfour had to use a bigger laser than normal. NASA loaned him a laser that will be used as a future weapon of mass destruction and Dr. Tayfour said it worked like a charm.  Word is that Geddy Lee may sing the national anthem. Stay tuned for more details.

Apparently, Cro and Doc are looking to move away from Cada Crescent.  They had no idea that they were moving into a neighborhood that housed a member of Windsor PD.  They are family men and the influence of nightly Tomcat sex, drugs and rock and roll has lowered the value of their homes.  These fine, church-going men and their lovely families have held two-a-day prayer meetings asking the Lord above for some divine intervention.  Well they got just what they asked for.  Snowpants!!  One night, Vic brought all of the parties together in Steves’ basement and they all sang Kumbaya on Karaoke.  The street hasn’t been the same since.

Killer and The Rake are trying to take advantage of their Tomcat fame and notoriety by opening their own Ball Hockey School. They are specializing in stick handling and body check lessons to anyone 3 years of age or older.  After receiving thousands of dollars in registration fees by hundreds of star-struck kids, Louis and Dean were last seen in Antigua with Jennifer Aniston and Scarlet Johansson.

Razor Wrap-up:

Sparky and Shamus, better known as the Dynamic Duo, were spotted hanging with Latoya Jackson and Britney Spears at Park 29 in Downtown Windsor.  Sparky was showing a visibly damp and horny Britney some of his Dancing With the Stars moves, while Shamus used his fur-lined handcuffs to tether Latoya to the inside of a men’s room stall. Once the lights were turned up, Shamus sheepishly took the handcuffs off Latoya saying “Sorry, I thought you were Michael.” 

Finally, last week the unlikely 3’some of Jingles, Youngblood and Cribs were spotted squiring the Kardashian sisters around Lasalle.  At the end of the night, Cribs and Jingles threw Youngblood in the air and yelled “Heads or tails for who gets to take who home?!”  Jingles being Jingles called ‘heads’ and ended up going home with one of the Kardashian brothers.  Ouch.

This is Razor MZ signing off.

Razor MZ

Posted by Youngblood on March 14, 2011
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Ever wonder where the Tomcat players go when they’re away from the floor. Although management does indeed get a few calls every weekend to bail the odd Tomcat out of jail, most of the warriors know how to have fun.

    Charlie Sheen update:

Word on the street is that Junior and Charlie Sheen were seen sharing libations and hoes in downtown Detroit. Junior happened to run into Eminem around 8 Mile and word is Slim Shady challenged Pauly to a rap-off….big mistake. Junior hit him with the Tomcat theme song and last anyone saw, Eminem was working a drive through window at White Castle. Sheen was buying drinks all night and he and Junior soon maxed out the 2 ½ Men stars’ Gold Amex card. When Charlie started to whine, apparently Junior bitch slapped him and told Charlie he better bring his “A” game next time he was in town. Phone calls to the Sheen camp to verify this have not been returned.

    Lohanarama:

Spinner was photographed escorting none other than Lindsay Lohan around Casino Windsor on the weekend. Spinner kept trying to entice her to hit the comped room by promising to show her his Tomcat cock ring. As much as this was Spinners “can’t miss” pick-up line, Lindsay just couldn’t pull herself away from the nickel slots. Apparently, Spinner pulled out all the stops and promised Lindsay her own Tomcat wrist band and a possible threesome with Ellen Degeneres. No one has heard from either of them since.

    Reginald Dwight:

Paparazzi would not leave Lovie and Elton John alone as they tried to have a quiet dinner together. Lovie was photographed inhaling as many oysters as he could while Elton ordered Salt Peter shooter after Salt Peter shooter. This Caligula-like aphrodisiac gorge eventually led to a black stretch limo picking both of our nice boys up taking them to George Michaels flat for a game of naked Twister.

Razor MZ wrap up:

Sunday night, Rocky was seen escorting Lady Gaga into an after-hours lingerie shop. She was seen trying on some see through shin pads and Rocky had on a sequined singlet! Stay tuned to see how this turns out.

Two wild and crazy guys, Hollywood and Stevo, were apparently intent on keeping things in the family by trying to tag team the Olsen Twins. Stevo was heard to say, “Mikey, I’ll take the skinny one”, after much confusion about who got to do who, Hollywood and Stevo were last seen sharing a plate of cabbage rolls in the basement of St. Vlads. Both looked very satisfied.

Finally, Husky Eyes and Soupy were seen arm-in-arm at La Vie en Rose. Soupy was seen at the cash register with an arm full of licorice flavored thongs and Husky Eyes was trying to hide the fact that he had purchased and dildo that looked like the butt end of a hockey stick. Man… those Greeks know how to have fun… with anyone.

This is Razor MZ signing off and getting off.