…by Harry Ballsonue

Rocky Bay Rockets; Rocky, Crow, LaBamaba, Snowpants, Bulldog, Hollywood Doc and Ray Menzel

Chevyville Storm; Chevy, Junior, Soupy, Yuri, Jingles, Killer, Razor and the Falcon

Cribztown Crusaders: Cribz, Spinner, Sparky, Youngblood, Louis the Rake, Stevo and Mike MacDonell

Scores:

Rocky 1 Chevy 2

Cribz 1 Rocky 2

Chevy 2 Cribz 1

Chevy 2 Rocky 0

Rocky 1 Cribz 0

Cribz 1 Chevy 2

A total of 15 goals were scored on the Last night at the Kapusta Kow Palace, for this year.  The goaltending was spectacular. The Falcon was on Fire.  The Razor was sharper than a Kansu knife.  The scores were reflective of the tight ‘D’ that was being played by the likes of Ken Cribley, Chad Comartin and George Metulynsky all Norris Trophy Candidates.

Enough cannot be said about the Waterbug Dave ‘Crow’ Crawford, who zigs…zags and makes play after play after play.  Bulldog Meloche scored a tap in goal on a Steve Jaworiwsky give a way that was scooped up by Crawford who made a nifty pass to Bulldog who tossed it in the net. “I could score goals like that blindfolded, all night long” stated Bulldog Meloche, “Zetterburg, Datsyuk Crawford can all be put in one sentence”. Bulldog Meloche said.

The three stars were, 3) Snowpants Ferranti 2) Dave Crawford 1) Mike Menzel.  All were presented with $50 cigars, compliments of the Windsor Tomcats.

G/F  G/A

Chevy Storm                8           3

Rocky Rockets             6           4

Cribz Crusaders          3            7

Chevy Storm seemed to be able to score at ease and defend.  The Crusaders of Cribztown could not score, netting only 3 and let in 7. “It was disappointing” Stated team Captain Ken Cribley, “We had our chances  but we could not capitalize” Cribley added.

Strong performances were also put in by, injury returning veteran Spinner Dzibela, LaBamba Vlaminck, Hollywood Jaworiwsky,  Soupy Salaris and The Rake Koenigsberger.

There was no six peat for Lovie Edgar, who was with Zdeno Chara in the recovery room with a flu bug.

I watched as the Tomcats piled into their dressing room and then we (the media) were allowed in to do our interviews. The boys seemed sad that the season was over and the only event left was the outdoor game to be played Tuesday April 26, 2011 at 6:30 -8:30. The cost is $10 for hockey and $10 for pizza after.

Bulldog Meloche announced the Captains of the outdoor game as Rocky Comartin and Mykel Jaworiwsky.

Mykel Jaworiwsky agreed to stay on as ‘pool’ organizer and will be assisted by Lovie Edger and Zchabba Kowalcyzkowski next year for the NHL Regular Season Pool and then the NHL Playoff pool. (Several lovely parting gifts were presented to Mykel Jaworiwsky for all his efforts in the past) The Younger Jaworiwsky was choked up about the presentation, holding back tears, he said, “I will stay on if I get some assistance, I thank all of you, you are the bestest in the westest”. He had said.

After we (the media) were ushered off the stage area, I could see catering vehicles brining in food for the Tomcats.  I could not see what they were about to be served, but it might have been Cordon Bleu Chicken, Beef Wellington and BBQ Steaks along with Scalloped Potatoes and Salads or…..it could have been kielbasa and cheese from the Polish Deli on Walker….I don’t know.

A two goalie mini tournament system was implemented. It worked well, but as Youngblood Morgan said to me after, “The goalies do not have ownership of a team.  I find that is the only drawback.  They were both outstanding tonight.” Youngblood Morgan added.

Dave Crawford, Soupy Salaris, Doc Brewin were the three of the five new Tomcats this year that played in the last night of hockey, with Zippy Renaud and Shamus Goldstein nursing injuries. Doc Brewin said he was sad to see the season end so quickly, “I plan to be back next year of course, how can I leave. Great bunch of guys and I plan to help out more.  Whatever Stevo needs doing, I’ll be the doer…I want to help” Brewin said. Dave Crawford, who signed a 17 year 119 million dollar deal with the Tomcats in the off season said he had a fantastic time this year, “I can’t say enough about it, super guys and I always enjoy myself”. Crawford indicated.

Back at Purples, Soupy Salaris who was not going to Purples, was talked into coming out ‘for one’. As I was leaving, at around midnight, as I had a dead line to write this article, there was Soupy, sitting at Purples with the boys talking politics. The essence of the Tomcats, welcome the new and let them join in on the fun.

Another tremendous Tomcat Hockey Season comes to an end I will cover the outdoor game next week. As they say, “Tomcats Forever”.

Next week, as you sit on the bench at Lansberry Park, I will for sure for sure, put my Harry Ballsonue.

AND DAVE ‘HURRICANE’ HANN BRINGS A 2-4

…by Harry Ballsonue

Team White (and Beige): Bulldog, Razor, Sparky, Hollywood, Soupy, Chevy, Doc and Junior

Team Black: Snowpants, Stevo, Jingles, Youngblood, Rocky, Cribz and the Falcon

Hockey was fine, with both goalies standing on their heads and spitting nickels. Team Black finally winning after a marathon of hockey, 7-4 7-4. “It was a hot one out there tonight”, stated Mike ‘the Falcon’ Menzel “It may be the end of the season, but the boys can still turn it on”, Menzel concluded. “I don’t know what happened out there tonight to us” stated a perplexed Chevy Szcewczuk, “We had our chances, but the Falcon seemed to stop everything tonight”.

Snowpants Ferranti scored his 7th goal of the season last night.  Brought in as a goal scorer from the New Jersey Zepher’s a year and a half ago, Snowpants has not been up to snuff. “we are not disappointed in his play at all, he is doing all the right things out there, but just gripping his stick a bit too tight, maybe” indicated Tomcat Team Captain Paul Poisson, who himself had a stellar game, knotting a few goals himself, top shelf where Gramma keeps her Sherry. And yes, Snowpants spent half his time on his side, sliding around the Kapusta Kow Palace. Gomez scores 8 for the Habs this year at 8 Million a year and Snowpants scores 7 for the Tomcats at 7 mil a year…hummmmm interesting.

Solid performances were also put in by Rocky Comartin, Bulldog Meloche and Doc Brewin, who, for some reason wore a beige shirt, instead of a white shirt. (Advisory committee to meet in the off season about that to determine if a fine should be levied)

Tomcats then held their NHL Playoff hockey pool. 14 Participants with Lovie Edgar being the 14th. (Lovie was not there and his team was to be picked for hime) There was some talk about expelling Lovie Edgar from the pool and that is when Stevo Jaworiwsky, threw the King of Spades (which was Lovie’s pick) across the stage. Stevo then said, ‘he’s a fag, he should not be in the pool’. A few Tomcats nodded in agreement as the playing card landed at the feet of Bulldog Meloche. At that moment, Michael Jaworiwsky the pool organizer got up and said, “That’s it, I’m done, if Lovie is not in the pool, I’m not in the pool, it’s not like he’s some homeless person, he’s a Tomcat” Jaworiwsky said, his face all red and bothered. Steven Jaworiwsky, older brother then said, “If my brother is not in the pool, then I am not in the pool”. Then Bulldog Meloche said, “If Stevo is not in the pool, then I am not in the pool” .  Then Youngblood Morgan spoke up, “If Bulldog is not in the pool, then I’m not in the pool”. And so on, when it ended up, only Junior was still in the hockey pool. The stage fell silent, as Mike Jaworiwsky pulled out the participants cash from his wallet and said, “Here is the money, take it”.

What next?

For a split second, no one knew what to do. Was this true? No Tomcat NHL Playoff pool? Go On!

But wait, then Bulldog Meloche said, “I’ll pick for Lovie”. Then Stevo said, “No, I’ll pick for Lovie”, Then Doc Brewin, Still wearing his BEIGE shirt said, “No, I’ll pick for Lovie, he’s not a homeless person, he has no shopping cart, I’ll pick for him, he’s a Tomcat”. Then…as Mike Jaworiwsky, held back tears of joy, the pool was back on, as he yelled, “Lovie, Zippy and Rocky on deck”. At that moment the pool was back on and happy Tomcat faces were everywhere on stage. Thank you Mike ‘Hollywood’ Jaworiwsky for the pool, for being you and saving the Tomcat day! (Jaworiwsky indicated that this would however be the last hockey pool that he is running for the Tomcats)

In other news, Dave Hann had his son Bryan Hann bring a case of beer to hockey. To show what a great guy Hurricane Hann is, he was only to bring a 12 pack. But Davey brought a twenty four of MGD. Fantastic job…a super solid on Hurricane Hann’s part. That case was held back for next week, where it will be placed on ice and enjoyed on the last night of hockey.  Also bringing beer next week is Dave ‘Spinner’ Dziebela. Tomcats also have a number of beers being held up in the Tomcat room, so come prepared to have a few beers next week. 

On the injured reserve, Dave Crawford out with a broken left index finger and Shamus Goldstein is out with an upper body injury, believed to be his back.

Soupy Salaris announced that he is out for the outdoor game, but hopes to join the Tomcats for one or two drinks at the Dom Polski.

Paul Poisson was the winner of the regular season pool, ($90) with second place going to Darek Kowalczykowsk ($50)  and third place was won by Ken Cribley ($10)

Next week is the last week of hockey at the Kapusta Kow Palace. Come on out, would love to see a mini tournament, with my Harry Ballsonue.

Players don’t like the mini tournament & LaBamba Solid on and off the Floor

…by Harry Ballsonue

Snow Squalls: Snowpants, Crow, Cribz, Bulldog, Sparky, Hollywood and Jingles

Sunnyville Huskies: LaBamba, Lovie, Rocky, Shamus, Falcon and Doc

Stevo’s Stingrays: Stevo, Chevy, Razor, Junior, the Matador, the Rake and Killer

Playing in only half the tournament, Lovie Edgar four peated on Tuesday night, winning his fourth mini tournament, playing for the Sunnyside Huskies, “It is an honour to be bestowed on me, I have to thank my teammates, I am only one player, and there is no I in team” Lovie had said.

In a second controversy in as many tournaments, the Polish ref and time keeper, kept stopped time, in the second set of games and playing 7 minute periods, it was to be 5 minute, no stop time periods for the last three games. “I did not know, no one told me”, stated a bewildered Kevin ‘Jingle’ Kuprowski. “It is my fault, I assumed he knew, I take full responsibility for it” indicated mini tournament organizer and hated man, Stevo Jaworiwsky. The controversy was that the Stevo Sting Rays were leading 3-2 with what appeared to be no time left on the clock, but when inquires were made, Kuprowski stated that 2 minutes and 9 seconds still remained in the period, but two and half minutes before, he had indicated that there were 2 minutes and 36 seconds left. The Huskies scored a goal to tie the game and then the game was stopped. It was kept a tie so the Husky fans would not demonstrate in the streets, turn over cars and burn buildings.  When Junior was asked about it, he had this to say: ” The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee”.

And speaking of the mini tournament, it has been made open by a number of players that they do not like the mini tournament format, Mike Menzel, Ken Cribley, Ray MacDonell and Chad Comartin all very respected Windsor Tomcats do not enjoy the format. “I just don’t like the sitting around” indicated Mike Menzel. When I spoke to the very much hated Stevo Jaworiwsky, for organizing these events,  he was confused and a bit taken back by the fact that guys did not like the tournament, “I don’t know what to say”, Jaworiwsky said, holding back tears, “I try to make it the best I can for everyone, I don’t know what to do then, do we tell players that they are no longer needed? If we do that, who do we cut”? Jaworiwsky asked. One option, as suggested by Ken Cribley would be to have the first 18 guys play, “guys know it starts at 6:30, first 18 through the fire escape door play” Cribley had suggested. “I don’t know what we should do” stated Rocky Comartin, then added, “what would some options be?” Some options would be  to cut roster players for next year. It could be done by the attendance list from the start of the year. “We invited 5 new players this year to play full time, Soupy, Crow, Doc, Skippy and Shamus because attendance had dwindled off last year. This year we had injuries at the start of the season with Louis Koenigsberger and Paul Poisson” Stevo Jaworiwsky had stated. Poisson only made his very first appearance last night for the year.

If you ask me, I like the format, guys seem to work hard and they get a good cardio workout going. Out of the 24 weeks the Tomcats play, they have had 4 mini tournaments, that means 20 Tuesdays’ they had regular hockey and correct me if I’m wrong on March 8 there were no spares. So the only solution would be to those who do not like it, when you show up, say, “ahhh mini tournament, I’m out of here” and leave.

 Like it or not, 95% of the guys were still on stage at quarter to ten having a pop, even Bulldog and Rocky stayed and had a vodka drink, so something has to be right with the Tuesday night hockey….even if it is just socializing and what’s wrong with that?

As customary, in the mini tournament, the three star selection was made: #3 Razor MacDonell, #2 Falcon Menzel and #1 Hollywood Jaworiwsky.

One star that needs mentioning, even though he was dressed quite weird last night, with some sort of Los Angeles Skid Row look going on (just missing the shopping cart) was Vince ‘LaBamba’ Vlaminck, who was super solid on the Kapusta Kow Floor playing his usual Nick Linstrom way and then pulled a super solid at Purples and ordered pizza for the boys. The super solid star goes to LaBamba Vlaminck!!

And speaking of solid, Skippy Renaud’s night for beer, still out with the hand injury, has his case of Tyskie (Premium Beer from Poland) dropped off at the Kapusta Kow, the man just does not go with a regular case of Molson Canadian..he goes with a tasty beer from Europe and two more solids to add, David “Crow” Crawford and Matty ‘the Matador’ Youssef brought 15 Bud Light ‘just because’. This is the Tomcat Spirit alive and very very well. You got to love these boys….I know Tomcats won’t be cutting these guys!!!
 

And I wonder, if Stevo was not there one night and 22 guys showed up would you play a tournament or play with 6 spares aside I wonder this, as you are leaving in a huff because too many guys showed up as I put my Harry Ballsonue!

But some don’t show up? Fines?

…by Harry Ballsonue

Hellcats; Lovie, Hollywood, Soupy, Chevy, The Turk, La Bamba
Blackcats: Stevo, Sunny, Razor, Shamus, Doc, Snowpants
NO SHOW NO CALL: Bulldog, Youngblood, Spinner and Louis the Rake

Hellcats end up winning, with stellar goaltending from Mykel Jaworiwsky, 6-7. 7-4 and 7-6

It was a slower pace, then a week ago, at the tournament, but the teams were fair and the goal scorers had their chances, but both Razor MacDonell and Mykel Jaworiwsky were up to the task and some pretty gosh darn good saves were made.

Snowpants ‘Swifter’ Ferranti spend almost as much time on his knees on the floor of the Kapausta Kow as he did in his running shoes. Chevy brought his 24 of Moosehead and treated everyone to some nice Kolbassa and cheese, classy move by a classy guy. (I am told that Razor has his beer next week and he is brining some rye along…classy guy, with another classy move) Soupy Salaris, who missed his beer night, brought a 112 of MGD and will have to bring another 12,. some time in the distant future. Shamus, the Prince that he is, brought 12 Corona and then left after having only one beer, “I’m going to see a chick”, he said on stage and then dashed out, fumbling for condoms.

Lovie was on fire, netting a number of goals for the Hellcats, “They seemed to be going in, where were those, on the 26th of February” Lovie had asked.

One spare aside, after a great tournament, attendance always falls off. LaBamba and the Matador have been told that they can start coming out, full time, just for the rest of the year, as Zippy Renaud is out with a broken hand, apparently suffered on a Lovie Edgar snap shot.

The no shows were somewhat of a concern as perhaps they thought there was no more hockey, with the tournament done. “The Tomcats will be waiting to see what they have to say for them selves, we did not receive word that they would not be playing” indicated General Manager Gerald Finnerty. $5.00 fines will be imposed.

As the boys sat on stage, sipping a beer, they discussed, Family ties, Cheers and other classic t.v. shows, Stevo Jaworiwsky admitted to crying in the episode where Archie Bunkers wife Edith dies and as he gives away her clothing, he finds her slippers. Snowpants Ferranti admitted to crying to a Cheers Episode when Diane leaves Sam, a Partridge Family Show where Lauri hears music on her braces, A Brady Bunch show, when Peter knocks over a lamp and the famous saying is said, “mom always said, don’t play ball in the house” and to a Seinfeld Episode when Morty has his wallet stolen in the Doctor’s office, “I just felt for Morty, how would he pay for lunch”, Snowpants said.

For those that don’t know, hockey has started up again. It is a 6:30 start. Tomcats play till April 19 the on April 26 the outdoor game is to be held. Tomcats ruled that there would be no new Out Door Game t-shirt this year, so the cost to play is $10, then back to the Dom Polski (Polish Hall) for pizza and a beer or two.

For the four that did not call or email Stevo, I can’t wait to get my Harry Ballsonue.

…by Harry Ballsonue
Hellcats: Falcon, Hollywood, Lovie, Snowpants, Shamus, Chevy and Yuri
Blackcats: Razor, Crow, Spinner, Youngblood, Rocky and Stevo
 
7-5, 3-7, 5-1. Hellcats win.
 
If Razor plays hockey in the tournament, like he did last night, you might as well give the Polka Kings the Stanley’s Cup as they walk in on the 26th and let the drinking begin. Razor made save after save after save.  Only sharpshooter Lovie Edgar was able to solve the Razor. Shamus, who usually can nail them in pretty good, was on the score sheet with only one goal on the night. But don’t think for a moment, the Falcon was a slouch, no way!!! the Falcon made some pretty darn great saves on Stevo close in, when it looked like he had the Falcon down and out, out came a black leather flash and a glove save was made.
 
“Any time I can get the Falcon to lay on his belly, it means more to me then a goal”, Stevo Jaworiwsky had said and smiled.
 
David ‘Crow’ Crawford was his usual  Mario Lemieux self setting up plays, dangling, zipping, skipping all the way on the score sheet. Spinner Dzibela shot a rocket into the top shelf, right where Grandma keeps the peanut butter.
 
Strong performances were also exhibited by Chevy, Doc, Yuri, Youngblood and Hollywood.  Snowpants, who was still hanging onto the effects if a bad cold, struggled, but notched two goals on the night.
 
At one time, the big man, Chevy Szcewczuk crashed Andy ‘Doc’ Brewin into the cement wall. After the large thump and the words, “play the ball” were yelled they continued to play the game of hockey, but after the game, Doc Brewin said, “I always don’t know if I am going to be dropping the gloves with Chevy or not”.
 
Two and Two spares made for a great night of hockey, all in preparation for the upcoming February 26, Tomcat Hockey Tournament.
 
At the tournament, maybe behind the curtain, ready your forehead and I’ll slip my Harry Ballsonue.

 ….by Harry Ballsonue

 Lovieville Flyers; Chevy, Shamus, Hollywood, Soupy, Doc and Razor and of course Lovie.

Snowpants Snow Squalls; Cribz, Hurricane, Bulldog, Sparky, Youngblood, Falcon, the Turk and of course Snowpants

Stevo’s Sting Rays; Stevo, Crow, Spinner, Rocky, the Rake, Skippy, Killer and the new guy, Matty ‘Showcase’ Yousef.

Fantastic night at the Kapusta Kow Palace, with 6 and 7 spares, (A Windsor Tomcat record), the Tomcat organization quickly turned Tuesday night into a mini tournament. “That was a great deal of fun”, stated a smiling Ken Cribley, “What a great idea, what a great work out, what a great time, what a great organization”, Cribz further added.

Tomcat jackets were also handed out to some of the new Tomcats and Soupy donned his right off the get go, “my cousin Johnny, would have me do some unspeakable things to him, in order for me to wear his #17 jacket, so I am happy to say, I’m glad I got my own, #18 is pretty darn sweet” Soupy Salaris said, fighting back tears of joy.

In the final game, with the Stingrays down, 2-1, and with the Crawford, Yousef and Stevo Jaworiwsky ready to pounce, to tie the game, Quarter Back, Louis ‘the Rake’ Koneigsberger, threw a bomb, final score…3-1 for the Lovieville Flyers.

Standings:

                                                             W  L  T  GF  GA  Pts

Lovieville Flyers                              3    0  1   10   6      7

Stevo’s Stingrays                             1    2  1    8    9      3

Snowpants Snow Squalls              0   2   2   6    8      2

Outcomes;

 Flyers 3 Stingrays 2

Flyers 3 Snow Squalls 2

Stingrays 2 Snow Squalls 2

Flyers 3 Stingrays 2

Flyers 1 Snow Squalls 1

Stingrays 2 Snow Squalls 1

Final; Flyers 3 Stingrays 1

Back at Purples, I was able to speak to George Metulynksy, “Tonight was really something” Metulynsky had said, “I remember our first few years, we would be waiting for that door to open, so one or two more guys, would come in, as we were playing three on three. They never did, those were the days with plastic sticks…and then tonight, to see the number of guys, it really is something, I know we set a record tonight,  I am proud to be a Tomcat”. Metuylnsky had concluded.

Next week the draft will take place. I hope Stevo brings kielbasa and cheese, I love when he does that on draft night. He lets the media eat as well, next week, as I am eating your kielbasa, I will put my Harry Ballsonue  so you can eat my kielbasa too.