Windsor Tomcats

Y is the RockY by Harry Ballsonue

If you take a close look you will see that Rocky makes the Y to make ‘Rocky’

What Do You Buy a Tomcat BY HARRY BALLSONUE
During the Tomcat Christmas Party on December 20 I had a chance to go around and ask some of the Tomcats what they would buy their fellow Tomcat if they had to buy them a present…I asked Doc what he would buy the Kamikaze, “I would buy him the finest bottle  of scotch that I could find, the best champagne, the most expensive Rum and 10 cases of Stella Artois, he is a great guy and deserves some nice presents and I hope he shares some of the presents with me”. Doc said.

Soupy what would you buy your cousin Sunny? “I would buy him anything he wanted, he has been the greatest cousin, taught me everything about how to play hockey and then brought me into the Tomcat organization, so anything he wanted I would buy for him”. Stated Soupy.

The Rake was asked what he would be for any of the Tomcats: “There is no better group out there then the Tomcats, best guys ever, I would give each one of them my video on ’ how to play defence ‘. I also would give them my latest DVD ‘Hockey My Way’ and I would also give each and everyone of the Tomcats a coupon for ‘Love Advice’. “Stated a grinning Rake.

Four greater Tomcats you will ever…Ever meet, La Bamba, Beep, Tunzie and of course Sunny !

Rocky has been doing a fantastic job as the President, the Tomcats have not missed a beat with Rocky at the helm. In fact I would say it has even been running better. I would give Rocky more money to run the Tomcats, if he is making 1 million dollars a year, I would give him a 20 percent raise.

“I would buy Rocky a new suit …he has been doing great as the new President …I just want him to look more Presidential” stated La Bamba

The Matador was asked what he would buy Tunzie. “Tunzie is such a great guy I would buy him a helicopter so that he would not have to fight traffic to come to the Kapusta Kow Palace, he could just land on the roof and come right down to the fire escape. Now I will buy him a helicopter but I’m not paying for helicopter pilot lessons for him, those are expensive”. Stated a laughing Matador.

What would you buy Beep, the Turk was asked: “He is such a classy guy I would love to buy him some Kobe beef and Lobster tails, but he is vegan so I guess it would have to be the best carrots I could find, but I really don’t know a lot about veggies and shit, so I would have to look to a Vegan web site to see what I could buy him, maybe a black been burger or some pasta or a portobello burger”.  

“The Terror is new . He is shy …I would pay for everyone to go out for dinner and get to know the Terror better and the Terror to get to know everyone better …. hey the Terror Better …that rhymes”. States Beep

Chevy was asked what he would buy the Hurricane, “Well when you have the kind of money the Hurricane has, what can you buy a man like that, but I would take him golfing to my private golf and country club. I would let him pay for his green fee but the present would be that I would let him beat me, that would probably be the best present he would ever get”. Stated Chevy.

Cribzie what would you buy Falcon? “I would buy him a smaller blocker and trapper so that maybe I would be able to score on him once in a while”.
Funny thing was that many of the Tomcats shared a similar thought and that was to pitch in and buy Lovie a one way ticket to Windsor, “We would buy an oil company and place him as the president of Lovie Oil and he could live and play Tomcat hockey on Tuesday nights because we miss him very much”, stated Sunny.

While you are thinking ‘would any Tomcat buy Snowpants a new pair of Snowpants’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

The Tomcats know they wish nothing but the Merriest of Christmas’s and New Years to each and every member of the Tomcats!  All the best to you and yours this holiday season!

Grinchly Goalies (Harry Palm Press) :  Tomcat Management must be figuring they gotta be on Santa’s ‘Good’ list with the last game of 2016 being played by ‘backup’ goalies whom all put on a great show.  With regulars like the Falcon (Taking the night off) and Razor (still hurt), goalies have become the new ‘it’ thing to have this season.  Hence the Tomcat management gloating and finally cashing in on their recent acquisition of the Terror.  Factor in Skippy and Danish making more appearances this season and fill ins by other players stepping up and goaltender issues are a thing of the past.  Management and Coaches can now rest easy knowing when and if needed their goal tending chart is deep and each player is capable of not only keeping the teams in the game, but coming up with some highlight reel saves.

Scouts and Management alike were keenly watching last nights tilt as the three ‘not’ regular goalies squared off.  None disappointed.  Case in point is that the highest scoring game of the night was 6; which happened to be the last game – a game which like the most recent ‘mini’ tournament really didn’t have to be played as the Cribzie Comets had already been declared the winners.  I think the game was only played to ‘stall’ for time and allow the pizza to arrive.  The ‘Matador’ may have made a great argument everyone just start drinking, but the teams decided in a ‘Christmas’ themed fashion to simply play the game.

Harry’s article did a great job of acknowledging the Danish on leading the Comets to the win; and I agree it was undoubtedly his best set of games played to date.  I caught up to the Danish later and he stated, ‘It was great to finally have a defensive minded team in front of me, the guys did a good job of blocking shots and limiting scoring chances by the other teams superstars’.  ‘Skippy may have bested me in the G.A.A; but sometimes it’s simply the wins that matter’.  I spoke with Skippy about the night and he said, ‘I’m happy for the Danish; but it is disappointing I also played so well and wasn’t able to get the big wins – despite my personal best G.A.A’.  The Terror chimed in too adding, ‘I’m still getting used to the smaller surface and shot styles of all the players.  I’m pretty confident I can fit in here and prove I’m a reliable goalie’.

Missed again were the 3 stars (Or in the Christmas theme – ‘3 Wisemen’); which I think are #1 – Danish, #2 – Skippy and #3 Beep.   Props to the Turk for another great pizza/fluid party!!  And while the ‘old timers’ and newer players were reminiscing over pizza and ‘fluids’, I noticed my Handzonurcack.

Have a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year and see you come 2017.

Yurri

4 Nights Before Christmas by Harry Ballsonue

Teams

The Cribzie Comets : Cribzie, (Captain) Tunzie, La Bamba, El Choppo, Hurricane, Sheep Dog and the Danish

The Rocky Vixon’s: Rocky (Captain) Sunny, Soupy, Stevo, The Terror, Bulldog and Killer

The Sparky Prancers: Sparky (Captain) Beep, Chevy, The Turk, Kamikaze, Skippy and The Rake 

As visions of glove side goals danced in the forwards heads and the D man had their jock straps hung by the chimney with care and the net minders were nestled all snug in their nets….”Now Vixons and Comets and Prancers all played a good game”.

Hockey on the last night of 2016 was very fast.  Almost NHL like, quick passes, quick break out plays and the winners were the Cribzie Comets.  The Danish, who probably played his best game ever kept the team in it through out the night. “I felt good out there, I was able to stand and make saves, the knees are not what they use to be”, I was happy to be able to make some saves so that we can win this darn thing, stated a beaming Danish.

It should be noted that Skippy had the best GAA at 1.79 but did not win the tournament.  His Save Percentage was .956

Always great to see the Coaching staff with the Tomcats, not sure why Rexy never showed or Bundura or May Day, all three said they would be there.

The Legend was there, adored by the youngsters on the team.  Coach Connelly sat with the veterans during dinner.

Old School …Stevo, The Turk, The Legend, Bulldog, Hurricane and the Sea Lion ….these are the guys who started it up in 1989 ….

December 17, TOMCAT CHRISTMAS PARTY…..St. Felix (Patron Saint of Floor Hockey and most likely  the Windsor Tomcats ) was watching over the Tomcat Christmas party…as large amounts of snow and freezing rain was predicted…however, St. Felix came through and protected the Tomcats and the party went on with little snow and very little ice on the roads.

A pretty good turn out of about 30 Tomcats and wives and everyone had a great time.  Special thanks to Snowpants and Chevy for organizing the event.  Snowpants also organized a ballon game that was not only fun to watch but got me hot when it came down to Lady Bird and Mrs. Chevy passing the ballon back and forth between their legs. The trivia  contest was won by Mrs. Sea Lion, “The test was hard, there should be more questions on recent events in the trivia contest, maybe more questions about me.’ Stated Chevy.

Over all, a fun time…..for those who went, they had a good time, “I really had a great time tonight”. Stated Stevo, “The wings were great and the Tomcats who were there were fun loving people and I just loved talking to everyone and my brother bought me a Moosehead glass”. concluded a grinning Stevo.

The Tomcat tradition of Joad the Toad picking up Snowpants continued:

“Whats not to love about this exciting Tomcat Tradition, I did not wear
my leather pants this year and I wore no underwear either, lift me
up baby”, stated a beaming Tomcat.

Smiles were everywhere at the party a very good venue and the food was awesome.  “Some fantastic chicken wings” Stated Doc.

The smiles tell all as Tunzie and Matador enjoy the Tomcat Christmas Party. “ I wouldn’t miss it for the world “Stated Tunzie

Great Smile on the Falcon at the Tomcat Christmas Party.
“This a fun night and I have never missed one…” Stated Falcon

2017 portion of the Season starts back up on January 10. Tomcat Tournament, YOU ARE TO HAVE YOUR NAME IN BY January 3, 2017 if you plan to play.

Also, if you do not set up….why not help tear down instead of sitting on your ass, (Rocky asks that everyone do their part to help set up and tear down)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads

The original story was written by Clement Clarke Moore.

On behalf of the Windsor Tomcats they hope that everyone has a fantastic Christmas and they wish, with a mit full of grace, love and understanding that everyone have a Happy New Year.

Tomcat season starts back up on January 10, 2017   (1989 to 2017) that is 28 years boys…..

Under the Mistletoe do you think I can put my Harry Ballsounue

Our Own Tomcat Provides Motivation by HARRY BALLSONUE

#32 Hollywood has been on the IR for most of this season, due to an upper body injury, but this past weekend he danced his Ukrainian heart out with the Windsor Symphony along with his dancing group, Windsors Barvinok.

Tomcats own, Hollywood dances the Hopak, If this 42 year
old can do what he does, You the Tomcat should be conquering
everything and anything.

“My brother has always been a fantastic Ukrainian dancer, he just has it, if you know what I mean, he just can dance and it is indescribable, he is just that good” stated his very proud brother Stevo.

Flying through the air, with the greatest of ease, is
#32 Windsor Tomcat ‘Hollywood’. In this spectacular
solo, preformed only days ago, Hollywood soars like
a flying Kozak.

“I am proud to be Ukrainian, he is an inspiration to me, I will play my Bundura better and sing for all Ukrainian Tomcats.” stated the Turk.

“I use to be able to dance somewhat like that when I was younger, but Hollywood is NHL when it comes to Ukrie dancing and I just made it to the AHL of Ukie dancing”, stated May Day

“Being Ukrainian is awesome, and I am proud of my heritage,  but it would take 6 Tomcats to throw me up in the air to get me that high” stated a smiling Chevy.

So if you are looking for some Motivation for this Tuesday look no further then to Tomcats very own Hollywood.

And….while you are thinking, is that photo, ‘photoshopped’ (and no it is not) do you think I could put my Harry Ballsounue

Bringers of the Bottles:   The Rake (24) Kamikaze (12)

Between the Pipes: The Terror, Skippy and The Danish

Starting Line Up:  Chevy, Doc, Kamikaze, Sparky, LaBamba, Soupy, Killer, Hurricane, Sunny, Beep, the Turk, the Rake, El Choppo, Sheep Dog, Matador, Bulldog, Rocky, Stevo, Tunzie, Cribzie, Lovie

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Hollywood, Razor, Jingles, Doc (will be there for pizza), Snowpants (will be there for pizza)

Healthy Scratches: Chico, Falcon (will be there for pizza), Scuz, Spinner

Sitting in Press Box:  Hicksee, Shack, Crow

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up: N/A

Captains for the Mini:  TBD

Skinny:  Will be a mini.  Lovie is set to make an appearance. Pizza and drinks afterwards in the basement bar…all on the Tomcats.  Come celebrate.  Rumour has it Tomcat Legends The Sea Lion and Bundura will make an appearance.

12 Days of Christmas by Chase de Poosee

 “I didn’t get there by wishing for it or hoping for it, but by working for it”

 Estee Lauder

 Teams

 Ellerys Elves: Beep, Soupy, El Choppo, Spinner, Hurricane, Turk, Doc, Terror

 Snowpants Santa’s: Snowpants, Sunny, La Bamba, Sparky, Chevy, Rake, Kamakazi, Sheepdog, Scuz

 What better to mark my return to covering tomcat hockey by attending the game that commences the beginning of the twelve days of Christmas. Everyone has a favorite verse, mine being 8 maids a milking. For my fans wondering where I have been, it has been in the Ukraine. I am working on an article exposing the white sex trade, and had to go on  a deep, long, and penetrating undercover mission.

 If ever an evening was represented by the above quote from Estee, it was last nights game. Both teams went at it hard, from the goaltenders on out to the forwards. There were no cheap goals, everything had to be earned. In a hard fought first game, the Santa’s came out on top 9 to 8. Down 9 to 5 with 8 minutes left in the game, Beep made an in game coaching decision to move Soupy to forward. This resulted in 3 fast goals, the comeback falling just short. ” We didn’t have any magic, the mix did not seem right, so I made the change ” stated Beep.

 The second game was just as good and hard fought, resulting in a 5-5 draw. Beep made another change, moving El Choppo to forward. “He approached me about the move ” stated Beep. ” so I moved him up. An unusual move, but El Choppo stated his whole career has been spent playing forward. The Tomcat scouting staff, who have followed El Choppos career for the last 23 years, have never seen him play forward.

 Two Tomcats stood out last night. The Turk made an outstanding play, knocking a rebound out of the air and into the opponents net. When asked about the strong offensive play that cane from a solid, steady, stay at home defenceman, the Turk had this to say. ” I saw the play develop and sprinted to the front of the net, where I was able to bang the rebound out of the air and into the net. The key was my speed getting to the net. Speed kills. Most Tomcats don’t realize I have been timed in the 40 yard dash at 3 minutes, 35.5 seconds. ”

 The other standout was the Rake. He exemplified the true meaning of Christmas, that its not about you but sharing and giving to others. To demonstrate this, he set the Tomcat single night record of 79 giveaways. When asked about this performance, he barked” Everyone knows I am a giving person.”

 Birthday wishes were in order for the two Tomcats who have sat side by side, on the right side of the stage for the last 12 years. Happy birthday to Chevy ( 12th) and Hurricane  ( 13th). Razor made an appearance as a spectator, and in keeping with the Christmas spirit brought a 24 instead of a 12 pack for the boys. Well done Razor.

 A reminder from Snowpants about the Tomcat party Saturday night at Rock Bottom. ” I look forward to seeing everyone there ” he stated. ” it is a fantastic party, so if you have not confirmed and are still considering, say yes to yourself because you don’t want to miss it.”

As you finish reading this, think pleasant thoughts as I go Chase de Poosee.

The Turks Tuesday Motivators will be returning in the new year, until then here are a couple of things to tie you over;

I don’t often get a chance to report on the games; and its a shame as my instincts for which teams are likely to win come ‘Mini Tournament’ time have been bang on.

Bringers of the Bottles:   Spinner (24) Razor (12)

Between the Pipes: Scuz and The Terror

Starting Line Up:  Chevy, Snowpants, Doc, Kamikaze, Soupy, Spinner, Killer, Hurricane, Jingles, Sunny, Beep, the Turk, the Rake, El Choppo, Sheep Dog

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Hollywood, Razor

POOTUP (Physically Out Of Town and Unable to Play):  Lovie

Healthy Scratches: Chico, Cribzie, Skippy, Falcon, Matador, Bulldog, Rocky, Stevo, Tunzie

Sitting in Press Box:  Hicksee, Shack, Crow

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up: N/A

Captains for the Mini:  N/A

Skinny:  No mini…just two teams.  Sparky is in charge and will pick the teams.