August 11, 2020

By Chuck Fina

After suffering another elimination game collapse, the Toronto Maple Leaf millennial, overpaid dick-bags with facial hair have returned to their video games in the basement. The biggest story however, is where is Stevo?

The Gordon’s Gin League were at Seven Lakes Golf Club on Monday and were all set for two foursomes. Except, Stevo was a no show. No call, no text, no e-mail. Where is he?

Reporters were at his estate in Essex and found the windows boarded up, his supercharged Honda Accord in the Driveway but his vintage Corvette was not in the garage. There was a sign on the garage door that said, “ Be back in 5 minutes”.

Social Media was on fire about where Stevo could have possibly be. “ He is missing like Marner in the playoffs”, stated May Day. “ Maybe he is the new speaker at the WE foundation”, said Chevy. “ Is he on a three- day psych hold?”, asked the Sea Lion.

The truth is nobody has seen Stevo since the final buzzer went off in game 5 of the Leaf game.

Rumors that Stevo was in Montreal lining up for Hab’s season tickets were not confirmed at the time of press.

Mayday, Hatchie, Hurricane, All Rise ( Hatchie’s buddy), Sea Lion, Bundura and Chevy walked 18 holes at Seven Lakes in 110–degree heat yesterday. Scores were All Rise, 66, May Day 75, Hatchie, 70, Hurricane 72, Chevy 71, Sea Lion 68 and Mr. Bundura 73.

The league is off next week as most players are playing in Chevy’s prestigious Cougar Bush tour Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

The loyal readership is encouraged to call the newsroom if you know Stevo’s whereabouts.

Under COVID restrictions, the BoD finally came together to discuss the previous year, and plans for the next. This usually occurs the second Tuesday after the last night of hockey, but 2020 is no ordinary year.  As you will see from the updates below, it will remain anything but ordinary:

Highlights:

Let’s start with the elephant in the room…start of season.  There is no way, using common sense, that we can start in September. Too many unknowns. As such, the tentative start date for this year will be November 3rd.  The BoD knows that will need to be re-evaluated in October before confirming. Additionally, we will be sending out a survey to get everyone’s thoughts on if they want to play. Different people have different circumstances that may prevent them from engaging in group activities even if such activities meet the provincial phase guidelines. Look out for that survey.

Finances:  The Tomcat kitty is in fine shape so no concern there.

Once we start:  Still $50 to start and a gift will be provided.  $5 per night remains the standard.  A beer schedule will be published.

Holiday Festivities:  We will still have a Christmas celebration on the last night of hockey in December. However, no party with the significant others will occur this year. The hope is to bring that back in 2021.  Maybe, in the spring/summer of 2021, if we get to a much better place with COVID, some gathering will be established to get everyone together and let loose a bit.  Fingers crossed.

Tournament:  Yes, there will still be a February tournament.  It is the premiere Tomcat event each year, and Stevo’s Christmas, so it will go on.  February 27th – Mark your calendars.

Captains will be:  Shack, The Lizard, Bullwinkle and Big Ned – all first time captains!

The format will go back to the once-attempted “play everyone twice” idea.  Still an 8:30am start with games being 2-9 minute periods.  All games MUST be played.  Since this year is so different, why not switch up the tourney a bit?!?!

Special Nights:  Look for a return of “theme nights” on Tuesdays.  There will be a couple of special one-night events:

– Big Nets Night – The goalies worse nightmare – we will use the larger nets up on the stage and see how the scoring changes

– Vets vs. The Kids – We are not sure what age to draw the line (45? 48? ?) but we will divide teams by age, and see who comes out on top.  The early smart money is trending to the Vets 🙂

Rule Changes – No new changes but all rules will be re-iterated at start of season.  Last year was very good, clean hockey and we want that to continue.  We want to make sure no slashing or swinging of sticks, and that sticks stay down.  We will use a referee to start the season and throughout as required to help set the tone.  Each and everyone WILL abide by the calls made.  We are adults, and arguing calls during a ball hockey game can be left to the 8 year olds.

Other items:  We talked a lot about the last minute cancellations and the churn that creates.  We are considering a system to confirm attendance and if cancel for any reason after a certain time, a fine must be paid.  Tuesday afternoons are not fun for organizers as there is always a scramble to decide on goalies for mini vs. no mini, cancelling others to get the numbers right, etc.  We want people to do their part to remove this frustration.  Also, depending on the survey results, and restrictions, we may have to consider limits to how many players can play on a given Tuesday, so we may have to think about reserving spots each week and make sure everyone gets a chance to play.

That is all for now.  We will be in contact to keep everyone updated.  Enjoy the rest of the summer and early fall.  See you all in November hopefully!

Tomcats Forever!

Rocky

Can you believe it was 3 years ago this month that Razor, the long-time Tomcat goalie and Hall of Fame member walked away from ball hockey?  “The Tomcats has never seen, and likely will never see again a goalie with such quick reflexes, technical proficiency and with such a head for the game as The Razor’” said Tomcat VP Hollywood.  “The guy was as good on stage and on the golf course’” added Assistant Captain Sparky.

Here is an excerpt from the press release on windsor tomcats.com from 3 years ago:

by Harry Ballsonue

Hatchie, The Hurricane, The Turk and Chevy

The Rake, Mayday, Stevo and Bubbles

Nature Boy, Sheep Dog, Bagz and Bundura

Snowpants, Hurricane, Little Bird and The Howler

LaBamba and Sunny

The smooth swing of the Turk…shot blocker in hockey (holds record with most blocked shots in one game at 347) and most accurate in approach shots on tour at 87 percent.

Sheep Dog worked on the course for a bit before the round started…”yeah well…I didn’t like where one of the tee boxes were, so I wanted to change it for the Tomcats to have an easier shot to the green on this particular par 3,” stated Sheep Dog and added, “Who loves you?”

The Champions were Soupy and the Howler …The Howler excepted the award and prize on behalf of both of them…Fedora and Chalice

July13, 2020

By Chuck Fina

The Sea Lion, May Day, Hatchie, Mr. Bundura, Big Easy, Stevo, Cribzee and Chevy were on hand at the Belleview Golf and Country  and Club on Monday.

The league was on hand this past Monday at Belleview looking sharp as always. The WE foundation sponsored autographed Justin Trudeau autographed golf shirts and masks. The shirts were a bright red with an upsided down  white Canadian flag. “Those are nice shirts, do they come in mens”?, asked May Day.

Some impressive shots were made during play especially by the Sea Lion on his drive on number 18. He adjusted his stance and hit one on the screws about 325 yards. “That is the farthest I have ever seen you hit the ball”, said May Day. The Sea Lion replied, “Next time, Ill use two hands”.

Mr. Gordon’s Gin league continues going strong with greats such as Sea Lion, The Bundura, Hatchie and the Commish himself May Day!

May Day put on a chipping clinic at the 15th hole sking a 50 yard chip with impressive apex landing it 2 feet away from the pin. “I would like to see you do that again”, said the Sea Lion to May Day. May Day dropped another ball, chipped it over 2 golf carts and landed the ball one foot from the pin.

The Big Easy made his Mr Gordon’s debut after participating the last few weeks on the Japan Golf Tour, the Korean Tour and the Korn Ferry Tour winning on all three tours ..here he is in a foursome with Chevy, Stevo and Cribzie.

Scores for the day were Sea Lion 66, May Day 67, Hatchie, 69, Mr Bundura 70, The Big Easy, a course record 64, Stevo 67, Cribzee 71 and Chevy, 68.

After the round, Bill Morneau, the federal finance minsiter was on hand to sign the guys up to do speaking engagements for WE. They will each be paid $275,000.00 per speech. Topics will include Defund the Police, Why Taras Shevchenko’s statue should be torn down, equality in the workplace and this special feature, how to be a complete dick bag in today’s changing world.Millenial Men who are white skinned, have facial hair, high foreheads and who were picked on in high school are keen to hear this speech. Check the WE web site for details. Editors Note: We know dick bag milenials don’t read this blog.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The Ride Her Cup has been postponed. The league will be going to Willow Ridge Civic Day Monday. A special e mail will be sent out.

July 6, 2020

By Chuck Fina

It was a hot one at the Seven Lakes Golf and Country Club as the Gordon’s Gin League was back in action.

The Sea Lion made his return to the circuit after a notable absence and players and socially distancing fans welcomed his returns. We caught up to the Sea Lion, who was signing surgical masks on the driving range before play was set to start on Monday.

“ I’m really happy to be back this week. The past two weeks have felt like two years to me. On the bright side, I signed a deal with Under Armor to mass produce Sea Lion official surgical masks. They will sell for ten bucks a pop and you can order them on Amazon” said the Sea Lion.

The league welcomed Tomcat Legend Finner to the tour this week. He took time out of his busy as a Wall Street Financial Adviser to play with the guys. “ I had a great time and it was nice seeing everybody” said Finner.

Finner joins tour….” it’s like having Tiger Woods play in your event “, stated Commissioner May Day …selected to play in Finner’s group were May Day, Stevo and fan favourite Hatchie …

Finner played with Mayday, Stevo and Hatchie and the group were entertained with classic stories and one liners from his personal and his life as a professional athlete. After hitting one of his drives fat which left a huge divet, Hatchie commented that Finner appeared to hit his drive fat. Finner responded to Hatchie by exclaiming, “ Ya think? What are you Bob Costas? Look at that hole. A family of gophers just came out of there. It looks like construction of the 401 extension”.

Finner was also reminiscing about the Bucko era. “ We were a dirty group except for Chrispy’s Lady Byng performances”, said Finner.

There were many more notable barbs and quotes that are only available on the Windsor Tomcat Podcast since this is a family blog.

“It was great seeing Finner out”, said a happy Stevo. Stevo confirmed Finner has signed a lifetime contract to continue being the General Manager of the Tomcats.

Sea Lion, Nature Boy and Hurricane made up the other group. Scores for the day were Finner, a course record 64, Hatchie 70, Stevo 72, May Day 78, Sea Lion 72, Hurricane 76 and the Nature boy , 73 ( while playing in bare feet).

June 30, 2020

By Chuck Fina

The league was back in action on June 29, 2020 at the Sutton Creek Golf and Country Club. Despite not having the popular Seal Lion on hand, Chevy, May Day, Hurricane, Stevo, Bundura, Hatchie and the Nature Boy were on hand for a very competitive day of golf.

May Day, Hurricane and Chevy ready to rock

Stevo, Hatchie, Bundura, and Nature Boy ready to Roll

Scores for the day were Chevy, 70, Hurricane 71 and May Day, 72. In the other group, Bundura checked in with an impressive course record 64, Stevo 67, Hatchie, 70, and the Nature Boy, 71.

It is always an adventure checking in at Sutton. “I think Daisy is competing for the slowest check-in lady with the lady at Deer Run,” said May Day.

Stevo presented the guys with embroidered masks featuring the Windsor Tomcat logo to wear while they are either out shopping or attending a local farm in Leamington buying tomatoes and interacting with migrant farm workers. The masks are 100 % certified by the Canadian Government. “Anything to keep the golfers safe,” said Stevo.

The Sea Lion was a notable absent for the second straight week. “ I thought he was playing this week. It’s the only reason I didn’t play with Cribzee on the Tequila Tour”, said an obviously disappointed Chevy.

We reached out to the Sea Lion for a quote, but his agent stated that he was not talking to reporters. There is no media availability scheduled. The league looks forward to having the Sea Lion back in action soon.

Harry Ballsonue Chimes In

WINDSOR TOMCAT COVID MASKS:A big shout out and thank you goes out to Hollywood for organizing the Tomcat COVID Mask and to the Tomcats who helped pay for the masks, Hollywood, Sparky, Stevo, Chevy, Rocky, Lovie and Sunny. This is not the first time these warriors have stepped up financially for the Tomcats.  Thanks Gentlemen.

“We are trying to distribute the masks to everyone in the next two weeks,” indicated Rocky.

Big Easy dons his Tomcat face mask

KOBASSA OPEN
The organizers are very pleased to announce, the teams for the Kobassa Open 2 Man Scramble.

The Majestic’s:  Bubbles- Rake
The Renegades May Day- Stevo
The Fire Birds: Soupy-Howler
The Cobras: Little Bird-Snowpants
The Cyclones:  Bagz- Nature Boy
The Generals: Bundura-Sheep Dog
The Barons: Chevy-Turk
The Hawks: Hatchie-Hurricane

Tournament goes July 17, 2020.  If you are unable to play golf, but wish to attend the ceremony after, some tickets are available, at $65.  That includes your drinks, food and backstage pass to meet two of your favourite golfers.  (Unavailable at this time due to all the requests already are: Hatchie, The Howler, Sheep Dog, Snowpants, The Turk and Bubbles. ANYONE not mentioned is still available for the backstage pass).

Follow us on this web site for tournament results.

WANT AD:
Hollywood is asking if anyone has a good bat meat recipe.  Contact Hollywood directly if you have one.

FRIENDLY REMINDER:
A friendly reminder, from the Windsor Tomcats to always have a safe word. Some words that are used, Mango, Oklahoma, Pineapple, Red and Beetlejuice.

While you are thinking Bagz and Nature Boy are the odd on favourites, at 2 to 1 to win this thing don’t count out Bubbles and Rake at 9 to 4 and what are the odds of me putting my Harry Ballsonue?

June 22, 2020

By Chuck Fina

The Gordon’s Gin Golf League teed it up at  the Seven Lakes Golf and Country Club this week. On hand were the Nature Noy, Stevo, May Day, Chevy, Cribzee and Hurricane.

Prior to the start of the round Chevy and Cribzee were granted their PGA cards by Mark Patterson, President of the PGA Canada who drove in from Elbow, Saskatchewan to present the boys with their official cards. Sources indicate Chevy and Cribzee’s days could be numbered on the Gordon’s circuit. “ I love the guys, but the prize money is way better on the Tequila Tour”, said an emotional Cribzee fighting back the tears”.

Chevy, who owns every student house rental on California Avenue in West Windsor , was equally happy.” With the cash I can make on the Tequila Tour, I can finally hire a plumber. 20 years of snaking toilets has taken its toll on me”.

Chevy, Cribzee and Hurricane played together and rode in separate carts. “ Chevy and I are A listers now so riding with a B lister like Hurricane is not an option. It’s all about professionalism and image”, said Cribzee.

Interestingly enough, Hurricane won the round. He shot a 68, Chevy a 69 and Cribzee a 71., although Cribzee and Chevy played from the ‘blacks” while Hurricane was teeing off from the “reds”.

The other three some featured Stevo, May Day and the Nature Boy. Scores were 72 for Stevo and the Nature Boy and May Day tied at 73. “ Rough Day out there today”, said Stevo who was not his jovial self with reporters after the round.

Notable Absences were Hatchie, who was celebrating his one-year anniversary with his lovely wife and the Sea Lion who was in self isolation for reason’s unknown. When reached for a comment, the Sea Lion said, “ My doctor is a nipple head. I’m stuck in the basement playing 1992 Tiger Woods Golf while scrounging for quarters to feed my vintage juke box so I can listen to music. I used to have all kinds of change but this Covid situation really dwindled my stash. If only I could figure out how to open the juke box and reuse the same quarters”, said a dejected Sea Lion.

The league wishes the Sea Lion well and hopes he is back on the tour soon.

In other news, the Ryder Cup has been canceled but the Ride Her Cup will be a go at Deer Run again this year on the Civic Day Monday. Look for an e-mail from Mayday for the announcement.

June 16, 2020

By Chuck Fina

The Gordon’s Gin Golf League was back in action yesterday at the Belleview Golf and Country Club yesterday. Teeing it up were Stevo, Cribzee, Mayday, Hatchie, The Sea Lion and The Nature Boy, who was making his league review.

You couldn’t miss the Nature Boy making his grand entrance. You could see his previously blonde locks flowing as he exited his 35- foot stretch black limousine that was driven by the Sea Lion. The Nature Boy was clad in Bermuda golf shorts, shirt, knee high golf boots and his famous gold silk robe.

New man on tour the Nature Boy

“Stylin’, profilin’ and limousine riding”, screamed the Nature Boy as he walked passed reporters with his world – famous strut on his way to the first tee. Asked how he felt about his league debut and winning yesterday’s round, the Nature Boy said, “ to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I plan on winning every week and will take on any fool who is stupid enough to challenge me”.

The day was not without its controversy. At the first tee, Mayday was told by one ranger to proceed towards the first tee when he was tackled by another golf ranger. He was wacked on the knees with his own driver, handcuffed and not allowed to tee off for 30 minutes. “ I didn’t appreciate being roughed up by a racist golf ranger”, said a visibly upset Mayday. Sources say Mayday has retained a lawyer and will be suing the course $35,000,000.00. A planned protest at Belleview is planned for June 20, 2020.

Scores for the day were the Nature Boy, 69, Stevo 70, Sea Lion, 71, Mayday, 80, Hatchie, 73 and Cribzee 74.

As always, text Mayday before 9:00am Thursdays if you wish to be in for the following week.

By Harry Ballsonue

The Tomcats were not allowed to have a tournament due to the COVID, so they just organized a day of golf, with a small prize going to one person using the Stableford-Wyoming system, congratulations to May Day for winning the Tomcat Outing Golf Award.  “He was on fire today, he shot a smooth 41 on the front and just kept going, we know it is not about a prize, but, it’s great he is being recognized for such a stellar round.” The Sea Lion had said.

When the round started, Corey the Golf Pro was driving by and checking on all the golf groupings, Killer was about to putt and Corey stopped to wait.  After the putt ( a tad bit short ) Corey yelled over to Killer, “I thought your name was Killer, after that putt it should be princess!”

Killer also came up with what he thought was the small flag on the pin meant, “The higher the flag, the faster the green”, he had quipped.

Over all a fun day had by all, thanks to those who came out and played and thanks to La Bamba for being the official photographer of the event.

GROUPINGS

Sheep Dog, Killer, Stevo

Sea Lion, The Bundura, May Day

Chevy, Bagz, La Bamba, Sunny

Tiny, Skuz, Matador, Snowpants

KOBASSA OPEN

July 17, collecting $10 for beer and food for the after party, back at Stevo’s right now they have 15 golfers, they are looking for one more, so that they can have a two man scramble.  In as of now: May Day, Stevo, Bagz, Snowpants, Soupy, The Howler, Little Bird, Sheep Dog, Rake, The Turk, Hurricane, Chevy, Hatchie and Nature Boy . If you know of someone, pleaser mention it to therm….one more would make a nice round number and they can have their two man scramble.  This tournament does have a prestigious prize for the two man team.

IN ENDING

If you are thinking that Killer’s theory on the flag could be a good one, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Harry Ballsonue

GROUPINGS:

-Bubbles, Cribzie, The Bundura, Stevo

-Sea Lion, Chevy, The Rake

Scores, Bubbles, 73, Sea Lon, 75, The Rake 76, Chevy 77, Cribzie, 79, The Bundura 81, Stevo, 89

Great day on the golf course, the Bubbler joined for the first time this year and that qualifies him for the year end banquet.

Chevy was stopped for speeding prior to the round and was given a ticket. “I mentioned all my cop friends and every name I mentioned, the ticket kept going up,” stated Chevy.

In order to help Chevy out, while he was paying for his golf, Sea Lion helped him with his bag, “How do you want me to twist your bag?” Sea Lion asked Chevy and Chevy response with, “I don’t mind the way you are twisting my bag, but work on getting my balls out.”

If you are interested in playing in next week’s Dirty Growler Golf League,  (Monday afternoons around 2pm) please let the Commissioner know by Thursday morning then watch for the Course announcement form the Commissioner.

And…..Bubbles did go Birdie, Birdie, Birdie Birdie on the last four holes. I shit you not.

Stevo, Sea Lion, Bubbles, Cribzie, The Bundura, The Rake and Chevy.

June 13 TOMCAT GOLF OUTING:

Four tee off times have been secured for Saturday, June 13. “I have 2 spots left, if anyone is still interested in golfing this cominf Saturday,” indicated a Jubilant Stevo. “I am very happy that we are still able to go and play golf on the day that the Tomcat 2 Man Scramble was suppose to be played,” Stevo concluded.  The June 13 outing will not see the golfers competing for the prestigious Pantelon de Niege Jug.  Snowpants will be setting up the tournament (possibly) later in the year, or it may be cancelled all together. “We had the time slot, it is going to be a beautiful summer day, why not golf?” indicate La Bamba.  So…if you are interested, please get a hold of Stevo.   For those golfing the Tee off times are under Victor Tomcat.

Players:

8: 28 – Chevy, Bagz, La Bamba

8: 36 – Sheep Dog, The Rake, Stevo

8: 44 – Sea Lion, Bundura, May Day. Killer

8: 52 – Tiny, Skuz, Matador, Snowpants

WHERE WAS HATCHIE?

Although the league is tight lipped about where Hatchie was the word is that he and May Day were at Tu Pac’s house in LA (Yes he is still alive) shooting garden nomes. They both should be back on tour next week.

And while you are thinking to yourself, ‘Hmmmmm Tu Pac is still alive, that is freaking interesting’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue

The past, the present and the future…

When asked a couple of weeks ago to write a blog post I, like most any true Tomcat, pounced at the opportunity. As I am one of the few remaining active Tomcats that is long in tooth (old), it was suggested that I perhaps write a funny story about how/ when I met Killer and how he found his way into the Tomcat fold.

As anyone who has played against Killer on the floor, there is nothing funny about that. Life threatening perhaps, but not funny. Actually, he got his nickname because of his early playing style. He often slipped or fell to the floor in the early days, and while down there he would slash his stick from side to side in an attempt to knock the ball off your stick. This action would inevitably result in someone saying something along the lines of “hey man, stop it, you’re going to kill somebody.” Hence, the Killer name was born.

There are a lot of other tidbits of Tomcat history of which the younger/newer players may not be aware. Did you know that the original Tomcats actually started out playing basketball and that they called themselves the Fabulous Thunderbirds.  Fortunately, that was even before my time.

What is also amazing was the fact that most/all original Tomcats worked in the same office, which meant that come Wednesday morning you had to work with the player with whom you had words with on Tuesday night. What happened on the floor stayed on the floor.

Another interesting fact is that there is a long history of Tomcat participation in charitable activities and events such as Challenge Cup, charity golf events, and blood donations just to name a few. Can anyone guess which historically famous Tomcats has made over 100 blood and/or blood plasma donations? (answer at the end).

Did you also know that there used to be two tournaments per year with the first occurring before the Christmas break. As I recall it was a Montreal versus Toronto game. Let’s just say that due to the amount of passion brought to this game every year, this tournament was suspended. I’m wondering, noting the many play related rules that have been put into place in the last decade or so, whether this tournament could be resurrected. Something to consider.

As for the present, I have realized that the current clowder of Tomcats (yes, that’s a real word) have the same great qualities of many of the originals. I see it every Tuesday and in the many Facebook and emails that I have received over the years. Some like Hollywood support multiple charitable activities and organizations, and others support the down-trodden working people across the country.

Others like Doc and his wife open their home annually to raise money for charities. And then there are the unsung Tomcats that help set up/pack up every Tuesday, grab the ice for the cooler, grab and put away the sticks, bring snacks for after the game, and take on the incredible challenge of organizing the many annual events set up for the Tomcats. Lastly, no Tomcat can ignore the efforts of our fearless leader Stevo. In the early days, he created, edited and mailed each of the Tomcats a copy of the St. Felix. He also created and edited special edition versions with player and team photos, guys on stage etc. I can’t even begin to imagine the hundreds of hours he has dedicated to the Tomcats since 1989. Worthy of Vince Lombardi recognition if I may say.

As with all our futures, we must look at it from both a short-term and long-term perspective. In the short-term, it is possible that the ongoing concerns and restrictions related to COVID 19 will impact the 2020-2021 season? Yes, this is very possible. However, having been around for the onset of AIDS, MERS, SARS, Ebola and a whole host of diseases in my many years, I am also certain that we will at some point be able to return to the game that we all love.

In the interim, this attached photo shows a possible temporary option for a return to safe play.
BTW, it is Razor that has made over 100 blood/blood plasma donations, which means that he has saved over 300 lives. Actions matter. Stay safe and see you in September.

The Rake

Gordon’s Gin Golf League:

Click here for update from the Commish ->nick’s blog

Cribzee, Mayday and Hatchy pictured here at Sutton Creek on May 25, 2020. They look like they are not following social distancing rules. It’s the camera angle. They are actually standing 12 feet apart.