As way of apology for the delay in the St. Felix January 2011 Issue (OUT NOW -> SEE BELOW) I give you the remaining dates to the Tomcats Beer List version 1.2 (now with images!)
Picture modification curtesy of a great suggestion by Lovie.
Beer List 1.2 - click to enlarge
January 2011 – Issue 160 – SPECIAL BONUS PAGE EDITION
As always, click to enlarge:
[Editor’s note: for a higher quality (though larger) page one, click here]
Page One
Page Two
Page Three
…by Heywood Jewblowmee
As I cover the game from high a top, in the press box, in the rafters of the Kapusta Kow Palace, the stadium announcer says, “Your starting line up for your Windsor Tomcatsssss…..# 2 Louis Koenigsberger….” I thought, gee, there is talk of Dion Phaneuf returning to the Leafs this week and here is Louis Koenigsberger making his season debut. (similar styles).
When you have the talents of Sunny, Lovie, Soupy and Snowpants on one team, you know you are going to get some nice passing plays…and they did not disappoint….winning the first two games, 7-5 and 7-5.
Killer and Youngblood on the same team again but did not seem to have that Hull and Oates, Gretzky and Kurri, Trottier and Bossey magic that they had a few weeks ago. Pressure playing in a hockey crazed city like Windsor? Hummmmm?
The twin towers looked good, Shamus and Jingles…..with Jingles going down at one time around the net, as Louis ‘Phaneuf’ Koenigsberger pushed his weight around.
David ‘Crow’ Crawaford, who signed the 100 million dollar 10 year contract in the off season, did not disappoint. Crafty with the ball, he set up Stevo Jaworiwsky for some high light reel goals. “I had a super fun night tonight…after a night like that, you think of saying, ‘that’s it, I’m ending my career on a high note’ and never playing again, but, I’ll miss stopping at Taco Bell with Doc and Crow after hockey, so I better play at least another four years” Jaworiwsky had said.
The Jaworiwsky boys were paired up as defensive partners, “That does not happen that often”, indicated the younger Jaworiwsky, “I hope my mom and dad have the game on TSN, so they can watch us play”.
The most important thing was the beer, The Rake and Crow brought 12 packs, “Just because”, Husky Eyes Salaris brought his 24 of Sleeman, Tomcats threw in an extra 8-10 beers and the 19 Tomcats sat on stage, laughing, giggling and smiling as they talked about….what else….Hockey……specifically Tomcat hockey.
When I see you next time, Heywood Jewblowmee.
Canadian Associated Press
Windsor, ON – The highly anticipated newest edition of the ever popular St. Felix has experienced a further delay.
“It was meant to go online Wednesday morning” says Windsor Tomcat PR department representative Craven Moorehead. “However, Youngblood did not get the images scanned Tuesday night due to complications resulting from poor floor hockey play. To make things worse, he is working several hours of overtime tonight. The boys will have to wait”.
All involved are disappointed and none more than Youngblood: “I play like shit then have to work overtime and delay the St. Felix. I am just counting down the days to the Christmas Party”.
Harry Ballsonue, citing ‘sources’, say Youngbloods tenure as IT Department Head hangs by a thread.
League Commissioner, Stevo, could not be reached for comment.
ST. FELIX BEING PUBLISHED WEDNESDAY EVENING.
Hell Cats; Razor, Snowpants, Lovie, Sunny, Soupy, the Rake, Killer,. Youngblood, Sparky and Husky Eyes
Blackcats: Falcon, Rocky, Cribz. Crow(Yes Crow!) Doc, Hollywood, Stevo, Shamus and Jingles.
What a night of hockey, Hellcats win, 7-5, 7-5 and 0-4…Falcon gets shut out in last game….
Louis Koenigsberger makes a return from shoulder surgery and brings a 12 pack of MGD….what a great guy.
Dave Crawford, making only his third appearance on the Kapusta Kow Floor, set up Stevo Jaworiwsky and brought 12 tall boy Bud lights….what a great guy.
Lovie Edgar, who sniped a few goals, finished the night a minus five for the night but still a great guy. (Sunny you were right!!!)
The twin towers, Shamus Andropov and Jingles Ponikorovsky played well together.
Rocky brought a case of beer….to show what a great guy he is,…he brought MGD……Tomcats will break that open next week……what a super guy.
Youngblood and Killer, playing together again, did not seem to have the magic of Gretzky and Kurri as they did a few weeks ago. Killer was out for a spell with a lower body injury, believed to be a knee sprain.
Soupy wears his touque funny.
by Heywood Jewblowmee
As I cover the game, high above the rafters of the Kapusta Kow Palace, I noticed a few things last night, Mykel Jaworiwsky had a very strong game. His Brother, Stevo Jaworiwsky also came to play, his stock has started to slide over the years, but he still notched 6 goals last night, not bad for an over the hiller, who hardly back checks.
I noticed George Metulynsky playing another strong game, seems the Turk is like Chelios out there, getting better and better.
I noticed some chippy-ness…I noticed Rocky throw his stick, in what appeared to be, right at Jingles…that is not good….knowing Rocky and talking with him after the game, he told me, he never actually was trying to hit Jingles, just shot a warning shot over the bow of Jingles boat. He knows he has to pay a fine of a case of beer.
I noticed that the Ghost Crossing shirt Shamus Goldstein wore, seemed to help, as he scored, goal after goal after goal.
I noticed Snowpants leave the third game early and not return. (He really should consider playing quarterback for the Detroit Lions)
I noticed La Bamba Vlaminck took some shots on net and notched one goal. No more Thomas Kabraele comparisons, La Bamba is more like Nick Linstrom out there.
I noticed both goaltenders, doing very well and making saves that NHL scouts would be impressed with.
Then, after the games were over, we, the media are allowed up on stage where we get to meet and interview the players, Snowpants Ferranti is always the friendliest, he is willing to talk to you and give you some great sound bites.
As we are shuttled off the stage, I noticed two cases of beer and the jocularity amongst the Tomcats, it is great to see, even La Bamba, who is fairly new to the Tomcats sticks around and has a beer. So does Shamus, who use to leave early, when he was just a call up.
Tomcats Forever is a slogan they have hanging in the stage area……I noticed that may be true.
Oh, when I see you next time, Heywood Jewblowmee.
Rocky Throws his stick….Razor Shines like a Star….Shamus dons a new shirt.
by Harry Ballsonue
Hellcats: Falcon, Sparky, Chevy, La Bamba, Doc, Rocky and Shamus
Blackcats: Razor, Cribz, Snowpants, Stevo, Hollywood, Jingles, the Turk and Skippy
The Blackcats took the series, 7-5, 4-7, 7-5, but all three games were hard fought and anyone could have won. “I thought we played well tonight, but, just did not have enough gas in the tank to win the third game”, stated Chevy.
Early in the first game, an innocent incident took place, where Rocky and Jingles, ball hockey shoes tangled up and Rocky went down for the count….throwing his stick almost at Jingles in anger and disgust……moments later, Rocky put his stick down and Jingles went for a tumble. Then in a separate incident, Sparky, sticking up for his teammate, took Jingles down, with a clever trip. “You have to stick up for your teammate”, Sparky Renaud had said after the game.
Both goalers played very well tonight, with Razor facing power shooters, Shamus and Chevy. Don’t get me wrong, the Falcon played a solid game, making some nifty glove saves.
Stevo Jaworiwsky brought his ‘Fine’ case, Rocky will be bringing his in the very near future.
Yuri Metulynsky, who was a game time decision, played all three games and played like Tim Horton, Bobby Baun and Guy Lapointe…solid, solid solid.
Tough guy, Andy ‘Doc’ Brewin pushed his weight around and notched two goals.
Skippy Renaud popped one in behind the Falcon….yes., just like a Pitcher getting a home run on another pitcher.
In the end, laughter rang out from the stage, as the boys consumed some MGD’s and some Keystone Lights.
Stevo Jaworiwsky, just wanted to remind everyone, that Tuesday night is designed for fun and merriment and not for injuries and bad feeling toward each other, so please play the ball and have fun.
Editors Note: St. Felix, will not be out this week, due to some technical difficulties, but it will be out next Wednesday for sure.
You know that fat bottom girls make the rock n roll world go round and when I see you, I’ll try to get my Harry Ballsonue.
“A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days”.
-Albert Einstein
…Not saying it smells on the stage after (…or before!) games or anything…
Post courtesy of contributing editor – and standup Tomcat – Rocky.
by Heywood Jewblowmee
High above in the press box, I sit and cover the Hellcats and the Blackcats of the Tomcats. I watched last night as the Hellcats, dressed in their traditional Whites…made some pretty passes and crashed the net to score and score and score.
The Black cats tried to be fancy, the other guy waited for the other guy to make the play. That does not work, it needs to be a team effort.
After missing two weeks, with a moustache concussion, after the Hit from Snowpants ‘Battleship’ Ferranti, Mike Menzel was like a brick wall, stopping a ton of shots from Lovie, Stevo, Jingles and Shamus.
I noticed that the magical collared shirt that Shamus had worn for a few games, seems to have worn off completely. Time for a new shirt Shamus….maybe go with that mesh tank top idea you were considering last week.
George Metulynsky as the oldest player out there, continues playing like Denis Potvin and Larry Robinson. Blocking shots, making on the stick passes and scoring goals.
Killer Colasanti, played a solid game along side, Andy Morgan. The two of them connected for 18 of the 21 Hellcat goals last night. Video of Colasanti, striking Sparky Renaud on the chest could be seen on the large Kapustatroon, but the refs missed it and no penalty was called. “That is why he is called Killer Colasanti”, stated Gentleman Sunny Salaris.
Both Salaris and La Bomba had solid games for the Hellcats.
Stevo Jaworiwsky, seemed to have lost it, throwing his stick against the wall. I spoke to him after the game in the parking lot, and he said, he did it more to spark the Blackcats up, but it did not seem to work. Now he has to bring in a case of beer ($40) and buy a new hockey stick ($29.00) that is a $75 dollar night for motivational move, maybe he should just try a Vince Lamardi speech instead.
And the most important thing……..Junior Poisson arrived with a 24 of Keith’s and Pittsburgh Tomcats, with beer left over from their trip donated their beer to the Tomcats, so regular Coors were enjoyed last night as well. The Pittsburgh Tomcats, consisting of Mykel Jaworiwsky, Dave Crawford, Kevin Kuprowski, Steven Jaworiwsky, Paul Poisson and Jason Enskat, donated the extra beer they had for the Tomcats. Two and half cases all together….MVP’s all of them.
And speaking of MVP’s Vince ‘La Bomba’ Vlaminck brought a tidy 12 pack, on a ‘just because’ basis, so I’m sure, knowing the Tomcats, he will get called up again.
Fat bottom girls really do make the world rock n roll world go round and when I see you next time, Heywood Jewblowmee.
Hellcats win 7-2, 7-6, and 7-5
by Harry Ballsanoue
Hell Cats: Falcon, Sunny, La Bomba, Chevy, Snowpants, Killer, Youngblood, The Turk and Cribz
Blackcats: Razor, Lovie, Stevo, Spinner, Sparky, Mykel J, Shamus, Jingles
In what looked like evenly matched teams, the Hell Cats had no problem of disposing of the Black cats on Tuesday night. “They outplayed us at every facet of the game. We of course did not help ourselves either, we did not run out there, we did not pass very well and we did not get an quality shots on net” indicted Lovie Edgar.
The Hell Cats seemed to want the games, so much more than the Black Cats, “When I first saw the teams, I thought we were going to get smoked” indicated the Turk Metulynsky, “But we just played our game and were able to take all three” Metulynsky concluded.
A near Decapitation stopped the game for a second or two, after Killer Colasanti almost took the head off Sparky Renaud, striking him in the upper chest area. “I have a good welt there right now, but I am happy my head is still attached, I need it to drive my truck and of course to do some other stuff”. Renaud stated.
Wayne Gretzky and Juri Kurri (Youngblood and Killer) created all the scoring chances for the Hellcats (KIller is in a contract year). The frustration showed on the Blackcats, as Stevo Jaworiwsky threw his stick against a wall, after Youngbllod and Colasanti scored their 17th goal. Jaworiwsky had this to say, “I was very frustrated out there, they seemed to have our number tonight. I threw my stick, more so for effect, to get my boys pumped up, we tied them up 2-2 in the third, but it went down hill after that, I will bring my case next week” Jaworiwsky said.
New comer La Bomba Vlaminck was sharp again, making some great passes, he is like Tomas Kabrale: he does not seem to want to shoot.
And the magic of the black collared shirt is gone. Shamus Goldstein should go back to a regular t-shirt, as he only scored one goal last night.
La Bomba brought 12 beer out of the goodness of his heart. 24 were brought by Junior, who stayed and watch the three games from the press box and on occasion giving coaching tips to the black cats. The rest of the beer was donated by the Pittsburgh guys, Hollywood, Jingles, Stevo, Crow, Junior and Jason Enskat….thanks boys….(The provided Tomcats with 2 and half cases of beer from the Pittsburgh trip!!!)
Until next week, when I see you, I will try to get my Harry Ballsonue.
The number of dicks Eva Longoria can fit in her mouth at once.
– The Turk
And now Jingles Komedy Korner!!
What do you say to a naked lawyer?
– Here’s a suit.
– Jingles
What do you call a bear without teeth?
– A gummy bear!!!
– Jingles
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
– Nacho Cheese!!!
Tip your waitresses.
Windsor Tomcats 
