Click Here to read the October 2015 (211th) issue of the Saint Felix
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Less Than A Month to Start of Season by Harry Ballsonue
I know that preparations are starting for the upcoming season. Doc is trying to organize a crew to get out to the Kapusta Kow to clean up the floors. Rocky is building new nets for the season and most of the Tomcats are doing their off season work outs, getting ready for the upcoming season.
Coach Sea Lion is excited for the up coming season, but does not want to put the horse before the cart, as there is still the Battle Creek Michigan Golf outing. “We have two new Tomcats going this year, and I know that Soupy and Crow will just love the time there with their fellow Tomcats” Sea Lion indicated. It will be Soupy’s first time going to Gull Lake, but Crow has gone for many many years in the past, but has never gone with the Tomcats until this year. “I am really looking forward to this trip, as I missed my May trip this year, going with the Tomcats will be a great time, I just know it” Crow had stated.
Also going this year, along with the Sea Lion, Crow and Soupy are Head Tomcat Scout, Toronto Doc, Vice President of hockey operations, for the Windsor Tomcats, The Bundura, Kapusta Kow Palace Maintenance Director, Sandy Beach, Heart and Soul of Tomcats Stevo, The Dreamy Cribzie, little Energy Bunny Snowpants, Sexy Sparky, Fan Favourite La Bamba and past participant, but has not gone for a few years, but going this year Spanky. And speaking of Spanky, sign in a window in Oxford Michigan.
“Home of the Spanky” ….you just know it’s full of goodness just like our very own Windsor Tomcat Spanky
Rumours are also swirling about Tomcats favourite band Ghost Crossing touring this year and that they will be making a stop in Windsor on November 6, Ghost Crossing band spokesperson Hollywood had this to offer, “The venue right now has not been set, but once we get that figured out, I hope that each and every Tomcat will go. It is a fun raiser that I am planning for the Dancing group that i run and there will be whole night of fun and entertainment and yes, Ghost Crossing will be appearing”. a beaming Hollywood indicated. Ticket sales to start a the end of September.
Windsor’s own Ghost Crossing to appear in Windsor November 6
The October St. Felix is coming out September 1, I have seen the mock up and LOVE IT! Can’t wait for the finished product to be put up on the web site.
Cost for the season is $40 and is to be paid in the first three weeks of hockey. Start of the season gift has been decided on and everyone will love it I am being told.
IMPORTANT: The Beer list is now up on the web site so please check it out to see when your beer night is……
So, with only four weeks remaining before the season starts, lots of things happening. Coach Sea Lion says, get some golf in, Doc says, let’s fix the hall up, Rocky says Nets look good and are a touch bigger then the old ones and I say hey, while you are thinking about the start of the season, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
No golf event to cover this week, but instead a Wine Tour and Doc is the organizer. “It was more of meet and greet type of event” a beaming Doc indicated and then continued, “People want to meet celebrities and here they got the top four within the Tomcat organization. Stevo, the heart and soul of the Tomcats, Crow, a franchise player and a constant MVP, Hicksee a brand new Stanley’s Cup winner and winner of the Pantelon de Neige Jug (Tomcat golf outing) and up and coming shining star The Kamikaze” indicated Doc.
Doc’s Wine Tour For Charity brings out lots of celebrities ….here are Stevo, Hicksee, Crow and the Kamikaze
The event drew folks from all over the province of OntarIo, Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania. “I am a huge fan of the Kamikaze, he is just so damn cute”, stated Amy Perkins of Norton Falls Pennsylvania.
Kamikaze and Princess Katie
The event saw close to 5,600 fans line up to meet and get an autograph from one of the Tomcats present, “Yeah, Crow was the number one guy sought after for autographs”, indicated Doc, “but a few came up and asked me for an autograph too” Doc stated with a smile from ear to ear.
Doc and Lady Bird
Lots of ‘want to be’ professional ball hockey players attended a 15 minute presentation by Stevo on “The in’s and outs of Professional Ball Hockey”. Moms and sons listened attentively as Stevo spoke about the importance of LSD. (Mom’s gasped) But Stevo explained the LSD stood for Love, Satisfaction and Dedication of the game he loves so much.
Who does not love a Crawford Sandwich !
A very successful day, but let me ask you, as you are sipping on your Shiraz, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
August 5, 2015 CP: Windsor, Ontario
By – Dick Handler
A Tomcat luncheon organized by Snowpants was held on August 5, 2015 at the Rock Bottom Saloon. A bunch of Tomcats attended the luncheon which included Snowpants, Stevo, Sunny, Soupy, the Turk, Mayday, Hurricane, Chevy, Doc, Jolly Green Giant (just call him JGG – too much to type) and Kamakazee.
We thought the luncheon was to discuss the Tomcat Christmas party. However, this reporter did not overhear any discussion about the Christmas Party.
It was confirmed that Snowpants and the Bundura will be marching in this weekend’s pride parade. They will represent the Tomcats and the City of Windsor. In fact the Bundura was a no show at the luncheon because he was helping the Mayor raise the pride flag at city hall.
Other tidbits overheard at lunch were rumors that Mayday is organizing a Tomcat golf tournament this fall. It will be a 27 hole tournament at Deer Run and will feature a Ryder Cup format. Stay tuned for details.
Doc will also be organizing a Zamboni crew to spiff up the surface at the Kapusta. Rumour has it more luxury boxes will be added before the start of the season.
“Work hard, play hard, be hard”.
Quote form the Legend, Bobby Skoretz.
It was Hollywood who said, “I wonder what is inside this old silver box”? He studied it and then added, “I bet you it would fit our score clock.
Measurements were taken and a pair of bolt cutters were brought in. Negotiations took place with the owners of the Kapusta Kow Palace and the Silver Box become the Tomcats.
Chico, Sunny, Matador, Tunzie, Kamikaze, Green Giant, Soupy and Shack now don’t have to carry that score clock up and down the stairs. (Stevo Watches) and all that has to be done is the ‘Hide a Key’ (which will be shown to everyone) come first and second night of hockey (Maybe instead of first second and third selections) can be used and then it can be unlocked and the clock can then be carried 16 feet and placed in place. (Instead of being carried up and down the narrow staircase up and down from the Tomcat Room) “What a wonderful moment in time”, stated a jubilant Turk, “I remember as a kid, Pann Snatchkowsky putting all the mikes and radio equipment in there and now, it belongs to us, the Windsor Tomcats”.
The new score clock holding area ….now you don’t have to carry the clock from the Tomcat room
What if the hide a key is misplaced,or stolen or if something happens to Stevo before the secret information can be revealed ? Great Question Agent 86. In the Tomcat room, on the key chain that holds the bar key, the spare key to the Silver Box will hang.
There is a hide a key on stage ….but in case someone hides it so well ….there is a second key hanging on the bar key.
It should also be noted that the first aid kit has been hung up so that it is easily visible. This way guys are not fumbling around the shelves looking for it. “Let’s hope we never have to open it for more bandages”, indicated Sunny. The kit also contains some aspirin and Iprebrofen. Maybe Chevy and Hurricane can stock it with old samples of Vioxx.
First aid kit has been hung up for easy recognition ….we all we might need is a defibrillator …
So Hollywood gets credit for the great idea and makes life easier for those who use to carry the clock. A salute to Hollywood and a ‘Tomcats Forever’……. Zigga Zagga, Zigga Zagga, Hoi Hoi Hoi.
Maybe if you have never carried the clock, maybe you can give it a carry now? It is only 16 feet of carry.
Wow, that is a great deal of information, but still, when you are unlocking the Silver Box do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
By Harry Ballsonue
I love covering the Tomcats in the off season too, last week, a fella paid $3,000 to golf with
Soupy, Stevo and Sheepdog. This week, in the May Day Open, Sandy Beach paid $10,000 to golf with May Day, the Bundura and Stevo.
Sandy Beach paid $10,000 to golf with Stevo, May Day and the Bundura. “Hell I would have paid $10,000 just to golf with the legend Bundura, but to have May Day and Stevo in the foursome was very special”
Sandy Beach
“It is a great tournament and I love playing in it” indicated a joyous Bundura, then added, “There
is nothing like a round of golf with friends. This tournament is full every year in fact it is fully booked already for next year I am being told” The Bundura concluded.
The charity May Day selected this year is the Belle River Buckos Alumni Association. It benefits the likes of
Fuzzy (golf lessons) Bucko (Guitar lessons), Crispy, Finner, Uwe, Sauc, Doob, Ditty and many many others.
“I yell May Day, May Day, May Day and people come to help in this important event,” May Day said.
One item that is being looked at (donations and possible charity golf event for next year ) is a bronze, life
like statue of Cripsy, to be erected in front of the new Belle River Arena…… to give hope and faith to all young Belle River Hockey players.
“There is one of Gretzky in Edmonton, there should be one of Crispy in Belle River” stated Finner.
While you are measuring out the spot for the statue, do you think I can put my Harry Ballsonue
It is a well known fact that most NHL players have their own golf tournaments in the off season. Tomcat hockey players are no different.
Last week a few participated in the CHILL AND GRILL event, this week, Soupy had over 500 golfers playing at 4 different course in the Essex Region in the ‘Soupy’s Soup Kitchen Charity Classic. The event is organized by his lovely wife Serta and Soupy himself. “You bid to play with different Tomcats, This year a young fan bid $3,000 to play with Stevo, Sheepdog and with me”. a smiling Soupy indicated.
Stevo Sheep Dog Young Scottie and Soupy ….Young Scottie paid $3,000 to play in the Soupy Soup Kitchen Charity Event …with These three Tomcats .
Soupy who holds a PGA Card and a Professional Ball Hockey Card, came in at 3 under to win the event.
Soupy wins the Soupy Soup Kitchen Charity Classic…..coming in 3 under …” It’s great being a Tomcat …but winning this event is just a fantastic feeling “
IN OTHER TOMCAT NEWS…
Rocky holds summer camps for young puck bunny hopefuls, who want to fight off other puck bunnies,
“I feel I am adding a different element, showing them how to tussle and win the hockey man of their
dreams” says Rocky. Here he is about to jam a young damsel in the gut, “They feel it when I hit them
and then they thank me after” a Beaming Rocky stated.
Rocky has been busy running his Boot Camps. This year, he is focusing on Puck Bunnies who are being out muscled by other Puck Bunnies and are losing out on sitting on the back of the bus with the man of their dreams. (any Tomcat hockey player will do…please, but Cribzie is so dreamy )
“I feel I am doing something for hockey in the off season too” a stoic Rocky indicated and then added
“Some women want to get close to a player, such as maybe The Matador or Tunzie, but are fought off by Security or other Puck Bunnies, I am just trying to provide them with a slight edge, that’s all”. Rocky concluded.
Rocky charges $3,000 a week for his one week long boot camp. For that money, you learn how to tussle and box out an opponent. Food, lodging and snacks are extra.
I am hoping everyone has had a chance to review the Summer Issue of the St. Felix that came out July 1 and that everyone is waiting for the ‘Rules Issue St Felix’, that is due out August 1.
Hey, whilst you are checking out that hot hot chick getting turned up by Rocky, or wondering to yourself, why did I not pay $3,000 to play golf with Sheep Dog, Stevo, and Soupy, do you mind of I just put my Harry Ballsonue.
Chill and Grill and have a Thrill by Harry Blazon
June 20 was suppose to be the Tomcat baseball game, but that fell through, so the Tomcats that were
going to play baseball, decided to go golfing instead. Then after golf, Spanks had the boys over for
what he called a “Chill and Grill” evening.
Soupy, May Day, The Turk, Crispy, Iron Head, Spanky, Snowpants and Stevo golfed in the Chill and Grill
Golf was great, everyone had fun. “May need to do this again”, stated a smiling Turk, “I have a golf course in mind and
then back to my place and the tiki bar”. The Turk indicated.
The Turk to organize, so watch out for an email coming to a computer near you!
Lovie on the other hand has been busy with his ‘off season’ business, ‘Lovie’s Frosty Twist’. “Get Twisted” he
said to me in a phone interview and added, “Lots of hot mom’s come to the store with their kids, I say Get Twisted
and they laugh and laugh”. Lovie said, from his home town in Petrolia (Where his business is)
Lovie’s Frosty Twist….Lovie says, “Get Twisted”.
So is your favourite song by Twisted Sister? Lovie laughed when I asked him and he told me that it was The Beatles ‘Twist and Shout’ and then he
he added that his favourite game to play is Twister. (of course he plays it naked)
Don’t forget July 1 the Summer St. Felix is coming out and I have had a chance to see the mock up of it and it is
looking good. Front page is a story covered by Craven Morehead and he does an investigative piece that will knock
your socks off. Some great insight provided, YOU do not want to miss it.
While you are sitting there thinking of Lovie playing twister naked, c’mon, you got to let me put my Harry Ballsonue.
By Harry Ballsonue
The day could not have been better, sure there were three holes with rain but PGA players play in the rain a true athlete will play in the rain, NFL, Soccer games, MLB, Golf, and so will the Tomcats.
The brand new trophy designed for the Tomcat tournament and now officially named Pantalon de Neige Jug….Named after the British Open Champion, the Claret Jug.
“Sure some would want to win the Claret Jug, but I think most would want the Pantalon de Neige jug”. Stated Razor, a Tomcat who could very easily win the jug himself.
Hicksee took the tournament with a solid 74. Past franchise player Crispy finished second with 78 and present day franchise player Crow finished in second with a 78. “Hicksee played well, he deserves the Pantalon de Neige Jug, Stanley’s Cup winner this year and now the Jug, what next for this great golfer?” asked Crow.
Hicksee Captures the Pantolon de Neige jug
“My wife loves the Jug, but I told her, I only get to keep it for one year, she said, go out there and play as much golf as you want, this summer, so you can win it again next year,” Hicksee said
Great to see some of the Alumni. General Manager Finner was in that foursome as were Tomcat legends Crispy and Bucko.
Great to see the Alumni come out and mix with the present day Tomcats….. Bucko, Sauc, Crispy and Finner
“I certainly would love to see more alumni here, where is the Legend, where is Rexy and Miami?” Finner had asked.
Scores and prize money:
Hicksee $1,800,000.
Crispy $1,200,000
Soupy $1,000,000
Crow $700,000
Snowpants $500,000
Razor $400,000
Sauc $250,000
Lovie $175,000
Bundura $125,000
Stevo $90,000
Cribzie $ 65,000
Sparky $40,000
La BAmba $20,000
Bucko $16,000
Hurricane $6,500
Falco $4,000
Sandy Beach $2,500
Finner $1,200
Kwang $800
Chevy $400
Hollywood $80
Rocky $7.50
Turk D.N.G. Owes $15,000
Spanky D.N.G. Owes $15,000
Killer D.N.G. Owes $10,000
Sea Lion Injured owes nothing
Junior Never Showed Never Called, Owes $110,000
Razor was dressed in style as always but a fashion faux pas did occur when two Tomcats wore the same shorts.
Not going to say who the two Tomcats were, but here is photographic evidence.
Two Tomcats wore the same shorts, what a fashion Faux Pas….
So with that, the 2014-15 Tomcat season comes to an end. Until September, please have a safe and warm & sunny summer.
Watch for the summer issue of the St. Felix (out July 1) and of course the October St. Felix that will come out September 1.
Hey, while you are going over the prize money, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
