Gents,

see below.  Once again the Turk is organizing this great golf tournament in June and it would be great if many Tomcats showed up.  Let Turk know if you are interested.

Another two-team night as many last day cancellations occurred.  Seems like Tomcats are very busy these days and Tuesday hockey is often axed when more pressing things come up.  Nonetheless, a great night of rocking hockey with good clean action and good pace of play.

Teams:

Sunny’s Black Betty’s – Sunny, Soupy, Chico, Hollywood (net), Rocky, Cribzie, Domenic (new guy) and Chevy

Snowy’s White Weddings – Snowpants, Beep, Hurricane, Falcon, Killer, Sparky, Tunzie and Sheepdog

The White Weddings jumped out to a large lead in game only to see the Betty’s storm back.  Very even teams ending in an 8-8 tie.

The first period of the second game proved the teams were well-selected as after 16 minutes of play, the Weddings were up only 1-0.  However, all bets on evenness were off come the second period where the Weddings blanked the Betty’s with 5 more un-answered goals…there went the great team selection.

New-comer Domenic (nick named “Ricky” by Sparky) showed he has wheels and a feel for the flow of the game.  He created several good scoring chances and didn’t take long to notch his first career Tomcat goal.  During the play, Snowpants yelled out “great play Rookie!”  Sparky immediately chimed in, “you mean Ricky?” The name stuck.

Domenic (aka Ricky) made his debut as a Tomcat and will likely be a spare player going forward.

If you are a Windsor resident, be very leery of your tax rates.  At one point during the first game, the Weddings were given and extra goal on the scoreboard.  Several announcements were made of the real score (“away has 5 goals, not 6).  At least 4-5 were made over the ensuing 10 minutes of play.  When the Wedding’s scored, as expected, no goal was added to the clock to make the number correct.  Several member’s of the white team, despite the repeated announcements were confused as to why another goal was not added.  This include one such Tomcat that does finance for the City….so be aware 🙂

A super solid goes out to Cribzie for bringing in some sausage and crackers for the boys to share on stage afterwards.  Always a class-act!

Until next time,

Howie Feltersnatch

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there’s no hope for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City park.

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.”

Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie’s Maniac Monster Chili… 
Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 — (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Austin’s Afterburner Chili… 
Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Ronny’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili… 
Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 — A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting sh!t-faced from all of the beer…

Chili # 4 Dave’s Black Magic… 
Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3! — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa’s Legal Lip Remover… 
Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me ! off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam’s Very Vegetarian Variety… 
Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** on myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a** with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla’s Screaming Sensation Chili… 
Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili
peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen’s Toenail Curling Chili… 
Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d! have reacted to really hot chili?

A little treat for those who read the whole thing!

Bringers of the Bottles:   Tunzie (24)

Between the Pipes: Falcon and Hollywood

Starting Line Up:  Sparky, Sunny, Hurricane, Soupy, Snowpants, Cribzie, Rocky, Chevy, Beep, Sheepdog, Chico, Tunzie, Dom (Rocky’s friend – coming out to be scouted as a potential spare)

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Razor, Jingles, Spinner (close to making a return)

Healthy Scratches: Skippy, El Choppo, LaBamba, Stevo, Rake, Killer, Doc, The Turk, Kamikaze, Bulldog, The Terror, Scuz, Matador

Sitting in Press Box:  Hicksee, Crow

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up: N/A

Captains for the Mini:  TBD

Skinny: Down to two teams.

By Harry Ballsonue

The Ides of March (Latin: Idus Martiae, Late Latin: Idus Martii) is a day on the Roman calendar that corresponds to March 15th. It was marked by several religious observances and became notorious as the date of the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44 BC.

Teams:
BULLDOG THUNDERBIRDS Bulldog, Stevo, Big Ned, Soupy, Chevy, The Rake, Chico (Net), Cribzie, Snowpants
SUNNY MAVERICKS Sunny, Hurricane, The Terror (Net), The Turk, Rocky, Beep, Sparky, Sol and Helios

You might be thinking pretty even teams, but who the hell is Helios. You know Sunny’s boy Sol, but who the hell is named after Greek Mythology, Helios?  Well it Means “sun” in Greek. This was the name of the young Greek sun god, who rode across the sky each day in a chariot pulled by four horses. And whose brother is he, Sol’s. Whose son is he? Sunny’s.

Helios makes his Tomcat Debut, drafted number one
over all two years ago, he has been an anticipated player for the Tomcats. 
“The future looks bright with Sol and Helios,” stated Sparky.

Hockey was incredible. No stiffs playing and the scores were 9-6 for the Mavericks and then the second game went to a 10-10 tie and both goalies played great. “When you have the caliber of hockey players that we had out tonight, there are no slouches, it was fast, clean hockey and that is evident by the number of goals that were scored,” stated Soupy.

What also made it a fun night was watching some of the young Tomcat talent out, Big Ned, Sol and Helios.

“It was a thrill for me, Sol has played in the past but to have Helios out there, and the three of us on the same team well, it was a magical moment in my life,” stated an elated Sunny.

Is that Gordie with Mark and Marty? No, it’s Sunny with Sol and Helios!

“It was great watching my dad play tonight, he scored a ton of goals and two on shots that went right through the goalies legs, he is an incredible person, and incredible dad and now I can see an incredible hockey player, I guess thats where I get it from,” stated Helios smiling.

SPARKY HAS A FAVOUR TO ASK

Sparky is looking for a few good men to help next week clear out the empties from the Tomcat room. If interested, please show up at 6:15 ready to work. “There is not a lot up there but with a few guys helping it will make the job go by quicker,” stated Sparky.  So, please come out and pitch in, don’t ask what the Tomcats can do for you, ask what you can do for the Tomcats.

TOMCAT GOLF TOURNAMENT

June 16 is still the date for the Tomcat Golf Tournament, make sure you get that day off.  Snowpants will be providing all Tomcats with further information, when it becomes available.  He always, always, does a fantastic job, you do not want to miss this fun tournament.  Snowpants is also considering changing the format to a two man scramble.  If you have any concerns or ideas about this, Snowpants would love to hear from you.

OTHER GOLF TOURNAMENT

The Turk is organizing his annual Kapusta Open, in honour of Bill Booksa, the date is June 3 and the cost is only $110. It is a four man scramble. Please see Turk to get your money in.

FUNNYNESS HARRY BALLSONUE STYLE

I Polish guy goes to the DMV (in the states) to apply for a drivers license. First he had to take and eye sight test. The optician showed him the letter card, C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this”? the optician asked. “Read it,” replied the Polish applicant, “ I know the guy!”

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them “I must tell you all something, we have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.” “Thank God” said an elderly nun at the back, “I’m so tired of Chardonnay.”

While you are thinking about the two funny stories, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

Bringers of the Bottles:   Chico (24) Chevy (12)

Between the Pipes: The Terror, Chico and TBD

Starting Line Up:  Sparky, Sunny, Son of Sunny, Hurricane, The Rake, The Turk, Soupy, Snowpants, Cribzie, Bulldog, Stevo, Big Ned (Stevo’s son), Rocky, Chevy, Beep, Sheepdog

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Razor, Jingles, Spinner

Healthy Scratches: Skippy, Matador, Scuz, El Choppo, Falcon, Doc, Kamikaze, Killer, Hollywood, Tunzie, LaBamba

Sitting in Press Box:  Hicksee, Crow

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up: N/A

Captains for the Mini:  TBD

Skinny:  With March break, we would expect this list to widdle down more by Tuesday.  We will see.

March 7 Hockey and 7 Weeks Left of Hockey by Harry Ballsonue

March 8 2014…….Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 with 239 people loses contact and disappears, prompting the most expensive search effort in history

TEAMS

Cribzie Cannons, Cribzie, Doc, Tunzie, Matador, Hurricane, Rake, Falcon and Snowpants

Kamikaze Kamandos, Kamikaze, Soupy, The Terror, Sunny, Bulldog, Stevo, Sparky and The Turk

Hockey was very good.  Two way play, but in the first game, the Cannons had horse shoes up their asses, and the Kamados found them selves down 8-0 but then with 3 minutes and 47 seconds on the clock, the Kamando’s finally scored their first goal of the game.  The shots were even up to then, and the final score rang out 9-1 for the Cribzie Cannons.

In the second game, the Kamikaze Kamandos were not going to take the 9-1 loss lightly, they came out quick and hard and ended up with 6-1 lead.  The final score, Kamandos 8 Cannons 3.

Stevo was at the Helm today, (Rocky Sidle Lined with a wrist injury) and Stevo rang out his solid “Let’s Go”…ah familiarity.

Doc was suppose to bring a 12 and brought a 24, put her there Doc….solid by Doc.

SOME TOURNAMENT INSIGHT.

Hurricane of the Hurricanes had some insightful information about the tournament, “I found that winning our 3rd game 9-8 and getting into the finals, saw me with little to no energy for the final game.  I doubt very much I will be playing next year.  It would have been fun to finish my tournament career with a win as a Champion, but my team was the best team I ever had in a tournament, with that, it is a honour to have finished my last tournament with them”.  a weepy Hurricane had stated.

PHOTOS OF STANLEY’S CUP TOURNAMENT

Team Photo 2017 Windsor Tomcats

Tunzie is about to take his first sip from the Stanley’s Cup as Chevy looks on

The Terror is about to take his first sip from the Stanely’s Cup, “Hey its an actual Cup, oh my!” stated The Terror

The 2017 Stanely’s Cup Champions, The Sparky Victorious Secrets

I was not privy to any GAA’s from the Stanley’s Cup Tournament, but I certainly would love to find them out, what they were and for who, on the highlight reel I could see how the Terror got MVP, but how did the other goalies fair? If anyone knows of a web site, or a published magazine where these stats are kept, please send them along to me. There is nothing like knowing a GAA.

DOC AND JOAD THE TOAD

Doc and Joad the Toad threw their annual house warming party and the theme was ‘wear what you will be wearing in the year 2525”.

Serta and Soupy

Stevo and Soupy, “Stevo was a female hooker and Soupy was a Greek Cosmonaut”.

TOMCAT GOLF TOURNAMENT

June 16 is still the date for the Tomcat Golf Tournament, make sure you get that day off. Snowpants will be providing all Tomcats with further information, when it becomes available. He always, always, does a fantastic job, you do not want to miss this fun tournament.

OTHER GOLF TOURNAMENT

The Turk is organizing his annual Kapusta Open, in honour of Bill Booksa, the date is June 3 and the cost is only $110.  It is a four man scramble.  Please see Turk to get your money in.

MARCH BREAK

March Break is next week, if you are unable to make the night of Hockey, please let Rocky know.  Also, if your kid, who is over 16 years old and wants to play, this is the night to come out, but let Rocky know, if you are going to bring your son out to play….

And Hey…. while you are thinking to yourself, was there not some sort of conspiracy theory on Malaysia Flight 370 and that it actually landed at an American Air Force Base in the Indian Ocean, called Diego Garcia…Hummmmm, it actually did, while you are pondering that little nugget of information, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

Bringers of the Bottles:   Stevo (24) Doc (12)

Between the Pipes: Falcon and the Terror

Starting Line Up:  Sparky, Sunny, Doc, Hurricane, The Rake, The Turk, Soupy, Snowpants, Cribzie, Bulldog, Matador, Tunzie, Killer, Kamikaze, Stevo

PUP (Physically Unable to Play):  Razor, Jingles, Spinner, Rocky

Healthy Scratches: Hollywood, Skippy, LaBamba, Sheepdog, Chevy, Beep, Chico, Scuz, El Choppo

Sitting in Press Box:  Hicksee, Shack, Crow

With the Bad Axe Bearcats, waiting to be called up: N/A

Captains for the Mini:  TBD

Skinny:  Going old school tonight…no mini and Stevo is in charge!

LIFE LESSON FOR 2017

Sometimes we try too hard

To get to the greener pasture.

In the process, we end up in trouble.

And when you find yourself in trouble

And you’re stuck in a situation

That you can’t get out of,

  There is one thing

You should always  remember –

Not everyone who shows up

Is there to help

To the victors (Sparky’s Victoria Secrets) go the coveted Stanley’s Cup; and for two members of team went the ‘sip’, or should I say shower.

The First timer Tunzie followed the age old tradition and practically took a shower from an enthusiastic Chevy who helped initiate him via a pour through the cup.  MVP The ‘Terror’ also drank deeply from the well and had a bit of a ‘aha’ moment when he realized the ‘cup’ was actually – a ‘cup’.    I don’t think either player minded as each they snagged their first Championship win.  And from the way The ‘Terror’ played, I expect he’ll see some more rings adorn his fingers.

The road to that cup was truly remarkable, considering the team only had a single spare.  Shack committed to draft, was chosen to be on the team and never showed.  Regardless, lead by Terror and sniper Soupy the team willed their way into the finals.  I say this as twice in the tourny they came back from multi goal deficits; each time however Sparky’s team found a way to win.

The finals featured Hurricanes Squad; who also put together a great run.  Regrettably they ran into a really hot goalie and lost out 5-3.  Afterwards The Danish said, ‘I really thought we had it; we were up by a pair’.  Perhaps it was the Rake’s motivational pre-game speech; ‘Remember boys, Yurri pre-DICK-ted we’d come in last.   Touché Rake, touché.

I did predict Hurricane’s team would make it to the finals; but had them playing Mayday’s squad, who I selected as Champs.  Guess I was partially right as I did have 1 squad picked out right.

My colleague correctly called it with Sparky’s team tasting victory; so my hats off to him whilst I enjoy eating crow.

I called it wrong; but I say everyone ‘won’ as each player walked out with 2 new shirts and their bellies full of food and beer.  Doesn’t get much better than that for $30.

Congrats again to MVP The ‘Terror’ and Sparky’s Victorious Secrets. And while you have visions of your favourite model in your head, I noticed Yurri Handzonmecac.

Yurri