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Golf Update

Posted by 81rocky on August 24, 2019
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The Gordon Gin League held the first annual Chevy Bubble Open tournament at Pointe West Golf Club as part of the North American Tour.
Special invitations went out to golfers able to comply with the strict dress code requirements of the club. Unfortunately 75% of the tomcat organization were unable to qualify, predominantly due to being required to tuck in shirts and not pee in backyards.
It was a fine day for golf, little on the steamy side.
The teams were:
Hatchie Chevy vs. Stevo, Mayday
Bubbles Cribzie vs Pat Sajack & Todd Frenchie
With bubbles Cribzie shooting a record low 62 it ended up being a tie based on the better ball triple regression hole by hole scoring format.
Stevo enamored with the beauty of the golf course immediately after the round went into the clubhouse and spoke with Loriann about memberships. He got side tracked by 4 vixens having beverages on the patio. Particularly Alex (who’s real name is Alice)  and came back to the table professing that he is now in love.
Mayday for the first time in history was found with his shirt tucked in. When asked for a comment he said ” No Comment – your probably never going to see this again!”
A Great day had by all.
Just-in Beaver

BUBBLES/CHEVY OPEN TURNS HEADS AT POINTE WEST SUMMER OF 2020 DECLARED SUMMER OF STEVO

Posted by 81rocky on August 24, 2019
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August 22, 2019 – Amherstburg, ON

By Dick Fitzwell

The Bubbles/Chevy Open was held at the Pointe West Golf and Country Club on August 22, 2019. Participants were Chevy, Bubbles, Cribzee, May Day, Hatchie, P.O., Stevo and Ghost ( not sure the fella’s name but he left right after the tournament so I couldn’t confirm).

Without question, the star of yesterday’s show was Bubbles who put on a golfing clinic yesterday. “ I would have paid just to watch him play”, said May Day after one of his several errant shots. “I was stealing Sea Lion lines today. Pretty much called myself a nipple head after every bad shot”, stated May Day shaking his head.

As always, Cribzee was the best dressed golfer. Cribzee, who forgot his hat, was impressed there was sunscreen available in the locker room. “I’ve never seen anybody put sunscreen on their hair before”, said Hatchie.

As Chevy added up the scores on the patio with several onlookers waiting in anticipation for the winning team, he finally announced that after 7 hours of grueling golf, the best ball tournament ended in a tie.

Individual scores were Bubbles, with a course record 61, Chevy 70, Stevo 71, Hatchie 72, P.O. 73, Ghost 73, Mayday 90 ( after 3 holes), Cribzee 72.

We tried to get a quote from Bubbles after his impressive round,but he was too busy signing autographs on the patio.

It did not go unnoticed that Stevo and May day played their first ever round of golf with their shirts tucked in.

Thanks to Bubbles and Chevy for organizing this great day.

SUMMER OF STEVO

The Summer of 2020 has been officially proclaimed as the Summer of Stevo. The proclamation came from none other than, you guessed it, Stevo. “ After spending all of this summer building an entire subdivision, I figured I would take things a little easy”, said Stevo. Organizing trades, dump trucks and dealing with greasy real estate agents has worn Stevo out.

May Day suggested to Stevo that they should become members of Pointe West. “It’s a nice course, we like golf and the cost is reasonable. Who cares if you have to tuck your shirt in and have a whiz in a urinal or toilet? It wasn’t that bad today”, stated May Day.

Stevo was seen on the patio and in the back office introducing himself to other members and management. “ I really think I would fit in here”, said Stevo. “ Who would of thought that a Ukrainian guy from Oshawa would become a member of an exclusive golf club?”, asked Stevo. “ I should have started tucking my shirt in 20 years ago”.

Mark it down folks. Summer 2020. The Summer of Stevo. Knowing Stevo, he will have tee shirts printed up.

Ride Her Cup

Look for a recap on the tournament soon.

STEVO TAKES HOME THE BIG KOBASSA

Posted by 81rocky on July 31, 2019
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By Dick Fitzwell

Stevo’s first delivery of lifetime kobassa hanging in his shed in Essex.

The Kobassa Open was held on July 28, 2019 at the Belle View Golf and Country Club in Kingsville, Ontario on July 28, 2019. This was an invitational tournament limited to Gordon’s Gin Golfers and relatives of Ukrainian descent.

Stevo, Ned, Chevy and May Day were on hand and played to a capacity crowd. Stevo had the pepper vodka and chasnik on hand to celebrate birdies. He also had some mead b/c Chevy does not like the pepper vodka. While Chevy ate about 15 cloves of chasnik, he said, “Pepper vodka gives me bad breath. If I would have known Stevo brought mead, I would have birdied at least 6 holes”.

The tournament was sponsored by Halinda’s Meats and fans were treated to free kobassa, raw chasnik and shots of rye after every hole. There was kobassa hanging from the trees on every hole, so fans could enjoy their day. The players had to rent several Transit Windsor buses just to get fans home.

Stevo was on fire, especially the back nine where he really took over the tournament. “I kept my eye on the big kobassa. Free kobassa for life. I don’t eat meat anymore, but I will make an exception for kobassa.”, said a happy Stevo.

Scores for the day were Stevo, 62, Chevy 70, Ned, 71 and May Day 72.

Ride Her Cup goes August 5th and Hatchie and May Day are in Vegas making the teams. Look for an e mail August 1, 2019 confirming times, teams, team names and colours and format. If you have any special requests, too bad. Hatchie and May Day are not taking advice or requests.

No Muffins, a Starbucks Line and a Grumpy Sheep Dog

Posted by 30falcon on July 18, 2019
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No Muffins, a Starbucks Line and a Grumpy Sheep Dog by Harry Ballsonue

“While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake”

           Henny Youngman
The Dirty Growler, Mister Gordon’s Golf League (aka DGMGGL) took the show on the road this past Monday and played in  Michigan  The course was Cherry Creek and it is indeed a beautiful course.  Sheep Dog felt it was a bit gimmicky with different holes having different landing zones, “I’m a grip it and rip it type of guy, so yeah I found it a bit gimmicky”. Stated Sheep Dog, when asked about the course.
Before the round started, a kids golf school was taking place, well, it is very very difficult to explain some of the goings on that occur in the Golf League , but I will try, with the golf school going on, (I am snickering thinking of this) Professional Golfer, Sea Lion introduced himself to the kids at the golf schools and then started a side gyration thing.  It is hard to explain, and I wish I had caught it on camera, but, unfortunately I did not and well, if you see me in the hall ways of the Kapusta Kow or up on stage, covering the Tomcats this season, please ask me to demonstrate the move.
8 golfers attended the road trip, they were, Sheep Dog, Snowpants, Bundura, Sea Lion, Sir Stevo, Little Bird, Bronco and Cribzie.  With Sheep Dog a tich grumpy, he and Cribzie were not encouraging each other on, “Yes I find him dreamy”, Sheep Dog said and added, “But, well I don’t want to talk about it”.
Cribzie was seen in the mens locker room, with his security and staff but would not come out to give a comment.  One of his staff members did say, ‘he had some tears in his eyes’.
A spokesperson for Cribzie did address the media after and said that everything was good between the two of them and that Sheep Dog’s grumpiness lead to a small tiff.
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Bronco, Snowpants, Sheep Dog and Cribzie

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Sir Stevo, Little Bird, Sea Lion and The Bundura

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Winners of the DGMGGLCCA (Dirty Growler Mister Gordon Golf League Cherry Creek Award)  presented to Sir Stevo, Little Bird, Sheep Dog and The Bundura

“It is a dubious honour to receive this golfing award today”, stated team Captain Sheep Dog and added, “Last year I was fortunate enough to be on the winning team of the Ride Her Cup and now this golfing accolade, well I can’t say thank you enough times, to my golf coach, to my swing coach, to my agent, to my adorable wife the Stomper, to my children, thank you thank you, thank you and to his Dreaminess, Cribzie”.
Speaking of the Ride Her Cup, that has been slated for Monday August 5, if you are interested in participating, please text the Commissioner, May Day.  Teams will be made soon, so YOU DO NOT want to delay in getting on the list to play.
This weeks Golf Scores: Snowpants 78, Sheep Dog 80, Sea Lion 80, Cribzie 81, Bundura 82, Little Bird 83, Bronco 84, Sir Stevo 109
Tour Continues Monday July 22, watch for email or contact the Commissioner May Day directly, YOU really want to be part of this!
And…there were no muffins at the golf course, they had chips and hot dogs at 8 a.m..  Prior to that, there were 9 people waiting for their order at the Starbucks and 7 people waiting to order. A morning breakfast debacle on the DGMGGL.
So hey, while you are checking out the award and you are asking yourself, ‘is that a place mat’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

GOLF TOUR ON THE ROAD AT WILLOW RIDGE FOR CANADA DAY

Posted by 81rocky on July 3, 2019
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July 3, 2019

By Dick Fitzwell

The Gordon’s Gin League were on the road in Blenheim, Ontario at the Willow Ridge Golf and Country Club. The league paid extra climate tax, so the PM could guarantee great weather for the day. There were no floods, thunderstorms, tornados or hail, just perfect golfing conditions. “ If I could get that type of golf weather every week, I would send the government more of my money”, said the Sea Lion.

Stevo, Sea Lion, Big Easy, La Bamba, Little Bird, The Howler and May Day played Monday.

La Bamba, who is a fan favorite everywhere had fans running up and hugging him on just about every hole. La Bamba, who is the minister of music had an impressive play list in the golf cart for his group to enjoy.

The Big Easy, who is by far the best golfer on the tour had a bad reaction to some of La Bamba’s music. Everything was good when La Bamba was playing the hit rock music of yesterday and today, but when the Rap music segment was playing on the back nine, it was like the big easy turned into the Alt Big Easy. He went from, “Hey Stevo, please get me a beer” to “Yo git me uh colt 45 what ‘chew trippin foo’”, when the wrap music was on.

“It was like he turned into a different guy. He started calling Stevo 25 Cent.”, said May Day. Fans were wondering what the heck was going on. Stevo birdied the 11th hole and the Big Easy says, “Yo yo’ game iz pimp-tight this day and shit.”

La Bamba asks the Big Easy how is weekend was and the Big Easy says, “Yo ah wuz drinking colt 45 an’ Cranberry last night in the hood. Yo ah gots uh headache you know das right! Yo It just hit me slap mah fro!”

La Bamba took off the rap music on the 17th hole and the Big Easy pulls up his golf shorts, turns his hat to the front and continues to play like nothing happened. “ I’ve never seen anything like it”, said Stevo.

Scores for the day were The Big Easy/Alt Big Easy 68, 34 with the Rap, 34 with the Rock, Labamba 70, Stevo, 71, May Day 72, Sea Lion and Little Bird, 69 and the Howler 70.

Look for an e mail soon for the annual Ride Her Cup which is being held again at Deer Run. Hatchie and May Day are this year’s captains and we will be looking for a commitment soon.

Dirty Growler League Going Strong

Posted by 30falcon on June 26, 2019
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Dirty Growler League Going Strong by Holden Toodiks

“I dub thee Sir Knight”, May Day

On a day that was suppose to be a washout, the dirty growler Mr. Gordon golf league played with out a hitch.  “I think three drops fell when we were on the 17th hole” stated the Howler and added, “Other than that, it was a perfect golfing day”, the Howler added.

Analysts  and ‘Play by Play’ commentators have noticed a great improvement in the Howlers game this year over the past few, “She is long off the tee and making some great approach shots”, stated David Feherty.

 
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This threesome is a fun loving bunch, if you golf only once in your life, you want to be with these three

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Stevo Little Bird and Howler

Scores this week Cribzie 77, Bundura 78, Howler 78, Little Bird 80, Sea Lion 82, Stevo 87
 
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In a ceremony conducted by the Commissioner, Stevo was Knighted: The lord presented the golf club & martini tee and ‘Dubbed’ the squire who was pronounced a Knight when the lord/commissioner would say, “I dub thee Sir Knight.” . At the end of the Knighthood ceremony a Knight could claim the title “Sir”.

“He wants to be called Sir Stevo on the golf course”, stated the Bundura.  “Sir Stevo another Mr. Jordon?” asked the Sea Lion.

The league is doing their travel week next week to Willow Creek in Blenhiem, (Monday July 1 outing)  if you are interested you have till 4 p.m. on Thursday June 27 to let the Commissioner know.

Also Sir Stevo has one spot available for Cherry Creek, Monday July 15, a beautiful course in Michigan. If you are interested in playing, please contact Sir Stevo directly.

Thanks for reading, I’m Holden Toodiks

Golf Hangover?

Posted by 81rocky on June 21, 2019
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by Harry Ballsonue

“You really rode the Beaver hard last night Ward”. June Cleaver
One of my favourite all time t v show quotes…you got to love it.
As for Golf, only three Tomcats played in the Dirty Growler golf league this week. With the Tournament this past weekend, many Tomcats took this Monday off.  “It was good to be out there, Chevy was on fire, birdie birdie birdie”, stated Cribzie.
“Stevo brought out a Ukrainian Honey Hot Pepper Vodka, wowzers, that will clear your sinus, your poop shoot and the wax in your ears”, stated a grinning Chevy.
The three golfing Amigos
Scores this week, Chevy 78, Cribzie 79 Stevo, 102
“I had a rough time out there today, can’t explain it to you, do you know if anyone has a fishing boat for sale, I may take up fishing instead of this stupid game of golf.
Cribzie, just before he threw it on the green and made the birdie putt, More Ukrainian Honey Hot Pepper Vodka please.
Dirty Growler is back on, on Monday June 24, see the Commissioner May Day if you want to play.
Whilst you are thinking about what the Ukrainian Honey Hot Pepper Vodka tastes like, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

And the Pantelon de Neige Jug goes to…

Posted by 81rocky on June 16, 2019
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By Harry Ballsonue
“I brought 49 balls as a prize today, It was suppose to be fifty but I kept one”  Hurricane
As everyone knows, it never rains at a Tomcat event and well, no rain while on the golf course for the Windsor Tomcats on Saturday June 15. “It really turned to be a good day, no rain, a bit of wind, but everyone got the round in and everyone had fun,” Stated organizer Snowpants.
Sunny and Big Poppa take the Pantelon de Neige Jug by shooting a cool two over.
If you check out the scores, you will see that there was a tie, with an aggregate formula, Snowpants was able to award the prize to Sunny and Big Poppa. “I did ask for a play off”, stated Hurricane, and then added, “well actually demanded, but I get it, security did not have to be so rough with me, when they carried me out of the clubhouse”.
Second place went to Hurricane and Snowpants, third was taken by the Kentucky two, Sheep Dog and Cribzie, “I thought we had a good chance, I know Vegas had us winning, I hope not a lot of people plopped lots of money down on us”, stated a smiling Cribzie.
Chevy holding his Canadian Flag
A FEW INTERESTING POINTS
 
Snowpants, as always did a super terrific job as organizer, he deserves a great deal of credit.  All the Tomcats thank you Snowpants.
The big winners of the Skins, were Sunny and Big Poppa, and once handed the winnings, they proceeded to buy four ‘Triple Boogie’ pitchers of beer, Tomcat Spirit, that is the way you do it boys.
A big BIG thank you goes out to everyone who donated a prize, you know who you are, so thanks, Snowpants tries to give everyone a little something and with your kind contributions this year he was able to do that, so thank you Tomcats.
FEEDBACK WELCOMED
 
Snowpants would like to hear from you re the Two Man Format, and if you liked having the tournament on a Saturday.  It starts with you so let Snowpants know your thoughts.
DIRTY GROWLER LEAGUE
 
The Ride Her Cup, will be held the long civic holiday weekend on the Monday, Commissioner May Day will be organizing, from a golf perspective, you want to circle that day on your calendar and attend.
IN TOMCAT HOCKEY NEWS
 
The Windsor Tomcats are happy to announce a two year signing of Bagz as a goalie this year.  Bagz will have to pass a medical but after that, it is just a formality.  “I am excited for this opportunity, great guys, so it would be an exciting time for me and my family”.
Tiny has also been invited to a PTO (Professional Try Out) with the Tomcats come training camp. He is a goalie and a one time first team all star in the Professional league, the LHL (Lebanon Hockey League) He had played for the Beruit Bearcats and posted a .912 GAA.
IN ENDING
 
So this completes the Tomcat Hockey Season, Rocky, who could not attend the Tomcat Golf Tournament due to a scouting trip to China, Germany and Ukraine wanted to thank everyone for the year and wants everyone to continue their off season training and that Tomcats get back to hockey action in September.
I love covering the Tomcats and I love the Tomcats, as you say, ‘Tomcats Forever’, but do you think, I could put my Harry Ballsonue.

From the Kapusta to the Dirty Growler

Posted by 81rocky on June 4, 2019
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By Holden Toodiks

“He is cut like a milk bag”  Quote by Bryan Hayes of ‘Overdrive’ on Heavy Weight Champion of the World Andy Ruiz Jr.

I thought it was a great quote, but now, we talk golf, Dirty Growler Golf
Chevy and Cribzie Vs. Sea Lion and Stevo in a fun event to raise money for charity (available on Golf Channel only) ….on the side, a small wager was made, read more, but Sea Lion And Stevo took the day with a $10,000 win, each.


“It’s all for fun of it and I’m glad we played”, Stated Cribzie who organized the event. “It’s great being a Tomcat but it’s always great being able to give back to the community” said Cribzie, the pride of Essex.

A friendly wager was made by these two tomcats against Steve and Sea Lion…Chevy and Cribzie ended up paying out at the end of the round.

Reluctantly Stevo and Sea Lion accepted the bet and in the parking lot, after the round Chevy and Cribzie reached into their pocket. Pulled out a wad of 100’s and paid the winners off.  “I don’t know how it ended up being only $10,000 I had it calculated at $23,000 but Chevy did the math and said that’s what they owed us, oh well”. Stated Sea Lion


Cribzie has been voted best looking golfer on Growler tour last three years …here you can see Sea Lion pointing out a good looking babe in the crowd and you can see Chevy looking on, thinking ‘Cribzie is a devilishly good looking man’
IN OTHER GOLF NEWS
Kapusta Open was held on Saturday June 1.  The Turk and his crew put together a fantastic day. “If you have never played you are missing out on an incredible time” indicated Chevy and continued “ the course ..golf ..food and prize table were excellent…did I mention the food”? Stated a smiling Chevy.
Next year the tournament is on Saturday June 6, 2020
Dirty Growler goes again next Monday if you are interested…contact the commissioner May Day.

July 8 Stevo looking to organize an even at Cherry Creek in Michigan …great course you don’t want to miss it.  If you are not included in the email contact Stevo on his texting Machine.

Thanks for reading I’m Holden Toodiks.



Teams Set, Are You Ready?

Posted by 81rocky on June 2, 2019
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By Holden Toodiks
Snowpants formed a team of ‘pickers’ and teams were picked for the Tomcat Golf Tournament. The Picking committee consisted The Bundura, The Sea Lion, Stevo, May Day, Super Prekahsna and some random guy sitting at the table while the teams were being made, true story.
Teams are:
Hollywood and the Big Easy
Little Bird and Air Top
Snowpants and Hurricane
The Rake and Tonto
Bucko and Killer
Sea Lion and Doc
Scuz and Stevo
Bubbles and Shack
Sheep Dog and Cribzie
Sparky and Kamikaze
Chevy and the Bundura
Soupy and the Turk
Big Poppa and Sunny
Bagz and Tiny
Foursomes:
Snowpants will be making the foursomes and if you have a request it is suggested that you contact him directly.
Money Money Money
 
“The tournament should be a lot of fun this year”, stated Snowpants and added, “I will be making the foursomes and this will only add to the excitement”.
If you still owe money for the tournament please make the necessary arrangements to track Snowpants down and pay him.
“The Pantelon de Neige is one of the most sought after golf trophies, I know everyone is looking forward to the 15th of June”, Snowpants concluded.
BREAKING NEWS – BREAKING NEWS – BREAKING NEWS – BREAKING NEWS – BREAKING NEWS – BREAKING NEWS
 
This Just In
Snowpants has just released three foursomes, (Almost like releasing hostages) but here are some of the foursomes:
Big Easy/ Hollywood – Bucko/KIller
Skuz/Stevo – Bagz/Tiny
Bubbles/Shack – Crbize/ Sheep Dog
We will let everyone know, what the other foursomes are, as soon as they are available to us.
Thanks for reading, I’m Holden Toodiks.

GORDON’S GIN LEAGUE OUT IN FULL FORCE AT BELLEVIEW

Posted by 81rocky on May 29, 2019
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May 28, 2019

By Dick Fitzwell

The league was back in action his past Monday at the Belleview Golf and Country Club. The Sea Lion, Stevo, Little Bird and the Howler made up one foursome while The Big Easy, May Day, Chevy and Brades were in the other.

Chevy was hitting straight, 300 yard drives all day long and rarely visited another fairway. Brades was a welcome addition to the group and won $50,000.00 on a side bet with Chevy on thePar 3 16th. Further, he qualifies for the year end banquet at the Rock Bottom. He is a great addition to the league. Brades attended the University of Harrow on a golf scholarship from 1971 to 1975.

The Big Easy was proudly showing the group pictures of his daughter’s prom while stating,

“ I can’t believe how fast Paris has grown up”. The Big Easy was putting on a clinic out there on Monday hitting both right and left handed. “ He could play in a two-man scramble by himself”, said Mayday.

Chevy reported a major rule violation to the commissioner. “ There was a blatant lack of respect from the Seal Lion foursome”, said Chevy. Chevy filed the complaint after the Sea Lion Group left the 18th hole instead of staying in their carts while the May Day Foursome finished the hole. “ Normally, the final group receives a round of applause by the gallery as well as the players and this rule was not adhered to today”, stated a disappointed Commissioner May Day.

Accordingly, the league has imposed a $50,000.00 fine for each player payable to the Doug Ford Make Smokes Available in Drugstores Again Foundation.

Scores were as follows:

Howler – 71 from the Blue Tees – Brades – 68 – Chevy – 69 – Mayday – 73 – Big Easy – 105 –  Stevo – 71 – Sea Lion – 71 – Little Bird – 71.