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Magical Night For the Tomcats

Posted by Youngblood on December 22, 2010
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by Harry Ballsonue 

Team Black Cats; Razor, Sparky, Youngblood, Stevo, Hollywood, Spinner, Crow, Doc, Rocky and the Turk

Team Hellcats; Falcon, Skippy, Lovie, Cribz, Shamus, Snowpants, Hurricane, Killer, Bulldog (yes Bulldog) and the Rake
 
Kapusta Kow Palace/Tomcat Club -AP- Oh what a night. Hellcats take it, 7-5, 4-7, 5-4. Passes, nice shots, intense play and Louis the Rake goes down for the count as he gets hit on the Kiwi’s. “It’s never funny when it is you, but when you see someone else drop like that, you can’t help to laugh”, indicated Sparky Renaud.

 
The goalies both held their own with stellar play on both sides.  The overtime winner came on a give away by Steven Jaworiwsky, who up until that time, was having a stellar night, he tried to feather a shot, for a deflection for Spinner Dzibela, but the ball was intercepted by Lovie and he snapped one, on Razor’s blocker side for the win.

 
Tomcat’s all were then ushered into the Tomcat Club for a private party where the brand new “Tomcat Forever’ wrist band was unveiled.  Every Tomcat member got three on the night.

 
“What a cool thing”, indicated Rocky Comartin.

 
Pizza was supplied by Fuzzy’s Pizza, and the Fuzzanator himself came out and had a beer with the Tomcats.
 

Alumni member, Bobby Skoretz was on hand and signed about 1,000 autographs to youngsters and oldsters alike.
 

It is great being a Tomcat!
 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a happy Tomcat night.
 

Hockey returns, January 18.  Watch for February issue of the St. Felix first week in January.
 

When I see you again, I plan to find your forehead and put my Harry Ballsonue.

Tomcat Breaking News

Posted by Youngblood on December 20, 2010
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(Article by Yuri HANZONMECACAK – Warsaw assoc press)

 Tomcat fans have I got fantastic news for you, a confidential source indicated they recently overheard a private meeting with the Tomcat Commissioner and an unidentified party. According to the source ticket holders to the Tuesday December 21st game (The last game of the regular 2010 Season) will indeed get to see a mini tournament with three teams competing.

The source further indicated that due to the large number of Tomcat players attending, the commisssioner decided to split the players (Based on skill level to keep the games as even as possible), into three teams, who will then face off against one another. All the source knew for certain is the three goalies, who will be Razor, Eagle, and Skippy. Good news for Skippy the alternate, whom also heard of the leaked tournament and indicated he was hoping to have a better game than the previous week, and prove he is capable of playing in the elite league with the Tomcats.

Current odds makers (Not having access to the remainder of the team players) have already placed betting at 3-1 for Eagle taking the mini tourny, 2-1 for razor, and 10-1 for Skippy.

Apparently the half time show may consist of Snowpants, Stevo the Commiss, and other Tomcat celebrities performing their favourite Christmas karaoke songs for the fans. Make no mistake, this foreign reporter is going to do what it takes to cover this game…..

Until I use my forged media credentials again, Yuri HANZONMECACAK

Tournament Update

Posted by Youngblood on December 20, 2010
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Players Signed Up: (in the order the signed up)

Paul Poisson, Louis Koenigsberger, Chad Comartin, Gerald Finnerty, Dave Hann, Mike Edgar, Anthony Meloche, Dave Dzibela, Victor Ferranti, Steven Jaworiwsky, Ray MacDonnell, Shane Renaud, Dean Meloche, Mike Menzel, Nick Lelyk, Dave Crawford, Andy Morgan, Kevin Kuprowski, Michael Jaworiwsky, Paul Renaud, Josh Goldstein, Mark Jennings, Stephan Szcewczuk, Ken Cribley, Andy Brewin, Dean Colasanti, George Metulynsky, Johnny Salaris, and Dan Mesman. (29 players to this point)

Players Still to Sign Up:

John Salaris (now signed up), Sammy Salaris, Chris Girard, Vince Vlaminck and Peter White.

How it may play out:

If J. Salaris,S. Salaris, Girard, Vlaminck and White sign up, that will give us a total of 32 players and each team 3 spares aside.

If we cannot get 32 players, and only 30 players, then we will need to seek out two new players…..

Names need to be in by January 10, 2011.

Draft goes February 1, 2011.

These are indeed exciting times for the Tomcats.

And as a ‘for instance’, if we get only Sammy and John Salaris to sign up, and if Chris Girard is not interested in playing, then I am willing to step down as a player, that would then give us 28 players, and two spares aside.  It would also mean that La Bamba would not be able to play……

Tomcats Forever!

Stevo Jaworiwsky,

TOMCAT HISTORY

Posted by Youngblood on December 20, 2010
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ARTICLE BY Yuri HANZONMECACK:
 

TOMCAT HISTORY (Warsaw assoc press):  I finally was able to sneak by Security and catch another TOMCAT game, having had to sneak in as Tomcat management had blacked out the feed to local TV stations.  A historic night all right with Razor netting what I will refer to as a OFFICIAL shutout, taking nothing away from a recent 4-0 shutout by the Falcon – who insiders insisted was suffering from a undisclosed lower joint injury – However, Tomcats always play to 7 goals, and that makes the Razors an official shutout.  Watching Razor play, it was hard not to feel sorry for the Black Cats, which included a rare appearance in net by Skippy.  His appearances may become about as non existent as the departed do-do bird, dropping all three contest 7-3, 7-0, and 7-2.  It seemed after the second game shutout the Blackcats just were never able to recover – nor was their goaltending.  I tried to catch up with Stevo, the Commissioner after the game, but he fled the building very quickly after muttering – No comment.  Inside sources speculated he was simply too depressed with the evenings events.  Other sources also indicated next weeks year end game could include a mini-tournament, with Skippy receiving another shot at redeaming himself.  Speculation is the mini-tournament hinges on the number of players attending.  Tomcat fans can only hope to catch a glimpse of what the 2011 Tournament will look like, with a sneak peek at some of the newer Tomcats, and how they react to tournament play.  If a tournament does occur, it would be worth the admission fee to catch the last game of the season – and see if any player really shines and improves his position in the upsoming January tournamnet draft.  Until the next time I can find a open unattended door into the arena…
Yuri HANZONMECACK

Tomcat Christmas Party…

Posted by Youngblood on December 15, 2010
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Hollywood's Christmas Tree

Hey boys, next week, we will be holding our Tomcat Christmas Party at the Tomcat Club…in the basement of the Kapusta Kow Palace….Tomcats providing all the beer (3 cases of MGD) and a Bottle of Wisers [Editor’s note: Wiser’s is proudly made in Windsor!]…..so please ensure you have a D.D.

Our fine Minister of Pizza (Youngblood Morgan) is dialing up some numbers, as we speak to bring us the best pizza possible, that cost is only $10 a guy.

I have invited alumni to attend, as the fans get a big kick out of seeing their Tomcat hero’s of yesteryear…..(They will be charged $5.00 for beer and $10 for Pizza) Just so you know.

We will play our three games…and then go downstairs to the Tomcat Club….I will need assistance in carrying the cases of beer to the Tomcat club along with the coolers, so anyone that wants to help, please feel free to jump in.

I have also invited Jasan Enskat to come out and ref a game…to get a feel for it, as we may use him in the February Tournament…he was kind enough to donate 18 beers to the Tomcats (left overs from the Pittsburgh trip) so he will be an honourable member of the Tomcats for that night only.

If we have 18 guys that show up, we will run a mini tournament…..three goalies….and five guys per team…..so make sure you bring a black shirt and a white shirt…we have our yellow tournament shirts that will be used for the third team…..(I’m sure everyone will behave and that I will have fun on that night….right? RIGHT?)

Christmas time for the Tomcat Youth Affiliate of Portage la Prairie, Manitoba

If only 16 guys show, we will go with a normal night….
Tomcats Forever!
Stevo,


Heywood Jeblowmee is on vacation this week and will not be submitting an article.

Holy Mackinaw Razor was Hot….like radiation.

Posted by Youngblood on December 15, 2010
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by Harry Ballsonue

Hellcats, Razor, Hollywood, Sunny, Snowpants, Youngblood, Shamus, Rocky, Sparky
 
Black Cats: Skippy, Lovie, Louie, Stevo, Soupy, Chevy, Yuri, Jingles.
 
Hellcats win, 7-3, 7-0, 7-2.
 
Ever see an NHL ride a hot goalie through the playoffs, Montreal did it a few years ago, with Ken Dryden, then did it again, last year with Jaroslav Halak, well the Hellcats did it last night with Ray MacDonnell, not only did Razor make the first save, he made the first rebound save, then the second rebound save and then the third rebound save.  His goals against average, for the night was 1.6.
 
The Hellcats got goals from every member of their squad.
 
The Blackcats only scored 5 goals.
 
“We really struggled out there tonight, we made attempts, you can’t say we did not try, but we just could not beat their goalie tonight”, indicated Lovie Edgar.
 
Soupy Salaris, playing for the first time on a line with Lovie and Stevo, indicated he could not buy a goal out there. “man oh man, I tired, I put out everything I had and I just could not buy a goal”, indicated Soupy Salaris.
 
Snowpants played the entire game, even though he just about screwed himself into the floor when he missed a shot late in the third game.
 
I am told the Tomcats are holding their Christmas Party next week, beer, rye are supplied and it will cost you $10 for Pizza. Make sure you have a designated driver. Don’t drink and drive!!!
 
When I see you again, I will try to put my Harry Ballsonue,

The Saint Felix

Posted by Youngblood on December 9, 2010
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January 2011 – Issue 160 – SPECIAL BONUS PAGE EDITION

As always, click to enlarge:

[Editor’s note: for a higher quality (though larger) page one, click here]

Page One

Page Two

Page Three

The boys at Kaputsa Kow Publishing did a great job this issue! Enjoy!
…Whereas the boys at the IT Department experienced technical difficulties getting this work of art online. Apologies for that lads.
_______________________
PRO TIP: SPECIAL CONTENT being provided tomorrow from LOVIE, YOUR TOMCAT GOALIES, and ROCKY! Stay tuned! Just goes to show you can check the website often for all your Tomcat updates.

The Rake Returns, Rock and Jingles on same team and the beer flows

Posted by Youngblood on December 8, 2010
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…by Heywood Jewblowmee

As I cover the game from high a top, in the press box, in the rafters of the Kapusta Kow Palace, the stadium announcer says, “Your starting line up for your Windsor Tomcatsssss…..# 2 Louis Koenigsberger….” I thought, gee, there is talk of Dion Phaneuf returning to the Leafs this week and here is Louis Koenigsberger making his season debut. (similar styles).

When you have the talents of Sunny, Lovie, Soupy and Snowpants on one team, you know you are going to get some nice passing plays…and they did not disappoint….winning the first two games, 7-5 and 7-5.

Killer and Youngblood on the same team again but did not seem to have that Hull and Oates, Gretzky and Kurri, Trottier and Bossey magic that they had a few weeks ago. Pressure playing in a hockey crazed city like Windsor? Hummmmm?

The twin towers looked good, Shamus and Jingles…..with Jingles going down at one time around the net, as Louis ‘Phaneuf’ Koenigsberger pushed his weight around.

David ‘Crow’ Crawaford, who signed the 100 million dollar 10 year contract in the off season, did not disappoint. Crafty with the ball, he set up Stevo Jaworiwsky for some high light reel goals. “I had a super fun night tonight…after a night like that, you think of saying, ‘that’s it, I’m ending my career on a high note’ and never playing again, but, I’ll miss stopping at Taco Bell with Doc and Crow after hockey, so I better play at least another four years” Jaworiwsky had said.

The Jaworiwsky boys were paired up as defensive partners, “That does not happen that often”, indicated the younger Jaworiwsky, “I hope my mom and dad have the game on TSN, so they can watch us play”.

The most important thing was the beer, The Rake and Crow brought 12 packs, “Just because”, Husky Eyes Salaris brought his 24 of Sleeman, Tomcats threw in an extra 8-10 beers and the 19 Tomcats sat on stage, laughing, giggling and smiling as they talked about….what else….Hockey……specifically Tomcat hockey.

When I see you next time, Heywood Jewblowmee.

Breaking News – St. Felix to be posted Wednesday Night

Posted by Youngblood on December 8, 2010
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Canadian Associated Press

Windsor, ON – The highly anticipated newest edition of the ever popular St. Felix has experienced a further delay.

“It was meant to go online Wednesday morning” says Windsor Tomcat PR department representative Craven Moorehead. “However, Youngblood did not get the images scanned Tuesday night due to complications resulting from poor floor hockey play. To make things worse, he is working several hours of overtime tonight. The boys will have to wait”.

All involved are disappointed and none more than Youngblood: “I play like shit then have to work overtime and delay the St. Felix. I am just counting down the days to the Christmas Party”.

Harry Ballsonue, citing ‘sources’, say Youngbloods tenure as IT Department Head hangs by a thread.

League Commissioner, Stevo, could not be reached for comment.

ST. FELIX BEING PUBLISHED WEDNESDAY EVENING.

Super night of Hockey…..with Super guys…..just Super!

Posted by Youngblood on December 8, 2010
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By Harry Ballsonue
 
 

Hell Cats; Razor, Snowpants, Lovie, Sunny, Soupy, the Rake, Killer,. Youngblood, Sparky and Husky Eyes
 
Blackcats: Falcon, Rocky, Cribz. Crow(Yes Crow!) Doc, Hollywood, Stevo, Shamus and Jingles.
 
What a night of hockey, Hellcats win, 7-5, 7-5 and 0-4…Falcon gets shut out in last game….
 
Louis Koenigsberger makes a return from shoulder surgery and brings a 12 pack of MGD….what a great guy.
 
Dave Crawford, making only his third appearance on the Kapusta Kow Floor, set up Stevo Jaworiwsky and brought 12 tall boy Bud lights….what a great guy.
 
Lovie Edgar, who sniped a few goals, finished the night a minus five for the night but still a great guy. (Sunny you were right!!!)
 
The twin towers, Shamus Andropov and Jingles Ponikorovsky played well together.
 
Rocky brought a case of beer….to show what a great guy he is,…he brought MGD……Tomcats will break that open next week……what a super guy.
 
Youngblood and Killer, playing together again, did not seem to have the magic of Gretzky and Kurri as they did a few weeks ago. Killer was out for a spell with a lower body injury, believed to be a knee sprain.
 
Soupy wears his touque funny.

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