By Harry Ballsonue

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Tomcat fans were very pleased this past week to be treated to a belated Halloween treat when they got to watch another mini tournament. And like some past tournaments this one was full of controversy and some chippy play. More than once I thought I heard the standard “Play the ball” from the blind ref. Speaking of blind refs, it was a questionable call late in a first period clash between Sparky Chargers and Shamus Sharks that really had the fans hopping.  No doubt the shot by Shamus, who fans and players alike agree has one of the quickest and most accurate releases, hit a bar in the net, it’s just no one seemed to know which bar was hit.  Poor Skippy could only say, “I only heard the shot, I didn’t even see it”. Regardless of a goal or not in the big picture it didn’t help Sharks any as they ended the night with one win and three loses.  The netminder Razor was later heard venting his frustration by stating, “I wish you guys would have told me earlier you all wanted to score and not play defense”.  The chippy play occured between the Sharks and Stevo’s Stingrays. Doc and Jingles got tied up in the corner and both players went down hard.  Afterwards neither player wished to comment on the play, and both walked off on their own power – so neither is expected to be on injured reserve, but Stevo’s mantra was quietly heard buzzing in the background, “Play the ball”.

Overall another great tourney with all three netminders: Falcon, Razor and Skippy turning in solid games. In the end Stevo’s Stingrays did have their stingers out and took it all with an impressive 3-0-1 record (7 Points, 15 Goals scored and only 5 Goals against. The Falcon had one shutout and a stingy 1.75G.A.A.). The Chargers and Sharks went as follows: Chargers – 1-2-1, 3 points, 9GF,11GA and Skippy 2.75G.A.A. Sharks 1-3-0, 2points, 7GF,11GA and Razor 3.25G.A.A.

The three stars, which caused another controversary, considering Falcon’s G.A.A average and his shutout, went to Sunny, Spinner and Shamus.  Clearly another star was Sparky for bringing a 6 pack just because.  The league indicated Labamba was behind some of the reasoning in the star selection, and when a guy brings a 6 pack and misses out on a star, WOW.  I do love controversay and when I tried to console Sparky he simply said, Yuri HANDZONMECAC

The officers among the Tomcat ranks will enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6FTWv7abjU&feature=channel_video_title

by Harry Ballsonue

Sparky Chargers: Sparky, Yuri, Skippy, Jingles, Hollywood, Chevy, Lovie, and Snowpants.
Stevo’s Stingrays: Stevo, Doc, Falcon, Spinner, May Day, La Bamba, Junior and Sunny.
Shamus Sharks: Shamus, Razor, Killer, Zschabba, Matador, Cribz and Soupy.

The Stevo Stingray’s captured the mini tournament with an impressive 3 wins and one tie for 7 points. Sparky Chargers came in second with 3 points, one win, one tie and two losses.  The Shamus Sharks came in third, with 2 points, one win, and three losses. “Of course it is disappointing, I thought I picked ,my team well…I thought I picked the guys that could win, but we just did not get it done, I was happy with some aspects of the game and you know, if I had a second crack at it, I would go with the same team, as I think we could win” Shamus had said.

“I thought we had a pretty good team, but things just did not seem to roll our way, oh well, we still had fun and I loved my team” indicated Sparky.

The three star selection: 3) Shamus, 2) Spinner 1) Sunny.

“I’m honored to be selected as first star, but we had a very good team out there and a number of guys, including our goalie Falcon could have been a first star very easily”, indicated Tomcat Franchise player, Sunny.

From my vantage point, sitting up in the press box, I thought the hockey was very good.  Some quick plays and some outstanding goaltending from all three net minders.

The three Captains for next week: Razor, Falcon and Skippy. This will be a first for a mini tournament format and I like it, I think it should be lots of fun.

Lovie brought his Ipod player and played some ABBA on stage after, on stage and gave an interesting stat about a fecal count on cell phones, “67% of all cell phones have a high fecal count”. Lovie had said. (not sure how he knows this)

Stevo is in Mexico this week, dealing with a few paternity law suits and therefore Hollywood will be the acting President of the Windsor Tomcats, the Vice Presidents are Lovie and Sparky.

On Stevo’s behalf, Mayday stated, “This is nothing for Stevo, he gets these all them time, he will do a DNA sample for them, he always does, Martina Lopez, Maria Sanchez, Octavia Hernadez, Romeriea Diaz, Juliandra Alverez, Romona Flores, Sabrina Gomez, Tara Guzman, Glorianna Jiminez, Amalia Medina, Xenia Mendora, Rosa Torres and Alegra Vargas do not have a leg to stand on, but they will try their best, oh he knows them all, but they have nothing on him”. Mad Day had said.

Stevo returns late Sunday night, so if you are unable to make it on Tuesday, text him, email him, he will still get it and review it on Monday.

Lots of fun out there on the Kapusta Kow floor, the guys just seem to love each other, there is a laugh, a smile, a dig and just good times, don’t ever change Windsor Tomcats, stay beautiful.

CORRECTION: The St. Felix wishes to apologize to the Shamus Sharks organization for not declaring them as winners in a past tournament, this writer would like it be put on record, stating that the Sharks actually won the tournament with 2 wins, one tie and one loss, that is 5 points and they finished with a plus six on the night. Congratulations goes out to Cribz, Hurricane, Sunny, Razor, Yuri and of course Shamus. The Hollywood Hookers finished in second on the night. There are no errors however this week, as reported earlier, the Shamus Sharks finished with a dismal 2 points only winning one game on the night.

When you are there, laughing and reminiscing about a pretty play or pass, or thinking of Stevo’s paternity suits, I will put my Harry Ballsonue.

Many Tomcats can relate…
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=30220

Updated! Click here to read the latest Saint Felix.

by Harry Ballsounue

Hollywood Hookers Falcon, Soupy, Lovie, Snowpants, Sparky and Hollywood
Shamus Sharks Cribz, Hurricane, Sunny, Yuri, Razor and Shamus
May Day Marauders Bearcat, Zchabba, Chevy, Jingles, Doc, Stevo and May Day

What a fantastic night of hockey folks. Hockey was heaven and then on stage, everyone, sitting up there telling stories and laughing and having a few beers, I noticed even the Falcon stayed much later then normal…’what up with that?’

Team Hollywood Hookers ended up winning the mini tournament, with 3 wins, 1 loss and no ties.  They ended up with a minus one on the night.  Where, interestingly enough, the Shamus Sharks, finished with 5 points, with 2 wins, one tie and one loss, and they finished plus 6 on the night.  The May Day Marauders, finished with one tie and 3 losses and finished minus 5 on the night. 

Snowpants had to leave the last game, due to a ‘lower body injury’ which is thought to be his thigh, he worked hard out there, but eventually the Tomcats had to think about the entire season, and not just one game, so Captain Hollywood (Sounds like a super hero) originally said, “Snowpants is being double shifted and playing both the penalty kill and the power play”. But then changed his mind, when he saw Snowpants crying in the corner by the piano. Then Captain Hollywood said, “OK you can sit the last game, there’s no Pants, like Snowpants, like no pants I know” Captain Hollywood had concluded.

It should be noted that Zchabba did a Bobby Orr and rushed the ball from his own zone and scored a goal.

Youngblood is still on injured reserve and his return (like Syd the Kid’s) is still unknown.

With the three star selection, 3rd star, with 6 goals on the night, Shamus, second star, with 7 goals on the night (5 in the first game against the Shamus Sharks) Lovie and first star, with one spectacular save after another, Bearcat. “If only I could stop the easy ones'” Bearcat had said.

It was late into the night and I could hear stories being told, one about Fedur Federov by Jingles and one by Sam Roberts by Doc….

There was some “Crazy Business” going on too,  I only caught the tail end of the story, but someone, had done a huge ‘poopers’ in Yuri’s private dressing room, Yuri was not happy. “It stunk my dressing  room out, who does that”? Yuri had asked.

Overall a fantastic night of hockey…..lots of guys sitting on stage for a long time…nice to see.

Chevy’s case was put aside and Jack-ees case along with Razor’s 12 was consumed and a couple of Rolling Rock were thrown in for good measure.

Stevo brings a 24 of Brava Light, as a fine case….you will remember it was he, who let his team have a drink, before the tournament was over. “Stevo was wrong, he knew it, we play as a club and we drink as a club, so with him bucking up and buying more beer, it really did not hurt anyone, except Yuri of course, who does not seem to like that beer”. stated the Falcon. But, I have to tell you, as I snuck up on stage I spied with my little eye, Yuri having a Brava Light.

Make sure you keep checking out the new feature ‘What the Tomcats Know’ on Sunday-Monday-Tuesday basis, as it gives you the reader a knowing of who is in and who is out on Tuesday’s and it also gives you some updates.

And Finally, I want to remind everyone that the December St. Felix is now here….Razor does a fantastic piece on page three and new fella, May Day uses a pen name and interviews Snowpants, check it out on page 2….and you only thought I Harry Ballsonue was funny, well, while you’re reading the Felix, I’ll be sure to put my Harry Ballsonue.

By Harry Ballsonue

Doc Dockers: Doc, Soupy, Razor, Yuri, Snowpants, Sparky and Hollywood

Rakers: The Rake, Hurricane, Killer, Bulldog, Junior, Chevy and the Falcon

Jingles Jets: Jingles, Bearcat, Cribz, Lovie, Rocky, Bearcat and Stevo

                               W   L    T          GF   GA     +/-    Pts
Jingles Jets           3     1     0            11      8         3         6
Doc Dockers         2     2     0            9        8         1        4
The Rakers            1     3     0            6        7        -1        2

First of all. before the hockey, it must be mentioned that Junior brought his beer. His 12, his other 12 and his 6…..that is why you are the Captain of the greatest hockey club in the world, the Windsor Tomcats….good job Junior !!!

Hockey seemed a bit chippy last night, which is not the way Tuesday night hockey is suppose to go, but there were some frustrations and they were taken out, here and there. Three new rookie mini tournament Captains selected the teams last night and after the game, the Rake of the Rakers had this to add, “I thought I selected well, but some players, just did not do what I thought they would do, I hope I get to be Captain again, I know what to do next time”.

Doc, who has never been a Captain, ever…not even in a real tournament team, had some solid picks and ended up in second place. (Doc was once a Captain in Grade 5, in Victoria, B.C. on a lunch/recess he picked a Baseball team…and he selected the cutest girl in the class, as his first pick and they lost). (Good thinking though)

Jingles, selected for his Jingles Jets and did well, with two tough defense, who ended up scoring a few goals for the team, Cribz and Rocky.

Three star selection: 3) Bearcat 2) Soupy 1) Rocky

Not really a great deal to report.  You sweat, you play, you sweat some more, you hope to make a nice pass, you drink some beer.

Next week, only Sunny is out, so large crowd is expected, watch for the new feature on the Tomcat web site called, ‘what the Tomcat know’. (Should show up on Sunday or Monday)

In other news, Stevo has Named Jingles his new Executive Assistant, “Lovie had done a marvelous job for me and I felt it was not fair to have him hold two important positions.  I wanted him to concentrate more on being the Minister of the Interior and I wanted the new kid, Jingles to have more responsibility: Stevo had said. Jingles was very excited to be named to the position, “I am very excited to be talking on this new role and if there is anything I can do for the Tomcats I will do it, like Sunny says, ‘Glory to the Tomcat'” Jingles had said.

Week Six, pick up sticks, while your doing that, I’ll put my Harry Ballsonue

by Heywood Jewblowmee

Windsor –AP- This morning’s press conference at the Kapusta Kow Palace showed me a few things, the Ukrainians really know there stuff when it comes to Vereneke (Porogy’s),  that on a rainy dull day almost all media types will show up to a press conference where Vereneke are being offered and that the Tomcat organization really knows what it is doing. Case in point, Hurricane is not able to be a tournament Captain this year, as he finds it much more important to be with his wife on a tropical cruise, (at that time) instead of Captaining a tournament team……can you imagine that! So he asked to be removed as Captain. He, Yuri and Stevo were to be this year’s Captains, as they were going to try to make a team to take on Rocky’s defending Stanley’s Cup Championship team.

Enter May Day, who for only being here for 4 weeks, is the new Minister of Fines and Suspensions and is the Acting Director of Player Personnel and now has been named as the third Captain, for the February tournament. “We were looking at going with three of the oldest Tomcats still playing, Hurricane, Yuri and Stevo filled that bill, but now that May Day is here, and Hurricane is out, then May Day was an easy selection, a no brainer as they say”. Stated the Bundura, who emceed the press conference and added, “If May Day was not here playing and still up in the Sault, then Bulldog would have had seniority as the longest running Tomcat, but age wise he is behind May Day, Stevo and Yuri”. Bundura concluded.

“I am very honoured to be selected, I know what the selection process was and it makes sense, I know I have not been in the fold for a while, but I think I can do a good job selecting a team and I hope the May Day Marauders have a strong showing and win it all”. May Day stated then added, “My first order of business would be to see if I could trade for my old neighbour Crispy as it would be nice to have him on my team, I will be making that call to Rocky as soon as I leave the Kapusta Kow Palace today”. May Day had said, with a wry smile.

Draft will go in early February. Tournament is February 25, 2012 and ‘players who are interested in playing this year’ will be asked to submit their names at the end of December early January.

After the tournament, when you have had a few beers and a few laughs with your Tomcat buds, and feeling a bit punchy and randy,  I will come up to you, maybe behind the first curtain, or up in the Tomcat room and say, Heywood Jewblowmee.

by Harry Ballsonue

The War Pigs; Sunny, Cribz, Killer, Snowpants, Sparky, Jingles and the Matador

The Shamus Storm; Falcon, Shamus, Zchabba, Yuri, Hollywood, Spinner and Stevo

The Black Snowbirds; Lovie, Rocky, the Danish, Hurricane, Rake, MayDay and Junior

“Usually, Yuri will say to me, when he is against me, ‘watch the cherry picker’, but because I was on his team, he did not say that, instead he put me down for the beer I brought, which was Brava Light” Stevo said, as he was leaving the Kapusta Kow Palace. He scored a few goals tonight, one that he got on the Matador, with 2 seconds left in the game, on a high pass from his brother, that was passed up over Sparky and as Stevo caught the pass in his glove, and put it on the floor and then put it threw the five hole to tie the game up the press box erupted. “How does that happen, with 2 seconds left on the clock”, asked Damien Cox of the Toronto Star.

In the three star selection, Shamus was third star, the Danish came in as second star and Killer, just back from the I.R. was the first star knotting 6 goals on the night. “I felt great out there today” Killer said, “I got 6, but did not score in the final game” He concluded.

Junior who was to bring a 24 out tonight, had protested  and appealed the fine and brought  no beer! (can you imagine?) The minister of fines and suspensions, is to make a formal ruling and everyone is to be advised by email. “I don’t believe I should be fined a 24, I have asked the Minister to look at my appeal and to make a determination, I don’t want to get into the facts through the media, but May Day is a fair man and I will gladly accept the fine that is handed out by him  but right now, no beer “. Stated Junior.  When asked if he at least brought his 12 pack that he owed from the week before, he said, ‘no comment”. 

So we have covered the Cherry Picker, the Nicker and now a flicker.

I don’t know what it is about the Tomcats, but I see a flicker of greatness amongst them all.  Ever hang out with them? Great bunch of guys? Laughing, loving. Come and spend some time with them, you won’t want to leave.

Big thanks goes out to two net minders that normally do not play for the Tomcat in net, The Danish and to the Matador. The Tomcats thank you.

It was thought that Youngblood was going to come off Injured Reserve and be at the games, but he did not pass the medical and sat in the press box watching the games.  Tomcats hope to have him back next week.

Snowpants had a hot night as well, notching his 13th and 14th goals of the season.  Rocky on the other hand, netted 5 goals on a few very pretty passes by Hurricane.  The Hurricane may not be the storm he once was, but can still make a nice pass.

The Black Snowbirds ended up winning the mini tournament. That Rocky, he knows how to pick them . 

Jack-Key (Lovie’s wife) had been fined a 12, it has been since, discovered that Lovie’s not showing up was truly legitimate and that Jack-Key should not have been fined.  The Tomcats take back that fine.  It should be noted however, that Lovie brought his case of 12 with no reluctance, appeal or excuses. As for Stevo, had had not turned on his ‘out of the office’ device and  missed the Rake telling him that he would not be there and along with his 12 (that he was suppose to bring) brought an additional 12 of Brava Light. “I love that beer, it is tasty and smooth and I encourage all Tomcats to bring Brava Light, as their beer. It the beer of summer”. Stevo had said. 

After the complaint about the Brava Lights  (by Yuri) and Juniors appeal,  (It’s before the review board”)  I sat there with the Danish not looking and I said to him, ‘good goaltending tonight and congrats on being named the second star, now lay still, as I put my Harry Ballsonue”.

from the Harry Palm Press…

I may not have had the chance recently to sneak into a Tomcat game considering increased security at the gates looking for scalped tickets,  BUT, I do faithfully try to read the St Felix.  Imagine my horror when I saw the Tomcats had to purchase 3 rolls of tape for $9?????  That’s like $3 a roll – Holy gold tape Batman.  I just came from our neighbours – The U.S where I purchased 10 rolls of Black tape for $10 – Yup $1 per role.  K, I paid my $9 total in round trip toll, so $19 for 10 rolls.  Still that’s $1.99 a roll.  OOO now your gonna argue about gas – my friends that is cheaper over there too.  Still follow, cause when 8 Tomcats are on the floor chasing a little orange ball, how long does it take for the first Tomcat to break a sweat?  I digress, I quess I’ll come and bribe security with a roll of tape next time I do drop by – Hell I’ll even throw in a yellow roll for good measure. 

Before I get my mouth taped shut, it was nice to see Skippy back out on the past Tuesday in a role that had yet to be determined.  As there appeared to be several extra Tomcat players management decided on a “mini tournament”.  Stevo’s stingrays just edged out the Raxor “Rockets” 3-2 in the first game.  After that Tomcat players started to look around and realize some of those “extra” players actually didn’t materialize.  A decision was quickly made to combine all the remaining players and continue with a traditional game.  Unfortunatly 3 goalies showed up, so the Skipster stepped to the plate and volunteered to leave – What a class act.  At least that’s what I initially thought until learning Skippy actually had an early morning work out scheduled.  Speaking to him as he left, Skippy had another interesting exit strategy,  “Hey whenever you win a game against Razor, who is a top netminder in this league, you take that win and run.  Besides  I also left with a 2 G.A.A – Not bad for me, and it adds a layer of mystery/doubt in players mind when I played that well.”   Hard to argue with and I was impressed until sources indicated he’s been gettin lit up like a june bug in the Monday night midget league he’s been playing in.  

Just as Skippy was leaving I was approached by Security.  Apparetnly my “Black” tape was a horrible bribe, as I learned its no good for the Kapustow floors.  “White” is the only acceptable tape to go on the floor as “Black” leaves marks – So did security when they threw me out once they checked my homemade ticket.  Can you blame a guy for wanting to watch a Tomcat hockey game.

Finally, other sources have put to rest the “Danish” riddle regarding another spare Tomcat goalies “fan” email account.  All I can say is it involves the combination of two Eqyptian gods, a number, and an address.  Poor Danish, no wonder the guy is a Doctor, but like he reminds everyone, he’s not THAT kind of doctor.  Good thing, but don’t the Tomcats already have one “Doc” on the roster?, cause right now I’m kinda happy there may be two as I really need one to put there HANDZONMECAC and check out a growth.

Yuri