Archives
All posts by 81rocky
How’s it going folks? All is well here way high up in the press box of the Kapusta Kow Palace.
A great night of hockey seeing a specula game of hockey!
The Teams:
The Riverside Razors consisting of Snowpants, Beep, The Turk, Spinner, Kamikaze ,Hollywood and Razor between the pipes.Playing against the mighty….
South Windsor Falcons, playing for the Falcons were Chevy, Sparky, Soupy, Hurricane, Matador, and the Falcon standing tall in net.
Great hockey, games were played old school, up to seven , no timed games or periods. The Falcons ran away with game one 7-4. Good back and forth hockey until 4-4 tie, and then the Falcons turned it on and won that matchup.
Second game it was all Razors! 7-3 final.The Razor even played completely shirtless! Best shots of the night belonged to Kamikaze, who almost hit one of the windows on the wall side with one of his shots.
And the Matador having a Jinglesesque shot way high up on the curtains! No where near target.
No three star selection, but if there was one star, it was the Kamikaze for bringing beer, for no reason at all!
Spanky was to bring beer, but failed to do so, or make arrangements!
Not enjoying Beep being home, Kerri has somebody to snuggle with!
Phil Landerer!
By Harry Ballsonue
I will start you off with a quote from Joe Garagiola, “THAT SEASON, WE LOST OUR FIRST 9 GAMES AND THEN WENT INTO A SLUMP.”
The Black Knights: Soupy, Sunny, Spinner, Tunzie, Jingles, Killer, Rocky, Yuri and the Falcon
The White Jesters: Crow, Stevo, The Rake, Chevy, Hollywood, Doc, Snowpants, Hurricane and the Razor
Welcome back sport fans, good to be back covering the Tomcats, I was bored out of my mind, played Pebble Beach this summer and got on Augusta, sailed the Atlantic and back with two super models, and climbed the outer part of the CN Tower, using only elastics and silly putty…. boring….but now, here we are, Tomcat hockey. Great to see most of the Tomcats, The Falcon and the Razor did great in the heat.
Scores were 7-4 for the White Jesters and then 9-4 for the Black Knights. Two games, you would have thought it was mid season.
Notice anything different this year? Soupy made the teams, everyone pitched in, Stevo spoke to the Padre, asking forgiveness for all the sins he has committed.
You will also notice this year that the Tomcat Brass is a lot more aggressive in finding out if you are playing or not. Stevo does not seem to want to wait around till 5pm on the Tuesday, he is texting people I am told and asking, “Are you in for hockey’, some like Jingles never respond. (Says his phone is crap)
It was also Koozie night, with each member receiving Tomcat Koozie’s after paying their $40 bucks..
No three star selection, but honourable mention goes out to Tunzie for bringing out a 24 of MGD, just because. Tunzie was informed that that 2-4 got him 4 more weeks of hockey.
Crow, for no reason, brings a 15 of Bud Lite……and Sunny, 12 Rolling Rock….how great is that, and how great are these guys?
BREAKING NEWS: Killer wears ball hockey gloves for the first time in his 20 year career.
Killer sports some new kind of gloves…He insists they are ball hockey gloves but others are certain they are ladies field hockey gloves.
Killer and his new gloves get photo bombed by The Falcon!
Next week, our net minders are Falcon, Razor and Skippy and a mini is expected.
Bring your $40 bucks if you are a full timer……and you will be given your koozies to enjoy….
Whilst your holding your new Koozie and your fingers are not cold cuz you have your Koozie going on, can I put my Harry Ballsonue?
By Harry Ballsonue
Cribzie, after retiring from the Tomcats in Late August, has rethought his decision and announced today that he will be back with Tomcats starting September 23. Holding back tears, Cribzie said, “I promised Pants I wouldn’t cry, but I am so happy to be coming back, spending time with Pants and Stevo and Sea Lion…and La Bamba, well, lets just say, it’s not time to leave” Cribzie said. “Very Happy to have him back”, indicated Coach Sea Lion.
Cribzie, after a short conditioning stint, will be inserted into the line up come September 23 and he will play twice a month.
Welcome back Cribzie!
Hey when you are welcoming Cribzie back with hand shakes and hugs do you think I can put my harry ballsonue?
Tomcats excited about getting Cribzie back, Snowpants’s roommate on the road.
The 26th Tomcat Hockey Season starts up Tuesday September 16, 2014. Please note the New Start Time…it is 6:30pm. If you can’t make the first night, then please either text or email Stevo right now or as soon as you know.
Thank You!
Coach Connelly says, ” Don’t be sitting around…start working out and be ready for September 16th…work hard, play hard and be hard!”
Well, he’s at it again. I was at Chuck’s house for dinner the other night, I didn’t recognize the person we were eating, and after a dozen or so forty ouncers, he started to open up with some true facts about his life. This is the REAL Chuck Norris and it’s all true.
__________________________________________________________
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into production. No one would pay $9 to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris filmed the making of the first camera.
Chuck Norris built the hospital in which he was born
Chuck Norris can speak Japanese… in French.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn’t make it.
When Chuck Norris is about to cross the street, the light changes from DON’T WALK to TAKE YOUR TIME.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris special orders his pencils without erasers because Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes.
In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When the president pushes the big red button Chuck Norris’ cell phone rings.
Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show ‘Man v. Wild’, but the network did not want kids thinking ‘lave is safe to eat.’
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest … with a fish.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
The Turk finds a tutorial to help the younger, unattached Tomcats find the right lady…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU
The Tomcats have become a member of the mile-high club…sort of.
Back on July 18th, Rocky, Roxy (his wife) and the Rockettes (2 daughters) were heading off to Calgary for a little Rocky Mountain adventure. While boarding the 737 at Windsor’s airport, Rocky and his family gave a wave up to the tower where Doc was manning the airfield. What’s better than a friendly send off from a fellow Tomcat to start a vacation?
Three hours later, as the airliner started to approach the Calgary area, the pilot came on…
“From the flight deck, this is your captain. We are preparing to make our descent into Calgary. Looks like mostly sunny skies, about 24 degrees and a slight wind coming from the West. As well, we have a message from the tower back in Windsor. We would like to welcome on board, from the Windsor Tomcats, Rocky and his family. We hope they have a great time in Calgary. Tomcats Forever!”
The passengers looked around to see who Rocky was and it became obvious since his wife and daughters started cheering and pointed Rocky out.
Sorry to say that Rocky did not attempt to get a rendition of the “Tomcats Forever” song going, but you know if Stevo had been on the plane, children would have had to cover their ears.
When asked if this really took place, Rocky indicated, “Yes, Doc had the pilot send us a shout out…a great way to start a vacation. Awesome gesture made by an awesome Tomcat – thanks Doc!”
Filling in for Harry, I’m Howie Feltersnatch
Stallone, Schwarzenneger, Willis, Statham, Eastwood, The Rock. Who is the greatest action star of all-time? I’ve got 3 words for ya … CHUCK FREAKIN’ NORRIS! How tough is Chuck? Here are just a few Chuck Norris facts:
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattlesnake…..after three days of agonizing pain…the rattlesnake died.
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was one problem … it wouldn’t take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes.
Chuck Norris once played who will blink first with a mirror, and won.
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
Chuck Norris does not have hair on his testicles because hair does not grow on steel.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. That same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Some people piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris once ate a 10 pound steak in an hour. He spent the first 55 minutes banging the waitress.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass …. at night.
The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn’t kill women.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Stay tuned for more from The Razor!!
Windsor Tomcats 