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By Harry Ballsonue
“The screen door slams, Mary’s dress waves, Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays. Roy Orbison singing for the lonely, Hey that’s me and I want you only
Don’t turn me home again. I just can’t face myself alone again”
Bruce Springsteen
Teams:
Snowpants Fury: Snowpants (Captain) Sparky, La Bamba, Shack, Doc, Killer, Chevy, Spinner, Soupy, Kamikaze (Game two)
Sunny Stingrays: Sunny (Captain) Cribzie, Kamikaze (Game one) , Hollywood, Danish, Hurricane, Green Giant, Turk, Rocky and Stevo (Game two)
Hockey proved good, with the Snowpants Fury winning it by scores of 9-2 and 9-6. When the other team scores 18 goals and you score only 8, well…you are not going to win.
I thought we gave La Bamba too much room out there to move the ball, he is the most Cerebral player out there and you just can’t give him that much time” Indicated Captain, Sunny.
“Shack saved our bacon a few times, goaltending wins championships, and man oh man, did Shack ever play great to keep us in the games” indicated Snowpants.
“There was this one Fury, that the Stingrays had”, smiled Sparky, “They must of had 7-8 shots and wacks at the ball and Shack made every save, everyone, except for the one, that bounced out to the top of the key and Hollywood zinged it in, but, 7 saves, one after the other, Shack was unbelievable” concluded Sparky.
No three star selection, but if there was, the number one star, Et la Premiere etoile, # 27, Shack.
After having scored two goals in the first game, Doc had to leave the game, with an undisclosed lower body injury. The Fury then traded a 3rd round pick for Kamikaze and Stevo was inserted into the line up for the Stingrays.
Lovie, who had a lower body injury himself to content with (believed to be a groin injury) reffed the games and made some good calls and dropped the ball at center effectively.
There are only three nights left, March 31, April 7 and April 14.
Solid goes out to Soupy for bringing a 24 instead of just a 12.
NHL Playoff Hockey Pool: Lovie is to organize the event and will be establishing the date of the draft sometime soon, so if you are interested, have your $11 ready and be ready to pick a team.
Out Door Game: You are reminded, to let Chico know, if you plan to play in…. or bring guys to the out door game. It goes Tuesday April 21, 2015 at that is a 6pm start. There is a sign up sheet at the Kapusta Kow…if you signed it, then you are fine and don’t need to get a hold of Chico.
Tomcat Golf Tournament: Fox Glen, May 29 (Friday) tee offs start at 10 a.m. Cost is only $38 for golf and a cart and then the celebration is at Fox Glen after. Please let Snowpants know if you are planning on going. Its a fun day….and the day will be beautiful, 81 degree’s with a slight breeze and one cloud in the sky, the shape of a baby elephant.
And if I ever forget to add my tag line to the end of a blog update, hopefully the editors at WindsorTomcats.com will notice while I put my Harry Ballsonue!
Tomcats Forever
Twas a festive night at the Kapusta Kow Palace! Sea of green everywhere!
Green tee shirts, green trilby’s, green top hats, and yes lots o’ Green beer everywhere!
As usual good, solid pretty clean hockey all around, teams were great, all sorts of fun and shenanigans too.
Teams looked like this;
The White Giant Shilalaghs captained by Spinner, Sunny, his kid Sol, Chevy(who was a no call no show), Flintstone, Bulldog, Turk Shackalaka in net.
The Great Green Shamrocks captained by Sparky Matador, Jingles, Hollywood, Tunzie, Killer, Green Giant, Falcon in net.
The Colossal Black Potato Famines lead by Cribzie, Beep, Rocky Snowpants, Hurricane, Rake(who was also a no call no show), Ruby, and Razor in net.
Everyone was Irish today, St. Paddy’s day was the atmosphere, it was something you could almost smell it, bottle it and take it home with you. The first five thousand fans received Hurricane bobble heads, carved out of potatoes. It was electric when U2 played the National Anthems. By the end of the night the concession stands were almost sold out of Lucky Charms. Irish stew was the main staple of the night. Kids were seen with Shamrock shakes, the adults were sampling Killians Red, Tullamore Dew, Jamesons, Harp Lager, Murphy’s, Smithwicks and of course Guinness! Even the Mascot from Notre Dame was seen walking around and posing for photographs with everyone. The biggest sponsor of the night definitely was O O O O’Reillys!
Super solid by Beep, was to bring a twelve, but brought a full box. A whaling Behemoth of a Gargantuan solid, on his own of his birthday Tunzie brings a delicious sampling of salami and summer sausage and fine cheeses from around the world. And to top it all off he was serving his version of Irish car bombs to everyone by bringing a bottle. A toast to Tunzie! Here’s to a long life and merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one a cold pint and another one!
The Black Potato Famines took the mini, with a fantastic display of defense, offense and all around charm and good looks. Rumour was Razor was playing with an undisclosed upper injury.
Well now sitting in this press box, I‘ve been sipping Irish cream all night and I see the bottle is empty so I will close. May the luck of the Irish be with all of you (which isn’t a good thing folks). Phil Landerer enjoying another night of covering the Tomcats and eventually a lovely lass! I leave you with this, an old Irish proverb! Cheers Gentlmen (and ladies)!
May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.
Before anyone goes and ‘googles’ it; this is actually the year of the goat according to the Chinese Zodiac; which if your the superstitious type may have lead you to bet on the Sheep Dogs. I mean they were the closest in terms of a name to a goat – right?
The Kamikaze Canucks and Doc’s Devils likely don’t go out and purchase the Chinese tabloids or media; both teams after all are lifetime subscribers to the St Felix.
And while the Devils each featured some great players and playmakers; both teams arguably had the same concern pointed out by scouts. The area of concern? Goaltending.
Harry in his January 25th article did a bang up job evaluating each teams overall look, and he correctly predicted the final two teams. He also emphasized that ‘goaltending wins games’; a remark only made with the Devils and Kanucks.
Bearcat and Skippy must have ignored the media pressure; particularly Bearcat who last year had one of his most disappointing showings. It was only fitting then that not only did Bearcat lead his team to the finals; but he captures the tournament MVP to boot. Very fitting -the guy sported a 2.3 GAA. Harry predicted the final teams; but my earlier articles have proven true with both mini tournaments and the finals. To win, a team had to score an average of two goals a game; and allow less than two goals to be scored against them. The Devils defense was just .5 over with their GAA.
A really interesting tournament in the 26th year of the club. Two penalties called during the day and a second year in which the finals required overtime. The biggest surprise, and one not likely to have been bet on – Skippy quietly captures back to back cups. Year of the ‘under’ dog indeed. A Tomcat salute to the Bearcat and Skippy whilst I’m Pattyn Megryoin.
Pattyn
Some moments from the tournament…
“Quick changes” yells Snowpants after his team mates have been playing for 15 seconds.
Where does The Rake’s stick end and Sea Lion begin? One of life’s mysteries.
Soupy proudly sits on his father’s lap for a photo…you are never too old for daddy’s lap!
Drinks and laughs with friends on stage is what makes tournament day the highlight of the year!
Sparky is surprised to feel Junior’s tongue on his shoulder and exactly where is Hollywood’s hand?
Chevy asks, “are you my Father?”
The Land of Rakes receive a standing ovation after their final game.
Stevo, getting tired of posing for his 300th photo an a happy junior posing with his boyhood idol. However, Doc tries to tell the photographer there is something more interesting occurring behind him.
Rocky, Stevo and Shack back at Purples.
The boys pose for a post-tournament photo for the paparazzi.
With names like Snowpants and Sheepdog, having a cold one outside in the cold is just another day at the office for these Tomcats.
Doc drink the sweet taste of triumph…and the slightly skunky must of dried up, aged beer stains from previous cups of yesteryear.
Doc graciously used the back of his shirt to wipe up some water off the floor when he saw hi buddy Crow take a spill…what a great guy!
The President posing for one of many photos after the tournament.
For the ladies….we pulled together the Tomcat’s best for a photo.
Apparently Greek heritage or a Shadetree Crescent address was required to be in this photo.
There are not two better natured and funny Tomcats than Hollywood and Lovie!
By Harry Ballsonue
Beeps Injury Listed as ‘Dad to Day’
Windsor Tomcats announced minutes ago, that Beep was assessed by the Tomcat Medical staff today and that he is probable for the tournament this Saturday.
The extent of the injury was not revealed, but it is thought to be an elbow and a shoulder injury. The Tomcats are calling it an upper body injury.
Dr. Buster Hyman indicated, “Although not serious, we are closely monitoring Beep’s condition. It is too early to say if he will be playing this Saturday. If it was up to me, my recommendation would be that he not play. But if you know the Beepster, he would play with a cast on. Right now, he is being listed as day to day. If the Tournament was tomorrow then I would say he would not be playing”.
Speculation around the dressing room, is that Beep will probably play, “He missed the team picture the first year he played”, Stated Sunny, then added, “You know he is not going to miss another team picture”. Sunny concluded.
Hey, while you are all gathered around Beep as he is laying on the examining table, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
By Harry ballsonue
“It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men.”
Mae West
Teams:
Matador Muskrats Matador (Captain) Hollywood, Snowpants, Hurricane, Jingles, Sparky, Rocky and Razor
Soupy Spotted Hyenas Soupy (Captain), La Bamba, Chevy, Killer, Chico, The Turk, Spinner, HIcksee and Rake
Beep Honey Badgers Beep (Captain) Sunny, Falcon, Cribzie, Stevo, Sheep Dog and Kamikaze
Love the opening Quote by Mae West….if you are too young to know who she is, Google her after you read my article.
Pretty packed house at the Kapusta Kow saw some dynamic action between the Matador Muskrats and the Beep Honey Badgers…and the Matador Muskrats take the tournament.
The Three Star Selection as selected by La Bamba, the 3rd star, # 25 L a Bamba the 2nds Star, # 84 Hurricane and the first star, Et la premiere etoile, # 81 Rocky
Solids… Cribzire brings a 24 of Rolling Rock, Just because and Rocky brings a 12 of MGD…for no good reason….awesome guys!
Couple of injuries out there….Killer got an elbow to the face.
Killer gets one off the beak …( Jingles elbow )
After killer bled like a stuck pig ….he got stitched up and was back in the line up ….Don Cherry would be proud !
Beep went down on a partial breakaway…status is not not know…….being listed as an ‘upper body injury’.
Only a few days left before the Main Event Tournament. Guys were pretty geeked up on stage after hockey talking about it. The day is a great deal of fun. For $20 you get about 4-5 new tee shirts, hockey, all the beer you can drink and you get to hang with some of the best guys in the City of Windsor. It cannot get any better than that. Tournament is to start 8:30…..but usually starts by 9…everyone is asked to be there early to set up…clock…beer etc.
TOMCAT FUN FACT: Before Cribzie started wearing number 23, Finner wore that number for 10 years.
Hey while you are laying there in bed, dreaming of winning the Stanley’s Cup do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
Boys getting ready for Saturday
Ball park chili dog $4.50…how can you beat that?
Boys say …”boys gone crazy “!
By Harry Ballsonue
“Life is like a Penis, – simple, relaxed and hanging free…..it’s woman who make it hard”
Profound Phulosphical Statement on Life, Author Unknown
Teams
Spinner Enterprise Spinner Captain, Sunny, Shack, Cribzie. May Day, Kamikaze and Hollywood
Stevo’s Deep Space 9 Stevo Captain, Beep, Soupy, Jingles, Tunzie, Rake and Razor
Snowpants Next Generation Snowpants Captain, Sparky, Rocky, Doc. Turk, Sheep Dog and the Falcon
After some close battles, it was the Spinner Enterprise that took the night of hockey in the mini. “I thought we played well and we got solid goaltending when we needed it.” Indicated Spinner the team Captain.
Super solid by Sunny for brining 14 Yuengling ‘just because’ and interestingly enough, it was the first beer to go.
Sheep Dog stepped up and did the Minster of Beverages job, loading up the cooler and bringing in the ice as Doc was a tich late and The Matador was off for the night.
Fine Cases’ were brought by Razor 24 and Snowpants 6.
I speaking of fines, Bearcat was to play last night but never showed up and has been fined 12 the next time he comes to hockey. “It was my fault totally for not attending….not sure what I was thinking. I will gladly pay my fine’. a sad Bearcat had stated.
The Three star selection as Selected by La Bamba, the 3rd star, #20 Sheepdog, the second star, #17 Sunny and the first star, the net minder for the Spinner Enterprise, # 32 Hollywood.
“I scored a goal tonight and I hope to score again tonight” he had texted the Stomper, maybe more to that story, in a future article called ‘Stardust’.
Super solids to Soupy and Shack for buying a round at Purples after the festivities ended at the Kapusta Kow Palace, well done boys, but you don’t need to do that….but very very nice of you.
Next week of hockey is the last week of hockey, before the big tournament. Anyone who has not played this year will be given full consideration to be in the line up….please look over ‘What the Tomcats think they know,” When it comes out to see if your name is in the line up to play.
Captains for next week, will be the Matador, Tunzie and Beep.
Hey, while you are searching the cooler for another Yuengling, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
Howie Feltersnatch here on special assignment. Once in a while, when Harry is away on official business, I am asked to step in. Just so happens I was back in the Windsor area visiting former colleagues from my years as an OB-GYN. It is rare I get back from my retirement life in Puerto Rico, and it was nice to see the hockey action live as opposed to reading the website every week.
Captains were Doc, May Day and the Rake and rockin’ selections were made all around:
Mayday’s Little Red Corvettes – Mayday, Beep, Bulldog, Tunzie, Rocky, Yuri and Matador
Rake’s White Weddings – Rake, Snowpants, Sunny, Sheepdog, Killer, Hollywood and Chevy
Doc’s Back in Blacks – Doc, Hurricane, Chico, Soupy, Jingles and Lovie
But wait, you say…what goalies were selected? Three goalies were to show up, but Razor was no where to be seen. He was supposed to play for the Red Corvettes, but in an effort to save the night, Shack and the Falcon agreed to play all evening, never changing the net they were in. Super solid goes out to both goalies for such an effort!
The Corvettes faced the Back In Blacks in the first match and fell behind huge in the first periof 4-1. A valiant effort was made in the second but could not muster enough fire power, and the AC/DC inspired crew took the game 5-3. Red avenged the loss in the next game against the Billy’s boys in white, by taking the game 3-1. Great saves were made by Shack in that one.
The next two games were hard fought battles between evenly matched teams. White edged the boys in Black 4-3. In a one minute stretch of this game, and a first in Tomcat History, we saw a goal scored off of a foot (not an intentional kick) and then a goal scored when a defender handed the ball into his own net. What a crazy sequence and likely to make ESPN’s weekly Best/Worst play highlights. In the 4th game, Red had a one goal lead in the final minute, only to end in a tie when Lovie riffled a blistering shot to the top left corner to even up the score 4-4.
The team formerly known as a song about a red Chevrolet written by the artist formerly known as Prince gave themselves a chance to win the mini with a convincing 2-0 win against White. But is was all for not as the boys in black won the evening by taking the final game 3-1. It was a close one…only winning by 1 in the plus/minus over Red.
Another nailbiter ending!
Star selections as selected by LaBamba were:
3rd Star – Lovie
2nd Star – Shack
1st Star – The Falcon
After a disappointing week where play got out of hand, forcing the President to take a week off to contemplate his future and the future of the Tomcats, this week was much better…however, one or two moments of extra-curricular activity occurred that management is still hoping to see go away. Word in the halls of the Kapusta is that the BoD are closely monitoring each night and looking for trends in play that may warrant further action. Play hard, but play fair and remember that every guy on the floor is a Tomcat, a brother, and a great friend. Give full effort, play the ball and then enjoy a beer with your buddies after the game!
Signing off,
Howie
Hello all, Phil here standing in for Harold! Wow, what a night, way high up here in the press box at the Kow Palace!
All sorts of stuff going on, very entertaining hockey, high scores all around, some “He said, He said”, Whhoooo weeee,
we also had a Mexican gun fight, sort of, without the Mexicans, and also no guns.
The White Snow Stars consisted of Hurricane, Chevy, Steve-O, Soupy, Sparky, Kamikaze and, Jingles. With the always fascinating in net, Razor.
The Black Snow Shovels were Beep, Snowpants, Bulldog, Doc, Husky Eyes, Spinner,and Hollywood, donning the leather was Chico.
That is right, you read that correctly, Bulldog back in the line up after missing out several weeks for spending some time in Hamilton,
with the Hamilton Bulldogs doing a bunch of training! Lots of it! Word around the campfire was that Junior was to make his return to the Tuesday Night Hockey Club?
It would have been his kind of night, a two team night, no mini, just how he likes it, but withdrew at the last minute, for an undisclosed reason!
Hurricane was back from his one month Asian/Australian Hockey clinic tour. He said it was good to be back!
Back to hockey action. There must have been a kajillion shots on both nets with both goalies making stupendous saves .
Chico was overheard thanking Spinner for blocking a bazillion shots, after the first period the game was 8-6 for the Snow Shovels.
The snow shovels widened their swath in the second frame, and destroyed the Snow Flakes 13-8. The killer combination of Beep and Snowpants seemed unstoppable!
Everyone all around seemed to score tonight? In the third quarter, the score was reset to zero’s. Fresh game OK, so at about the 17:57 mark. The Shovels get a goal. Steve-O announces;
“Stop the clock, that goal counted, we are switching sides, you guys go over there and we are coming over here”, goalies switched sides.
Everyone seemed to look at Steve-O like he was a cross between Brian Wilson, a Canadian Loon, and the Mad Hatter?
But, that is what happened and it seemed like his evil, (crazy) genius plan worked, the Snow Stars seemed to put the brakes on the scoring machine Shovels and were up at the end of that period 9-5.
So the Black Shovels try to regroup, and score but the Snow Stars answer back and get a goal. Matador and Steve-O were passing and scoring machines, as were the forward lines of Chevy and Soupy.
Again it seemed like everyone was notching goals on both goalies tonight. And then at about the 3:37 mark, Jingles and Snowpants were in the corner, neither of them wanted to give up the ball. so what happened in the corner?
Words were exchanged;
There once was an X from place B
That satisfied predicate P
The X did thing A
In a specified way
Resulting in circumstance C
Well those words weren’t exactly said, but let us use our imaginations! Fast forward the 2:09 mark, Hurricane, and Snowpants were going by each other, and words were exchanged something like this;
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
said sex is one thing that I do know
women are fine
and sheep are divine,
but llamas are numero uno
And that wasn’t it, hurricane responded back with;
There once was a woman from Wheeling,
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She laid on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling.
There once was a girl in Mobile,
Her vag was made of cold steel.
To give her a thrill
Took a rotary drill
Or a number 9 emery wheel.
There was this one guy from Butte,
Who had several warts on his root.
He put acid on these
And now when he pees
He must finger the thing like a flute.
Benches cleared, people had to be separated, everybody paired up, the lights quite did not have to be turned off (it did not get to that point)! “He said, He said” had to be sorted out.
Now you may say, it seems slightly obscure that Hurricane was chosen by the coach, to go and be the Enforcer (for Jingles), (whether that was the case or not) but, that is what you do (if you have to)! You stick up for your teammate (if you have to).
Remember Tuesday Night Hockey Club is supposed to be fun. With minis getting to be more and more chippy in play, and now a two team turnout results in a melee like this? What is the big tournament going to bring? Gentlemen, there are no scouts in the crowd! You are not getting called to the show! You are supposed to be brothers in arms, friends, comrades(I hate using that word). You are supposed to play hockey, have fun.
So come February tournament time the referees will have a lot to say, and deal with. Are they there to be the Police, no, they are there to ensure fair play (and to have a good time as well)!
Should they have to, penalties will be issued , and you will have to suffer the consequences. First a verbal discussion from The Rake, then a three week suspension, and then you will be voted off of the Tomcat Island. Trust me, that my friends, is a lonely place, especially after you have sipped the sweet Tomcat Nectar!
Back on stage Snowpants apologized to Hurricane, Hurricane to Snowpants said an apology. Razor even quipped in with a “hey Snowpants, the only one you didn’t hit tonight was me”. Then the theme from the Blue Oyster bar started playing, and everybody was slow dancing the night away, together, in their ass less chaps, and leather hats and jackets and such.
OK, last part, not really, just looking forward to see what national media syndication picks up my story this time?
And that my friends is how it went, so while you are at hockey next week, I will not be in the press box, but hopefully, I will be somewhere!
Phil Landerer enjoying the moment………..
Windsor Tomcats 