As if the Tomcat holiday year-end events weren’t enough, many Tomcats also took part in the Dirty Growler Golf League season wrap up party.

Literally…lights out. An unnamed Tomcat tried to play with the breaker panel just before hockey started, so the first 5 minutes of game 1 was played without full overhead lighting.

In the end, Hurricanes Hemis wished the lights stayed off so no one would witness their 5-0 loss to the Chevy Corvettes.

Teams:

Hemis – Chico in net, Hurricane, Shack, Rocky, Snowpants, Animal and Soupy

Corvettes – Bender in net, Tonto, Kamikaze, Bullwinkle, Jingles, Matador, Killer and Chevy

The Tomcat Algorithm allowed a 5-0 game you ask? Well, the Algorithm was set, but at the insistence of the Corvettes, who claimed they had too many forwards, a trade was made leading to the teams listed above, and an imbalance in the first game. Rocky was quoted saying, “We will not change teams going forward if teams whine and complain. If they don’t like it, they can develop their own algorithm and run the show each week.”

Game 2 started off with the Hemis getting an early 3-0 lead, but the Corvettes came speeding back to tie it at 3-3 at the end of regulation. Two 1 minute overtime periods were played and with 1 second left in the second OT period, Hurricane, who turned 65 yesterday, scored the winning goal for the Hemis! Storybook ending for the Hurricane.

Shout out to Sparky though while on IR with a lower body injury, showed up with his case (only needed to bring a half but brought a full). What a Tomcat.

Next week: Last night of hockey in 2022. Pizza and drinks downstairs afterwards. $5 for hockey, $10 for pizza. Rocky will send an email shortly and needs responses of who is in for hockey and/or pizza. Please respond ASAP once that email comes out.

You’ve heard of the Malace at the Palace and the Battle of Alberta. Well now we have the Scuffle at Shotz!

What started out as a great night of laughs and drinks among tomcats and their wives, ended on a sour note with, as expected, the Tomcats coming out victorious. Just to note, no Tomcat was injured, nor did any Tomcat start the fight, we were simply there in a peacekeeping and ass kicking role.
I will not go into the details of the fight, but it was started by a Human Lizard and guy in a Parrot shirt. Tables were flying, glasses broken, and punches thrown.

Tomcat legend Sunny was right in the mix of everything, trying to keep the peace. In the chaos of it all, Sunny’s shirt was ripped from his body, exposing his Greek God physique, which was glistening in the neon lights. The floor was a puddle, not from the spilled drinks, but from the women onlooking Sunny and the other Tomcats.

Snowpants, who right before everything went down, was making great conversation with a Tecumseh Soccer Mom at the bar, came in guns a blazing. He climbed a table and from the top rope jumped on the pile of people with a flying elbow that had the crowd roaring! He was quoted afterwards saying, “I was one shot of tequila away from taking her home, and these motherf$&kers start a brawl! I was taking out anyone I could!” When talking to Snowpants after about how crazy the night was, he proclaimed, “you think this was bad? Try playing hockey against Chevy and Jingles on a Tuesday night!”

The highlight of the night was Soupy, who always has his cousins back, rescued sunny from harm in the Malay. According to Soupy, he took over a dozen punches to the face, an eye gouge and was shived multiple times in the back, however, after the fight, he did not have a scratch on his body. He protected Green Giant from a guy coming at him with broken glass, made sure Kamikaze was miles away from danger, and credited himself with stopping the brawl. He really was the saviour of the night. Not only can he stick handle thru an entire team on Tuesday nights while the rest of his team is wide open, he single handedly took control of the situation last night. He really is future President material.

Kamikaze was a huge help in all of this, as he saved Soupy’s jacket and made sure he had a distant view of all the excitement. He sent in a prepared statement, “As a CEO, my responsibility is to stay as far away from danger as possible. My security team (Green Giant) made sure I was safe so that we can continue to focus on meeting our sales figures. At (business name), we are always committed to ensuring that our team is following our diversity, inclusion, and equity policies as set out in our mission statement.” He also made us all sign NDAs to avoid any future litigation.

There was no sign of Bender while everything was going down, but word is, he was seen walking into the bathroom with an absolute rocket Tomcat Groupie. It must have been his 1970s maroon blazer…

In all seriousness, it was a great night. Everyone got home safe, and has a story to tell. I will never understand the mentality to get into a bar fight, I really hope that the individuals involved last night look in the mirror and learn from this experience; However, given my cynical view of the world, I highly doubt it.

Can’t we all just get along?

Guest Column by Haida d’Salami

I swear I walked in, took a peak at the teams and went: ‘Hmmm: the algorithm just might be off on this one’.

‘Algorithm be damned’ however cause the scrappy Sunny’s Snowmen Featuring Chevy, Animal, Stevo, Big Ned, Skippy and Bender in the pipes came back from a first period 3 goal deficit and squeaked out a 6-5 nail bitter.

Second game, same as the first? Not so much as the speedy Matador’s Mantles with Rocky, Chico, Bullwinkle, Kamikazi, The Green Giant and Terror securing the net blew the game open; which was even more impressive when you consider they lost Rocky to a rogue ball to the face. While Rocky had to leave the game he is expected to make a quick recovery and one player was heard muttering, ‘Well so much for looking good in those upcoming Christmas photos’.

Maybe Rocky going down was an omen, cause during the 2nd game blowout a high rising ball felled Stevo with about 5 minutes left to play. Thankfully with a 8-3 lead the boys decided to call it.

I caught up with Chevy after the game and asked his thoughts; ‘Well they got all the players with speed, and we got all the players with good looks’.

I know there’s been other ‘questionable’ algorithm nights’; but whatever magic is required to make ‘even’ teams seems for the most part to work out.

I expect Rocky will be back next week, but until then while you were wondering if I made team names up with a Christmas theme in mind, I noticed your Handzonmecac.

Yurri

The Kapusta was buzzing last night, with some of the fastest and exciting hockey we’ve seen all year! The games were close, the passes crisp, and the goaltending stellar. Smiles were plentiful last night as all the tomcats had a great evening.

Beep Doggy Style’s – Soupy, Beep, Tonto, Hatchie, Animal, Stevo, Cribzie, Terror in net

Big Ned Missionary’s– Sunny, Rocky, Big Ned, Killer, Bullwinkle, Hurricane, Green Giant, Bender in net

Hatchie made his season debut, and showed no rust at all, he had no problem sitting on the bench waiting for Soupy to finish his 6 minute shift. He also showed up with a case of beer for the boys, what a solid guy!

The first game saw some great passing by the trio of Beep, Soupy, and Tonto, but they could not get the ball past the Dominic Hasek style goaltending of Bender. Kinda like his golf game, he was all over the place. The Doggy Style’s fought hard, but they were no match for the Missionary’s; whose play on the floor fully resembled the sex position they are named after, boring, passionate, and in your face. The Missionary’s took the first game 5-4.

In the second game the Doggy Style’s came out flying, but as expected, could not control the play, and blew their load early. The Missionary’s won 4-2, and would have been a blow out if not for the flashy saves of The Terror. One highlight of game 2 was Stevo turning back the clock and scoring an absolute beauty goal. “All the boys went wild, you would think I was Paul Henderson scoring the big goal in 1972” Stevo said on his first goal of the season.

After hockey, the beers were flowing on stage. Cribzie was invited to sit in “The Greek Section” as an honorary Greek. No comment on what his initiation was…

Plans for the X-mas gathering are still in the works, with a possible venue change. So keep an eye on an email for that. Let Rocky know if you can attend. I hear Soupy and his absolute rocket wife, Natalie will be there, who else would you want to hang out with on a Friday night?

All in all, a solid night of hockey, beers, and laughs. The Tomcat spirit is alive and well!

Just a reminder, Sunny will be collecting for the Movember fundraiser again next week for those who were not there last night. The boys have been very generous thus far in donating to this great cause! You can also send and etransfer to jsalaris@yahoo.ca

And yes, he does still have a Yahoo email address from 2001…

And speaking of Sunny, the man showed up, and without being asked, took initiative and organized the Tomcat room. All Tomcats should aspire to be like this man…within the Kapusta and in the real world. He is a gem!!

Guest Column by Haida d’Salami

Annual Big Net Night is in the books. Making a fearless start on Big Net Night was Bagz. After a couple year hiatus from Tomcat hockey, Bagz showed up to protect the pipes and showed no rust. “I think he can flash the leather faster now than years before,” exclaimed Chico (and Chico would know a good leather flash when he sees one). “He shut me down all night,” Chico said further.

While looking a bit smaller between the towering black pipes of the big nets, Bender also made great save after save. Most players were surprised the extra real estate of mesh did not make scoring that much easier. “I was expecting a hat trick every period personally’l said a disappointed Soupy. “My scoring average only went up .03 percent,” said a disheartened Soupy.

Teams:

Bagz’ Brigade – Shack, Soupy, Kamikaze, Animal, Rocky and Matador (.5)

Bender’s Battleships – Chico, Tonto, Hurricane, Green Giant, Bullwinkle, Cribzie

Fairly close games with only a small increase I scoring due to the bigger nets…Battleships took the first game 7-6 while the Brigade took game two 10-7.

Holiday Party:

While the Tomcats will do pizza downstairs on the final night of hockey (Dec 20), we are considering a gathering of Tomcats and significant others on an upcoming Friday. We are poking for options on venues and likely will be informal but will look for commitment to attend and make it a fun evening. More to come shortly.

It was a record setting night thanks to Bullwinkle. Not because he set a new single night scoring record (totally plausible but that did not occur), but instead because the Bullwinkle Fan Club (known as the Moosekateers) showed up in droves, setting an all-time Tuesday night attendance record. Too bad the Bullwinkle Bobblehead night is three weeks from now.

Black Cats – Rocky, Chevy, Soupy, Killer, Terror, Shack, Hurricane and Beep.

White Sharks – Big Ned, Bullwinkle, Stevo, LaBamba, Bender, Chico and Animal.

White should have also had Tonto, but he was a no-show. Tomcats later found out he had an unfortunate over-sleeping incident.

First game was a 5-4 tilt for the Black Cats and the second game got slightly out of hand at the end due to Bender being under the weather. All-in-All, good hockey.

Shout out to Animal for being a fairly new guy but immediately helping set up when he arrived.

Also, Doc made an onstage appearance after hockey and brought a case of MGD for the boys. Nice work Doc!

New net weights were used for the first time and players and goalies alike seemed to think they helped keep the nets in place better.

Speaking of nets, Tomcat Management has declared next Tuesday Big Net Night. Big scorers may want to take notice.

Until next week,

Tomcats forever!

Despite the ‘Google’ search which; according to the National Confectioners Association; says 35’million’ pounds of the stuff is sold annually, I have ‘yet’ to meet anyone who says they actually ‘like’ the candy.  

You know what else I haven’t heard: players who complain about the ‘lack’ of spares on a bench.  It was sure ‘thin’ ranks in players this week – 1 spare for Matador’s’Monsters’ and 2 for Shredders (Aka – Bullwinkle’s) ‘Shriekers’.  

The Shriekers wound up with Sparky, Chevy, Green Giant, Skippy and Hurricane (Chico in net). Matador’s Monsters had Sunny, Kamikaze, Tonto, and Animal (Falcon in net).

Funny thing about few spares:  the unassuming player ‘steps’ up; and some 4th liners get more ball handling opportunities.  What does this mean for the poor goalies – a ‘shooting’ gallery.   

The guy who really stepped it up?  Bullwinkle.  I’m telling you since COVID the man’s beefed up, and upped his cardio game (Hence the nickname i now call him:   The Shredder).  Bender ‘stood on his head’ for his team and the crossbar is owed a defensive contract ‘post haste’.

Not to be outdone the Matador must have had multi goals in each game. When it was over it was close with the Shrieker’s eaking out the first game by a goal and teams tying the 2nd game.  OT? – Yeah right.  Both benches were ‘gassed’ and only too happy to take a sit down with a cold one while still muttering incredulously that Skippy even scored a goal.  Few spares = unlikely guys having more time to set up shots is what I say…..

Based on players already indicating they won’t be attending next week; I anticipate another upcoming night of few spares….and no ‘mini tournament’ (3 team night) likely to happen anytime soon.  

Don’t forget to get your tickets for this Fridays ‘Night of Music for Ukraine’.  ‘Ghost Crossing’ will be in the house and you’ll get some good grub.  

While your thinking ‘I actually like Candy Corn’; and I will get a pasta dinner this Friday; I noticed Yuri Handzonmecac.  

Yurri

While we await a report from last night’s action at the Kapusta, here is a message from Stevo and reminder about an important event Tomcats should attend or contribute to this Friday:

I made an error in who the money will go to in the fund raiser that my brother is organizing, proceeds of the event are being split between WESUN (Windsor Essex Supporting Ukrainian Newcomers) and Heart of the World Ukraine ( which purchases drones, vehicles, meds etc for soldiers. )

Tickets are still only $15 and with that you get a pasta dinner, salad and a roll. It is at the Legion and drinks are relatively inexpensive. If you plan to eat on Friday November 4, why not eat at the Legion and support a fellow Tomcat and his quest to make the world a bit better for the Ukrainian soldiers.

Thanks for reading, thanks for helping out.

A week after the algorithm was questioned, but ultimately proved itself, it appears it may have failed. The games last night were lopsided. Was the algorithm used? Well yes…sort of.

Up until about 4pm, there were two full teams (4 subs each). The algorithm was used to pick teams. However, between the team it selected two teams, 3 players dropped and one was added. As such, changes had to be made on the fly at the Kapusta to account for these cancellations/adds. So human intervention was applied. The teams ended up looking like this:

Black – Terror in net, Hurricane, Bullwinkle, Green Giant, Beep, Cribz, Rocky and Kamikaze

White – Bender in net, Jingles (late add), Big Ned, Killer, Sunny, Sparky, LaBamba and Animal

Pretty fair teams on paper, I think all would agree. White scored no goals in the first game, and only two in the second. Black scored at will. Cribz was the hot hand for Black firing laser beams from the blue line all night.

While the algorithm factors in many things, it runs on the assumption players play at or near their potential. It can’t account for players having an off game, nor can any Tomcat making selections ahead of games. Maybe a guy had a bad day at work, and their mind is not in it. Maybe they downed two double Big Macs and a litre of Pepsi prior to the game and now their stomach is in knots. There are just some nights where the playing surface will be tilted despite the best intentions of the algorithm or human’s making the team selections.

Message from Stevo

My brother…YOUR brother, Hollywood is organizing a charity event on November 4. Proceeds of the event are being split between WESUN (Windsor Essex Supporting Ukrainian Newcomers) and Heart of the World Ukraine ( which purchases drones, vehicles, meds etc for soldiers. )

My brother has done a great deal for Tomcats over the years, please support him in his present day quest.

Tickets are only $15 and with that you get a pasta dinner, salad and a roll (take a couple of rolls if you want)

If you can’t go, then please consider just buying a ticket.

Its at the Legion on Howard and the Legion offers inexpensive drinks.

Thanks for reading, thanks for helping out.

There were doubters when the night began. Looking at the teams, one very prominent Tomcat inquired of Rocky if the teams were chosen by a person or if the Tomcat Algorithm was used. Rocky confirmed the teams were selected by the algorithm. Here is what this genius piece of code created for the night:

White Sequencers – Falcon, Kamikaze, Chevy, Tonto, Animal, Hurricane, Cribz, Soupy, Snowpants

Black Iterations – Bender, LaBamba, Killer, Green Giant, Jingles, Shack, Bullwinkle, Matador, Rocky

What is the Tomcat Algorithm you ask?

During the pandemic. While the Tomcats were shutdown, Rocky enlisted some computer engineers to develop code that could be fed a list of Tomcats and use a rating system devised by Rocky to select the most even teams possible for a night of two-team hockey. Each year, the player ratings need to be updated based on how the person’s game changes, what their top skills/weaknesses are, their age, etc. The code makes sure each team is balanced with play makers, scorers, big shooters, lockdown/shutdown defenders and balance between the pipes. Once the final list of players is confirmed, the names are fed into the algorithm and two teams are generated.

To date, the algorithm has been very accurate. Rocky only uses on nights he is there as he likes to see when teams are picked by a person, how it compares. It is considered ongoing validation by not using the algorithm on those nights.

So back to this past Tuesday….once the boys had on their colored shirts, there were skeptics over the team balance., mostly saying the Black team was clearly stronger.

Game 1 started off with Black getting a big lead, and Rocky feared the algorithm may be failing. However, the game ended in a 7-7 tie, with Black squeaky out a victory in the 1-minute OT period. 8-7 final.

Game two was more back and forth with white winning 9-8 after each team scored late to make it a nail biter.

In the end, the real winner was the algorithm. Despite early read on the teams, the algorithm clearly creates two even teams. “And the First Star (le premiere etoile) goes to number 3.14159…The Tomcat Algorithm!”

The “Soupy Era” began last night, as both Rocky and Stevo were not in attendance. Soupy took charge, delegated, and lead by example, like all great leaders do. Some chatter among Tomcats afterwards compared him in the likes of JFK, Stephen Harper, and Napoleon. He declared at the start, we are playing “Soupy Hockey” tonight. So, slap shots and cherry picking were encouraged. Tuesday also saw the season debut of Labamba and fresh off his Portuguese Sexcation, the Hurricane.

Hurricane Viagra’s – Soupy, Shack, Kamikaze, Bullwinkle, Animal, Hurricane, Tonto, Falcon in net

Chevy Cialis’s – Sunny, LaBamba, Big Ned, Killer, Skippy, Chevy, Green Giant, Snowpants, Chico in net

The first game was a close matchup with the Viagra’s taking it 5-4, with both goalies making some phenomenal saves!

In the second game, the “stacked” Viagra’s came out rock hard and ready for action, taking the game 6-2. I believe Soupy scored every goal for the Viagra’s, and even assisted on a few too. It was a performance for the ages. Bob Cole was quoted as saying, “Never have I seen such a dominant performance in one night of tomcat hockey. Most evident was the blazing speed, lack of passing, and stick handling so well he broke his stick, Soupy is a Hall of Famer in my books!”

Shout out to Skippy for bringing balls, as Soupy left his at home. I believe it was the first pink ball night in Tomcat history.

After hockey, laughs could be heard miles away. Snowpants is working on planning dates for the Tomcat Xmas Party so keep an eye for an email on that. Word is there will be a game where every Tomcat has to take a picture from Nipples to Knees, and the wives have to guess which Tomcat it is…not sure how this will all shake out, but Shack gave a demonstration on what it will look like last night, and it ain’t pretty!

In closing, it was another fun night of hockey, but Soupy will be relinquishing his duties as President and handing them back Rocky, so he can focus more on being a better Cousin to his life hero, Sunny Solaris.

Guest Column by Haida d’Salami