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Week Ten, What’s The Plan? By Harry Ballsonue
“So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man So I threw him out, I don’t fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina”
Tone Loc
Teams
Matador Marlines Matador, Lovie, Snowpants, La Bamba, Stevo, Sheepdog, Falcon and Big Ned
Chevy Mavericks Chevy, Razor, Tunzie, Spinner, Hurricane, Jingles, Sunny and Sol
Very good hockey, close scores, but the Chevy Mavericks took both games. Close scores showed that the Matador knows how to make the teams, as the first game was decided by one goal and the second game by two.
With a few not able to play, the ECHL affiliates had to be called upon and from the junior ranks Sol and Big Ned came out to play.
Even last year’s first round draft pick Kik, was called up…he did not play, but was ready and willing if called upon. Kik did drop the puck in the final period of the final game, a high light in his short hockey career.
Sol with Dad Sunny…playing Junior now..but will hit pros soon.
Big Ned with Dad Stevo…playing junior now….but pro leagues will be calling soon.
Kik and his dad Lovie ….Kik selected first over all in 2015 …..
The Windsor Tomcats also announced, that with the two alternative Captains, Hollywood and Sparky, Lovie has now been name the third alternative Captain. “He is just too great of a guy to be passed by, an excellent choice”. Sunny.
There was some yelling going on, but at the end of it all, Matador and Sunny were all smiles.
“You going to wear your orange Tomcat shirt,”? one asked, “Yeah”, the other said, “OK, me too….Love You” the first stated, “Love you too” The second one responded.
They were about to drop the gloves on the floor …but when the final whistle blew and the first beer was cracked …they were Tomcat pals again …
New Feature Rexy’s Tee Shirts
Ex Tomcat and now Assistant Coach Rex Albert has come across some
tee shirts in his travels and thought, since the Tomcats have a ton of tee shirts
and Ghost Crossing is in the mix, with Tee Shirts, he wants to share with the Tomcat
Nation, some tee shirts that he has come across.
This week Samantha, ….
After the game, Matador held a press conference to address a few things…
On his play: “I play to win, I don’t want to upset people, but I play to win”
On Porn: “My top 5 sites would be, XNXX, Xhamster, Youporm, Redtube and tube galour, I pretty much visit those sites on a daily basis”
On Tomcats: “:Greatest bunch of guys, I have ever had the pleasure of being with”
Favourite Tomcat: “I think that would have to be Tunzie”
Bird: “If I could be any bird I would be a Blue Jay, cuz I love the Blue Jays”
Order in life: “My mother, Tomcats, Leafs, Blue Jays and my wife”
Ending: “Thank you very much for allowing me to talk to you today”
Matador at press conference ” i play to to win “
Best porn site …” Xxnx”
Reminder that the Tomcat Christmas Party is this Saturday, November 28.
On December 1, the January 2016 St. Felix comes out, please take the time to read it. Packed with breaking news and great Tomcat stories and photos.
So…as you are humming the words to the Funky Cold Medina, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue
Week Nine, Devine, 2 teams a Dream By Harry Ballsonue
“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining”
John F. Kennedy
Teams
The Giant and the 3 old men: Shack, Chevy, Hurricane, Stevo, Turk, the Green Giant and Soupy
Three midgets and a giant: Falcon, Beep, Sunny, Hollywood, Kamikaze, Spinner, Jingles and Snowpants
Only two teams, and it was gentleman’s play out there, In the last four weeks, the hockey has been fun to watch. In the November 17 action, Three Midgets and a Giant, took the first game, 5-4 but the Giant and the 3 old men stormed back winning the second game 12 -10 …Yes, 12-10, lots of offensive scoring, but fun to play fun to watch.
The average age on the blue line of the Giant (Green Giant) and the 3 old men was 56 and half years old. The Turk, Hurricane and Stevo played D and all three scored a goal in the final 12-10 win.
One very good pick up the Tomcats made last year was acquiring The Green Giant from the Calgary Cossacks, he has been an excellent addition to the Tomcat line up and to the Community of Windsor, “I just want to say thanks for the opportunity to hang out with a great bunch of guys.” The Green Giant had stated.
Spinner left the Kow floor early in the final game, with what appeared to be an upper body injury, Tomcat Medical staff are watching and monitoring him closely, is what we are being told he has been listed as ‘day to day’.
Lost and Found
There is an Underarmour jacket hanging in the Tomcat room. It is an XXL, it is a very nice jacket, if it is yours then please come and claim it.
Claim your jacket or the Falcon is gonna stretch it out to fit him!
A Point that needs to be made, is that three part timers played last night, Shack, Kamikaze and the Green Giant.
If they had not played, then there would have been only one spare a side. As it was, there were 3 spares on one team and 2 spares on the other. The part timers are valuable commodities and deserve a great deal of credit.
Next week, 8 players are out of the line up…..watch for ‘What the Tomcat’s THINK they know’. It comes out on the Friday.
If you are planning on going to the Christmas Party, November 28, you only have next week to let Sunny know.
$15 dollars for chicken wings and some other delicious finger foods. Hope to see you there!
New Feature Rexy’s Tee Shirts
Ex Tomcat and now Assistant Coach Rex Albert has come across some tee shirts in his travels and thought, since the Tomcats have a ton of tee shirts and Ghost Crossing is in the mix, with Tee Shirts, he wants to share with the Tomcat Nation, some tee shirts that he has come across.
This week, Francine….
The Turk and Spinner both have fancy sports cars, well after all they are Tomcats, I had to take my 1977 AMC Gremlin in for some work, yes she is my every day car, but lately she has been given me some trouble, my mechanic says to me, “If its got tits or tires. you’re bound to have problems”.
So have you ever been in a Gremlin? If you want to go for a ride some time, love to take you whilst you get the cursing speed up to a naughty 55, can I put my Harry Ballsonue.
What the Tomcat Think they know for November 17, by Management
Beer Bringers: Killer, Tomcats
Net Minders: TBD, Falcon, Shack
In The Line Up: Turk, Hollywood, Chevy, Spinner, Sunny, Soupy, Killer, Hurricane, Matador, Snowpants, Jingles, Lovie, Stevo, Beep, Kamikaze, Green Giant, Tunzie
Not in the Line Up: Crow, Bulldog, La Bamba, Chico, Doc, May Day,Cribzie, Sparky, Razor
On I.R.: Rake, Spanky, Rocky, Sheep Dog
In the Press Box: Flintstone
In the Farm System: The Danish, Hicksee, Zaba, Mez
On I R In the Farm System: Skippy
Captains: TBD
Christmas Party: November 28, Rock Bottom, (Upstairs) $30 a couple…chicken wings, Mozzarella Sticks, Fried Pickles, etc, D J Hollywood Coyote rockin out the tunes for dancing, singing and foot stomping. Please let Sunny know you are in and give him your $15 or $30 dollars……
TOMCATS FOREVER
Week 8, keep the Faith By Harry Ballsonue
“You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was”
Abraham Lincoln
TEAMS
Sunny Scorpions Sunny, Soupy, Sparky, Green Giant, Killer, Sheepdog and Shack
Beep’s Black Mamba’s Beep, Snowpants, Cribzie, Stevo, Hollywood, Falcon
Tunzie Hornet’s Tunzie, Matador, Chevy, Hurricane, The Turk, Razor, Doc
There is something to be said about friendship and camaraderie and just being with people like you to be with. It was, once again, very good hockey, Matador, seemed a little upset here and there, but over all, good, clean, calm hockey.
The three star selection, as selected by La Bamba : The third star, 3) Kamikaze, (For bringing out his runner (rug) so that we don’t bring in wetness on stage.) The second star 2) Killer, for brining his beer one week early, as he thinks he may not be able to make it next week. and the first star 1) Matador, who had a team picture with his Novice Ice Hockey team (as he is a coach) but then made to hockey after, (At 7:30) showing dedication and love for the game of hockey and the Windsor Tomcats.
Refs seem to be helping as the play is mellower then last year, refs will be kept to the end of November and possibly into December I am being told by the league. Sea Lion did a fantastic job.
Sea Lion makes debut as Ref this season .
Abraham Lincoln’s quote is a good one, and maybe the Windsor Tomcats as an organization is growing and learning and growing and learning.
Fantastic play once again by the net minders, Tomcats have the One-Two-Three goaltending punch!
Razor holds a 1.29 GAA And a .998 save percentage …best in the league …
Second best goalie in the league ….with a 1.31 GAA and a 995 save percentage ….magnificent !
Third best goalie in league …1.34 GAA and a 991save percentage …tremendous
Stevo is not there next week, so if you cannot make it, text Rocky or Hollywood.
Tomcat Christmas Party is Saturday November 28. Sunny is collecting $30 per couple for snicky snacks (Chicken Wings, Mozzarella Sticks, Fried Pickles items of that nature) The party is at Rock Bottom (Upstairs) and DJ Hollywood Coyote will be rolling out some sweet tunes, for everyone’s enjoyment and dancing pleasure. It would be nice if you showed some consideration and let him know….he should not be chasing after people….Stevo says he would like to know who some of these people are who do not respond and he will get them to organize next years Christmas Party, “I’m pretty sure we’re all adults here, say if you are going and pay your $30…it’s not that difficult” indicated Stevo.
Jingles is organizing some new Tomcat gym bags, they are the size of ref bag, perfect for ball hockey stuff, or even using when you go away for a weekend. Cost will be around $65 and will have your number on it and also a Tomcat logo or patch. If you are interested, please see Jingles. You really don’t want to be the only one without one….
Four members of the Tomcats are members of Ghost Crossing and they rocked the joint out on Saturday night at the UNO hall in Windsor Ontario.
Thanks to those Tomcats that were able to come out and support the worthy charitable cause that Hollywood was running.
Ghost Crossing rocked the UNO Hall ….fun had by all …Hollywood is selling Ghost Crossing tee shirts ..if anyone is interested is only $15
We have a Crow on our team, so I thought I would share the following:
And this is a fact you won’t soon forget…
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause:
When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.” and while you are sitting on stage, enjoying that frosty beer, and thinking ‘Why can crows say Cah but not truck’, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue
Week Six, Needs No Fix by Harry Ballsonue
“My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my Penis”
Teams:
Doc Arabians: Doc Team Captain, Hollywood, Razor, Soupy, Jingles, Green Giant, Sparky
Kamikaze Mustangs: Kamikaze Team Captain , Falcon, Cribzie, Beep, Chevy, Snowpants
Chico Aztecs: Chico Team Captain, Sheep Dog, Tunzie, Shack, Spinner, Stevo
Great night of hockey, oh my God….it was very very very good. No silly bugger stuff, no wacking, no hacking. Just a great night, love to see that, please keep it up. Even Stevo said after hockey to the boys on stage, “great night of hockey boys, love to see that”.
All goalies played great, but, man oh man, was Razor on!
Best Hair on Tomcats ….
Two sweet hearts, great guys, but wait, there is more as far as great hair goes,
The three star selection, best hair: (as selected by La Bamba)
Three star selection for Tomcat Hair …3) Green Giant 2) Jingles 1) Doc
Sheep Dog made his season debut and notched a few goals and got his toque.
I’m so Pretty …someone got a new toque !
Cabaret that Hollywood is organizing is 95% sold out, if you want to go and you did not buy a ticket, maybe try Kijiji.
Ghost Crossing playing, do you really want to miss that?
Overall a fantastic night of hockey, if you were not there, you missed it, hey maybe you are the problem!
A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells,
“Don’t enter that church, you damn fool !!!”
His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”
Husband replies, “Our wedding video.”
Hey, fantastic night of hockey, love to see that, but do you think, when you are toweling yourself down from the sweat of the game, I can put my Harry Ballsonue.
Week Five…Alive. by Harry Ballsonue
White Doves: Falcon, Soupy, Stevo, Green Giant, Hurricane, Sparky, Beep and Hollywood
Black Crows: Razor, Shack,Snowpants, Spinner, Matador, Kamikaze, Turk, Lovie
I watched as the teams squared off….both games were good and well paced.
No craziness on the Kapusta Kow Floor, which is always nice to see.
Both Razor and Falcon played great on a warm night.
Enough about hockey, let’s talk November 7.
After Hockey, as I was interviewing some of the players, Hollywood came out to talk to me, telling me about a fund raiser he is doing on November 7.
“It’s for the Dance Group ‘Barvinok’ that I run, I am hoping to get most of the Tomcats to go to this fun event, Ghost Crossing will be playing and I think everyone would like to see us play”. Stated a Jubilant Hollywood.
Over the years, Ghost Crossing has provided a number of free tee shirts to the Tomcats and it certainly would be nice if all the Tomcats went to this event.
“We are going to have Ghost Crossing tee shirts for sale and it should be a lot of fun for everyone, the tee shirts are only $15 and some of of the tee shirt sales will go to the Dance group, so please consider buying a ticket. There will be food and other forms of entertainment, I know you will have a great time and it is with other Tomcats….support your fellow Tomcat I say” Concluded Hollywood.
Hollywood will have ticks next week, so bring some money so that you can purchase a couple of tickets.
While you are listening to Ghost Crossing, do you think I could put my Harry Ballsonue.
TOMCATS FOREVER AND GHOST CROSSING FOREVER!
It was a good ole’ two team battle at the Kapusta Kow tonight with the Salty Whites surprising the Lacy Blacks in the first, but the Salty Whites were unable to finish in the second game, so it was a win for each side. A mention has to go out to Rake who was well dressed and looked surprising comfortable in the black and white stripes.
The hockey was well paced in the first game, with minor hacking at the Falcon, but overall a great game. The Salty Whites were able to finish all over the Lacy Blacks in the beginning, but Black showed them their best and fought back with almost enough, and the final was 10-8 for White. Razor was sidelined with an undisclosed something or other, and was assigned to score keep both games. I’d say great job, but who’s kidding. His heckling was well above par and included lines such as “we should call Chevy Hyundai, cause he sucks!”
As for the second game, the Salty Whites weren’t able to hold them off, with the Lacy Black’s proving to be just too much. The Black team sends a solid out to Sparky who help them by scoring a “Rake” style goal on his own net. The Salty Whites came on hard scoring at least four goals quickly, to make the game close, but ultimately came up short, losing 10-7.
The hockey was good, clean, fast paced TOMCAT hockey of the past, which would have made Mayday proud. If you haven’t read the latest sheet from Mayday, I’d suggest you take the time to review the notes. This is for fun boys, and more about hanging out with a great group of guys than winning the games.
Also, the draft sheets have been handed out tonight, so make sure you’re busy filling them out, and since you’re so busy, you won’t notice if I Barrie McCockiner
Written by Barrie McCockiner
What The Tomcats THINK They Know for October 6 By Management
Beer Bringers: Hurricane(24) Chico (12) and the Tomcats
Net Minders: Razor, Falcon, Skippy
Playing: Sparky, The Turk, Hollywood (AKA Coyote), May Day, Chico, Chevy, Spinner, Killer, Hurricane, The Matador, Snowpants, Stevo, Lovie, Kamikaze, , Tunzie, Sunny, Soupy, Green Giant, Shack.
Not playing: Crow, La Bamba, Bulldog, Sheep Dog, JIngles, Cribzie, Beep, Doc.
IR: The Rake, Spanky, Rocky.
Junior Watch: Has said he was coming out for the past two weeks, but then something comes up…so we shall wait and see, not in the count at this very moment…..but…..?
Press Box: Flintstone, the Danish, Hicksee, Mez, Bearcat
Captains: Sunny, Soupy, Chevy
Skinny: It will be a mini….but we are at 21 players, if three drop off, then it is down to two teams…..
Ref will be on hand to make sure the games are fun for everyone.
Special Thanks: To the Captains that agree to be Captains, when asked to be! You are Leaders!
Need to Cancel: please get a hold of Stevo.by texting him or emailing his CELL EMAIL or text
Hollywood (aka Coyote) or Rocky.
St. Felix: The November issue is out….you are encouraged (and expected) to read it!
Important:
The Windsor Tomcats don’t mind if you don’t shave or play ping pong in the dressing room.
We also don’t care if you purchase services from Snowpants Escort Services.
WE DO care about our players getting home safely. DRINK RESPONSIBLY BEFORE DURING AND AFTER HOCKEY.
TOMCATS FOREVER !
Hey boys,
Please see http://thehockeypool.com for the final standings in the Tomcats 2015 Playoff Pool.
Congrats Cribzie on taking the title! I have a fresh $100 for you next week. Lovie finished second and pulls in a solid $30.
Thanks for playing boys, it was a very competitive pool with many guys in the running deep into the pool. Kenny finally popped up above the crowd in the last few games and said “screw you”!
Hollywood and I will be hosting the 2015/2016 Regular Season Extravaganza next week, Tuesday, October 6 at 8 pm after hockey. Please bring your $10 entrance fee as well as a tendency not to sit for 37 minutes reviewing a crumpled up sheet only to try and attempt to draft Sidney Crosby in the 13th round…
See you characters there.
Lovie
Windsor Tomcats 