April 21, 2021
By Chuck Fina
The Gordon’s Gin league will not be playing this week thanks to the strict government lockdowns that went into effect on April 17, 2021 at 12:01 AM. “We had a sold-out crowd set for Sutton Creek on April 19, 2021. The Hurricane was set to make his season debut and was looking forward to hearing my new Rok-Form belting out tunes at full blast,” said May Day. “Out of 20 million golf rounds played in Ontario last summer, there were 19, 999,999 positive Covid cases, so it made sense shutting us down. We have to do our part to limit the spread,” said Health and Safety manager Bundura.
Other players were clearly frustrated. “What a bunch of nipple heads,” said the Sea Lion. “F*** that guy,” said a clearly agitated Hatchie. “I feel sorry for the kids,” said Hurricane. Other players were keeping a positive outlook. “Oh well, at least I get to watch the Federal Budget being presented Monday. I am looking forward to the government not holding back on spending. More programs are needed,” said Chevy.
Cribzie said he will miss golf but will be keeping busy. “I’m going to throw my entire street in jail. We have to limit the spread,” said Cribzie. “Then I’m heading up to Kenora to watch the border,” added Cribzie. Stevo, will be keeping busy launching a new product, the Super Duper Not the Pooper Vagina Steamer. “I’ve been working on this for years but I’m ready for launch. I got the backing from the Dragon’s Den and the machine is being mass produced in China and will be debuting on the Shopping Network on June 1st”,” said an excited Stevo.
Stevo provided some details regarding his new invention and answers some important questions below. “Do try this at home, or in my home,” said Stevo.
What is vaginal steaming?
Lets face it — between menstruation, sexual intercourse, and childbirth, the vagina withstands a lot. When you add changing hormones and pelvic floor issues to the mix, sometimes the vaginal area is anything but comfortable. Vaginal steaming is a natural remedy to cleanse the vagina and uterus, regulate menstruation, and ease period cramps and bloating. After receiving high praise on The Dragon’s den website, Stevo’s machine has surged in popularity.
But other than offering a soothing warmth down below, does it work? And is it even safe? Keep reading to find out.
How is it supposed to work?
Vaginal steaming directs herb-infused steam into your vagina. For a reasonable fee,
(Tomcat wives save the tax) some upscale spas offer the process. You can also do it at home. The process is pretty simple — you just sit or squat over a container of herbal-infused steam.
“With most people working at home these days, personal hygiene has become a priority,” said Stevo. Herbs often used alone or in combination include:
mugwort
wormwood
chamomile
calendula
basil
oregano
Most spas have a special seat (Stevo calls it a “throne”) with a hole for the steam to come through. It’s a little more challenging to do at home, but Stevo’s product was invented for home use. Following is a suggested method of doing a vaginal steam at home. However, before you try it yourself, you’ll want to consider its supposed benefits and possible safety issues, as discussed below.
Add about a cup of your chosen herbs to a basin of hot water.
Let the herbs steep for at least a minute.
Remove your clothes from the waist down.
Stand or squat directly over the basin. Some people prefer to place the basin in the toilet and then sit on the toilet.
Wrap a towel around your waist and legs to prevent the steam from escaping. The average steam session lasts between 20 and 60 minutes. Depending on how hot the water is, the steam may cool sooner.
Stevo is requesting a volunteer to try the product for free on the Shopping Network. Contact Stevo for details. The Volunteer will be gifted a free, autographed steamer from Stevo.
Editor’s Note – We can only hope golf resumes soon. Get vaccinated if you qualify. Oh, and try the vagina steamer.
Meet Hollywood
Favourite professional golfer: Since Soupy took Paige Spiranac, I will go with Natalie Gulbis!
Favourite golf ball: Any driving range ball will do. Or the cool coloured ones that you get from the mini putt place.
Favourite hockey player growing up: Billy Smith, Mike Bossy, Mats Naslund, and Wayne Gretzky.
Favourite Hockey player now: Sid the Kid
Favourite movie(s): Pulp Fiction, or anything by Quentin Tarantino…that guy is just brilliant
Favourite band(s): Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Great Big Sea, The Gaslight Anthem, Foo Fighters, Tragically Hip, Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls and Meatloaf.
Your highlight in high school: Getting my school letter for becoming a 25 sport athlete.
If you could do one thing for the Windsor Tomcats what would you do? Purchasing an all in one complex with a wicked awesome playing surface, a PA system for La Bamba to jam out his tunes, locker rooms, bar/lounge area with all sorts of Micro’s and Imports on tap, and a 2000 seat auditorium/Banquet facility so Ghost Crossing can rock out tunes for all our milestone anniversaries.
Your favourite Tomcat: I’d want to say it’s like a 42-way tie for first place! Also, I’m probably expected to say Stevo because he is my Brudzher. Fork to my nose, I will have to say Lovie and Sparky. Heck of a pair of guys guy, great guys to talk to, both look good in soccer shorts, great Fathers/Dad’s and family men, always would be there if you need them, and handsome devils to boot! Be more like Sparky, and Lovie!
Your Favourite Tomcat moment: You would think hoisting Stanley’s Cup, but it has to be the challenge of creating/designing Tomcat swag. Then seeing everyone proudly sporting each and every item. A huuuuge honourable mention is to my Vuyko (Uncle) Nicky AKA Daddy Mayday, for disagreeing with a referee’s call during a tournament, when out of the corner of the stage a flying cooler lid when flying down the Kapusta Kow Floor.
Meet Big Easy
Favourite Golfer: Chi Chi Rodriguez as I loved the theatrics after sinking a put. I often went to the Seniors tournament in Detroit to follow him around as he was always so good with the fans! Favourite golfer today would have to be Phil. I played golf left handed as a youngster but had to switch over to right handed as there were no left handed clubs and I always admired his short game which is lacking in my game!!
Favourite Golf Ball: Whatever ball is in my bag. I don’t really care as long as there are no slices in the cover!
Favourite hockey Player Growing up: Rick MacLeish part of the Broadstreet Bullies. He was a dynamic left winger and I played the wing growing up so always wanted to be like Rick.
Favourite Player today: Sid. He is an unbelievable player, works his tail off every night and makes plays that make you shake your head and say; “how did he do that”?
Favourite Movie: Mr Deeds. I am a huge Adam Sandler fan and this movie had me laughing the whole way through.
Favourite Bands: ACDC. I saw them in concert for those about to rock we salute you tour and crank up the music any time they are playing. Favourite song by far is Thunderstruck and it is the perfect song to play prior to a tournament game to get the team fired up!
A highlight from High school: My highlight in high school was winning the baseball championship for WECSSAA. It was the first year baseball was introduced as a sport and the Rebels were victorious.
If you could do something for the Tomcats, what would you do: I would provide a team masseuse for every event as I know I am not getting any younger and a nice rub down would be appreciated!
Favourite Tomcat: This has to be Stevo as our friendship goes way back to when our kids were younger and we coached against each other. We have been friends ever since and he asked me to join this prestigious organization years ago but the kids sports always too precedence. The kids are now older so my time freed up and am very thankful to have met such a great group of guys. I want to also mention MeeHash, as he is a close second.
Favourite Tomcat Moment: My favourite moment was my first tournament and my team Captain Sunny picked me in the first round, first overall?? I have never been so proud in all my life especially the fact that he picked me over family! During the tournament my bubble broke as I overheard him saying to Soupy, “I think I just drafted Alenandre Daigle!
Windsor Tomcats 