August 11, 2020
By Chuck Fina
After suffering another elimination game collapse, the Toronto Maple Leaf millennial, overpaid dick-bags with facial hair have returned to their video games in the basement. The biggest story however, is where is Stevo?
The Gordon’s Gin League were at Seven Lakes Golf Club on Monday and were all set for two foursomes. Except, Stevo was a no show. No call, no text, no e-mail. Where is he?
Reporters were at his estate in Essex and found the windows boarded up, his supercharged Honda Accord in the Driveway but his vintage Corvette was not in the garage. There was a sign on the garage door that said, “ Be back in 5 minutes”.
Social Media was on fire about where Stevo could have possibly be. “ He is missing like Marner in the playoffs”, stated May Day. “ Maybe he is the new speaker at the WE foundation”, said Chevy. “ Is he on a three- day psych hold?”, asked the Sea Lion.
The truth is nobody has seen Stevo since the final buzzer went off in game 5 of the Leaf game.
Rumors that Stevo was in Montreal lining up for Hab’s season tickets were not confirmed at the time of press.
Mayday, Hatchie, Hurricane, All Rise ( Hatchie’s buddy), Sea Lion, Bundura and Chevy walked 18 holes at Seven Lakes in 110–degree heat yesterday. Scores were All Rise, 66, May Day 75, Hatchie, 70, Hurricane 72, Chevy 71, Sea Lion 68 and Mr. Bundura 73.
The league is off next week as most players are playing in Chevy’s prestigious Cougar Bush tour Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
The loyal readership is encouraged to call the newsroom if you know Stevo’s whereabouts.
Windsor Tomcats 