By Dick Fitzwell
Augusta, Michigan: As you are all well aware by now, the annual golf trip to Gull Lake was a resounding success. As you also know, there were 10 guys on the trip. What you did not know is an 11th guy joined the group Wednesday afternoon for golf and then later at the bar for dinner.
Training Camp 2018
Bagz, May Day, Bug Easy, Stevo, Chevy , Bucko, La Bamba, Bubbles, Sea Lion And Sparky…
The Sea Lion played Bedford Valley in the morning round but left shortly after the round to attend a Golf Show in Kalamazoo, where he was scheduled to do a meet and greet with his fans. Because the Sea Lion felt bad about leaving Stevo in another dilemma because of all the guys who bailed on him previously, the Sea Lion arranged to have his cousin, The Champ play the afternoon round at Gull Lake West and then join the guys for dinner and festivities at the bar.
Pitbull and Sea Dog hanging in Battle Creek …” she bangs like a fairy on acid …I want to be where her ass is …on the Tomcats we have a few Greeks …if you didn’t go ..you missed a great time in Battle Creek.”
The Champ golfed in a group with La Bamba and Sparky. As they made the turn to play the 10th hole, AC DC was blaring out of LaBamba’s golf cart roof speakers, the Champ was swigging a bottle of Honey Bourbon while Sparky was taking a haul of a bottle of Fireball. La Bamba was into his 5th cigar of the day.
May Day, who was just lining up his tee shot as those guys made the turn, topped the ball and it rolled about 10 feet. “If those guys were Rodney Dangerfield, I most certainly was Judge Smale”, said May Day.
As is customary with Tomcat Golf, a shot is taken if a player makes a birdie. On this day, we figured those guys were under par every hole. Not the case. “We were drinking with scores of net bogey 5, because we were too drunk to make birdies”, explained Sparky. After the round Sparky went on a siesta while the Champ went on a tear.
The group met at the bar across the road for dinner. The catch of the day was the perch. “I have never seen a perch that big and I catch them all the time”, said Bucko. “Maybe its fake perch”, said Bagz. “I was starving and it could have been Humber River carp for all I cared”, said May Day. “I looked at my food for a minute and then over at May day’s plate and he absolutely destroyed his food. He even ate the plate”, said Bagz.
The Champ, who was exploring his menu options wondered out loud to server Kimmie, “Would you like some tartar sauce on your snapper”? The guys found this line among the finest lines the Champ or the Sea Lion have ever uttered. Stevo, who was literally in tears after the comment could not contain his laughter. “You can’t make this stuff up”, said Stevo.
After dinner, most of the guys returned home. The Big Easy made sure the guys crossed the road safely as he was all dressed up in his crossing guard attire.
Sparky, Bubbles and the Champ remained at the bar entertaining bartender Amy.
The highlight of the evening was the Champ doing wheelies on a Harley Davidson in the bar parking lot. “He looked like Evil Knevil out there. It was awesome”, said Bubbles. Sparky could be heard yelling, “One More” from the bar.
Sea Lion …the Easy Rider …and his pal Sammy….” there’s nothing like being on a bike on the open road with flies and bugs hitting your teeth,” said Sea Lion.
The last men standing returned home about 2:30 am, led by the Champ who had to carry Bubbles and Sparky home from the bar by himself. “These two guys are amateurs but they were fun to hang out with. I had to carry them both up 2 flights of stairs and toss them in bed”, said the Champ. “Have you ever tried carrying two drunk guys across a busy highway? Not easy”, added the Champ.
The Champ slept for 3 hours and the Sea Lion woke up and put himself together for the Thursday round. The Champ had another commitment. “
The Big Easy, who was having a morning coffee outside was talking to the Champ and noticed a small building behind the condo complexes. The Big Easy said, “Hey Champ, what kind of silly erection is that”? “Pardon”? asks the Champ……well you guys get it… and know the rest.
Windsor Tomcats 