Windsor Tomcats

In a rematch of the inaugural Tilston Cup between the Tomcats and the Skipjacks, the Tomcats proved youth and speed are no match for experience. The Tomcats take the best 2-of-3 10-8 and 10-7.

The lineups were all set and ready to go after weeks of careful planning and deliberation.

However, star player Beep was called off to Toronto at the last minute for some very serious meetings in his quest to become Canada’s Telecom Titan. As such, the team had to quickly adjust the lineup. It was decided to move Soupy to left wing and rotate Sunny and Snowpants at center, while carrying 3 full pairings of wingers. The defense would run with 5 players.

The first game was a back-and-forth battle with each team trading goals most of the way. The Tomcats looked a little out of sorts at the beginning trying to adjust to the much larger playing surface and extra player. Falcon took some time to adjust to the full NHL size net, but was able to come up huge on several occasions.

Unbeknownst to the Tomcats, the Skipjacks had really improved their star power since last year’s meeting. In fact, someone in the organization apparently has an in with the music industry and was able to convince Justin Bieber to take a break from his 2013 Believe Tour to play for the Skipjacks. Bieber, sporting number 13 and a backwards hat with the rim rolled up, quickly made himself known to the Tomcats. The little fella was involved in several ‘situations’ with various Tomcats for his less then sportsman-like play. Even the very level-headed and all-around great Tomcat, Lovie, had to show exception towards Bieber for his questionable play, which included a slash and cross-check. Bieber was acting quite tough towards Tomcats twice his size…fame and body guards will do that to a man. The referee had to warn both teams to ensure the play did not get out of hand. I must note that the entire Skipjacks team showed class and sportsmanship all night with exception of Bieber and one of his young croanies (also suffering from Napolean Complex).

Snowpants, unfazed by the pop idol’s presence (after all, Beiber can’t even hold Sammy Hagar’s shorts. let alone wear them) was on fire in the first game, accounting for 3 of the Tomcat goals. It appeared no team could gain more than a one goal lead for most of the game. Slappers were flying from all areas of the floor so the goalies had to stay on their toes. Good stops were made on both ends of the floor by Falcon and Skippy (for the Skipjacks). In the end, once play settled down, the Tomcats ability to the move the ball to the open player proved too much and were able to secure the first game 10-8.

Also of note, Cribz Jr was in the Skipjack lineup. The youngster showed speed and quickness all night which made us wonder if Cribz should be asking for a paternity test.

After a short break, the second game began, this time with Tomcat part-timer ‘The Danish’ taking up shop between the pipes for the Skipjacks. Falcon rolled again for the Tomcats as no backup goaltender was dressed for this event. The Tomcats came out fast in this game moving to 3-1 advantage. The Tomcats continued to keep their foot on the gas with some great play making by Sunny and Soupy. The defense played tough in front of the Falcon by blocking shots and keeping loose balls from lingering in front of the net. After stretching the lead to 6-3, the Skipjacks fought back with some quick unanswered goals to make it 6-5.

After a few more nicely set up goals by the Tomcats, Bieber, a true entertainer, decided it was time for his encore. As #13 tried to dig the ball out from behind Falcon’s net, he decided to drive the butt end of his stick into the ribs of Spinner. Spinner immediately took exception and another heated pushing match ensured. The referee wanted to call the game as he was concerned the tensions were getting too great. Sending Bieber backstage to the Greenroom where he could masturbate to a picture of a shirtless Usher, the teams decided to finish the game. Shortly thereafter the Tomcats riffled the final goal into the net to secure a 10-7 victory, and take the best of 3 series 2 games to none. The Tilston Cup Trophy stays with the Tomcats for another year and will be proudly displayed on the mantle at Casa de Snowpants.

Afterwards, a few of the Tomcats enjoyed some fine libations back on the Officer’s Mess, with Zschabba manning the bar. All-in-All it was good night of hockey and $200 dollars was raised for charity.

Signing off from Olde Sandwich Towne, I’m Hans Honerklit.