Tuesday’s mini tourney was derailed by too many injuries(Hollywood’s Liz Frank, whoever the hell she is) and too many no-shows(Jingles thought it was more important to tap the Cornfest Fair Queen than show up for hockey.
Editors note, I just received the word from Stevo that this was acceptable as the girl is hotter than a two-dollar pistol, considers fellatio an art form and also loves anal. Well done Jingles!)
The Black Beauties sported the deadly and handsome as hell combo of Sunny and Beep. Their stellar moves on the floor are only surpassed by their filthy orchestral manoeuvres in the dark with the ladies… Also on the squad were Bill Kazmaier (the Rake), George Clooney (Cribz), Doc Holliday, Hammerhans (Chevy), the Most Coordinated man in the world, May Day (his stick tape actually matched his headband) and Anthony “Eddie and the Cruisers” Bulldog. This team was back stopped by Hurricane, who was game enough to step in and play goal. Hurricane was very good, despite the plethora of shots up around the head area.
The Pearly Whites were led by Gianluigi Falconi between the pipes. Though not his best performance, Mikey pulled it out when it mattered and showed he was ready to face the Skipjacks. Others included team captain Johnny Horsecock (Sparky), Don Rickles (Yuri), the Russian Rocket(Spinner), Brian Johnson (He who is really good at karaoke and panted in snow…um…pants…), Matador “Molson” Moulson, Lovie and GQ Smooth, aka Sammy Salakis.
Things were slightly disorganized initially without the Stevo-Hollywood connection around but Sparkalicious straightened us out with some good old fashioned yelling and the threat that he would “Hollywood” the new clock again…
The first period ended 4-4 after a spirited 30 minutes of wonderfully timed hockey. It was 13-9 after the second and the final was 15-11. There were no stars selected as there was no tourney. Labamba looked around sneakily, found that Stevo nor Hollywood were around and said “fuck it, I’m naming stars anyway. Third star was Spinner, who was unleashing wicked shots all night from a defensive position. There was some talk that some of these may have been slapshots, but taken over by the thought of these clappers counting as Tomcat goals on Sunday kept everyone quiet. Second star was his D partner, Yuri. He blocked more shots than Falcon as Matador claimed during the game and also chipped in offensively. First star of the night was clearly Soupy. Out of 15 white goals he had to score at least 17 of them said Lovie, obviously unaware there would be mathematics involved. “Sammy has softer hands than most of the pedophiles in prison” said Louis with a wink of the eye. He was dangling, toe dragging, nutmegging and snapping shots to every shelf.
After the hockey was done the boys stayed for a pool run by Hollywood. Due to the poor attendance the ante was doubled. Matador was laughing his ass off as he is the only one young enough to stay in touch with the NHL today.
Stevo drafted Jari Kurri and Hann went a step further, opting to select Marcel Pronovost in the third round. Sparky just drafted whomever was picked an average of 5 rounds ahead of where he was selecting. It was weird, but he was adamant that Crosby was available in the 7th round…
Get your rest gents and be ready for the Skipjack game on Sunday or Harry will get his hairy onion on you…Er…balls in you…dang it…
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