It is me, Phil Landerer, and I have had the pleasure the last couple of weeks to hang out with Hollywood. We have been randomly travelling places, just being tourists. But the other day he said “awww Damnit, I gotta write a blog for the fans.” I graciously offered to write something he said cool, he even offered me twenty bucks to write it. He must have been drunk or something, I told him about all the neat and cool things we have encountered! He said “Big Effin Deal, write whatever you want!” So I have decided to journal our last several weeks for you out there in Tomcat world!
May 27, 2012: He wasn’t too hard to find, hanging out in a little village market, there was Joseph Kony hanging out in Yambio, Sudan, right under the noses of the District and Republic of Congo, and not too far from Congo, where Kony himself is wanted for a couple of crimes against humanity. It is pretty cool hanging out with guerillas, definitely not as cool as hanging out with Tomcats.
June 1, 2012: Farting around on the Peak of Shuckstack Mountain, located in the Smokey Mountains, just shy of the Appalachian Trail. South of Sassafras Gap, Northeast of Sheep Knob. Who in the F names these places? While out on top of what seemed the world, an old fire tower with a spectacular view, we noticed some rustling around in the forest below. We quickly climbed down the fire tower and bumped into Bigfoot! He invited us back to his cave where we shot-gunned a bunch of beers, ordered a couple of pizzas and watched a couple of his favourite movies, Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock’em.
June 4, 2012: Germany was pretty boring, especially hanging out at the Internet café with Luca Magnotta. But then Interpol swept in and scooped him up, complaining about him sending a foot to one person and a hand somewhere else? Pretty bummed out, he was going to tell us all about all sorts of stuff!
June 7,2012: The Scottish Highlands are beautiful at this time of year, especially when a pretty little serpent named Nessie is showing you around. She is also known as the Loch Ness monster. I was expecting more guys wearing skirts in these necks of the woods. Oh well onwards with our travels!
June 10,2012: While in Mexico, we are in a little town called Matamoros, where the enchiladas and chimichangas are delicious. This town lies just south of Brownsville Texas (where the women and Salsa Verde are not delicious). We find ourselves in the company of Vicente Carillo Fuentes! Being a guest of Vicente, our combined fame ensured that only the finest Patron was flowing. Let me tell you, here is a poor chum that is totally misunderstood. He told us that there are scores of party poopers hunting him for only God knows why. Who knows? Just as he was going to reveal the recipe of Spanish Fly to me, he said he had to be excused, and was whisked away in a nearby helicopter. He left us to a delicious spread of tamales, gorditas, and totopo. Needless to say, the next morning did not agree with me.
June 12, 2012: Today we have arrived in Ottawa, our nation’s capital. We are hoping beyond hope to bump into the ever-so-elusive Shamus. Our plan is to hike the trails in Gatineau forest, walk along the canal, scoping some sights out. There is a daytime poker tournament, so he definitely might be there? We will also hit a few used DVD stores; we know he loves to frequent those places. Golf; we shall check out a few golf courses, and last but not least, check out a few of the Jewish community centres. Maybe when we find him, with me being a beat reporter I will ask him those burning questions all the Tomcats are curious to know. Our journey continues…
Forever yours,
Phil Landerer
Windsor Tomcats 